Same-O


Is it because it is the end of the year? Or is it because the hype of exciting and fun days of Christmas is gone? Or maybe it is because Al‘s illness just reminds me of an energised bunny; keeps going and going.energizer bunny

Is it because it is cold and dreary outside? Wow, too many questions. Now let’s look at the flip side of that coin.coin

The facts are I am sick at looking at myself in the mirror. No real hairstyle anymore. No cute clips, no real make-up.

Same old clothes, same slippers, same old thoughts.

Now this sounds like a woman who has been in a pile of knee-deep crap for some time.

I think this woman needs a change of pace. But how can I do that? I need, I want, I yearn. I sound like a whiny toddler. I am restless I guess. For years, and months, weeks and days, life is going in one direction.

A direction that will bring nothing more than sadness, tears, and a void in my heart. I want to stop it. I want to flash back to earlier times. I want to pull my hair out.

No wait! I want to roll my hair up, put the make-up on. Squeeze my fat feet into those four-inch spikes. Put that mini over my plump thighs. Put on a push-up bra and pretend I have something to show.

How about some long glue-on french nails? Some plum lipstick and some gorgeous blush. Maybe I will even get in my trunk and pull out those fish net panty hose that were so popular back in my day. What do you think? Do you think I am ready for a change?

Who’s with me? Paris, Hawaii, The Bahamas? Oh wait, I don’t have any money.

ladies

Fall


fall colorsFall

How can something like this

Be dying and yet consist

To bring joy to the eye

It can’t possibly die

For death is so sad

But here I am glad

I am thankful for seasons

And I do not need reasons

I’ll just enjoy the fall

Before the first snows call.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/12/2013

 

Daily Prompt; Can’t Get Enough


http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/09/daily-prompt-addicting/, DP, Daily Prompt

Have you ever been addicted to anything, or worried that you were? Have you ever spent too much time and effort on something that was a distraction from your real goals? Tell us about it.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us ADDICTING.

I was just thinking about this early today. I am addicted to others. I have short hair, not because I think I look fantastic, but because it is very easy to take care of.

What I really want is my hair down below my shoulders again so I can put it up in a messy way like I used to, or let it fall in waves, or any way I really want to wear it.Me This is the way I used to look.

What I find is I have lost me. I have given into my addiction of being needed, feeling self-worth, being accepted.

It is too important to me, and it has taken the almost seven years of caring for family members to see that I am not me.

I am to a point. I do love being a caregiver. When I look inside my house, I can see me in a lot of places. But the part of me who was once alive has been swiped and hidden away. This is what this addiction to being wanted has done to me.

I made up my mind last night that I will without guilt start looking farther down the road. The path I want to return to is filled with silly laughter, feeling young, and spontaneous.

To start this I am starting to let my hair grow back out. I have been thinking about what type of work do I want to do once this chapter is closed. Do I still want to be a caregiver? I think yes but not 24/7.

I want to be able to walk a way from the job at the end of the shift. Change from a professional to a silly person. There are some facts I have to face. Such as I can not move like I used to due to my diabetic feet problems. My back can’t take what it used to. I am not as strong as I used to be. I am beginning to need my naps more often. But I see me being able to squeeze the old me in there.

I want to, no I need to return to me. My sanity has to be kept in line. My thoughts have to deter a way from death, and I need to concentrate on me, which is something I haven’t done for years.

So off with the short hair is a good place to start. Maybe I should get a butt lift, or implants, or a tummy tuck. No, I think not. I have already been made and what needs to be fixed is internal.flying_angel_wallpaper_cd368         http://youtu.be/uAPUxvjbdcU

 

 

 

Michelle’s Weekly Pet Challenge Part 4


http://hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/michelles-weekly-pet-challenge-roundup-for-week-3-and-the-start-of-week-4/

Thank you to all who participated in our first week of the Pet Challenge.
For those who are interested in joining in, here is how:
All you need to do is to create a post with pictures/picture of your pets and link back here.

fishfish-wallpaperabstract-fish-wallpaper

It’s A Beautiful Day


Saying goodbye

Hurt so bad

Heart broken

And so sad

But then

I noticed

The sun                                                                                                 Its-a-Beautiful-Day

Is shining

Toss the cares

Send them high

In the sky

Soul feels lighter

Jumping up

Doing a dance

Starting new

Rid my thoughts

Start brand new

Because it’s

A beautiful day.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

09/21/2013

Don’t Let The Small Things Pass You By


The first thing I want to do is thank Mandy C. for sending Al and myself a card. They were beautiful and Al  said, ” your friends think I’m cool.”  I just about cracked up laughing and he smiled big for me. That was a high-light of my day. Thank-you again Mandy.

