Update About Al

I have had a few calls in the past couple of days from nurses that care for Al. It seems that his gentle attitude towards authority has taken a different path. It bothers me but I refuse to believe that it is anything lmore than Parkinson’s Disease changing him. Al could pull the wool over my eyes pretty easily, but one thing he never did to me was yell at me.

Now I am hearing he is telling the nurses off and has little if any patience when it comes to his needs. His pains are becoming increasingly more and more present. The pain medications that he has been taking are no longer working.

His family doctor has fought very hard to not give Al any stronger medications. He is already on the strongest pain medications the pharmacies carry, but he can go up in dosage amounts. The reason the doctor fights it is to keep Al walking.

He and I have a different view on this. The doctor looks at it from a medical stand point. Walk walk, keep strong, keep independent.

I look at it as it is sister and compassionate human being. There comes a  point where you reach the end of the road as far as pain goes. It is supposed to get worse. It can not get better. Al has had so much therapy on his legs and knees he is worn down. The bakers cyst that is attached to the back bone of his knee is causing him pain also. Two different specialists told me and Al that he is to stay off of his legs. They refuse to operate and take the cyst off because the therapy to heal from the surgery is far more than Al can physically handle.

Now the therapy department looks at Al from a Parkinson’s view. Keep him walking. Well, I am slightly confused, because in two months of being in the facility, Al can barely walk. I am not saying it is all of the therapy that was pushed on Al. Everyone thought they were doing what was best for Al.

Al is a fighter and yet he is losing. He will because of his lack of mentality walk with every effort he can muster so he rides in the wheel chair less and less, but it is killing him faster and faster pushing him into a wheel chair or bed.

Now after too many reports given to me, I have been informed and asked my opinion on the nurses getting a hold of the doctor and demanding he give Al an increase of his medications.

I can only look at this one way. He is my baby brother. He is in so much pain. He is now having trouble swallowing. He states that it feels like something is stuck in his throat all of the time. The neuro  doctor thinks his throat muscle is becoming weak. His speaking has turned from individual words to one big rambling. Nurses and me are all having trouble understanding him.

It is a fact that he is in pain. It is a fact that he will not improve. I have voted for the increase of his dosages on his pain medications versus the pain level he is suffering through. I would rather have my brother in a wheel chair than suffering to the point he is telling the nurses off from so much agitation of getting no relief.

This was a very difficult decision for me to make, but I look at Al as his heart and neuro doctors do. Palliative care, comfort no more big goals for improvement. I just want him to be calm and happy as he and I walk through this journey.

Am I wrong? Am I being selfish? Maybe you think so, but I love him, and I hate seeing him suffer for something that will not get better. I don’t know how long God will keep him here, but I don’t want him to hurt on his journey to heaven.al at millers

Sunshine Award

My good friend Ivonne nominated me for the Sunshine Awardpic and write sun 30peacesunshine-award








Ivonne is clever, funny and has is so very nice. Go over and meet her if you have not already!

There is nothing else I can say about myself and no more questions that I can answer. Please forgive me for not going into great details about my simple life.

Thank-you again Ivonne!

Shine On Award

http://lorischulz.wordpress.com/2013/01/06/shine-on-award/shine on award

I can not believe this! Jesus is blessing me so much today I am almost speechless. I have to always give thanks to God. For he is the one who planted the seed for me to write. For without him I can do nothing.

Thank-you so much Lori for thinking of me!

The Shine On Award requires you to nominate other blogs To Enjoy Posting this Award on Their Own Blogs( list of 15 is below) and suggest other blogs that tickle my fancy.

Vikki (The View Outside)


The Wisdom of Life


maxim sense


Thank-you again Lori!! God Bless

One Lovely Blog Award

Lori has just nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Award, to which I say a big thank-you Lori!!!


These are the rules for The One Lovely Blog Award:

  • Display the Award Certificate on your website
  • Announce your win with a post and link to whoever presented your award
  • Present 15 awards to deserving bloggers
  • Drop them a comment to tip them off after you`ve linked them in the post
  • Post 7 interesting things

Here is something about Lori.

Lori Schulz has a Bachelor of Science in Christian Ministry and Biblical Studies from Grace University where she was given the Delta Epsilon Chi award.  She has been involved in children’s ministry for several years.  Her involvement has included leading children’s worship, leading a Sparks group for AWANA, leading a children’s choir, teaching Sunday school, and leading a Good News Club.  She has been heard speaking at a fundraiser banquet, Good News Club training seminars, Christian elementary school chapels, and on her local Christian talk radio station.  She is also the author of the children’s book, “Papa’s Plan for Buddy Bee.”  Besides ministering to children, Lori enjoys spending time with her family.  She and her husband have three children.

Thank you so much Lori!

Seven things about me?

What else is there to know.

