Me and my Camera


Me and my camera are good friends. I am going to handle her with care like I would my best friend and venture out into the world today. I am going to meet a friend for lunch. I am not going to look at any clocks.

I vow to not become stressed as I have no important meetings with nurses today. I do not pay bills on Saturdays. I don’t have to answer the phone unless I choose to. I am going to be like the prettiest bird I love and be free.time-standing-still-katja-zuske

I can sit inside my four walls and do what I  usually do, which is clean and play on the computer or I can choose to get out of here. I realized as I am sitting here that I have not been outside since last Monday.

That is too long. I didn’t know that I could be accustomed to being inside. I think it has become a habit because it feels like when I try to quit smoking. It is an odd feeling, it is hard to push myself to open that door. It is easier to stay inside, but I am not going to do it.

I need fresh air. I need to be around others who are not ill. I need to do a little Christmas shopping. What would my children think if there wasn’t at least one gift to open when they arrive?

I feel like it is my day. The blue skies are peeking out. I haven’t seen the sun in days and it is starting to shine. Although there are no rays of warmth I can almost feel it whispering to me to revisit the living.

So me and my camera, we have a date with the world. Do you think I can do it? I think I can. I remember that little story my parents used to tell me when I was a kid. It was about the little engine that could. It was I think I can. Used for those who feel they can’t do a certain something.

 

O Happy Day


Oh happy day, it is Monday. Freedom, I get out of the house. Now don’t think I am a nut case, but being in the house for 48 hours with no fresh air, I feel like a baby chick bursting out of my shell.

Even Al woke up with a smile this morning. It sort of rubs me the wrong way because he doesn’t smile for me usually, and I am the one who works so hard to get one smile. I can understand on the other hand though. Hey, he gets a way from me for a while. Although he ask to be in his bed, he breaks apart from it too.

My Christmas tree took a dump on me. The lights have trickled out over the weekend until I have one little place lit, so off to Wal-Mart for new lights.

So as I say Oh happy day!

Peace On Earth


Will you give thanks on Thanksgiving? Do you give thanks any other day of the year? What about Christmas? Is your spirit heightened? Do you lose it after the holiday when the tree comes down and reality is back with us once again?

I find it sadly amazing and yet  I am smiling when I see the great kindness that is shared between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The elderly are suddenly thought of and a visit is made. A gift of home-made cookies or a beautiful card.

Shut-ins have more visitors in this time frame than an entire year put together. Friends contacting friends. Families who haven’t spoken suddenly appear and we are amazed at the changes we see.

So many programs are burst open and children who may never see a complete meal now have an opportunity to go to bed at night with a full tummy. The people living in boxes under the bridge are offered a warm room and a hot meal.

There are so many programs that are in full force that no child has to get up Christmas morning without one gift to open. Monies being collected to help put a coat on a shivering body, gloves on their hands.

Food shelters take in more food at this time of year than any other. We look at life different at the holidays than any other time. Those that participate get more joy from the gifts they give than receiving anything else.

Than you wander into the midst of the stores during the hype of the season and that calm demeanor is stripped from us but only temporarily. Finding gifts that are in the right price range that look like they are worthy of spending our hard-earned money is a challenge in itself.

I am always amazed at the prices that slowly start to rise and then go through the roof once the time comes for holiday lay-a-ways. It darn near makes it impossible to go shopping and keep that healthy smile on our face.

Shoving adults, kids running through the stores. Finding assistance through store employees is scarce. Christmas music bellowing in our ears trying to make us spend more money than we have. Easy open charge cards guaranteed to charge no interest until 90 days after the holidays.

I used to go to Black Friday but the madhouse took the fun out of it. It is like roller derby skaters without wheels. I have never seen adults act more like greedy  children than on Black Friday.

Now I can’t sit here and say that if you want some fantastic U-tube videos or free entertainment, and, you don’t have anything special to purchase; going to view these midnight shoppers can be quite fun.

For me, I would rather go to the regular sales. For this year I don’t know for sure how I am going to get any shopping done. Maybe online, maybe less expensive gifts. The chances of me getting to go to the big mall is pretty much out of the question.

