Who Am I? I Am Learning

After the Christmas Day was here and gone, I sat back and went over it. With some nice things I saw were also mixed with sadness, tears and smiles from my brother. Others I remembered comments that were good and some left me hurt.

I tried my best. I consider it slaving when I spent four days in the kitchen making foods that looked merry and bright. Some tried them, others would not, and some liked. I am learning very quickly after I have wiped the starry eyes, that life is not what I wish it to be. Life is what it is. I can choose to do what I used to do; which was to carry the hurt with me, or I can choose to stop and move forth.

I have chosen the latter. Acceptance that things will never be as they were when I was young is something I am strongly working on for 2013. Closing the gates around my heart is one more thing that I want to work on. I don’t want to close my heart totally. There is too much to see, love and laugh about in life. I do however, need to pull the corral in just a bit more, to remind me that when things are not as you think they should be, you feel it, mourn it just a wee bit, and then move on.

I think that this will work out for me much better. I have two dear friends that seem to go through some of the similar events that I do and they are not living in dream land anymore. Dreams are nice but not when you can ever see the reality of them.

Yesterday, I went to a store in Fort Wayne that I had never stepped feet or eyes in. I walked through the doors and my eyes became big like a kid looking at all the Christmas gifts under the glittery tree. It wasn’t a clothing store, or a health food store. It was Hobby Land.

I had a ball. Even with my aching back and burning feet, I made it through several aisles. I started my New Year’s Eve resolution a tad bit early. I thought of me first. Do you have any idea how difficult a task it is to think of me first? It felt awkward, tongue-tied, and rough around the edges, but I forced myself.

I have always thought of others before me, and it is not always a good idea, because you can lose respect for yourself as well as others can take it for granted that you will always be there, so you let yourself be set-up to a point for pain.

So in ending this post, I have posted what I did for me yesterday. I want my home to reflect who I am. When I come home from seeing Al, or I need comforting, I want to feel it wrap its arms around me here in my four walls. Here is what I did to begin.

I bought some Victorian ceramic drawer pulls for my bathroom vanity in black and white marble.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I took my big Christmas tree down and left these two pretty smaller ones up in opposite corners of my living room. They bring me peace and calmness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I placed this antique wall shelf with prisms. I put a loaf of French bread, a bunch of grapes and a candle on top. In the evenings the lights from the Christmas tree reflect from the prisms and create a nice light show.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had this large vase so I redid the entire thing, giving it a wispy soft look, which invites me to be in a peaceful environment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Already, I am feeling more calm, confident, and allowing all things behind me to remain in the memory storage box.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Am Shocked!

I am shocked at myself! I did not know I could do anything crafty with my fingers other than type! I just had to show you what I made all by myself! I am not sorry, for being so excited. I am actually proud of myself!

I was gifted this old chicken coop window, and turned it into this! It even has working Christmas lights! I went to the Goodwill Store and bought bits and pieces and created a part of my mind.

You can actually see this also at my group page I have on my Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/483462575009756/

Well, I have taken enough of your time with this, just wanted to show you what I did!

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Let Our Minds Wander

The skies are no more blue, the children are no more laughing and being seen in the park

playing. The skies are now gray and the snow/rain mix falls softly to the ground. A look of dreariness on the outside, while I am inside with the heat coming over me.

The holidays are coming, and for some, this is a joyous season full of food, laughter, and good times being spent together. For most of us, it is a season to spend much more time in the stores buying presents. Trunks of cars are filled to the maximum and hopes in our heads are, that the person we bought this gift for will love it as much as I loved picking it out.

The Christmas tree decorating is a highlight for some. The melodies are playing happily in the background. Fireplaces are lit with flames dancing for our delight. Each child helping to decorate their section of the tree, placing ornaments in silly places, throwing icicles in bundles. Parents stand back and tell the child what a great job they have done with this family project, and when the child walks a way, mommy, goes behind her or him and straightens just a little.

A Thanksgiving feast awaits each eye that walks into our front door, and everyone claims how they starved themselves, waiting for the feast. Dishes being brought and the card tables are looking over crowded, as each guest arrives

Grace is said while all hold hands, and thanks are spread around the room for the food they are about to partake. Clatter of glasses, and silverware clinking on the plates, shows the chef that this meal was worth all the work put into it.

The gentlemen retire to the den and the ladies clear the table, only leaving  the munchies for the ones who always find a little more space to fill. The men watch sports or nap, and the ladies chatter about the plans in progress for Christmas, and exchange recipes, and the children go out doors to play in the snow.

In my eyes, whether this actually happened in my brain or it was formed in my mind, this is the Thanksgiving perfect holiday. Family together, spending the entire day doing nothing more than expected.

I look out my window at the dreary skies, and the snow falling, and wonder if others feel what I feel, or are there some who are dreading being alone. Are the lonely people going to remain lonely on this day? Will they even cross our minds? Are the ones hiding under the bridges to stay warm, going to be able to be taken in for food, and heat, and conversation?

Do we spend any time in the hospitals or nursing homes letting someone know we care? Do we participate in Angel Tree Programs so others less fortunate may open one gift under their invisible tree? Will we ring the bell for the season, helping fill homes with heat and water?

This is a joyous season for some, and for others it can be very lonely and cold, and others are so destitute, that suicide can be the main course for the day. Let us all remember others that are near us, maybe a neighbor next door, or someone down the block. Let us try to remember just one other while we celebrate this Thanksgiving Day.

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