Daily Prompt; Lucky Star


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Today is your lucky day. You get three wishes, granted to you by The Daily Post. What are your three wishes and why?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us WISHES.

Ever since I became a mom I wanted to be able to leave my three children something to remember me by. So my first wish is: To have my first book, Dahlia, finally land in my hands, published, along with three copies for my kids.

I am not sure if Daily Post can give me my second wish because it is a biggie. My second wish is to have my children stripped of all sad, bad, painful memories. I would have my children all on the same page and they would stay in touch with me, their mom, at least once a week.

My third wish is a greedy wish. I wish for something I know Daily Post can not produce, but I can dream can’t I? I wish for me to bump into, or he knocks on my door, or I see him while taking photographs, and we look at each other, and we just know we were always meant to be.

I have to break the rules here friends. Yes, leave it to me to stray from the path. I can’t help myself ok? My fourth and final wish for this prompt is that I see the angels lifting Al from his bed. I see the smile on his face that I have come to know. I see the sickness spilling out of his body. I see Jesus holding his arms out reaching for Al. I hear the choirs singing. I see the rain turn to sun. I see Al standing among our family and they are all waving at me and waiting for my arrival next.

Alright, I am done. Thank-you for letting me dream upon the stars.

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Vomit or Blog It


Yesterday when Hospice was here, the nurse and I  had a conversation alone out of Al’s bedroom. She told me it was time to get Al’s clothes together for what I wished him to wear at his funeral.

She told me to get around several photos of Al, and the funeral home would put together a video that would be shown  to others walking in. This was all hard for me to swallow. I decided to wait until tomorrow and have my girlfriend help me with this.

I was so excited last night when the phone rang and it was my girlfriend letting me know she was returning for another visit with me. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is just the best.

But during the conversation between the nurse and I, she made a comment that made me want to run to the bathroom and vomit. Pictures flew through my mind and they were not pretty at all.

The nurse didn’t smile or laugh. She seemed very serious. I  pondered on her words all day. I finally forced myself to walk to the mailbox and check my mail. I had to get out of the house.

Al was sleeping so I took the ten minutes to walk and snap a few photos. I will post those at the end of this post.

Last night Al didn’t go to sleep until about 3am. I was so tired after having the night before being about the same and no caregiver for two days. I tried sleeping in my recliner but my mind kept going back to our conversation earlier.

I couldn’t sleep in my bed so I laid down on the couch. I finally fell asleep only to be woken by nightmares. The nightmares were of our conversation earlier that day. I stumbled through the night with restless sleep and recurring nightmares.

The caregiver came today and by noon I could hardly keep my eyes open. I had to lay down. I excused myself and laid on the couch. I think because the caregiver was here I went to sleep immediately.

Tonight I am trying very hard to forget what that nurse said, but it is hard. I finally decided to blog my thoughts, hoping between your comments to come and lack of sleep I can get by until tomorrow when my friend arrives.

Do you want to know what the nurse told me? She said so matter-of-fact, that when the hearse comes to take Al’s body, they will put it in the back of the car and then go from place to place, and pile these bodies up and together in the back of that car.

All I could see is Al, my baby brother, being crushed and mauled by other deceased bodies. Even thinking about it now makes me want to vomit. Is this the way it really happens?

If not, why did she comment with it. I would give anything to have been deaf when she spoke. Even if for some chance she was trying to get a smile out of me or lighten the death coming, it didn’t sit well with  me at all.

This is my brother, the one I have cared for, for six years, fighting this terrible MSA. I don’t want to hear this crap. I am not accustomed to working with death like Hospice is.

There, I got it out, now I hope it helps me to sleep tonight.

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Daily Prompt; But No Cigar


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Tell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us CLOSE.

This is the story of my life. Almost, could have, should have; and yet I know within my heart, I am where I am supposed to be at this moment.

I almost had the perfect place to live and yet something wasn’t quite right. I still dream of it. I can still see it in my mind. The beautiful land, the friendly people, caring family near by. But at that point, it wasn’t meant to be, but still hoping.

I almost had the perfect long-term marriage. Almost but no cigar. The saying goes if you can remain married for the first five years you have a great chance of success. How about almost 18 years of marriage? What about the best deal and yet mid-life crisis wins.

I almost found the perfect mate in my life. Great looking, kind eyes, good attitude. But the potatoes always fall out of the bag and to find out he was married, spoiled the whole sack.

I have no regrets. I have learned many things. I realize God is using me in ways I don’t always understand. When the moment is right, when all is in place, I will have or recognize that I always was in the right place at the right time.

 

 

 

cigar

The Secret Place


beautiful_blue_lake_cave_in_brazil1

The Secret Place

Is this where Al lives when he leaves

A place I don’t know but can only grieve?

Is he seeing a place filled with smiles

That I can only wish for a little while?

Is he floating above his pain so great

Is he standing close to the golden gates?

Does he dream of when he was a child

When life was smooth and very mild?

Is  he sitting with our Mom and Dad

Is he speaking of all the plans he had?

Has he seen a glimpse of Jesus too

Will he come back and tell us, me and you?

Is there a spot within his heart

That he really does want to part?

I hope with all I have to dare

That he always remembers I did care.

