He Is The Light


red treesThere is no other

Feeling as exciting

As being with

My soul

My heart

My eyes take

In the beauty

God hath

Gifted me

I thank him

For only he

Could make

The sun shine

When I am

Standing alone

In the middle

Of storms

Only he knows

My thoughts

My fears

My struggles

So to let me

Know he is

By my side

He gifted me

The color

Of the reds

The smells of

The earth

After new rains

He is the light

That I will

Use to continue

My walk today.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

09/26/2013

Do I Have That Right?


Sometimes, like now

I feel like I have to

Know all answers

But do I really

Have that right?

Am I special?

Am I  God?

Why is it I

Can not be satisfied

That things I pray for

Are being answered

In ways I do not see

To be content and

Live the life I

Have been granted

Is more than

I deserve

So I come to

You my God

And pray for

Acceptance, to

Acknowledge that

I do not understand all

For only you

The almighty

Have all the answers.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

09/2013v_10_unsolved_mysteries_of_the_world_001_4fd4855e01ab2

Lord I Need Time


Why is it sometimes life

Does not seem fair

We do everything right

We take truths instead of dares

 

The ones who wrong and run a way

Escape the price to pay

And then tigersthere are others who stay and fight

Not knowing any other way

 

And then along comes the news

The one we can only dread

It throws emotions back and forth

It weighs and dulls our head

 

We really aren’t as tough you know

We can be taken down

All it takes is one wrong word

To send us to the ground

 

I am not on a poor me trip

I admit I have a bit of fear

Now that it is most likely I have

What my brother has had for years

 

So I come to you dear Lord above

I come to you and pray

Please let me finish my care for him

Let me be sick another day

 

For I have seen the tremors too

Going on for sometime now

I ask you Lord to hold off on me

I come to you and bow

 

Please let me be safe and free from harm

Give me strength to see him through

Then Lord you can take me and have my all

And do what you need to do.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

08/30/2013

You


Who knocks you

Down and takes away

Who you are

And the value you  hold

Do jealous tongues

Whisper in your ears

Do you  listen to them

And do you  fear

That you are not

Who you thought  you were

Are you so easily moved

From highs to lows

That you would believe

Those who do not know

Your  inner spirit

Your  inner strength

Yourbeautiful-butterfly.jpg desires to be

Love and accepted

Are just as theirs

Please tear down

Your wall and remember

When you walked

And smiled head

Held up high

Don’t lose faith

That you are important

The space you breathe

Has your name in it

Break a way

Stand tall

Walk straight ahead

With faith that

You are worthy.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

07/17/2013

 

 

My Testimony


“Help me, help me” the lady screamed. One leg hanging out the window, her body in a position to jump, but yet wanting to wait to be rescued. Can you picture this scene? We are in trouble and have no way out. We need help, we need to be rescued.

Have any of you ever been in this position? Have you ever felt like you had nowhere to go, nowhere to turn to? Does life just seem like it could not possibly be any better? Did you vision this was your last breathing moments?

Some of us get in this predicament. We live our lives the way we want and then when we can go no farther we scream for help. Is anyone listening? Does your mate, neighbors, families come running when you are in need?

Do you ever wonder when things get down and look real bad if anyone really cares? Does it feel like you knew at any moment the mouth of Jaws was going to swallow you completely?

I have, I am not ashamed to admit it. I don’t think life is fair all the time. I even have days when I wonder when is it going to stop. When is someone going to rescue me? I got myself in my own spots, my own jams.

I listened to others, who really don’t care more than surface caring. I have been so desperate that I would go to anyone who would listen to me rattle on. I quit doing this for the most part.

I still do have a couple of people who I can call day or night. They don’t always tell me what I want to hear, they tell me what I need to hear. It is up to me whether I listen or not. The one person that I am still doing battle with myself in the change department is going to God.

Why do you suppose we leave him for last choice? Is it because we can’t pick up our cell and give him a call? Is it because we are not hearing the words we want to hear? Maybe we just think we can solve it ourselves.

This is the area I am most guilty of. I am doing better but still forget. I was brought up with parents who always said, you made your bed, now lie in it.