I am short, 5″3″

I am too heavy still but have lost 97 pounds over the past few years

Yesterday I purchased an antique bed warmer

I love silence over noise anytime

I like my house spotless

I have a cell phone but I don’t know why, maybe because of the contract

Did you know that you can always write to me at tellmenolies2004@yahoo.com. I do respond back

I also take text messages and reply. 574-551-3706

That should do it for now. I may be boring you!

Nominations are;

Mona Gustafson Affinito


Tilly Bud – The Laughing Housewife





Thank-you everyone and Lori for being here for me




Picture it & Write, January 06/2013

http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/2013/01/06/picture-it-and-write-2/child smoking








I wanted to smack her! I am sorry but I have worked and worked with this child of mine and nothing has worked. I have three children. Holly is the middle one you see in the photo above.

I at first felt great guilt at yelling at her for smoking. I smoked also, so how could I tell her not to? She is a child, this is why. I am an adult. I know the sentence that could lie ahead for me with smoking, she does not.

She was always the one child who feared nothing in life. Holly dared anything she could get by with. Strong personality, aggressive in thoughts. The first child that learned to talk back at such an early age.

She excelled in school. Each teacher she encountered always made the same remarks about Holly. She was very smart and caught on to her school work quickly. Was she too smart? Was she gifted? Should I consider advancing her in grade levels. Does she need to be challenged more?

When it was her and I at home, she was defiant. It was like she had Edward Scissorhands;  daggers for me. Anything I asked she fought. If I talked nice to her, she mocked me. I was beginning to think she was the child from hell.

How could she fool everyone else but me? Teachers adored her. Classmates played well with her. It was only me, a single parent left to raise three kids alone. I had to work, I had to put food on the table and pay the bills.

I felt too much guilt for not being there when ever she needed me. I was so sure that I had done something wrong in my rearing of her, that I bent over backwards to give her all that I could.

Her siblings would tend to cause problems for me as it seemed like I treasured Holly more than them. This was not the case though. I was trying to get through each of my days in peace.

I had Holly tested in many areas with different specialists. Nothing positive ever came out of it. She always tested normal. I asked family, friends and even other children’s parents if they had children like this.

There responses were a laughing no. If they had children like that, they would provide them with a tough love. What was tough love? I had never heard of this? I researched it on the internet.

tough love


The use of strict disciplinary measures and limitations on freedoms or privileges, as by a parent or guardian, as a means of fostering responsibility and expressing care or concern.
Wow, I was doing it back words. I was carrying the guilt for not being there. I was letting her manipulate me. I needed to change and change right now. I decided the next day would start the new me.
I saw her after school smoking. She saw me coming near and the look she gave me was I dare you to do anything. I took her at her idol threat. I could not stand it any longer.
I pulled my car up along the curb and put it in park. I got out and went over to her and said, “Let’s go. Put the cigarette out and please get in the car”. She stood her ground and took a big hit off of her cancer stick. She replied with a catty voice, ” I will go when I am ready. I can walk home. I don’t need a ride”.
I took the cigarette out of her mouth and threw it on the ground. I stomped on it until the red glow was completely out. I took her by the hand and I pulled her to the car with her screaming at me. I didn’t give a shit who was watching me. This child was going home with me!
I got her in the car and buckled her up and went to my side and got in. I locked the doors and started the engine. Off we went for home. We were both silent, which was fine with me. I was thinking, what am I going to do with this child once I get her home. Talk to her? Scold her? Ground her?
When we walked into the front door of our home she began to rant. She was calling me names and stomping her feet. A very big tantrum for a child her age. I stood there quietly as she continued her performance and then I took her by the hand and sat her down at the kitchen table.
I said to her, ” I am your mother. I am tired of letting you control my emotions. You are destroying my days. I don’t know why you act this way with only me, but it is over. I will not tolerate any more actions from you. The smoking is over. If I catch you doing the smoking thing one more time, I will have to send you to boot camp for bad kids”.
She laughed and said, ” You wouldn’t dare. I will report you for child abuse. I will tell the police that you abuse me. I will run a way from  home”. I looked at her with an emotionless face.
The two of us became very quiet, as we digested what the other had said. After a few minutes had gone by she asked, “Why do you hate me so mother? Why do you treat me worse than the other two? What did I do to make you hate me so much”?
I looked at her and my mouth opened to speak. Be careful what you say. I know you want to lash out at her. You want to tell her how miserable she has made you but don’t. You love her, you just don’t like the way she is acting.
I spoke saying, ” I love you very much Holly. You get treated the way you do because mom feels guilty. Guilty for not being here for you. Guilty for the divorce and you growing up with only one parent”.
“But the other two, you must feel guilty about them too right? I mean, they are living with one  parent also, right”?
“Yes, this is true, but you are the one who brings about more challenges for me. You have tested me more than your siblings. I lose my patience with you Holly. You are always testing me”.
” I just want to know that you love me mommy”. Holly said crying.

