Mama Always Taught Me


Mama always taught me

To never be rude

To keep my mouth quietrose

Too eat all my food.

Mama always taught me

To turn the other cheek

To let mean words pass me by

To turn and retreat.

Mama always taught me

To be a lady and smile

To keep my elbows off the table

And to only weep for a while.

Mama never taught me

That life could be cold

That friends could  turn

That I would one day grow old.

Mama never taught me

How to stand on my own

To stand up for my rights

Honestly, I was never shown.

Mama never taught me

That my heart could be hurt

That the marriage could break

That I should stay awake and alert.

Mama never taught me

About sickness and death

How worry makes you old

That I should turn right and not left.

Mama always taught me

To love each soul

To help when I can

To make me a whole.

Mama never taught me

How I would feel when she would die

How empty I would feel

Or how to keep the tears out of my eyes.

Terry Shepherd

05/21/2013

A Busy Week


English: Yard sale on Green Street in .

It has been a busy week. The Ombudsman and I finally made a connection by phone. She was to go to the facility last Friday. She told me to sit tight until she got a hold of me. I have heard nothing as of yet.

I am meeting with the State people this Thursday. Al‘s budget has been set. Now he is going to ask me what I need help with for Al’s care and then he will go to the Day Program Director and meet with her on the same day. The Dept. will tell them what it cost for transportation, Day Program Services, and they will take the budget and make it fit for both of us.

There are also going to be between 30-50 hours that are budgeted too for his care here at home. I have had to choose businesses that will help me to get what Al needs. So it is looking real good at this point.

The State said they want Al home by June 1st. It may not be exactly on that day, but it will be real close.

Al fell the day before yesterday again. The next day he was not feeling well. He refused his meals but today when I went to see him, he felt better, but he was complaining of a lot of pain in his leg.

The facility wants him to go to exercise class they offer, but every time Al goes  he complains for a day or two of great pain. I don’t know if this class hurts him or helps him in the end. I just hate having his doses upped every time we turn around.

He gained one pound last week from the seven pound weight loss he had. I am anxious to see what he does this week. He has big red rashes on his skin where the pain patch is so powerful that it leaves like a burn mark on his skin. Then he scratches it as it tries to heal. It looks nasty but I am not going to worry as of right now it is scabbed over. Every three days they switch his pain patch to a different spot and also the new antidepressant patch he is wearing.

I am also getting ready for a yard sale this Friday. The money is nice but doing the prep work is not fun at all. My living room is a mess right now. I will be glad when the sale is over. Back to tidy tidy for me. I always hated messes. Guess I will never change.

I finally got Al’s scooter moved from his room out to the shed. He says he doesn’t want to ride it anymore. I have to wonder if he is strong enough to even run it, although it is battery operated, it still has some umph to it. He leans so bad I am afraid he will wreck and hurt himself. I am not going to get rid of it for at least now.

You never know, he may come home and perk up from being here. Maybe some things will change and I will see more smiles, or maybe I am just hoping. But either way, they are too expensive to just sell so easily.

Tomorrow I am going to work more on the yard sale prep work, and call the doctor to start getting the list of things started that Medicare and Medicaid will pay. I know that I need a hospital bed. I am so hoping that one of these two programs will pay for an XL commode. I think I can get bed pads, and briefs through RX. If you think of something I haven’t let me know. I want the better part of it here when Al gets here.

My son is going to install a shower grab bar in Al’s bathroom. I have changed the ceiling light in his bathroom also so it is much brighter. I have all  his summer clothes put in his drawers and the winter clothes out. I have some hospital gowns too. He may not want them now, but they may come in handy later on.

I am excited and nervous about him coming home, but in the end, it will be me that spends quality time with him instead of the nursing home. I think with all the hours of help that are being provided, and the fact he will go to Day Program M-F I will be alright.

Like I said, it has been a busy week. Well, I better get back to work because it is almost time for supper. I cooked two chicken breast and shredded it. I boiled some eggs just now. They are cooling, and then I am having steamed broccoli and a chicken salad sandwich for supper tonight. The weather is 80 degrees today. The windows are open. Fresh air is finding its way of clearing stale winter air out. The sun is shining. Al is coming home, and life is good for today.

#FWF Free Write Friday; M is for Mom


http://kellieelmore.comm-is-for-mom-2

Our mom was my brother and my step-mom. She was the glue that held the family together.

When she passed away in 2000, our little family slowly fell apart. Dad became lost in his own sorrows for a few years.

I never knew what to say or how to comfort and soon time separated us more and more.

