The good news is the medications are helping Al! They are ridding him of some of his pain. Al expected his tremors to be gone also, but I had to explain this was for pain only, and no medication would rid the tremors, sorry.
I took Al to a car show about a half an hour a way last evening, and this is what he was able to see.I think he had a good time, bu I know he wanted to be able to get out of his scooter and look at the engines, but we make do with what we have, right?
I am trying so hard friends to bounce back up on top of the ball, but I am still allowing petty things to keep me under the ball. I read other blogs, and they are so uplifting, and cheerful, with much wanted topics. Cookies, yummy, animals to be amazed at, friends who have a much more optimistic outlook on life, and I cringe and shrink back, thinking, I should put writing on hold until, I also, have more good things to speak about. I am not supposed to come here seeking what ever it is I sometimes seek. I am supposed to be an inspiration to others, lending a kind word, being productive. Instead, I find myself sitting in the semi-pit, and being still restless. I realize I need a break, and I am agreeing, I do, but getting a respite caregiver to actually come do the work being paid for is another topic.
I am sorry I have become a one-man circus, not giving much to laugh at, or an object of writing creativity, where you can not take your eyes off of each word.
I did want to share what Al got to do on his outing, and to let you know, that his medications are working.
I am ashamed of myself for letting myself be beat up by obstacles that seems to hover and won’t leave. I am angry that I am struggling to find the good in my days, but hopefully, this too shall pass. I don’t know if god made me compassionate or sensitive, but I have learned through ignorance to take it too far. I have allowed little things to bother me, and I take too much personally. I need to toughen up and throw my hair to the wind. I need to let things slide off my back as oil runs through your engine. I need to be me, and I need to think of me, and quit trying to be everyone’s happy maker. I should be able to say if I don’t please you leave, if you want to change me, forget it, if you don’t like me, then be on your way. I think this is what I am battling inside, being accepted for me, and not letting guilt over take my decisions on the fear I will make someone unhappy. If I could just get away for a few days, like Jesus did, and go think and pray, I might be able to get this all straightened out, but for now, please bear with me, while I try to get this figured out.