Al, Pain & Me


I went to see Al this morning, and he was not having a good day. I stayed about an hour and a half, while he went through some deep heat therapy. His legs were in great pain and he was in freezing modes today.

The therapists and I could not get much out of him today, as the pain was bigger than the day. He even asked me to go get the nurse for some pain medications. The therapy has stopped for Al, as far as the physical therapy. The professionals say there is no more that can be done for his legs any longer, but when they see Al struggling to walk or his legs buckling, they haul him into the therapy room and use the deep heat to try to loosen up the nasty Parkinson’s.

I left him when I walked him down to the lunch room, and I saw three two-handled cups sitting there for him a long with weighted silverware. I am so happy they are having him use these, as the last time I took him out to eat, he could barely lift the glass to his mouth, and struggled to use a straw.

I am just amazed at how Parkinson’s can move along so quickly, almost like week to week you see changes.

I have had so much good advice from all of you on here about me. I have just been so far down in the dumps, I can barely climb out. Everything makes me cry, the dog is causing me more grief than pleasure. I just don’t think it was probably good timing getting such a young pup at this time.

I decided that I had to do something. I am afraid to remain like this in this stage, for fear I will slip into some depression and I want to fight it if I can, so this morning, for the first time in months, I put make-up on. I looked in the mirror and asked, is this really you?

After leaving Al in the pain that he was, my heart felt so much lower than ever, I got in my car and the car or God took over, or something grabbed a hold of me, and said press on young lady, you have a life to live, now get out there! I am sure it was my own self scolding me, but anyways, my car went to the beauty shop, parked, and went in, and when I came out, I looked like this!

It has helped some, I am back to my down feeling, but some good happened today also, so I am  hopeful.

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80 thoughts on “Al, Pain & Me

  1. Good for you – you’re looking mighty fine!! Best line I’ve seen you write ever…the pain was bigger than the day…and that’s the truth sometimes for all of us. Take care of yourself.

  2. You look great!!!! :-D When was the last time you made it out of the house to the beauty salon? You’re always so busy and tired <3<3<3 Sending lots of hugs and love your way as you and Al continue to adjust to the changes that keep coming in your lives. I'm sure that Polly will adjust soon enough too and she'll become the "pick me upper" you need at the end of day. Everything isn't great but things certainly could be a whole lot worse, so I guess this Thanksgiving you're going to have pretty long list of things to thank God for. Will Al be coming over after all for Thanksgiving? I hope all of you get to enjoy this together with some amount of happiness and peace <3<3<3 Take care Terry! I love you <3<3<3

    ________________________________

  3. Having your hair and makeup done always makes you feel good. I’m sending you the warmest hug I have along with extra strength and energy. We are all going to get through this with you and Al because that’s what friends are for, right?

  4. sounds like you are making some verywise choices right now. So sorry to hear about Al’s decline. May the Lord continue ot bles syou and Al as He works out His will in your life. Lord bless you.

  5. You’re doing the right thing…moving forward but still being supportive of Al…It definitely sounds like the PD is advancing but he is the right place for the care …..BTW the haircut is very flattering and beautiful…take care Diane

  6. As Al declines, this reinforces that you made the absolute right decision and being at your home would be unsafe for him. Keep on keeping on. One day at a time. It will get better.

  7. You look fantastic – good on you Terry! I know what you mean by how fast the Parkinson’s can progress at this stage. Take comfort in the fact that there are lots of people now who are looking after him – you were all alone. Can he be put on stronger pain meds.? For some reason Ants doesn’t have this much pain. xxxx Julie

    • I don’t know, I can ask, but they are really potent, so just don’t know……..
      Thanks for the nice compliment. I went bold and short. I think it took a couple of months off my looks, hehe
      I am glad I have help with his care. His tremors don’t let up anymore, like they used to

  8. one of the best therapuetic techniques i know is “act as if.” the theory is if you act as if you are, for example , confident pretty soon you will feel confident. if you act as if today is going to be a good day there is a chance today is going to be a good day. you may have to adjust you expectation of a good day. you are probably right about the timing of the puppy. you already have so much on your plate it might be wise to have some time at home just for you. time to take care of yourself and nothing/no one else.

    no matter how much knowledge we have or how much understanding it always seems to be a bit of a surprise when the time comes and things are not good. i know you have had a lot of loss and it must be so difficult. be good to yourself.

    wishing you peace of heart

    • you are definitely right about the dog. she drives me insane, and I have to admit, I am not in love with her. it was the wrong time. I had a pretty good day all in all, but i want every day to be good, like it used to be long ago, although we can not go back in time, I will have to face each day as it comes and do my best.

  9. Terry,

    I took care of my mother in law for a year and a half. I felt sad and empty too when she went into a nursing home, but I was also relieved to know she was in good hands. I pray you can find piece in this situation. Being a care giver is not an

    • oops, hit send too soon. Anyway, I know caregiving is tough, but giving it up can be tough too! I am so glad to did something to boost your spirits! Have a great Thanksgiving! Count your blessings and have some great family time!