It shouldn’t have been that way, but life has a funny way of helping us to either make or not through loss of parents.

I think my brother, Al suffered the most. His  suffering wasn’t done like ours by talking about her and memories. His was done internally. Somewhere inside of his head and heart he built a shell as hard as a walnut.

He became more distant from all of us. He buried himself in coca cola and things that he should have strayed away from. Pretty soon it was evident that our family had come unglued.

I didn’t realize it for a long time that a lot of my own personal problems were due to the lack of being able to go to Mom’s house and talk to her. I didn’t realize that I had counted on her that much in my life.

She and I were never close like chocolate and milk. We were more like apples and pears. I hadn’t seen that through the years that I was growing up. I had omitted to let her know how much she meant to me and how thankful I was that she took us two kids in under her wings.

That has to be tough for parents. I have never taken kids  in to raise as my own. I do know that I have children in my family that aren’t what people call blood related but I fell in love with them as if they were. I always include them when I speak of my grandkids. I don’t see them any other way.

But for a Mom or Dad to take this role on day after day after year I assume there has to be some big adjustment times for adult and child.

Today was a day from hell for my brother. Although his Parkinson’s has brought about some dementia with it and no matter how badly he hurts physically, he never forgets our Mom.

He was really sad today. The real truth is he misses her just as much now as he did years ago when she went to heaven. Mom’s birthday is three days after Mother’s Day and so to him it is a double whammy. I tried so hard to console him today but I know in my heart that he will have to work through this alone.

I know my heart feels the void and there are still many times I want to go to the phone and dial her number, but alas, I can not.

Mom, I never told you this too often. Most likely it was because I was a stubborn brat and didn’t want to admit I may be wrong. I love you Mom. I know I caused you grief. You had your hands full with a full-time job, a new husband, and two new kids. I want you to know how sorry I am.

I am so certain that you and Dad watch over Al and me even now. I hope that you both are proud of how I have cared for my baby brother. I hope you are both smiling down on us. I love you Dad and I miss you so much. I love you Mom and I am sending you hugs from this earth up to you. I will see you soon enough and then I will give you a real big hug. Happy Mother’s Day Mom. You certainly earned your title.

Love, Your Daughter

Terryme and brother

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

monarchfree-write-friday-kellie-elmore

Picture it & Write; May 5/2013


http://ermiliablog.wordpress.combaby-and-fruit-loops

When Kaylee was born she came with a roar. She was screaming as though she had been frightened for her life.

As days went by she would cry at the very moment we all thought was calm. She was like a roaring wave coming closer and closer. If you got too close the wave would suck you under.

Doctors and specialist began the hunt to learn what made this beautiful baby act like she was mad at the world. Tests came back negative. Doctors were scratching their heads. It was as if they were all sitting on a ten-year old tree stump.

At the end of a long journey of failed attempts, it was agreed that this precious child just had one of those personalities. Weeks turned into months and soon Kaylee was old enough to start eating finger foods.

There were many days where the parents along with baby Kaylee enjoyed many meals together. Then there were others, where Kaylee was fed first, leaving cold food for the adults to eat.

Many nights were spent with hearing cries coming from a room at the top of the stairs. It wasn’t the baby. It was the mother. Exhaustion and stress from trying to understand what had gone wrong finally tore at her soul. In order to strip herself and start with a new heart she would cry herself to sleep.

On one trip to the grocery store Mom bought a box of Fruit Loops. The next morning instead of giving the usual jar of baby food she placed the colorful rings in a bowl and sat it on Kaylee’s high chair tray.

Kaylee studied the pieces and touched them. She started to giggle then she would pick up each piece and lay it outside of the bowl. She was happy. Her Mom could do nothing other than sit at the table and be amazed by what she saw.

It was as if Kaylee was fascinated by the different colors. After playing with the pieces she then put one in her mouth and soon was reaching for three or four at a time. Mom smiled as this was a rare treat. She wanted to savor every moment.

From that day forth Fruit Loops were the breakfast choice for happiness. Mom studied books and researched the internet for ways to add color to a boring meal. In no time at all, peace was floating throughout the house. Screaming had faded in  memories.

As Kaylee grew older she was surrounded by colorful toys and teddy bears. Her room was done in bright pink colors. Even her clothes were bright and cheery. The parents never knew what color and happiness had to do with each other, but they were happy to do what ever it took.

Today many years later these parents are standing in a large auditorium, taking pictures and clapping hands as their only daughter crosses the stage to receive her diploma. She had soared through college and had been financially taken care of by two scholarships.

