Daily Prompt; That’s Amore


Daily Prompt; That’s Amore


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Think of your longest relationship: describe how your love has changed over time, did you go from the giddiness of infatuation, to mad passion, to deep respect, esteem, and friendship? Tell us about your love story.

I am sorry, I don’t have that beautiful story to tell about long-lasting love. I was married and immediately went to Germany. My…

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Daily Prompt; That’s Amore


http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Think of your longest relationship: describe how your love has changed over time, did you go from the giddiness of infatuation, to mad passion, to deep respect, esteem, and friendship? Tell us about your love story.

I am sorry, I don’t have that beautiful story to tell about long-lasting love. I was married and immediately went to Germany. My husband was in the military. Through the years we had three children. We bought two homes. Life seemed good.

But for us, in time, things changed. Priorities seemed to shift. Drifting seemed to appear and before long people and things got in the way. It seemed the word Divorce, which had never entered my mind, was suddenly consuming my entire soul.

Pain, hurt, anger, and separation took over. Children who were innocent were being pulled in different directions. New decisions were being made, feelings were torn, tongues became thorns and life was as I had never experienced.

Through this time in my life I learned trust was not a strong word in my dictionary. Self-esteem was dropped to the lowest. It took a long time to  heal from this and still today, many years later, there are soft spots that I try not to dance around.

I am thankful that I still have my children’s love. I am thankful that I truly loved once. I learned at that time that there is no Fairy Tale life and we live reality each day in our lives. The burned feelings seem to remain somewhat today as the trust that was singed,  still remains.

I want with all my heart to find a good man today, but I am sure without realizing it that little word trust jumps out at me each time. I try to shove it down and realize that there are many good relationships out there in the world. I just need to keep my eyes and heart open and believe.

valentine

I Know This Kid


She sat behind the chair hiding. Messy blonde curls, thumb in her mouth. Listening to the two of them arguing. Frightened and not understanding she began to weep but no one heard her.

Someone was going to take her away. Sally was afraid. She didn’t want to leave her TigerAngelmommy. But, why were they both saying they were her mommy? She moved a way and hid in the shadows fearing the two women would know she was there.

” She is my child and you can’t have her.”

” You don’t have custody of her anymore. You gave her up. Now get a way from here before I call the police.”

Why was that lady talking to my mommy like that? Why can’t I go have my mommy hold me? I want my mommy.

” I am her new mother now, please remove yourself from my property.”

Sally wept harder. This lady was being bad to my mommy. Too afraid to move she huddled even deeper into the dark. Soon the door slammed and the new mommy was yelling at my daddy.

” What in the world did you ever see in that bitch? You must have been drunk when you slept with her. You produced not one but two kids from a woman like that. Were you out of your freaking mind?”

” Tone your voice down. Do you want the kids to hear you?”

” Not the kids, your kids. I married you, not your kids.”

I saw daddy hanging his head down. I saw him get his hanky out of his pocket and wipe his eyes. Mommy is sitting down at the table. She is drinking her coffee and looking out the window.

My mommy wants me but they don’t want me to be with her. My new mommy doesn’t want me and yet I have to stay here.

Sally came out from her hiding place when the room became quiet. She crept up the stairs and laid down on her bed. Sticking her thumb in her mouth she cried herself to sleep.

This my friends is something that happens so often in lives of children today. Marriages ripped apart. New marriages glued together in hopes of lasting a long time. Children not understanding grown-up things get very confused. Some feel like they are to blame for what ever is wrong. Some kids go into themselves and others escape by what ever means they can find.  A child can feel this pain and carry it deep within their hearts for years to come. I know, because I am this kid.

 

Picture It & Write


http://ermiliablog.wordpress.compictureitandwrite2copy-1key to my heart

Do you hold the key

To the mystery in the sea?

Can you see deep within

The color of my skin?

Can you read the ball

Tell futures on the wall?

Do you know where I have been

Do you know my past sin?

Can you see within my heart

Did you think we’d  ever part?

Can I look into your eyes

Can I see all of your lies?

Can you feel the hurt inside

That I try so hard to hide?

Do you sense the void I feel

As you drive behind the wheel?

