Daily Prompt; Trading Places


English: Bacon and Eggs frying on an electric ...

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DP, Daily Prompt, Daily Post

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex for a day? What do you think life would be like?

I needed this prompt this morning. The past two nights I have had terrible, ugly nightmares. So this is very funny to me.

The first thing I would do is see what it is like to have that patch of hair growing under my nose. Does it tickle me as much as it does your tender lips when I kiss you.

I would throw those darn razors right out the bathroom window. No more razor burns. No more sleek-looking legs. Let the hair growth under my smelly man pits began to fester.

In the summer when I am hotter than crap, let me rip my shirt off and toss it over the arm of the couch like men do. Let me feel the breezes blowing gently in the hairs of my chest. Let my nipples rise to the feeling of freedom.

Let me walk in the front door from a hard day’s work and let me go to the fridge for that first thirst-quenching cold beer. Let me tell you how good it satisfies the pallet by letting out a large unruly burp.

Let me lay my head down on the couch and take a quick nap. The shower calling my name can wait a few minutes more, right? After my nap I could stand up and scratch my you know whats and then move slowly up to scratching my chest and then my head. If I sweated I may add an extra scratch to my butt.

The list that you hold out to me on my weekend off I would glance at it and tell you I will get to it when I have a chance. The first thing I would do is watch cartoons with the kids. Then I will show you how much I love you dear by going to the kitchen and frying up some taters, bacon and eggs.

Oh I will get to that splattered mess on the stove in just a few minutes. I have to run out to the garage for a minute. I promise I will be back just as soon as I check on something. But of course I forget about it and she ends up cleaning it up for me. Isn’t she a dear? I did pick the best when I popped that question.

All in all for one day I would live it up. I would drop the suit and tie for shirtless. I would get around to things when I want and when I go to bed at nights I would have the freedom to snore, burp and fart when ever I freakin feel like it.

Within The Egg Shell


Mask

Al lives within his own world. He doesn’t look outside his mind very often. Trying this in the past caused too much confusion and break downs. It is much safer to stay within his own realms.

Many have claimed to know the answers. Hooking up machines, filling out forms, spending mega dollars for yet more unknown answers. Stirring the embers within the soul causing fires to erupt. Bringing more anguish from that point on.

Abuse of the tongue remains locked with inside the walls. Struggling to bring them to the surface and release to the open skies is very hard work. Counselor’s in abundance working their magic wands. They are sure they have the fix. The problem still remains within the egg-shell. This has been cracked before. Now leaving bits and pieces of runny memories to slip through the cracks. The ability to not handle this causes more grief and fear than before.

Why should Al be forced to endure this agony time and time again?  Can’t we all pretend that we really don’t know the deep answers to each soul that walks this earth? Is it wrong to just let things rest?

Must we all fit into one carton of eggs? If we accept the fact that eggs come in many shapes and colors, then is it alright to accept that everyone does not fit under one umbrella? Is there anything wrong with admitting defeat?

I want to see peace remain in the days left to breathe on this earth. Others disagree with my too common words. We must push, push and push more to make him whole again are their words.

What if Al can never be what we consider normal? What if the best we are ever going to see was in the yesterdays. When is it time to release this special-needs bird and let it rest in its own nest?

Some say you are causing mountains out of mole hills Al. Others believe you want attention. Maybe you do, I do not know for sure. I certainly can understand if this is the case. You were the one tormented your entire life. How would I react myself if the shoe were placed on the other foot?

I am tired folks. I am tired of beating my head against the cement wall. The only thing it does is make me more tired. Frustration kicks me in the ribs and I fall to my bed crying. Your eyes of pleading remain to haunt me at night. I can see you are whispering to me, please make them leave me alone. I have enough to do to handle my every day routine.

I am tired, so very tired. There are parts of me that want to race into Al’s room and scoop him up in my arms and head for the solitude of the mountains. To lift Al up on the highest peak. Raise him into God‘s warm hands.

I pray many times each day for peace to fill you up dear brother. It has become such a challenge I am almost beat down to the ground. I don’t know if it is the sister in me. Or maybe it is my relationship with the heavenly Father. Or maybe it is all the pressures that surrounds you to be more like them. I look into the heavens as I sit here writing. I pray  out loud to God, Lord you know my heart. You also know Al much better than even I do. Show me God how to handle this delicate soul walking this side of earth. Let me be strong when I need to be. Let me feel compassion and give me the understanding my dear Father to see Al’s side that he lives in. Amen

 

Hot Mama


Water tap

Getting up in the morning is a pain in the butt. Reach over and nearly  tip forward tripping over myself to pick up the darn old house robe that fell off the bed through the night. Standing up trying to put house robe on but have an itch I have to scratch first. Why is it the first thing in the morning a body has to  pass gas and scratch?