In two weeks she was going to be starting her new life in a career of being a teacher, an art teacher.

Interesting Day


When I arrived today to see Al, he was crying and so upset with the staff. He and I had talked yesterday about him trading his diet hot cocoa in and drinking a glass of apple juice instead since it is warmer outside.

He evidently tried doing it for lunch but they wouldn’t let him. Two nurses showed up at his table once they saw Al trying to explain to me what was going on. They didn’t know why he couldn’t have the juice. Maybe it was too much acid with the daily orange juice at breakfast. Maybe he couldn’t have the hot chocolate and the apple juice.

Both nurses told Al and me that they would ask the proper person on Monday. I begged them to let him have the juice. This was his birthday party after all and one glass would not hurt or kill him I thought, but they would not budge.

So it didn’t make a real good start to Al’s birthday party. Eventually he gave it up when he began eating his cake and ice-cream. I didn’t hear anything else about it as he was opening his gifts I gave him. I bet the facility hears about it at supper tonight though.

Al smiled a few smiles for me and then he got tired and started to hurt. That ended the party and I cleaned up while an aide helped him go potty. I sat with him while he and I watched TV and then he fell asleep.

I told him I would be back later and that I loved him. I think all in all he enjoyed his special time. Here are a few photos I took of him today.

al's birthday cardA singing birthday card that got a good smile out of him when he listened to it.

al's birthday partyGetting ready to open a gift after eating some cake.

Al's carOne of his gifts that got another smile.

Al's car 1His other car that got a big smile.

After I left Al sleeping I stopped at a local laundry mat and dropped off my winter comforter to be cleaned. I couldn’t believe they were or are going to charge me $15.00. The prices sure have risen. But, I can’t fit it in my washer at home so I guess I will pay it.

I also stopped at a yard sale that was close to my house. I found these and placed it on my website for sale. I will give you the link if you would care to look at anything. Everything is negotiable if you are interested. If you want to pay the S&H for your area, I will be glad to mail it to you.

black vaseWell I guess you get to see a bit of background of my house in this.

An oval photo of a military man in a bubble glass frame

the immigrantsA small paper book about immigrants.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/483462575009756/

If any of you can help I would appreciate it. Even a donation of a coffee would help.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

 

oval picture

 

 

For His Wife’s Sake


She sat on the curb watching the other kids play. She had a tank top on that was too tight. She was old enough to be wearing a bra but she didn’t own one. This shirt definitely showed her need of one.

Her shorts were too short and they cut off her waist. She kept sucking in her gut to try to gain some room so the button  would quit digging in her skin but she couldn’t  hold her breath that long.

Her shoes had holes in the tops and she could see her big toe wiggling out of the top. She had no socks on so her heel blisters were burning  bad. She did the best to comb her hair before she went out the front door, but it was hot, and she needed a ponytail holder.

She felt like she didn’t fit in. No one liked her and no one ever said a word to her. Her mother sat home with a bottle attached to her hand. She could care less about anything except that she had the drink in her.

Her father had left her mother years ago because her mother was a drunk. But why did papa leave me behind too? Why didn’t he take me with him? Mother doesn’t like me either.

As thoughts twisted through her mind tears began to fall. She took her dirty hand and wiped them away. The kids at the park took no notice of her. She had one friend but since school was out for the summer she wouldn’t see her until school started again.

Across the street from the park a woman cried her heart out as she watched the little girl each day. She and her husband wanted a child so bad, but she was barren. Here was a child who obviously was not wanted and she wanted a child.

That night at the supper table the wife  told her husband about the little girl on the curb. Her husband saw the pain in his wife’s eyes. He knew how bad she wanted a child. He wasn’t sure if he could adopt or not. Could he love someone else’s child like his own?

He asked his wife when she usually saw the child and his wife said she sat at the park most of the mornings. She must go home around lunch time. He thought well I guess I can get a look at this kid. It’s the least I can do for my wife.

The next day he cancelled one of his meetings and left for home early. When he walked in the front door he saw his wife standing in the bay window crying. He looked to where she was looking and saw the child.

For a brief moment sadness tore at his heart when he saw her tattered clothes. He looked at his wife whom he loved so much and said, “Come on, let’s take a walk over there. Maybe we can find something out about her.”

His wife smiled and the two walked over holding hands. They stood beside the child who turned and looked up at them. She quickly turned back the other way. The two strangers sat down on the curb beside the child. All three stared off in the distance. No one said a word.

Wife

Finally the wife asked, “I see you here every day. Could I ask your name?”

Mary

“That’s a beautiful name Mary. Don’t you want to go over and play with the kids?”

