Restless hearts
Yours there and
Mine here
Intertwined through
Feelings from
Unspoken words
Held fast by
Years of
Knowing each other
Your thoughts
Are mine
Any I am in
Your thoughts
Being apart
And yet very close
Holds this bond
Together forever
Til death comes
For one of us.
Terry Shepherd
05/06/2013
I found this quote yesterday and posted it to my Facebook page. I liked the snarky feel of it and so did a lot of others. So I thought it would make for a great prompt! Here is your opportunity to vent. A chance for you to ‘write the wrongs’. Share a time that you have felt wronged or treated unfairly, either by way of a situation or another person.
Many moons ago I saw the smiles in different shapes of the face staring down at me in the night of the skies.
I always felt better when someone was smiling along with me. It brought more confidence throughout my soul.
Then one day things started to turn. I would glance up at the starry night and search for the smile to reign over me. It was becoming more difficult for me to find. Mr. Man in the Moon knew things before even I did. The stories are told in the stars as each twinkling light became dimmer in my eyes.
How devastating it is to be the last one to learn of betrayal. The joke is on me. The wide grin from above is portraying a signal that I finally hone into.
The forever love arrow has been twisted as it stabs in my heart. No matter how I twist or turn it remains embedded in one place. Fairy tales are bursting at the seams as I realize the lies being spoken eye to eye are stretching from river to oceans.
Where were your eyes as I looked into the heavens? Were they resting upon another? Did you seriously mean to throw me to the ground with mistrust and turning love into hatred? Could you not see the tears in my eyes as I listened intently to each of your woes? Searching your heart; longing to be held once again.
The years we spent together, memories creating my own book to be only tossed to the seas. For yet another will pick up the tear-stained pages and write his own book.
Words I spoke sending messages for your ears only. Only to realize that your amour was shielding you from the truth. You chose to turn your back on me. You walked into another’s arms. You held her as you did me. Words you whispered to me now enter her heart.
Visions in my head cause my emotions to explode all over the duvete. I walk a way with my head held high. You will never see that the twisted arrow has now broken off only leaving a point of no return.
You chase your dreams. For a few moments life seems to be smiling in your reflection. I struggle to forget; to move forward. I look up into the stars one night and I see you smiling at me.
For as I have finally made my mark on this earth your life comes tumbling down around you. The twinkle in my eyes match the brightness of the lights. You had your chance you fool. There never was a blade of grass that is greener on the other side of the fence.
Now I walk with head held high. A bounce in my step as you whither slowly to the ground. Your soul turns brown as a dying weed. May you always look at me with desire. May your mind explode with memories of the past.
I look a way from the man in the moon and tuck my arm inside of his. We lean into each other and kiss passionately. Then he opens the door and we walk into our bedroom; a new fairy tale to create. New chapters being written of you and me.
I have an infinite love for him
I know that it is surely slim
That he would ever see
How much he means to me
Watching through the window pane
As he went and came
Wanting to tell him so
My love for him does grow
Inability to speak
When ever we do meet
Keeping emotions in a cage
Fighting back tears and rage
I should walk over there
And tell him that I care
Will he see it in my eyes
The answers and the whys
Time is ticking quickly by
No more questions why
I will walk over to his door
Profess my love for ever more
He opens the door and looks at me
Invites me in with a smile I see
He asks me why I’ve waited so long
He has also wanted me all along.
Terry Shepherd
01/18/2013
She threw a cooking pot at him and he ducked. Curse words that attacked like swords were flying through the air. She was crying and he was staring at her as if dumbfounded. He was thinking, what in the world is wrong with her. Is she on her monthly period? She is acting like a crazy woman.
There never seems to be a day where a piece of yarn is not wrapped around my heart. Tugging at it and reminding me that I have no mate or companion in my life. I try very hard to let it rest in God‘s hands, but secretly worry that God does not wish for me to have anyone special in my life.
I am not talking about the hard-core excitement of life. I am more speaking on the gentle waves of the ocean. To have the support and love of another human opposite sex. To go to bed together at night and talk about nothing. To roll over on my side, knowing I am safe and secure.
It makes me feel weak inside when I realize that I do not want to depend on my own self and feel contentment at what I have in my life. I am always wanting more. There are other times when I thank God that I am alone.
Relationships have to be worked at by both sides. Communication is a must. In today’s world I am not sure which becomes more important. The thrill of a few moments together, or the need to build an ever lasting bond.
For many months I have witnessed tears and arguments and stress from this one couple. Relationship brought together by looks, locking in children from past lives, trying to live as a whole.
It rips at me when I see the anguish and the pain. One’s story is completely different from the others. I try to remember back to what I desired as a young lady and a new bride. I hope that I thought more of happy ever after. I can not be honest here without saying that my curiosity was not highly peaked at what goes on behind bedroom doors, but I do know that I was thinking one marriage, long-term, til death us do part.
For this couple I know, I can be a good listener, but I can not tell them how to live. I can not be a judge and tell either of them, that I can see so clearly some of the mistakes being made. You ask why, and the reason is mainly none of my business. If I say this or that to one or the other, it could be used against me like daggers if the two got back together. I am not going to take my chances on that. It is better for me to listen and let them each know I care.
