The Journey Continues
With the sleep I stole yesterday through the day it didn’t bother me too much getting up with Al…
The Journey Continues
With the sleep I stole yesterday through the day it didn’t bother me too much getting up with Al…
With the sleep I stole yesterday through the day it didn’t bother me too much getting up with Al through the night last night. He and I had many conversations during the evening and the middle of night.
I could clearly tell that Al has made peace with himself and the world. When he did sometimes look me in the eye I could feel a calm staring at me. It has been so odd lately this week.
With Al being a massive routine person it seemed strange to no longer turn the fans on for him. At times he has asked for the TV to be turned off. It seems that silence has become his friend as his mind ponders on his life.
I only interact with his personal thoughts when he has asked me. I feel it is a very private process and I have no right to interfere. The night before we discussed his Grandma who lives in Florida. We also talked about an aunt who resides in Florida also.
There is pain in memories that Al and I both have carried for a couple of years now. I have forgiven the harsh words, and have moved forward; but when Al brings it back up I can feel a sting return.
I didn’t know how to handle it, since we could not go to Florida so he could speak to them in person. So I became the third person, repeating Al’s words to God that Al said and doing it out loud so he could be sure that God was getting his messages.
It seemed by the time we both found sleep he had come to an inner peace. He had also brought up last night that he wished he could say good-bye to family members. This part hurt me terribly and I can’t help but add I got a little angry.
The people who Al mentioned I have already previously contacted and let them know that he was reaching out to them. I have tried my best to get people in Al’s life to understand that he may be mentally challenged but not stupid. He misses people and has hoped that he would get those visits.
Al only has issues with comprehension, other than that he knows who his family and friends are. He also realizes who has not contacted him in some way and then he cries, telling me he did something wrong. I can do no more for him on this topic unless I want to get on bended knee to those and beg, and I refuse to do that.
Last night Al said he thought he was done with everything that was important to him but for one thing, the will. He said he needed to make a will. I asked around for a video recorder but I never located one.
The next best thing I could do for him was to take pen and paper and let Al write his own will, with me doing the writing. I know that it would not hold up in a court of law, but it was sealed and complete in Al’s mind.
He told me about his coca cola collection. Who he wanted to have certain things. He talked about his vintage car collection. He had been obviously thinking about this very much because he had me write down his clothes, dresser, TV, shelving units. Just about everything in his room was added to the will and separated.
When he felt he was done I read back to him what I had written and he felt content with it. I drew a line and Al signed it. I had silent tears running down my cheeks and all I could do is reach out and rub his arm and his fingers.
He talked then about the ladder to the sky and the little lights he was seeing. I told him that if he decided to leave during the night to always remember how much I loved him. I explained that I would never forget him and reminded him how special he was to me in my life.
Need Your Help Again
I have this issue going on so I want to ask for your advice. I also have some information for you…
I have this issue going on so I want to ask for your advice. I also have some information for you also.
The first being Al. I am learning that the days are becoming a little more confusing for him. A good example is this morning. He brushed his teeth after breakfast. I then placed his electric razor in his hand and asked him if he would please try to shave and I would help if he needed it.
He said he already shaved. I said, “no, you just brushed your teeth.”
After a minute of trying to explain he was crying and arguing. I then took the razor and began to shave him. Then he wanted the shaver back and he tried it. It was like something clicked and he realized he hadn’t previously shaven.
This is one example of what is happening here. Last night is another good example. He has terrible tremors and many times he and I have done hands on with changing the channels. Many times I have shown him which buttons he is allowed to use etc.
As he was changing the stations the remote went funky on the inside. No more switching, no nothing. I worked at it for about 20 minutes, frustrated because I didn’t know which button he had already pushed to mess up the remote.
I finally called Dish. After walking through commands and nothing happened, the staff decided it was definitely the remote. This morning a technician is coming out to fix whatever is wrong.
After I hung up from Dish Al went on a rampage of him hitting the wrong buttons. This is because it is usually the case. I explained that this time he did nothing, it was all in the remote.
He cried, he wailed he started getting mad. Mad at himself and I think mad at me because I was telling him it was not his fault. This went on for some time and I could not reason with him so I left his bedroom.
I went back later and offered to take him out to the couch to watch the main TV so he could watch his shows he liked. At first he refused, on the kick of he did something wrong. I was actually starting to get a headache, letting me know that two arguments in one evening were not doing my blood pressure any good.
Finally I convinced him he had three choices. Watch the TV in his room with one station and be limited on viewing, go to bed, or come out to the living room. He did let me bring him out here with me.
This is happening more and more. I blame the confusion but I also know from years of experience Al is a persistent arguer. I can pop a calming down pill in him or wait for him to reason things in his own mind.
Part of me thinks if I pop a pill every time he is confused or gets upset he will be living on these pills.
What should I do? How can I handle this differently as the mind of Al becomes more ill?
The second part is the talks of Al and his funeral. He is becoming obsessed with who is not going to be at his funeral. It is also a familiar topic in our home now a days.
I feel guilty because my mind often drifts to the future, thinking on his funeral. I kick myself for doing this. It makes me feel like I am focusing on his death instead of his living. I am not actually, but I do ponder the more he brings it up.
I was talking to a friend here at WP about the topic of cards. I was wondering if it would be proper if I ever have to make that sad announcement to my friends here would it be alright to let you know our home address in case anyone wanted to send cards.
She suggested I not wait for that gloomy day. That since Al is having issues about who will or not be at his funeral that I suggest Thinking of You, or Wishing You Well, etc. cards be sent now while he is here to enjoy them.