“No, no one wants to play with me.”

“Well my name is Sue and this is my husband Ed. We will play with you. Would you like to swing?”

Mary shook her head yes and stood up. Ed watched his wife pushing Mary on the swing. Then noticing the time he told Sue he had to get back to the office. Sue told Mary, “We have to go now. Did you enjoy that?”

Yes

“Would you like me to come back and swing with you tomorrow?”

“Yes”

Ed didn’t know what to think. He had seen the lonely eyes in the little girl and he saw the yearning in his wife. He thought about Mary throughout the day and he finally decided he would take his lunch break at 11am from now on. He would at least try to get to know this child for his wife’s sake.

A few weeks of this routine went on, and Mary opened up a little more all the time. She confessed that she had to be home from the park by a certain time or her Mother would come looking for her. She told Sue and Ed about her mother and the bottle. She even told them about her sore tummy due to her tight shorts. She explained about her one friend but she wouldn’t be able to see her until school started.

Ed’s heart kept dropping off pieces of wall each week. He began to picture Mary eating supper with them and tucking her in bed at nights. One day when his day was not so rushed he made a call to  his attorney.

In a matter of a month the child’s Mother signed the paper giving up custody. He walked into his home and found Sue sitting by the bay window rocking. He handed her the papers and she read them.

She tossed them on the floor and jumped up giving her husband the biggest hug possible. She grabbed his hand and they raced over to the park. They came upon Mary and this time Mary was smiling at them as they came closer.

They all sat together on the curb. Ed looked at Mary and said, “I can see that your life has not been very good so far Mary. Would you like a chance at having a different life? Maybe some new clothes and new shoes?”

Mary looked at them with hungry eyes. She nodded her head yes but the fear of hope kept her from speaking. Sue patted her lap and asked Mary if she would like to sit on her lap. Mary jumped up and sat in Sues lap. Sue put her arms around the child and hugged her close. She asked,”Mary, Ed and I would love to have a child, but God just didn’t want us to. Now I know why, he knew that we would meet you. Would you like to come and live with us?”

Mary leaned into Sues chest and softly said yes. “Well come on then. Let’s go to your new home and have some lunch. I will show you your new bedroom and then you and I will go shopping for some new clothes.”

With Mary in the middle, Sue and Ed on either side, they walked hand in hand with hearts beaming, smiles showing and love pouring out for all to see.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

Business Man

-Poor girl-

Blood That Follows


In my family Al and I had very few blood relatives. I know that to some this isn’t very Blue_candleimportant. To me it was, because I liked knowing that I belonged somewhere.

Al and I had our dad and my dad’s one sister and my dad’s mother.

I had stored a bowl that was left to me by my grandma and I received it this weekend. I also have photos of my family. I thought I would share with you. It also gives you a little bit more insight as to why my brother means so very much to me. He and I are real brother and sister.

grandma's bowlThis belonged to my grandma’s side of the family. I will treasure it always.

alvin and meThis is Al and me after we started our new life with our dad and stepmom.

alvin graduation pictureThis is Al on his graduation day.

dad's dadThis is my dad’s dad.

grandma and grandpa taylorThis is my grandma and my real grandpa.

four generation picThis is a generation picture. My dad is the baby in the photo.

my mom and dadThis is my stepmom and my dad about five years before they passed a way.

my kids when they were youngThese are my kids when they were young.

 

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

 

Daily Prompt; Cringe-Worthy


Child among the rocks

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, Daily Post, Daily Prompt, DP

Do you feel uncomfortable when you see someone else being embarrassed? What’s most likely to make you squirm?

When I am in the public today

And I hear something out-of-place

I turn around to see

What the commotion could possibly be

I see a small child of three

Being beat by the mother I see

Red boiling in my eyes

I can only begin to cry

And I will walk over to where they stand

And ask if I can lend a hand

If the mama gets mad at me

I just turn on my cell to see

The numbers 9-1-1

I am reporting an injustice being done

To a wee little and tiny one

Please rescue this child from this

I don’t care if the mother does hiss

No child deserves to be hit or beat

So if you see me on the street

And our paths do eventually meet

You better run for your life I swear

Because God is watching everywhere

He and I see what you have done

You could lose your daughter or son

Don’t ever take me a fool

I will remain so very cool

Be afraid of me I warn

For they deserve to be safe in their environment born.

Terry Shepherd

04/28/2013

A Lot in one Post


I usually go to see Al at least every other day and sometimes every day depending on his needs. I had not been there Friday and Saturday. He knew that I was bringing him lunch Blue_candletoday and I also had told him repeatedly that if he got too lonely in those two days, to have the nurse call me and I will be there immediately.