In other words, I got myself in my own mess, now get myself out of it alone. This doesn’t have to be the way it is. We can keep ourselves from getting into many messes by doing our prep work first.

When we wake up in the mornings turn to God first. Even if we have a terribly busy schedule in front of us, we can take a moment and ask God to help guide us through our day. Heck you don’t even have to say it out loud. You can ask God from your heart while you are brushing your teeth.

God always listens. He doesn’t turn his back on us. We turn our backs on him. Yet, he never leaves us. I imagine tears falling from God as we once again believe we can do all on our own and go on our own adventures.

Over and over we have shown that we can do nothing without God’s help. I know what others say about God. We came from apes, we were just here, we were just born. It doesn’t matter what others think, for me, I know what I know.

God has shown himself over and over to me in so many instances. He has carried me through Al’s illness. He gives me strength when I am weak. He protects me from the mouths of evil people.

He has provided what I need. I may feel poor at times. I may worry about bills, food, taxes, friendships, relationships, but I have never truly gone without. Even on my worst times, God provided.

There was a time period in my life where I was so insecure you would not have recognized me. I trusted because I didn’t want to be alone. I was left at a motel with five dollars to my name and the first few days paid for.

I didn’t have any food stockpiled in my motel. My partner had the money and I trusted he would come back when he left to run an errand. It didn’t take me long to realize I had been left behind. I had nothing but a suitcase full of clothes and a weeks supply of medications.

I lived by eating my remaining snacks carefully, timing them out through the day. I watched TV and slept but mostly fretted. It came down to where I got sick. I wasn’t eating, my sugars were a mess.

I had no choice but to help myself fix things. Why didn’t God just sweep down and save me? Why did he make me suffer? He was waiting on me to ask him. It was that easy. I finally did that after exhausting every ounce of strength I had. I prayed, I cried and prayed.

I don’t know how I ever did it, but I walked out my motel door and started walking down the row of doors knocking on each one. Either no one answered, or no one cared or whatever the reason, no one helped me.

I hesitated going to the last door. It  was piled with junk on the side-walk. It had garbage piled up out side, but I was hungry and I was getting sick. So slowly I walked up to the door and knocked.

The door opened and a guy took one look at me and pulled me in gently. He sat me at his table. As I discovered he was fixing me something to eat I looked around his room. I am not kidding you when I say his walls were piled high with boxed and canned foods. He had a college type refrigerator for cold foods and drinks.

He whipped me up some fried potatoes on his hot plate. He gave me a left-over slice of ham and a piece of butter bread. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I actually did in a way.

I died myself and gave my entire soul to Jesus. As I gobbled the food the guy said that he was afraid of people. He had some money put a way. He belonged to this church and he stock piled food. He lived through God’s blessings and God’s help.

I admit he sounded a little strange at times but he was sincere and a giant help. He was my angel sent from God. Every morning and night I would receive a knock on my door. There would be the guy with a plate of food, steaming hot and oh so delicious.

I ended up having the time to figure out what I was going to do. I started going with him to his church in his rusty rattly truck. With my angel and God’s guidance I came through this. I didn’t stay there too long. I received help when I needed it so I could remain in my motel.

I was able to reach out to others who cared and followed Jesus. I was so amazed at how poor I was and yet I had the biggest peace inside my soul that I had ever experienced. Now, today, years later, I fail God, who doesn’t? I have strayed but not far. I still try to fix things myself but then I have a V-8 moment and realize I have been counting on the wrong person, me. I then turn to God and pour out my heart and he has carried me through ever since.

