If I am content then why oh why
Is everything I am doing for him
Eating me just under my skin
Forcing me to keep my eye lids dry.
The whole weekend long
He cried and cried
No matter what I tried
He is still wishing he would die.
I know I can’t give him what he used to do
It is only me and he takes the work of two
I realize his Day Program lights his life
But here at home it’s nothing but strife.
When he needed to go the number 2
I gave him his time to do the do
But when I went back to check on him
My face turned sour and I felt so grim.
He had decided to help himself
The evidence was clear from the towel on the shelf
Mess was on his skin and clothes
I felt like I needed to use the power hose.
I talked to him about how this ain’t cool
The germs he can pick up, a nasty tool
Of course he cried and I shut up
I cleaned him up and tears filled my cup.
I love my brother but I hate this disease
I can’t take it out on him even though I please
It isn’t his fault that his days are not
The way he remembers is all he’s got.
A sister, a caregiver is who I am
Doing what I need to do for him
So why am I kicking my butt all around
Causing myself grief, landing on the ground.
I pray for this to go a way
I can’t afford to feel this for today
I have no choice but to go to God
For I am not perfect, I am greatly flawed.