Do you remember the last time

When we went out to dine?

Do you remember when you said

I would be the only one in your bed?

Can you see my hidden tears

Do you sense all my fears?

Do you remember when we said

Our vows when we thee wed?

I can no longer hold on

I want and need you gone.

I take back the key you hold

I must break it in two-fold.

The key which  kept us as two

And  has now come unglued.

A shattered heart I feel

The layers you have peeled.

Please go a way and do not look

I know that now you took and took.

In time I know I will heal thine heart

But first we must become a part.

The key I hold in my hand

I buried it deep within the sand.

Terry Shepherd

02/24/2013

 

 

Picture It & Write ; Ermiliablog


http://ermiliablog.wordpress.comgive legs back

 

 

 

 

 

A marriage is for keeps

Never to be undone

This isn’t told as a  fairy tale

This is for love and we’ve just begun.

We promise to accept

Each other for who we  are

With starry lights within  our eyes

And dreams for here and afar.

The marriage goes from day one

To a few years down the road

When suddenly we decide

We may have married a toad.

Our  new goal is to change

The things we do not like

Our eyes are tunnel blind

He will change or take a hike.

We must stop and smell our rose

And remember why we chose him

We promised to accept all there was

No one is perfect and  without any sin.

We can not erase what we do not want

Or badger as his wife

We find the things where we can blend

And choose a wonderful life.

Terry Shepherd

02/18/2013

 

Daily Prompt; Childhood Revisited/ The Daily Post


Another Carriage Shot

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Sure, you turned out pretty good, but is there anything you wish had been different about your childhood? If you have kids, is there anything you wish were different for them?

Even though I was a kid and didn’t understand life and how events could help mold your future, it happens. I think most of us are molded somewhat by what our environment was while we grew up.

For me, I always sensed somewhere within me that I didn’t fit in. Oh no one ever said it out loud. No one ever told me I wasn’t wanted or loved. It was just something I felt. Maybe images that remained in my head buried alive, but somehow they came out maybe during sleep or dreams.

As I got older I learned I had two mothers. One who tossed me a way and one who did her very best to love me and take care of me. For this I will be ever grateful as my step-mother was a wonderful woman.

She not only held this newly acquired family together she was a very smart lady. She held a respected position in her work force. She did many wonderful, moving things for the community.

I can‘t even say at this moment so many years later if it was her or I. I  suspect it was more me than her. Hidden images, words and memories helped me to block a relationship from growing into a beautiful flower. Instead I blamed her for the break-up of my parents.

This of course was ridiculous. My real mother didn’t want my brother and I. She  was a rotten player that didn’t want anyone else to have us either. She and our father played cat and mouse games for a couple of years until the divorce finally became legal. Our new step-mother met our tiny little family and took us in no questions asked. I was the one who held out over jealousies. I am so ashamed of this today.

There are many things that we learn through maturing in our lives. I am so grateful that I did turn myself around and make amends with our step-mom before she passed on. I can see things clearly today that were so foggy when I was growing up.

Divorce is a wonderful and wicked thing. It frees the two that married but if there is any damages left hanging it can latch on to the children and even the adults. Don’t get me wrong. I am not dogging divorce. There are instances when it is definitely needed. It is how we handle life after the papers are signed.

For me I have been married and divorced also. Stupid mistakes I have made, maybe not fighting hard enough for what belonged to me. The point is I messed up. I looked more at my own inner pain and was blinded to what I was doing to my own children. I love my children to death but I believe if I would have acted in a more mature way things would be different today.

As many years as I have been divorced I can still see fragments of those days gone by. I can not turn back the clock. I can apologize until I am blue in the face but some images still remain in their eyes.

So now that I see what has passed, I would go back and although it was very easy to see me above anyone else, I would work so much over-time at placing my kids first above my own needs. After all, I was still molding them into young adults.

Picture it & Write, January 06/2013


http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/2013/01/06/picture-it-and-write-2/child smoking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to smack her! I am sorry but I have worked and worked with this child of mine and nothing has worked. I have three children. Holly is the middle one you see in the photo above.