This is like a fairy tale I guess, but it is better. We can each have this life. We can give up the constant worries, rid ourselves of our stress. We can do what I do most of the time. Mentally write my concern on a piece of paper and put it in God’s basket and then pray and then smile and continue with my day, because I know God will take care of everything.jesus_in_heaven.jpg

One More Chance


Has death ever knocked at your door

And you said stay a way come no more

Did you refuse to give up the fight

And instead give it all and hang on tight

Did you see the light and heaven’s doors

Did you see the angels come into sight

Did you see your life flash before your eyes

Did you close your lids and wonder why

Did you plead with God for one more chance

To get up and walk and have one last dance

Did he hear you and say I will pass you by

I will let you live and not let you die

Did you get down on your knees and pray

And thank God for that grateful day

When you were allowed just one more chance

To hold life dear and not just glance.

http://youtu.be/vF8QykqGRq4   dance

Written by

Terry Shepherd

06/26/2013

Another Rock In The Road, Prayers Needed


I wonder what life would be like if I was not a believer in Christ. Would that red-horned creature leave me alone? Would I be able to do what ever I pleased in life with no consequences, or maybe no conscience?

Just when I think I am climbing the mountain and I see the top not too far off, I stumble over a rock again and come tumbling down.

Each time though there is a branch hanging over a cliff and I am able to precisely curve my body over and catch it, hanging on for dear life and calling out to God.branch

I have everything running smooth. I have done all I have been asked to do. I even bought the groceries for Al today. I am so proud that I finally got this task done and forgot nothing.

I received a phone call from the waiver people asking me to call the bus company to arrange for Al to be picked up and brought home.

The first response on their side was pretty much negative. No time, no extra spaces. As we talked longer and longer she and I clicked.

In the end she ended up telling me she would make a phone call to the lady working from the day program and see what hours were available and she said she would make something work out.

I knew that there was a chance that Al may not actually go in at 8:30 am as there are many wheel chair riders and not enough  buses. It goes on and on. I have to remember that this is a big company.

Then the bomb fell. She told me that the community I live in is a place they are not welcome to bring the buses back into. She said the owner is something else and that  he is mean and rough and I have to agree. I can remember back to last summer when we had the wheel chair ramp built for Al. The owner stopped by and told me I had to tear it down immediately.

Now I knew that I wasn’t going  down  without a fight. He and I argued, he threatened to kick me out that night. I knew he could not legally do this over night but I just really didn’t need the hassle from him.

I understand that he is mad at the world. His wife was placed in a nursing home last winter and he has been mean and an ugly monster ever since.ugly-hamsters2 He will come by and practically measure my grass that grows around the bottom of the ramp.

Oh don’t get me wrong. He isn’t just picking on me, he picks on who ever is near him on any day. I just get tired of the fight.

Now this is where I asked the question in the beginning. Is God constantly testing me to see what direction I will take? If I didn’t believe in God would I be faced with all these challenges? I will not turn my back on God no matter what, or I should say I hope I never do.

I will fight this battle  for the life of my brother. I know that I can not get him in the car and down to the main gate every single morning alone. I need that bus. It will make it easier and safer for Al to go straight down the ramp onto the bus ramp.

I have called the owner’s assistant manager and I am waiting for him to stop by. He is out here in the neighborhood. I have a little more faith in him than the owner. At least he smiles. But on the other hand he will have to run it pass the owner.

I need a written letter giving permission for the bus to stop here at the house. What I really need is tons of prayers to turn this monster into a prince and say yes. Can you help me by sending lots of prayers?prince

An Ill Man’s Inner Thoughts


Some days I see gray

Then my body begins to sway                                                     helpinghand

I remember what used to be

Before darkness came over me

Shadows casting undertones

Leaving me to deal with this all alone

Hiding in my own dark sack

Wishing I could take it back

I didn’t ask for this

I swear on a golden kiss

It sneaked in and took a seat

It landed at my feet

I pray it will go a way

Maybe come another day

I watch as others play

On a bright and sunny day

While cars going here and there

I am sitting here my soul too bare

If I could turn back the time

And go back to when I was nine

And know what I do today

I swear I would  pick another way

To live my life each day

I would honor each I know

And say I love you so

I would set my worries a way

And save them for a rainy day

But alas I am sitting here

My eyes full of tears

I have heard the door knocking

But I have worked hard on blocking

That my time is almost up

I have filled up my cup

My illness is taking me

To levels above the trees

I can see Jesus hands

Reaching through all the lands

He is tugging at me I can feel

He wants to take my illness and peel

It a way and bring me home

To sit with him near the throne.

