I can not figure out why every single day, Al gets up, faceless, motionless, speechless, nada, nothing, zero.
He stares and acts like he is moving out of habit. Many times during breakfast, he struggles with wiping his nose and crying, and all I did was say good morning to him.
He has wild dreams most evenings. In my baby monitor, I can hear screaming, cussing, yelling. I often wonder how he can not remember these in the morning, but it is probably a good thing he can not.
After he eats breakfast, he either gets a shower or comes to the living room and turns on the television. Promptly at 11am, he returns to the silence of his room, and then at 1pm he heads out to the living room, cuing me he is ready for his lunch.
He never unloads or loads the dishwasher anymore, which I guess it is alright, as when he does by chance do this, he places the dishes backwards and silverware is stuck in at right angles. I just have to go behind him and change. I don’t know what causes him to forget how to load the dishwasher after many years of practice.
The staring is sort of scary. He can say something to me, but his eyes do not blink, and his face will stare at the floor, but yet I know he hears me, because he responds in his own way.
Today, he told me he didn’t know how to use a toaster, that he had never used a toaster. What?? You have used toasters forever, I thought to myself, but I took his waffles and placed them in the toaster, like I had always done it for him.
I am struggling with the freezing part. How do I help with this? Do I move his legs, do I wait for his legs to move on their own? I talked to him about restarting his exercises for his body, but he wants nothing to do with any of it, as his legs are his biggest complaint of pain, so no touching, he says.
I give him his medication for pain around the clock, not missing any does, and not even asking him anymore if he needs one. I hear from him the medications only help a small bit. He has been placed on different pain medications and had upgrades of doses, but we have not found one that actually takes his pain away.
These tiny little things make huge changes each day, and I don’t know how to help.