I wish for him to have some peace

You know he was here on a life-time lease.

I told him last night that he should go

That I understand his pain and this I know.

His eyes were dazed but I know he heard

My voice, my love in every word.

When the time does come and he must go

I know I will miss him and my tears will show.

For he is the best brother no doubt

He holds my heart with a heavy clout.

So dear God I said it for real

I told him to go I made no deal.

Now when you come and lift him high

And in a blink he is in the skies.

Please keep telling him he is the best

Remember Lord he needs to rest.

I made him promise he would save me a spot

He smiled at me and took all I got.

My heart, my soul and my memories too

Will be here waiting to see him and you.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

12.05.2013

 

 

I Want


I Want

I want to be your dream

Your desire, your forbidden fruit

I want to be your every morning

Your deepest wish in the darkest nights

I want you to think of me and smile

I want to be your everything

I want to stand with you

On a mountain.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/16/2013

bird-neck-tattoohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=US-ZgUr3xQY&feature=share&list=RD02LFRm2srRC64

Epidermis Bucket List


I have never made a post like I am about to do. This post is all about me. I am not adding my views, my tears nor laughter.

I get a little edgy when I think of how old I am becoming. Not that I can stop it of course, but thinking more on the lines of what else can I do or what do I still want in life. This is not a greedy post either. It is just plain and simple. If there is a way to complete I would like to.

I guess I will call it my Epidermis Bucket List. You can tell by the title that these are not life or death needs, but things that bring me joy.  So here goes my list.

1. I would love to be sitting in my very own old log cabin.cabin

If I could do it the easy way I would look like Betty White when I get much older.betty I would have the body of Raquel Welch.raquel-welch-574619214

I would have a 1955 Chevy just for fun drives.55

I would own one authentic baby doll baby doll.

I would be living in the hills of Tennessee.ten Or I would be in the mountains in Kentucky.ky

I would never see another snow fall, not that it isn’t beautiful, but my bones just don’t like being cold any longer.snow-falling3

I would spend as many early mornings fishing.fishing

I would like to meet a very nice eligible man.bachelor

I would like to visit Germany one more time.castle

I would like to have enough money in the bank that I never had to worry when the bills came in.gold key

I would like to own one camera that takes night-time photos and close up photos with no problem.camera

Well that is quite a list. But you know what? It let my mind release and dream. Dream big you might say. Most of this will never happen, but I can dream.

I don’t know what is in store for me down the road, but it makes me want to keep living and maybe later on I will add more to this list.

Hey, this was fun and therapeutic.

Picture It And Write/ Ermilia


http://ermiliablog.wordpress.compictureitandwrite2copy-1floating-bed

Oh how glorious

How delightful

To let this bed

Take me where

Once sugar-plum

Fairies danced in my head

Dreams of pink elephants

Visions of lollipops

Reliving my innocence

All over again

Pretty dresses

In ruffles of white

Black patent leathers

With shiny buckles of gold

Lacy white anklets

Twirl in circles

Of delight

Golden locks

Sway gently

In the breeze

What has happened

To these light

Hearted days

Why is it so

Hard to find them

I guess time has taken

And people have spoken

And babies were born

And words said I do

Have done the impossible

Turned me from a child

To the woman I am  today.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

07/21/2013

 

Daily Prompt; Dream Home


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You win a contest to build your dream home. Draft the plans.

 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us DREAMS.

No words needed. You can vision  my dream. If I had money to spend for me alone, this would be me, where I live, who I represent. Now the big question is, Who’s Going To Build Me This?

log-cabin-roof1log cabinlog cabin  bedroomlog cabin living roomlog_cabin_bathroomlog cabin kitchenlog cabin porchlakeside_cabins-1749Log cabin on a snow covered landscape, Steamboat Springs, Colorado, USA

 

Daily Prompt; No Longer a Mere Mortal


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You’ve imbibed a special potion that makes you immortal. Now that you’ve got forever, what changes will you make in your life? How will you live life differently, knowing you’ll always be around to be accountable for your actions?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us LONGEVITY.

The first thing that came to my mind when I read this is thin. Please let me be thin forever. Don’t let me ever have to worry about what I eat. Let me have sugars, sweets, eat two helpings of anything.twiggy banana splitbanana split

Let me be beautiful. Let all men who look my way never be able to take their eyes off of me.beautiful lady

Let me be rich, let me never run out of money. Let me buy all that I dream of. Let me lay in pools of gold.TREASURE_CHEST_s

Then I began to think how selfish I am. Is this really going to make me happy?

Is this going to make me content for eternity with no purpose in my life?

I doubt it. It is a dream that we wish for, but not for a life time.

How would we learn from life without lessons? How could we smile when the only one we gift is our self?

I believe we would grow bored. There would be no nothing. An empty box with our face plastered all over it, but no smiles to look at.empty box

Eventually we would become lifeless. We would just want to curl up in our coffin and die early.coffin

We need things to work for in our life. We need goals, we need to stay busy. We need to know that we can create goals and accomplish them.

We need to be able to look forward to the next day, month and year. We need to help our neighbors, be there for our families. We need to love life.

Yes, having everything for a while would be a dream come true, but hard work and a reason for living would make up so much happier.