Oh where are you
My precious love
That I may draw
Strength from
Your heart
That I might
Feel your power
And tuck me safely
Under your arm
And shelter me
From the evil
In the world
Where are you
My precious love
Can’t you see
It in my eyes
Can’t you hear
My heart beating
Here, look in
My direction
For I am
Waiting for you
Terry Shepherd
05/18/2013
A heart being used as a symbol of love.
I’m tired
For the first
Time I want to
Give up to give in
To fight no more
I feel powerless
I feel like God
Isn’t listening
Nor does he
Care anymore
I don’t hear or
Feel any presence
Is this what is to
Happen, you want my soul?
The system is
Against a peon
Like me who
Only has emotions
And words but no
Way around it
I am tired
And I feel
Like I am drowning
Do what you want
With me for I
Am too fired to fight
I am a snail
Crawling around
On the rocks
Waiting for the
Sea to suck me in
Terry Shepherd
05/18/2013
My brother is worse now than earlier today. He is hateful and mean. He told the aide that there was urine all over the floor. She and I checked but saw nothing. He was angry at his wheelchair. He was angry at everything, even life.
In the two hours I was there over supper I heard him talking about guns and death. He said he wished he was dead. I let everything I ever learn slip out of my right mind, as I sat in terror wondering where Al was in his mind.
I had even stopped at his old place at work, and chatted with his old boss. He gave me a hat and shirt to take to Al. I just knew that would make a world of difference. He gave me the tiniest of smiles but that was it. He didn’t want to try the hat on or even hold it.
His head was about an inch from his plate. He seemed so weak, or tired or, oh crap, I don’t even know what the word is, different.
I am afraid for my brother, I can’t lie and try to make you believe that I just know everything is going to be alright, because I don’t.
I wonder where Al is in his mind. I saw glimpses but then he would disappear. I was a rattlesnake. My mouth hissed words out so fast. I know I was a rambling idiot, but evidently my fear was bigger than life at this time.
I came home and took a shower. I looked at all the crap back in my living room. The sale was a flop. I had like five people stop. Never again, or not for a long time will I have a sale. I donated Al’s too big clothing and a lot of my clothes to a shelter for men/
women about half an hour a way.
Someone can get use out of these. Right now I wish I could donate everything that reminds me of Mom, Dad, Al, myself and Parkinson’s. I am not depressed, I am scared, and partially numb.
I am waiting on a call from the nursing home, as they have given Al more than ample hours to act more like himself, but he didn’t make the mark.
Oh, Al, where are you baby brother…………
I thought that when I left Al yesterday, he was in better spirits from our talk. Evidently not, as the facility just called to tell me they had an issue with him. He is thinking about ending it all. They said he has no plan, which makes them feel better. It is an unofficial watch for him as if they state in the files what he is thinking he would have to be sent to a psyche ward. Neither them or me wants him to have to go there. It would destroy him.
So I am pleading and begging for prayers. I called the man in charge of his waiver and said that Al is very sad and that he is afraid he is going to die there instead of here at home. He said he will try to rush it on his end but that once it was at the State again, it was out of his control.
I know that Al told me last week that he saw someone sitting in his recliner during the night. He said that God told him it was now time to go to heaven to see Mom.
I am not going to argue Al’s words because who am I to judge?
Please pray that this goes quickly to get him home and that all the angels surround Al while he is still there.
http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt
I always wanted to start something, but I am too shy to let others know. Even writing this makes me humble myself, as insecurities tend to run through me, but way down deep inside, I know I can do it.
I was the regular housewife with kids that sold Tupperware, and Amway. It was fun, but the ones who made the big money were the people who worked well above normal hours. I felt like I was putting too much effort for too little return.
I had an antique store for a few years. I loved it. Antiques were in my blood and still are. If I could do anything I wanted and was guaranteed not to fail; it would be a wonderful day here on earth.
Being able to take care of my brother, deal with life’s ups and downs and still succeed is the closest thing to heaven.
I would love to open up another antique store with an adjoining building for an auction house. I could buy and sell through the auction or have the choice of placing pieces in the store.