      Prayerfully yours,
      Jan

      • thank you Jan, it did help, having a new do! putting the tree up kept me a little extra busy too. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

  10. Looking good Terry! I am so proud that you finally did something for yourself. Keep it up and do a little more each week, just for you. Can we start seeing your profile on dating sites (He he) You look wonderful. Prayers and hugs to you! ;)

      • You are never too old to get on the dating web sites. They have sites for those of us over 50. Maybe you should try it??? You are a wonderful person and you have a lot to share with the opposite sex. It is not about sex either…it is about sharing. I will email you the name of the site. It is something to think about.

  11. You’re looking great … love that color of your hair. Terry, you can just do what you can do – and I think to get the puppy was a great thing – otherwise you had been totally under the ice and with Al gone. You need to keep going – and it’s his illness and nothing will change there. He will have his bad days, really bad days and he will have okay days. If you didn’t have a responsibility just now as you have with Polly – I would be a lot more lost in all this.
    Girlfriend, you have to take one thing at the time … Al is looked after in the best way – so concentrate on Polly .. and take a deep breath.

  12. I came to the blogosphere for my own purposes but never knew making friends would be such a wonderful plus. As I said to my water class yesterday, “I came for the pool and stayed for the friends”. It can’t be easy to look around the depression and see the map and some of the steps for negotiating it. I really hope my husband has those same voices in his head as PD takes more and more of me and us. Either that or friends like you who are willing to share from having BEEN THERE. You look great and I so admire the strength that you maybe didn’t even know you had. Have a good day.

  13. You look great, I think that maybe the puppy is a bit much right now. This should be your “me” time. Glad you will have family tomorrow. My daughter will be here after I get off work and I go in at 4 on Friday, so I will have time with her before she has to go home to Missouri. Hopefully she will be able to stay through Sat. because I am off. Have a great day and you look wonderful!!

    • i had a partial good day yesterday, so hope this continues, today was bad all around, family, words, i hate it but must think of me now for a change, and what i need and want. have not done that for years…………….hoping for a good day tomorrow with Al being here

    • caregiver is hard work, and can be emotional and stressful, i have been doing this for 23 years, with the last six taking care of my dad while he was dying from bone cancer, and now my brother, but the rewards are magnificent

  14. Stepping in a minute regarding Al’s pain level. Terry, I have serious chronic pain issues, and when they don’t give the right medication for relief it is enough to make one suicidal, and if I weren’t a Christian believe me that would be very tempting at times.

    Pain should be treated like a disease. My pain management dr, prescribes opiates and they never make me “loopy” because I guess my body just needs them and sort of takes them up.

    Heat therapy is very good, as is massage for just the relief from the stress of pain. But the thing that will really touch deep, chronic pain, which obviously Al is having, is opiates, (and can best be treated with). That is not an ugly word to someone with terrible searing pain. There is a reason God made the opium poppy and it wasn’t to be abused.

    I do believe in healing and I am working on a sort of AWOL I’ve been on where my faith level is concerned, In the meantime, the pain issue has to be worked on just to keep from going mad. I read some on Melody’s blog and only someone with severe pain can relate to just how horrible it is.

    Let’s all pray Al’s gets some relief with this. I just feel in my spirit there has to be a key, something that’s missing that only God knows the answer to. I am praying he will open the door to that key, and reveal whatever it is. Wish our understanding of these things was better. Sigh.
    Bless you sis,

    PS: I took in a live wire kitten a couple of years ago who wanted me to play with him all the time. The only way I could get any relief from THAT was to get him a buddy to play with. It worked. What a pair they were in action, lol!

    • Al is on several pain killers and a couple are ones that most people do not take. He also has the deep heat that penetrates way down in his legs, but the problem with Parkinson’s is that it is stronger than any medicine can help. We have discussed Al’s pain therapy, and there is differences of opinions. If we up Al to the next level, he will not be able to walk again. The whole key for him is to walk as long as possible, because once he no longer walks, it is over. So we look at his life as painful, but more pain emotionally if he can no longer walk. You can see how I detest this Parkinson’s! I appreciate your entire comment, and as far as the kitten, I had one but it was when Al was here, and it kept getting under his feet, tripping him. The kitten had to go to save Al from more falls. Hugs to you!!!

      • Oh my, there seems to be an award for everything in the blogosphere! Well, we must keep them bloggies rollin, right? Kind of like Rawhide. Remember Rawhide? Keep them bloggies rollin, keep them bloggies rollin raaaawhiiiiiiiideeee!!!! LOL! Jes kiddin. Your the sweetheart around here anyways.

        Hugaroonies!

        Scarlett

      • you are making me laugh so hard, as I remember back to that show. I can just see you saying it now also! Rawhide, keep em rolling!!! LOL

  15. Terry, hang in there! I’m sorry I’ve missed so much of your blog. You look fantastic by the way! Love the hair–short, easy, chic! I’m glad you got a little time to pamper. I am going to try and catch up on your blog in the next few days!

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