Looking at myself in the full length mirror is enough to make me want to lean over the ship as I fill light-headed from seeing the uneven wrinkles. As quickly as I can I put my covering on and leaning one hand on the bed and the other on the dresser I do the circus balancing act getting those darn old stretched out slippers on.

I waddle into the bathroom and my eyes bug out of my head as I flip the light on and see how my eye lids have drooped half way over the color of my eyes. I raise my house coat and sit down. I have to make sure I do this each and every morning as I learned the hard lesson once before.

I had gotten up from the pot and thought someone had pasted ice-cubes to my naked butt. I jumped without my feet leaving the ground and reached my arm behind me to see what in the world had a hold of me. You would not believe it! It was the end of my house coat. It had taken a dip in the water as I was doing my thing. I sharpened up real quick after this.

I got one of my better wash rags that only had three holes in it and I wet it with the coldest water I could. After my fingers turned bright red I knew the temperature was ready. I slapped it onto my face where it freeze-dried all my wrinkles and made my eye lids fly up like an old-fashioned window blind.

I left it there while I counted to sixty. One, two, five, ten, fifteen, 60. I toss it in the stool water by accident. I seriously meant to hit the target of the tub, but dang it, I missed. I reached down in there and pulled it out by my two fingers and whooshed it like a basket ball shot straight in the trash can. There wasn’t any way I was ever gonna use that rag on my face. Never going to wash my face with pee water.

I wet my tooth-brush and then dipped it in some alcohol. You know it’s the quickest way to get the body moving in the mornings. I tried pushing that darn blue stuff out of the tube, but I guess I haven’t got my groove on yet. I had to set it down on the bathroom sink and use my fingers on one hand while  holding the brush with my other. Oops, I think I surprised myself at the strength I still have at my age. Toothpaste came squirting out and went all over the mirror.

If you ask me I think I could sell this for quite a few dollars as it would be known as modern art. I took my finger and wiped some off the mirror and then rubbed it on to the bristles. Now down to business. Brush brush brush. Up and down in and out. Wow, I better be careful with what I am saying. Sounds kind of perverted to me.

Done with the brush I rinse it off and stick it back in the tiny hole it goes in and fill my glass half way with water. Rinse gargle, oh yuck, I just swallowed a bunch of water and I wasn’t ready. Gag, choke, eyes watering. Beating myself on the chest I get my choking under control.

I pull out my hair brush. Now you have to be real careful how you use this special brush. It belonged to my grandma and it is missing a few bristles. One time I was brushing my hair and sort of wiggling back and forth to the radio and didn’t realize that I was forming Edward Scissorhand marks on my forehead. Don’t ever say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I am here to tell you that you can. Don’t push too hard, and don’t get too close to the hair-line.

Now I am all done in the bathroom. I tie my belt around my house coat a little tighter. You have to do this because there are a bunch of perverts creeping around our neighborhood all the time. They are just dying to get a chance to take a quick peek at us cougar women.

The sun is shining, and I can see the  boy mowing the neighbor’s yard. Everyone uses this kid for mowing. We  pay him a couple of bucks and he grins as he leaves with his money. I swear one time I saw him flip me off when he turned around to leave. Do you think I should maybe up his pay to three dollars?

I flip the television on and turn the sound up to the number eight out of ten. I turn it on to the local news so I can get a good look at that sexy weather man. I make my way out to the kitchen and start my percolator..

A few scratches to the head and a few more to the other spots and then I look out my window and sigh. I have made it another morning. I tinkled and wiped. I brushed my hair and my teeth. The coffee is perking. Now on to the breakfast meal.

 

Roller Coaster Ride


Wow, what a ride this has been. It hasn’t been fun like a roller coaster at Disney World, but it has definitely been a ride. Sometimes it has scared me but thankfully sleep has happened so much the fear didn’t have time to escalate.

That is one of the eerie things about being sick and living alone. What if I don’t get better? What if I need to go to the ER? What if I cough myself to death? LOL

I wrote to you earlier and told you I thought I was getting better because I had a short spell of no coughing. I was wrong. I finished the antibiotic the doctor had given me, but I was really no better. When I breathed it sounded like violin strings were playing in my lungs, but the sounds were not pretty.

I was placed on a new antibiotic and for the very first time in eight days I can breathe without hearing the strings. There is still the coughing going on but I think it is not quite as strong. I am drinking a cup of coffee, which is the first time in these past eight days. It taste pretty darn good.