The other idea that I have had for years was to open up an agency. A health-care agency. I would utilize all ages. The younger generation would be closely looked at in their backgrounds. The resume would never be required. Instead I would have a timely interview with coffee and donuts and find out what your goals are and what your heart is really like.
You would be going to people’s homes and doing light cleaning, grocery shopping, running errands, and fixing meals. You would be required to assist in bathing. There would be one half hour before you did any physical work where you would have to sit down with the patient and chat. Let them know you care. Brighten up their day by reading to them, or let them talk about their past.
For the older generation, have you ever sat and listened to their stories? They have a wonderful past to talk about. These great people have something lonely hearts need and desire, company. This would be on a volunteer basis, with perks included.
I would be handing you coupons for restaurants, or a ticket to a play or musical. Maybe a dinner out with a companion.
There is a need for this in all areas. As the government programs are being sliced, more and more families are caring for members in their own homes. The added personal touches can make living those last days or weeks more comfortable.
We all need to be able to share a part of ourselves with other humans. With the technology of today, human contact is slipping. Cell phones, texting, computers, emails, even being able to buy stamps online, all make small differences in each others lives.
So this is what I would do if I had a guarantee in life for success. How can I choose over both desires? Maybe I could be successful enough and hire others and have my cake and eat it too and have both businesses at once.
I feel homesick for you
I don’t know your name
Or where you reside
I can see your smile
And the twinkle
In your eyes
I feel your gentle
Touch caress
My cheeks
Your lips
Cause the
Hairs on my
Arms to rise
Your soul
Penetrates my
Very core
And when I see
You walking
Towards me
My skin sheds
And melts into
Pooling ripples
Of love
I am homesick
For love a soft
Cushion
For me to fall
Gently and you
Take me in your
Arms and my
World is safe.
Terry Shepherd
05/17/2013
I brought in
Your favorite meal
In hopes that it would
Make telling you easier
For me. I smiled
When I saw you
But you never
Smiled back
As the pain was
Overpowering your
Will to live
I choked and
I swallowed hard
And after we ate
I told you the
News that it was
Going to be yet
Another month.
Your shoulders dropped
And your tears did fall
My own heart
Fell and shattered
On the floor
I held your hand
And professed
That I care
That the day
The second that
I could take your arms
And help you into
The car I would do
It. We both shed tears
Although I promised
I would not but when
Yours fell so did mine
Baby brother I promise
You it hurt me more
To tell you of this delay
You wanted me to stay
But your spirits had dropped
I sat you in your chair
And watched you drift
Off to sleep then
I tiptoed out
Whispering
I love you Bud
I truly do.
Terry Shepherd
05/16/2013
http://willeke73.wordpress.com
Billie has nominated me for this Best Moment Award. Thank-you and big hugs Billie for thinking of me during your nomination process.
I have accepted this award before so instead of going on and saying repetitive things about myself, I will say the rules and nominate. I will also give you little pieces of me through photos that I take, and show you some of the awards I have received.
Thanks to all for the love and support you have given to me through this past year.
There are two simple rules for this;
My nominations are;
joyat60.wordpress.com
allegoricaldiamond.wordpress.com
deepthinker52.wordpress.com
sun peeking out
http://mygulitypleasures.wordpress.com
Vivi a very close friend of mine nominated me for this Wonderful Team Award.
Do you have any idea how it gives me goose bumps to know that I am accepted and a part of a wonderful team of bloggers? We are family. There is no doubt about it.
People with interesting and creative minds. Coming together as one unit. Having the ability to express ourselves through words and pictures. Being unafraid to share what is in our hearts. Knowing that no one shall criticize us for how we feel at this very moment. Sharing what our plans for the future are. Being able to trust that we can speak of our internal pain and know we are understood.
Thank-you so much Vivi. I have accepted this award once already, so I will not go into the rules of it. This reminds me of a song that I always craved in my own life, and find it more often than not here at the wonderful world of writing at WordPress.
What you feel
So do I
A love for you
From my heart
To yours
I feel your pain
I hug your thoughts
Although we are two
Our hearts intertwine
My thoughts
Are with you
For always.
Terry Shepherd
05/16/2013