I at first felt great guilt at yelling at her for smoking. I smoked also, so how could I tell her not to? She is a child, this is why. I am an adult. I know the sentence that could lie ahead for me with smoking, she does not.

She was always the one child who feared nothing in life. Holly dared anything she could get by with. Strong personality, aggressive in thoughts. The first child that learned to talk back at such an early age.

She excelled in school. Each teacher she encountered always made the same remarks about Holly. She was very smart and caught on to her school work quickly. Was she too smart? Was she gifted? Should I consider advancing her in grade levels. Does she need to be challenged more?

When it was her and I at home, she was defiant. It was like she had Edward Scissorhands;  daggers for me. Anything I asked she fought. If I talked nice to her, she mocked me. I was beginning to think she was the child from hell.

How could she fool everyone else but me? Teachers adored her. Classmates played well with her. It was only me, a single parent left to raise three kids alone. I had to work, I had to put food on the table and pay the bills.

I felt too much guilt for not being there when ever she needed me. I was so sure that I had done something wrong in my rearing of her, that I bent over backwards to give her all that I could.

Her siblings would tend to cause problems for me as it seemed like I treasured Holly more than them. This was not the case though. I was trying to get through each of my days in peace.

I had Holly tested in many areas with different specialists. Nothing positive ever came out of it. She always tested normal. I asked family, friends and even other children’s parents if they had children like this.

There responses were a laughing no. If they had children like that, they would provide them with a tough love. What was tough love? I had never heard of this? I researched it on the internet.

tough love

NOUN:

The use of strict disciplinary measures and limitations on freedoms or privileges, as by a parent or guardian, as a means of fostering responsibility and expressing care or concern.
Wow, I was doing it back words. I was carrying the guilt for not being there. I was letting her manipulate me. I needed to change and change right now. I decided the next day would start the new me.
I saw her after school smoking. She saw me coming near and the look she gave me was I dare you to do anything. I took her at her idol threat. I could not stand it any longer.
I pulled my car up along the curb and put it in park. I got out and went over to her and said, “Let’s go. Put the cigarette out and please get in the car”. She stood her ground and took a big hit off of her cancer stick. She replied with a catty voice, ” I will go when I am ready. I can walk home. I don’t need a ride”.
I took the cigarette out of her mouth and threw it on the ground. I stomped on it until the red glow was completely out. I took her by the hand and I pulled her to the car with her screaming at me. I didn’t give a shit who was watching me. This child was going home with me!
I got her in the car and buckled her up and went to my side and got in. I locked the doors and started the engine. Off we went for home. We were both silent, which was fine with me. I was thinking, what am I going to do with this child once I get her home. Talk to her? Scold her? Ground her?
When we walked into the front door of our home she began to rant. She was calling me names and stomping her feet. A very big tantrum for a child her age. I stood there quietly as she continued her performance and then I took her by the hand and sat her down at the kitchen table.
I said to her, ” I am your mother. I am tired of letting you control my emotions. You are destroying my days. I don’t know why you act this way with only me, but it is over. I will not tolerate any more actions from you. The smoking is over. If I catch you doing the smoking thing one more time, I will have to send you to boot camp for bad kids”.
She laughed and said, ” You wouldn’t dare. I will report you for child abuse. I will tell the police that you abuse me. I will run a way from  home”. I looked at her with an emotionless face.
The two of us became very quiet, as we digested what the other had said. After a few minutes had gone by she asked, “Why do you hate me so mother? Why do you treat me worse than the other two? What did I do to make you hate me so much”?
I looked at her and my mouth opened to speak. Be careful what you say. I know you want to lash out at her. You want to tell her how miserable she has made you but don’t. You love her, you just don’t like the way she is acting.
I spoke saying, ” I love you very much Holly. You get treated the way you do because mom feels guilty. Guilty for not being here for you. Guilty for the divorce and you growing up with only one parent”.
“But the other two, you must feel guilty about them too right? I mean, they are living with one  parent also, right”?
“Yes, this is true, but you are the one who brings about more challenges for me. You have tested me more than your siblings. I lose my patience with you Holly. You are always testing me”.
” I just want to know that you love me mommy”. Holly said crying.