I still feel pretty weak. My legs wobble when I walk but I did take a shower and managed to stay standing long enough to shave the jungle that had started growing under my arm pits. LOL

I have lost nine pounds as of this morning. I know that I have not eaten as much but I think I have worked so many muscles in the trunk area that this is where I have lost so much weight. Exercise, we must get our exercise. Did you know that I have muscles that I didn’t even know worked? LOL Abdomen muscles, wow, maybe I will become a female body builder. maxineHehe

Well anyways, I think I am beginning to recover. I still have not seen my brother but have called his facility and have asked about him. The nurses always tell me the same old thing, stay a way! We don’t want it! I bet it is my raspy voice that is scaring them off. I really hope with the weather being up towards the forties this weekend, I will be able to feel good enough to take Al his soda and snacks. Although I don’t feel well enough yet to see him, I don’t want him to go without the things that he depends on so much. So please say a prayer that I am able to drive and go see him this weekend. Hugs to all of you. I have missed you!

Is Winter Gone Yet?


snowy roadsYou should have seen me this morning. I know a lot of you would have been having a good laugh at my expense.

This morning was Al’s swallow test. When I woke up and looked outside the window, I was disappointed. It was snowing. Now don’t get me wrong. I think snow is grandiose, but only when I am inside looking out.

It has been so darn cold here these past couple weeks, but God knew I needed to go to this appointment so a bit higher temperatures were given to me. It was 18 when I took off out of the drive.

When it warms up in increments, you take the chance of having snow. Guess what, it was snowing. My darn car is rear wheel drive. This is not a good thing when you live in a snow belt area. But hey, it didn’t snow in Florida. I just hate to purchase another car and have long-term car payments again. Mine will be paid off next year.

So I warm the car up an elongated amount of time. When I got in it still seemed a little chilly. I took off. Where I live is the biggest hurdle. Getting out of the addition. The main roads were snow-covered and icy in spots. I drove about 20 m.p.h. It didn’t bother me too much since others were driving the same speed.

I finally got there and as I was walking up to the hospital entrance I saw the van that was bringing my brother. I waited and when I saw him I waved through the window. It felt odd to see him in his wheel chair. Only because yesterday he had a better day. She explained that the walk alone inside the corridors would make him so fatigued,  we would have more problems and I understood that perfectly.

The test was very easy and didn’t take that long. They did switch his regular diet to mechanical soft and added PRN a product known as thicket. You can use this poweder  to thicken liquids to honey, pudding or thick consistencies. We used to use it here at home.

I thought the muscles in his throat were not working but this was not the case. Al gets so exhausted from chewing foods, that the effort to swallow becomes more difficult. The doctors are hoping with less effort to chew maybe he would be able to swallow better his drinks. He told me that he could not drink all of his milk at breakfast this morning because 8 oz. was just too much. Hearing him and the professionals I can now understand or get a better picture of what is happening in his mouth. It was fascinating to watch the x-rays as he chewed and swallowed

So I gave him a hug good-bye and told him I loved him. I watched the driver place him back in the van and then went to clean my snow-covered car once again. After sliding in spots I was in no hurry to go back home. But it is crazy to sit in a hospital parking lot waiting for the snow to stop and waiting for the city to clean the streets, so off I went.

I got about a mile from the hospital and my eye started feeling very irritated. It is better today but still not healed. There was something in it. I just knew it, but I was driving on slick streets.

I tried so gently to get what ever was in my eye out, but no luck. For one reason, I was already struggling to see with equal vision with the gel fogging my one eye. Another reason was no matter how I tried, the gel was slippery to my fingers. Darn it. My eye lashes were opening and closing so fast not even a fly would have come near for fear of being batted to death.

I could not pull over. As I drove with one hand, I moved my swollen eye lid around as much as I could until finally it sank to the bottom of my eye lid. I could feel it but at least the fluttering of the eye lashes had simmered down. I had about five miles to go at 20 m.p.h. I took all main streets and tried to keep my eyes as wide open as possible to keep the little pest from coming back into view.

Finally I made it home. I flipped off my boots as quick as I could. I went to the bathroom and got the hand mirror and looked at my glistening eye. It was red and irritated. This is normal though. If you had been pinched over and over your would be red too.

I peeked everywhere I could but I saw nothing. I didn’t dare wipe my eye too much or I would lose the medicine in it and I am only allowed to use it three times per day. The corner of my eye was starting to itch and when I looked very close I saw it. There it was. I ever so carefully inched my fingers as close to my eye without blinding myself and on the third try I got it.

It was about a half-inch size of white fuzz. I took that little bugger and flushed him. Gone out of sight and out of mind. I comforted my eye with words of I will not pick on you anymore. I will let you rest until the next dosage time rolls around. I am so sorry I irritated you to the point you saw red. It’s going to be ok now.

So all in all, Al had some changes, but no puree food yet, just a different texture of foods. I slid in the snow but made it to his appointment and back home. As soon as I parked in my own drive, I thanked God for keeping me and other drivers safe. As I was walking up to the house leaving snowy foot-prints behind me I thought, I hope Al knows how much I love him. He is the only person I would get out in the snow with a messed up eyeball for.