I have decided not to speak about myself directly and not mention Al, or M.S.A. or the word tears.

Instead I thought I would just be simple-minded that I am and share with you different photos of what I find beautiful in the world that I walk in. Ready, set, go. Oh, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did putting it together for my best friends, YOU.

waterfallsbutterflies 2amber-wavessnow-falling-on-womanwomanbarnslilaclilyswind_serenityjelly fishdiamondsIcicles-on-Lake-Michigan-01-800x533book4

A Real Dirty Post


HPIM0251If I am content then why oh why

Is everything I am doing for him

Eating me just under my skin

Forcing me to keep my eye lids dry.

The whole weekend long

He cried and cried

No matter what I tried

He is still wishing he would die.

I know I can’t give him what he used to do

It is only me and he takes the work of two

I realize his Day Program lights his life

But here at home it’s nothing but strife.

When he needed to go the number 2

I gave him his time to do the do

But when I went back to check on him

My face turned sour and I felt so grim.

He had decided to help himself

The evidence was clear from the towel on the shelf

Mess was on his skin and clothes

I felt like I needed to use the power hose.

I talked to him about how this ain’t cool

The germs he can pick up, a nasty tool

Of course he cried and I shut up

I cleaned him up and tears filled my cup.

I love my brother but I hate this disease

I can’t take it out on him even though I please

It isn’t his fault that his days are not

The way he remembers is all he’s got.

A sister, a caregiver is who I am

Doing what I need to do for him

So why am I kicking my butt all around

Causing myself grief, landing on the ground.

I pray for this to go a way

I can’t afford to feel this for today

I have no choice but to go to God

For I am not perfect, I am greatly flawed.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

08/04/2013

#FWF Free Write Friday; Quote Prompt


http://kellieelmore.comsummer-solstice

Always look at each day with a new sun a new leaf being born and a new cloud forming.

Terry Shepherd

This was my day yesterday. Looking at life through new glasses. Not like any glasses of the most expensive kind in a shop, but a magnificent pair of life glasses.

Guaranteed to bring out the brightest, newest, and most hopeful view each time you look through them. When you put them on each morning you will see the sun for the very first time. New birth will be given to the tree of life. Clouds will come in new shapes yet undiscovered from even the most intelligent human life. The sun will shine brightly as it has just been born today.

When you wear these you will see hope in all you see. Life will look lighter and brighter than the day before. You will forget yesterdays’ sorrows and see only today and bright futures.

As I brought my brother home yesterday and laid him gently into his new bed, I had my glasses on. I could see my future and all pasts were erased as if it were a giant etch-a-sketch.

I looked down at him sleeping and thought he is a part of me. He has been away  by the devious mouths of hungry,  money-making people. I failed to see the truth. I looked on the days gone by. My confidence was snatched a way as if I was an infant drinking from my mother’s nipple and suddenly left alone to make decisions bigger than life.

Now I can see fresh vegetables growing from Mother’s earth. Carrot tops sprouting new life. Pumpkin vines spreading their branches ready to soak up any new energy coming within reach. garden

When I look towards the heavens I see new growth on my tree of life. Delicate yet strong leaves pouring life into our spaces providing beauty and comfort.

Life is good, let us not walk blindly through today. Place your glasses on as I do and see your today in a brand new way.

free-write-friday-kellie-elmore

A Tear Falls


When we look

Into each others eyes

It makes my heart race

My stomach flip-flop

My feet are light

Like standing on air

You touch my hair

And I embrace your face

Our lips meet

And my body

Melts next to yours

And you stoop down

And touch and my

Reflection surrounds

Your heart

A tear falls softly

From your eye

As your dream is over

And there is no you and I.

Written by

Terry Shepherd

06/07/2013

 

One More Behind Me


looking afraid..

looking afraid..

Another birthday

Over once again

Not ready to think

About another one

Beginning again

I have to now say

That for one single day

I turned the ripe old

Of a young 59

I don’t know why

It scares me like it does

But I am afraid of

Getting older

And afraid to die

I look at my skin

And I can see its age

I look at my eyes

And can see the new sag

But on the other hand

I have to think right

I have lived half

Of my life

And it wasn’t too bad

I hope for the best

And refuse to

Think the worst

I will just enjoy

Each day

And live like

It’s the last

Terry Shepherd

04/22/1954