Terry Shepherd

05/29/2013

I Can’t See Him, But I Know He Is Here


How does God speak?

I don’t usually write this late in the evening but I had to. I would not be able to sleep if I let this go. I always clean my cookies and shut down the computer but for some reason I did not know one half hour ago why I let everything remain on.

I am sitting here with a stomach ache and pain running through my blood. My muscles feel tight and I almost feel like I am going to vomit. I just got through watching Joyce Meyers. Someone two days ago and if I am thinking right it was my friend Cathy who asked me, have you ever seen Joyce’s testimony show?

I had never seen it I told her. Wait a second, I have to get myself under control. My fingers are turning icy and my arms are quivering. What is going on here? I feel like I am being taken over by something or someone. My neck feels stiff and my feet are cold.

Alright I am going to try this again. I went to my room and flipped on the TV. I always watch Joyce Meyers between 10:30 and 11pm. I think I am freaking out because another friend of mine, Cheryl had asked me to go back to the beginning to write about Al‘s Life Journey.

I had actually started my first chapter beginning when Al was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. I have that saved and will put it in place when I get to that point. I did go back and I was forced to say for the first time out loud that I had been abused. I know Al was too, I just don’t know what kind of abuse he suffered. His fears early in life prove to me something drastic happened to him.

When I watched Joyce I felt like someone was picking me up and pulling me through the TV screen. The show was her testimony show that I was just recently asked if I had seen only a couple of days ago.

As my friend’s question began to race through my mind and  I listened to Joyce’s words about her own sexual abuse I was relating so well it was almost as if I had lived with her when she was young or maybe I was that black shadow watching from the corners.

She had it much worse than me and I thanked God that I don’t remember nearly as well as she does about our childhoods. The more I listened the more I kept asking myself, is this planned for me to hear? Is this book of Al’s Journey of Life supposed to be written right at this time in my life? It was actually making me feel uncomfortable because I could tell with no doubt that God had this all planned to the second. I say uncomfortable because facing fears is not one of my high points in life.

As I am writing this I can almost see a wilting, black rose shrinking over in the corner of my living room. I can almost hear screaming words of No! He can’t win! I am having too much fun. I have controlled her life for so many years. Just a few more years, let me have her for a few more years.

My eyes are watering as I feel this playing out right here in my room I am typing in. I have never seen God but I feel like he is standing so close to me right now I am actually shivering.

I can’t really tell you how I feel about hearing her sermon and how it is connecting to my story. My brain can’t take it in quick enough. But, I do know that something good is going to come from this. I do know that there is going to come a time where I too shall be set free from the feelings of never being wanted all my life.

Some where through this typing I keep getting this nudging that keeps telling me Al is involved with this too. Al is filled up with Parkinson’s. I don’t know how I can help him by God healing me. Maybe it is just that Al consumes my mind so much I am thinking about him even as I write.

Several people have told me through this year of blogging that maybe I am the one to learn a lesson through Al’s illness. I have always dismissed this because I would get angry. I never want or wanted to be the reason Al is suffering from this terrible disease. But now I am softening around the edges. I still don’t know what is happening. I feel foggy and yet I feel God very clear right here, right next to me.

I will stop now because it is almost too much for me to digest. All I know is something happened in my bedroom on my bed while I was listening to Joyce Meyers talk about how God healed her from her past. And now she is a witness to others leading many to Christ.

Good night my friends……….

His Love Is Here to Stay


Arise Jesus

Arise Jesus

The night before you rose

The earth is silent now

Mourning the loss of you

Is only what we can do

You tried your very best

To teach and show us all

What is right and wrong

You didn’t want us to fall

Some of us listened

And others ran as well

Some cursed your name

And left you for an empty shell

But you let these things happen

You trusted your Father you said

You knew that your love for us

Was strong and in Satan‘s way

We get up in the morning

Our hearts still breaking in two

Coming to see you one more time

But you are not here what should we do

We tell all those around us

That the stone has been rolled a way

The glorious Father above us

Has risen you for this day

We fall on bended knee

And cry out to you above

We praise your name oh Father

Now you love us from above

Terry Shepherd

03/30

2013