I went into see him today and set down our lunches and he broke into tears. He was upset because evidently he had a bathroom accident and flooded the floor. The aide who was helping him made a comment that he heard. It went something like this. I need another job. This job sucks. I don’t like cleaning up messes like this. Al, why didn’t you go more often so this didn’t happen?

I explained to him that this was not his fault. He finally believed me. Then he told me that he thought he could do it but he had missed me so bad. He broke down in more tears. My heart split in half for his sadness.

I can only imagine what it is like to be in a  place where you feel unwanted and like you don’t fit in. He went on to say I wonder if anyone will remember my birthday.

I know it is his birthday this Friday. I have told him that I will be in with cake and ice-cream and two presents that I just know he will love. But once again, I am asking any of you if you want to send Al a birthday card please email me at tellmenolies2004@yahoo.com for his home address. Many of you have it already, but there are bloggers who don’t.

If you would like to wish Al a Happy Birthday by way of statement, please go to this link and you can write to him on here. I will print it off and take it to him.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alvins-Big-Birthday/352177718171597?sk=allactivity

Here is a photo I snapped of Al today.

alvin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Update on Al’s fundraiser. We have now collected $200.00. We have had many different ranges of donations. The way I look at it is it will grow one dollar at a time. If you would like to help Al and his debt, here is the link to this. I believe that credit cards and  Pay Pal are accepted.

https://www.youcaring.com/donate.aspx?frid=55964

Image representing PayPal as depicted in Crunc...

 

Daily Prompt; The Satisfaction of a List


Fireworks

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/ DP, Daily Prompt, Daily Post

Who doesn’t love a list? So write one! Top five slices of pizza
in your town, ten reasons disco will never die, the three secrets to
happiness — go silly or go deep, just go list-y.

I can think of two things that will never die and never grow old. I am sure there are many lists but you know me, write the first thing that pops up in my head.

Greed will never go out of style.

Why should it? The more that God is taken out of the public, the stronger Satan becomes. He has such sneaky ways of making us believe that we need. Do you ever go to the store and purchase something that wasn’t on the list? Did you buy something and then when you arrived home you asked yourself why did I do that?

Satan works behind the scenes. He works through the speaker systems at the stores. The music is calming and it helps you to relax. Maybe you dream a little while walking down the aisles. Maybe the bills sitting at home get tossed temporarily from your mind.

Look at the colors around us when we shop. Bright, starry, sparkly all new. Makes us feel like a new person, reborn from poor to riches. As I posted last week, stores are organized so you see the most expensive items at eye level.

What about the fancy cars on TV? Sex and speed and popularity are wrapped around the car. Try turning the volume down one time and see how you feel about that same car being advertised.

Look at the weight loss gimics. We all know the only true way under normal conditions is to eat according to our activity and get all the basic foods in each day. But you can spend $300.00 to have pre-made foods sent to your home. Or you can spend hundreds on personal trainers to look like you did 30 years ago.

I’m not saying it is bad to look your best, but at what price are we willing to get there? Don’t think for one moment that Satan isn’t messing with you on those thoughts. Weigh want and need in each hand, which comes out the heaviest?

The second thing that will never go out is sex.

Sex has been around since Adam and Eve. I believe that we were created to spread God’s word and to populate the earth. Where has it gone from that day?  I can’t talk too much about times I haven’t  lived in but I can talk about what my  family has said about sex.

Pregnancy before marriage was a big no-no. We would have been shamed and even sent a way until the baby was born. Now in young as elementary schools pregnancy occurs. What happened to the family value. One husband, one wife, til death do us part. Having children and raising them together. The father was the head of the house. Children were taught from right and wrong at an early age.

Teens knew that if they wanted something they had to work for it. Women never gave themselves on the first or second date. For one they knew their parents would be so upset and two young ladies respected themselves.

Today it is gone. Respect has been tossed out the window. Sex now is considered a way of getting to know the partner better. I have even been asked to sleep with someone so that he knew for sure if we were compatible in the relationship.

How dare he? Sex is the icing on the cake. Do we spend more time in bed having sex or do we spend more time working? Sex takes little time. Working on a relationship takes years. Children are born today without two parents many times. Some don’t even know who the fathers are.

It is sad today but when I look at what I wrote, I think I could combine greed and sex together and place Satan at the top.

These are my thoughts only for this prompt. I am not pointing fingers at anyone. I do not know your personal lives. Please do not take offense.