I don’t know if this is a common thing or not. I have not done any studies. All I have to go on is people in or near my own life. It appears that two do not listen to each other. Each one is more interested in their own hurt and their own needs, wanting to prove the other wrong. Does it take listening to make it work? I think so, but when we are damaged it is easy to be on the automatic mode of defense.
When I hear the foul words coming out of mouths, and items tossing through the air, cheating going on behind each others backs, I have to wonder what is keeping the two together. Maybe it is fear within itself. Lack of confidence to move on, maybe some sort of love is still lingering. I don’t know, but it is at these times
I am glad, I am only responsible for me.
I don’t want added stress in my life. I have been there, done that. I don’t expect a fairy tale life anymore. What I dream of is going out to dinner, a lightly dimmed atmosphere, with an adoring companion. When the thought crosses my mind of me and another human becoming intimate, a hesitation begins to form.
I must be scared. Scared of not being able to go back once I have crossed the line. Scared of the relationship not lasting, of getting hurt once again. I heard someone tell me one time, that you can not be happy until you have gone through the hurt to find the right one. Maybe I do not want to be hurt again. Maybe I really don’t want a relationship as badly as I thought.
When I look back at my writing, it seems like I do not want to test the waters, but yet I want a rock to lean on. I guess I can not have it both ways. I do know that when I witness what I see in bad relationships, I thank my lucky stars that I am single, but can I still hope, can I still dream? Could there really be that person out there, with the same thoughts and needs as I have? Are there still men who recognize respect, love and understanding? Or is this a thing of the past. I don’t know anymore, but I am sure that in my divided mind, I will once again let that string of yarn tug at my heart.
After I just blogged about my Thanksgiving dinner with my brother, I found it ironic that this weeks FWF was on Gratitude. It is almost what I have just written about.
I will write about it again, because in my mind the most smallest of things in life, are to be grateful for and with gratitude there comes no dollar signs.
Gratitude to me means many things. I have a home, with a roof, that keeps me safe from winds, rains, deep heat, and snow. I can gather my family here, and enjoy laughter, and make memories to keep in the back of my mind, for the days when I am no longer able to get out, or may not even remember a time when family comes to visit.
I can sit inside the warmth of my home and watch the rain beat out on the sidewalks, turning dull gray into shiny glass reflections, bouncing from the trees. I can watch the snowflakes gently fall, and try to count each unique flake, and remember back to when I was a child,where I would race outside in my new coat mom and dad bought me, and open my mouth wide, only to lick up the flakes and laugh, and then fall into the virgin snow, to make snow angels.
There is a quietness now in my home, where only God and I live. Al is no longer living here but has acquired another home where many angels can watch over him, and the worry is taken off of my shoulders, in which I worried whether I was doing enough, or doing things right to help him remain standing and pain-free.
I was filled with gratitude, when I was able to drive to his new home, and proudly walk in, and say that I, was there to pick up my baby brother. I was there to bring him back to his familiar home. He was asleep, so soundly sleeping, that I had to call out his name softly three times, but when he opened his eyes, my heart beat like the beat of the drums, when he looked up at me with half alert eyes, and smiled big at me. This ripped my chest cavity wide open, as my heart could not quit expanding from joy, that he smiled at me.
He was not angry, he was not sad, he had made peace with his room and his roommate in his new home, and he wanted to come home with big sister. There are no dollar amounts, nor could the richest pay me enough, for what I felt at the precise moment in my life.
I had the ramp that he would walk, with the red carpet, showing him that he was and always will remain king of this home. He walked through a veil of white, Christmas lights, that twinkled, hidden amongst silver tinsel, letting him feel the flow of happiness, that I felt being able to bring him home for a day.
When he walked into the living room, it had been transformed into a child’s dream of a beautiful Christmas tree, adorned with soft multi-colored lights and replicas of ornaments that we used to stare at in awe when we were children ourselves.
The smells coming from within, of Pumpkin pie, and ham and everything that we remembered from our youth, awaited his nostrils, drawing him into a home filled with love and memories.
Although, Parkinson’s Disease has been attacking his heart, and forcing him to slow down and have more pain, my baby brother sacrificed all of this to show me he loved me. NO, he did not say, I love you sis, his actions of being here told me everything my heart wanted to feel.
He asked to go back early to his new home. He told me he was glad that I had picked him up and brought him home, but his pain was so bad, that he needed to go back to lie down. After taking him back, and getting him comfortable and situated, I told him I loved him, and I thanked him for coming for the day. I thanked him for being my baby brother and spending this family day together.
When I reached my car, I have to admit, there were a couple of tears, gently falling, shining like the tinsel on the ramp, I made for him, reflections of the rain, gently turning the gray sidewalks into mirrors of glass.
I looked up to the stars and I thanked God for the gift of my brother. For this holiday, the two of us shared love without speaking it, we shared time, that could not be calculated on the clock, we shared memories of our past, and I made new memories to savor for when I am old and rocking in my rocker, gazing outside at the gentle snowflakes falling, and smiling for the good life God had granted me.
http://kellieelmore.com/2012/11/23/fwf-free-write-friday-word-prompt-2/
