Chewing It Over


English: Memory Christmas tree Thickwoods Alon...

Can we control our feelings, or do our feelings control us? Can we stand in front of a man who we have proclaimed our hearts and body to, and listen to the words, that  he no longer loves me? Do we fall apart, cry in front of him, cause a scene, or do we show our wall, let him see that it doesn’t matter that he just ripped our heart out, turn around, and reaching for our purse, we walk out of the door holding our heads high?

When a loved one is dying, do we go visit, or do we stay away? Do we walk up to the bed and lean in and let the tears flow, showing them how much we care? Do we take a hold of the pale, limp hand and give it a light squeeze, whispering how much we have loved and admired them through out our time of knowing them here on earth. Or do we stand back, with our backs erected, a smile glued to our cheeks, letting the one that we love more than life itself, know that we are strong, that we can get through this, that we shall carry on with our lives just fine?

The excitement that most of us feel when we learn we are pregnant, explodes among family members, as the joy of a bundle of love, is coming into our lives. Is each of us ready for this? Is there any that wish other wise, that this would never have  happened? Do we pretend in front of familiar faces, nodding our heads, smiling at the future, agreeing with what is said, or are there others who wish they could speak up, to show the hidden fears of having a child, maybe with a father or without a father for the child. Not wanting to disappoint loved ones, but turning into our pillows in the darkness of the nights, letting tears comfort us into a restless sleep?

What is it that causes some of us to be stronger than others? Upbringing, fear of nothing, love for our own person, what makes each of us different? Do each of us deserve and also have the right to be happy with our own lives we have created? Have we followed our own paths? Have we followed our hearts? Have we listened to our inner spirit speaking, or do we do, as others wish us to do in order to keep others happy at the expense of our own souls being happy?

What are our choices in life? Who do we want to be? Who do we want to look up to us? I find own self questioning my own self in this late period of my life. Who have I really been being true to? Myself, my family, my friends? What were my goals, and how have they changed through the years? Am I the same person I was ten years ago? Am I happy with who I will be in ten years from now?

The greatest gift I could give myself, is freedom this year at Christmas. Freedom to be the person I was born to be, freedom to not run when faced with fear of rejection, free to love myself first, and to realize not everyone will love me back. I say now is the time, if there are changes to be made, let me make them now, this year, allow myself the privilege  to be happy, to be accepted for what I represent. What do I want to hear if I am lying on my death-bed dying from an incurable cancer, what is it that my ears wish to hear…………….

 

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21 thoughts on “Chewing It Over

  1. The answers truly do lay within you. Look at things with a different perspective, learn to put YOURSELF first, in being HONEST with yourself. If people love you, they will love you for YOU, and you, Terry are truly special. You don’t have to cater to everyone at the expense of yourself. Oh yea, and Terry, you truly are stronger than you believe. I’ve seen it. Hugs!!!

  2. in the end, as we lay dying, i believe it is what we will say to ourselves not what others will say. of course we all want to think there will be last words of love and that all broken relationships will be healed. yes those are things we want to hear, however, the last words we say to ourselves are i believe the most valued.

    • this is very true, and i have to blame part of a woman’s feelings on the very wonderful fairy tales we were read to and listened with all of our hearts as mommy and daddy read them to us, believing that our lives would be nothing less than full of happiness, love and forevers…..

    • thank you, a rose……………a beautiful one syllable name, meaning beauty, innocence, and splendor, for one to adore, and appreciate, a rose held up by one stem, reaching deep down into the ground, its roots planted firmly into God’s ground.
      It will be sometime before I become a rose, but I can try working towards the goal. Thank you Barb

  3. Two quick thoughts…. as Christians, in every situation, we are called to seek God’s will for our lives and then to fulfill it . This is the high calling that we have been given.

    Secondly, I always ask myself the question, when I lie on my deathbed and look back at this moment in time, what should I do that will cause me no regrets.

    Lord bless.

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