Daily Prompt; My Favorite/ The Daily Post


What’s the most time you’ve ever spent apart from your favorite person? Tell us about it.

I have had many people enter in to my lifedad, bev, me and theda

I have even had two that asked me to be a wife

Some have left marks on my heart that have stayed

Others have wandered through but went about their way

Some have taught me to love and to share

Others have hurt me, pain I had to wear

There are two people when I think back long ago

That have walked with me through life and this they know

But the favorite one that always is and always had

Is no other than my favorite person, my dad.

Terry Shepherd



I am the blonde standing right next to dad. This was about four months before he left from this earth to go home to heaven.

Super Sweet Blogging Award



Jo has nominated me for the Super Sweet Blogging Award.

I take this as a great honor to receive this delectable award. Every time I see it I just want to reach out and take a bite.

I met Jo many months ago when I started blogging. She has a family member that has Parkinson’s Disease, just like I do. It drew us together instantly. Come to find out she doesn’t live very far from me. We have talked about meeting up but she has a terrible sense of direction!! (sorry Jo, could not resist)

She is strong, caring and tries to live the good life. She is so fortunate to be involved with loving parents and a wonderful husband. Go check her out if you haven’t met her already. I am sure she will greet you with a hot cup of coffee and something delicious to eat.

Here are the answers to her five questions on her own nomination.

1. Cookies or cake? Uhm….I hate to burst the bubble on the first question, but, I really don’t like sweets.   but, I do like thin mint cookies of the Girl Scout variety.

2. Chocolate or vanilla. Chocolate every time.( I do have a weakness for M&M’s though)

3. What is your favourite sweet treat, cheesecake or frozen yoghurt?  I would have to admit, it would be a piece of homemade cherry cheesecake, but only about once a year…

4.When do you crave sweet things the most?  I don’t crave sweet things, now ask me about a bag of potato chips, or “crisps”…

5. If you had a sweet nickname what would it be?   I’ll leave this one, after all my blog is rated G.  hehehe…

1. My favorite is a hot soft chocolate chip cookie right out of the oven

2. Chocolate wins for me every single time. Vanilla only comes to mind when I am baking and have to add it

3.Cheesecake is the ultimate for me. In fact had some not long ago in the month of December

4. I crave sweets once I have taken a bite of it. With diabetes I want what I can not have, so I try hard to stay a way from sugars

5. People used to call me TJ in school, Teresa is my real name but every one calls me Terry. Dad wanted a boy, so I am nicknamed with a boy’s spelling.

Nominations are


Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate….Ivonne’s Journey








Beyond Back Creek



Thank-you again for this nomination my friend

Very Inspiring Blogging Award

al and mevery-inspiring-blogger-award









Late last night I was nominated for this award by Burning Fires.

It is odd that I can be inspiring to others when I have been battling my own demons inside of me. I have to admit through very hard work and the I AM THINKING OF MYSELF FOR ONCE I have begun to make changes in my life that are positive.

Taking care of my brother continues to inspire me. I will walk his journey through Parkinson’s Disease with him. Hopefully he will never feel alone. God inspires me, my friends here at WP and Facebook inspire me. So many of you have learned much more about me than I knew about myself. You have taught me to look at life from a different angle. You have shown me it is alright to think of me first once in a while. Thank-you to all who care.

Here are burning fires answers to the seven questions from her own nomination.

  1. I am a Jesus Freak… I love Jesus with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength… I think about Him when I wake up, when I lie down to sleep, and all of the in between times… He is a consuming fire, the love of my life, the reason I am alive, and I am able to love others deeply because HE LOVES ME!
  2. I love to sing, dance and worship the Lord… anywhere… anytime… If I’m at McDonald’s, WalMart, Food Lion, Family Dollar, Church… it doesn’t really matter, if there’s a song on my heart (which there usually is), I will sing loud, and dance for joy.
  3. I have a song for just about every conversation, and my children were blessed to inherit this unique ability as well…
  4. I have 2 grandpiggies (Guinea Pigs) named Sparkle Cupcake and Flower.
  5. I have 2 children and by July 2013, I will have 9 grandchildren – Hallelujah!
  6. My favorite color is purple… (I bet you didn’t see that coming!)
  7. I’ve asked God to let me live to be 120 years old like Moses, who had great eyesight and was fit enough to climb a mountain on the day he died.

As for me, there is not much to tell, since I am an open book. I can tell you that I look at my life with a brighter light today than two days ago.

Nominations are

Daily Prompt~ My Favorite « The Cheeky Diva

Beyond Back Creek

Vikki (The View Outside)


The rules are to say seven things about yourself

Place the award on your post

Link back to the one who nominated you

Nominate as many others as you wish

Thank-you so much for this nomination.