So I thought that was a good idea. I guess what it comes down to friends is that I really do consider you my friends. Just not people in passing, but friends who are involved with Al and my life. I would want to let you know if something happened to Al. I don’t look at any of you as,oh they are just WP friends. Nothing more or less. No, I look at you as part of my life, part of Al’s life.
Al still has his birthday card, and sometimes he will ask me to get them out so he can look at them and hold them.
So I think I am asking you, would you like to send Al a card now?
If so, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I will be more than happy to send you our home address. If you go by another name through your emails that I may not recognize, please put Al’ card in the subject area of your email so I don’t consider it trash or spam.
Chill in the air
Crackling and sparks
To and fro
Toasted on sticks
Scurrying of possum
Swatting the flies
All cuddle on benches
And chairs and swings
Popping hot squishy
Straight in our mouths
Roars of laughter
As our lips turn white
This is what campfires
Are all about
On a bright crisp night.
Facebook has recently come under attack for failing to enforce
its own guidelines on hate speech and violent imagery. Is it a website’s
job to moderate the content users post, or should users have freedom to
say what they want? Is there a happy medium? If so, how would you
When I was a new baby on Facebook, it seemed a pretty cool place. I was able to catch up with lost friends through the years. I could chat without making long distance phone calls.
I was able to fill up my friends on FB pretty quick. I loved it. Each night I was able to sit back and relax, drink my diet coke and chat a way. Soon friends of mine were letting their friends see what I was saying.
FB adjusted some privacy issues and all was well again for a while. Then people I didn’t know started making comments. I blocked some because I don’t like swear words or nudity on my own page. That worked for some time.
But as time went by so many changes were made to Facebook. It grew by leaps and bounds. I think it was way bigger than Mark ever thought it was going to be. It seemed when I tried to make my pages more secure, it became less secure.
Now anyone seems to be able to comment on other friend’s sites. And those friends were friends of mine in the very beginning. I now use my FB for Finding Solutions, which turned into a place to place my stories from WP.
So as far as improvement, not going to happen. I see naughty words, almost naked people, drunks or sayings letting young adults believe drinking is cool. I see people who believe in God. People who hate God are on there.
And let me tell you that the number one hater thing I see on my pages is the President. I always find it odd that the US voted him in, and now those same are complaining daily. why did they vote him in if they were going to cut him down? We can’t have our cake and icing both you know.
Thrown out of the car as it was slowly going down the road. Dust flying getting in his eyes. He looks at the car leaving more and more distance between them. He takes off as fast as he can run. He runs for miles but the car can outdo him.
He stops and lays down in the middle of the road. Panting and thirsty he has run out of energy. The heat of the remaining day beats down upon him and he stands up and walks over to a tree providing shade and lies down.
He closes his eyes and rest, sometimes snapping at a passing fly. Feeling rested but tired and hungry he walks down the isolated road. Once in a while a car speeds by and he blinks his eyes to remove the gravel.
He comes upon a farm. He walks slowly up towards the barn. He doesn’t want to be noticed yet. He has a goal in mind and that is to find water and food. He walks along the side of the barn. Staying in the shadows he stumbles upon a watering trough.
He looks around and sees no one and slowly makes his way to the cool water. He drinks until he belches and then walks back into the darkness. He lays down and again takes another rest.
He sees the car in his memories. He feels unwanted and alone. His eyes have a sad look. Flies keep landing on him as to let him know they will keep him company. He tries chasing them a way but eventually gives up. He closes his eyes for a while and then he hears human voices.
He rises and his ears perk up. They are strange voices but yet comforting. He walks again to the edge of the barn and sees three young people. He loves young people. They play with him. They run with him and best of all they pet him.
He watches the children. They are placing food in bowls and he then sees kittens coming to eat. He licks his lips as his hunger takes over his emotions. He walks slowly a few steps and still watching the kids he yearns for some food also.
He walks a little closer and one of the children notice him. The child kneels down and calls out, come here, come here. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. Come on, you can do it.
The voice sounded nice and he sensed no anger. He started to walk over but hesitated. He didn’t want to be afraid again. Come on, come on. The boy whistled and clapped his hands.
He walked slowly until he stood in front of the boy. The boy leaned down and petted his head. Are you hungry boy? Are you thirsty? Do you want some food too?
He wasted no time eating out of the hands of this stranger. The child ran and got a bowl and put some food in it and sat it close to him. The children all watched him eat and one of them filled a bowl with water and sat it down near the food.
After he had eaten and drank all he could he sat looking at all three of these people. One of the kids started to pet him and soon all three were petting him.
He relaxed and was enjoying what they were doing to him. The kids turned to leave. It was time for supper. They looked back at him to see if he was coming. When they saw he was sitting still they smacked their legs with their hands motioning for him to follow.
He did follow slowly at first and then keeping pace with them let them lead him up to the front door of the house. One of the kids raced inside and yelled to Mom. Come on Mom, come outside. Look what we found. Say we can keep him Mom. He’s all alone.
Mom went outside and when the dog and the Mom looked at each other they saw love. She slowly walked over to him and let him sniff her fingers. He sat still and then licked her fingers showing his approval.
Who do you belong to you beautiful creature? Are you lost? Did someone drop you off? Why would someone drop off such a handsome dog? Alright kids, we will keep him but if his owner returns or we hear of someone losing their pet we will have to give him back. Do we all understand?
Three years later if you drive by on that lonely road you will pass a farm. You will see young people and cats and a beautiful family dog.