http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/09/daily-prompt-addicting/, DP, Daily Prompt
Have you ever been addicted to anything, or worried that you were? Have you ever spent too much time and effort on something that was a distraction from your real goals? Tell us about it.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us ADDICTING.
I was just thinking about this early today. I am addicted to others. I have short hair, not because I think I look fantastic, but because it is very easy to take care of.
What I really want is my hair down below my shoulders again so I can put it up in a messy way like I used to, or let it fall in waves, or any way I really want to wear it. This is the way I used to look.
What I find is I have lost me. I have given into my addiction of being needed, feeling self-worth, being accepted.
It is too important to me, and it has taken the almost seven years of caring for family members to see that I am not me.
I am to a point. I do love being a caregiver. When I look inside my house, I can see me in a lot of places. But the part of me who was once alive has been swiped and hidden away. This is what this addiction to being wanted has done to me.
I made up my mind last night that I will without guilt start looking farther down the road. The path I want to return to is filled with silly laughter, feeling young, and spontaneous.
To start this I am starting to let my hair grow back out. I have been thinking about what type of work do I want to do once this chapter is closed. Do I still want to be a caregiver? I think yes but not 24/7.
I want to be able to walk a way from the job at the end of the shift. Change from a professional to a silly person. There are some facts I have to face. Such as I can not move like I used to due to my diabetic feet problems. My back can’t take what it used to. I am not as strong as I used to be. I am beginning to need my naps more often. But I see me being able to squeeze the old me in there.
I want to, no I need to return to me. My sanity has to be kept in line. My thoughts have to deter a way from death, and I need to concentrate on me, which is something I haven’t done for years.
So off with the short hair is a good place to start. Maybe I should get a butt lift, or implants, or a tummy tuck. No, I think not. I have already been made and what needs to be fixed is internal. http://youtu.be/uAPUxvjbdcU