For this year I have two goals. I would like to take Al out on a drive to see Christmas lights, but it will depend on his health and the weather. For two I hope that Christmas in our house brings nothing less than good memories to think about in the cold days of January.

My prayer is that we take a few of those dollars and help keep the food pantries filled. We make the effort to smile at least five times per day, each day to strangers and friends. We buy one extra can of food and drop it in the food box. We stop in for a moment of a loved neighbor or make a call to a family member other than at holiday time.

That we try hard to take those clothes we don’t like anymore or have grown out of and put them in a Goodwill box, instead of the trash.

How much better would our world be if we kept a little bit of the holiday spirit all year-long? Think about it.

Peace-On-EarthBlog of the Year Award 6 star jpegoct 13 13

Live Your Life


She sat on the bus bench. She wasn’t going anywhere. Grandma just liked watching the people come and go. Talking to the young crowd, handing out cookies she had baked the night before. It didn’t take long at all before this bus stop was a popular place to look forward to.

There is such a big generation gap between the young and old. Values are different, a faster paced world is what we live in today. So it is no wonder that the few minutes while waiting for their bus to arrive, it was a breath of fresh air to have someone to chat with who seemed to care.

I can see my own self in this picture I painted. I could be the grandma on the bench. Handing out cookies to the people. Getting old is not really that golden era we hear about. It may be if you still have your long-standing mate by your side, I guess.

But when fate comes and wipes half your slate a way, you suddenly realize it is quiet when you get up and it is hushed when you lay your head down at night. Silence is golden when you live a hectic life, or raising the busy family, but what happens when the kids grow up and move out?

Who is going to fill that void? I will probably be one of those bell ringers at Christmas time just so I can show others that there are still smiles in the world. Maybe I will be the Wal-Mart greeter lady.

I can sit on my stool and make sure to welcome you in to the store, but what I am actually trying to show you is that age is only a number. We are born with one heart, a set of feelings, and we each feel in the same way.

We want joy and happiness. We want to feel we belong some where in this world. It just makes life nicer. An added touch when you are running late for work. Or your spouse and you had a disagreement on the way out the door this morning.

Yes, I will always be trying to show the younger generation that life is still good. They need it more now than ever as families split and people become more engrossed in themselves.

What do you envision doing when you get in your prime of life? Retired sitting on the beach some where? Raising maybe your grandchildren? Will you be taking care of a family member? Or will you still be reaching out to others in any way you can, even if it means sitting at the bus bench handing out cookies, to people you know.

bus stop

Me, Myself, and I


Yesterday was the first time in I don’t even know when, that I was relaxed. Not totally, but

English: DC USA, Target, Black Friday

no upset stomach, no vomiting my food. I smiled, I laughed. In between the laughs, I felt pangs of guilt, but tried to use my emotional broom and sweep them out the front door.

I wondered if Al was smiling, was he laughing? Did I have a right to laugh, to feel relaxed, while I leave him at his new home? I did not go visit him yesterday, but instead cleaned my house, turning up my country music. Today, it was mixed between country and country Christmas. I swept the house, dusted, did a load of laundry, mopped my floors.

I worked on a Christmas project, and then in the afternoon, I became a fly on the wall out in the Christmas shopping world, sometimes buzzing in low on an item I thought may be a good deal. I had a really good time.

I took my time and comparison shopped and tried not to pick items up only because it was marked a Black Friday Sale. My wings took me down aisles that I had not been down in years. I went down the craft aisles, the toy aisles, the seasonal areas, I went just about anywhere that my nose led me, in looking for bargains.

My brother told me that he really wants this object he saw on the television. He said it is a Hallmark ornament, and that it looked like a radio, and when you flipped a button, it played music. Al is really into anything that plays music. I will be looking for it for sure. He also said that he wants new sleeper pants and sweat pants and short sleeve shirts. He has never offered me a Christmas wish list, so this pleased me. It is so much easier to shop with a list.

So all in all, I spent some good, quality time with myself, and other than the pings of guilt, I did pretty good for the entire day. Monday will roll along, and everyone will be rid of the over shopping and get back to business, and I will be placing an ad in the paper again, hoping to find a caregiver job near by.