Cabbage Versus Spinach Salad


Spinach Salad

Spinach Salad

Last night I wrote a little story

About my supper how it was gory

I put it in the fridge that night

I knew I would eat and not waste this delight

I got up this morning and made my drink

Coffee with cream , they definitely link

I got in the fridge to get the milk

There sat the crap that I had built

The smell was overpowering me

I put my head between my knees

I got the milk and shut the door

I didn’t want to smell that anymore

When lunch time came and it was time

I got out the bowl  but it seemed a crime

I ran the water and dumped the bowl

Down the little garbage hole

Instead I got out the spinach leaves

Cut up tomatoes and some cheese

Added some dressing and spices too

This was my new lunch and I bid ado

Terry Shepherd

01/13/2013

I Need Some Humor After Today


Cooked cabbage

Cooked cabbage

My grandma used to say

That vegetables get in the way

I didn’t know what she meant

I looked at her and off I went

Now all grown up and eating right

I cooked some cabbage for tonight

I added some beef for flavor

I wanted my mouth to really savor

Mushrooms and tomatoes and spices too

Put it in the crock-pot and went to do

Some visiting an auction and Al during this day

Bought a big crock and saw Al in a bad way

I knew that I had supper cooking on low

I wanted to eat out but was low on dough

I walked into my house and I thought what is that

It smelled like someone had killed a cat

The stench I inhaled made me pretty sure

That I think I am going to vomit  and hurl

I used a clothespin and plugged my nose

As I knew the cooking had a ways to go

When the cooking was done I went to look

I carefully lifted the lid and took

The ladle and stirred it very well

The aroma was not setting off any memory bells

I thought what the heck I will give it a try

I poured some in a pot and closed my eyes

Ok, I did it, I ate  and then took a smoke

I felt my tummy rumbling as it began to bloat

I now know what my grandma was referring too

The little toot toots that make you say pew

Terry Shepherd

01/12/2013

Merry Christmas From Me To You


People rushing everywhere

English: Pinus ponderosa (habit with Kim sledd...

Grandpa still in underwear

Kids are laughing at his array

Dad says turn your heads the other way

Trying to load the car just right

Get the presents packed so tight

Scruff the dog he wants to go

Mom and I we tell him no

Scruff gets mad and gets back at us

Now he’s in the trash making a fuss

Grandpa’s dressed and now in-car

Thank God we don’t have to drive very far

Mom is looking in the mirror

She’s drinking the last of her good beer

She looks at me and gives thumbs up

She burps real hard and almost throws up

I yell the last it’s time to go

Everyone in the car, let’s go to the show

Packed with presents candy and more

I don’t look back as I shut the door

Traffic is dead for all I can see

Did you see that darn deer looking at me?

Pretty trees are all lit up to see

Sledders and skaters whiz quickly by me

Finally we are here we all jump out

We glue on our smiles and give a shout

Let’s all be on our best behavior today

No swearing no rudeness will be our gift for the day

Welcomed in and hugged too hard

Do you smell turkey that has been charred?

We looked at each other as we make our way

I’m sure we won’t forget this Christmas Day.

Terry Shepherd

12/24/2012

 

Loving Family


Kids are running through the house

An unsheared Christmas tree in New York State ...

Scaring the crap out of every mouse

Dad is trying to figure out games

All kids know parents are so lame

Mom is in the kitchen at work

Screaming and calling everyone a jerk

The cookies had burnt oh so bad

She opened the door and threw out what she had

I noticed some dough on top of her nose

I tried wiping it off but this was definitely a no go

I asked if I could help her in some small way

She laughed in my face saying that will be the day

She went to the fridge and took out her wine

She looked at me and ask do you have a dime

I will flip to see who’s gonna cook tonight

It better not be me or I’ll start a fight

I walked over and gave her a smile

Hoping she would leave me alone for a while

I looked all around at the mess she had made

I think it was time for me to quickly fade

She started to cry saying she’d made such a mess

She gave it her all she had given her best

I called out to the kids get your coats and your gear

I smiled at the wife as I patted her rear

We are going out to eat, we’re treating mom

Hang a sign on the door and tell them we will be gone

No parties no company no one to impress

We will stay home and make our own little mess

We will stop at the store and buy ready-made food

Give the kids their gifts cuz they all been real good

We will cuddle on the couch together you and me

And gaze at the lights on our pretty Christmas tree

Terry Shepherd

12/21/2012

 

A Christmas Together

Reblogged from terry1954:

Click to visit the original post

Twas the night before Christmas

My grandma was soused

I looked right beside her

And there sat her spouse.

Mamma was laying all over the bird

An empty bottle of booze lie in her hand

The stogie she puffed on was lying in ash

In the background was playing the big city bands.

The big man of the house was nowhere to be found…

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i just found out through another blogger, this got freshly pressed! this is exciting for me!