I know that it is very important to find the little things in life that are good. I also realize that there are days that I find this difficult to do. I would almost say out loud that I have a mild case of depression.
I hate the taste of those words on my tongue when I say that but I miss my brother and I think I miss the life I once had. Although looking back the things that made me so happy are no longer here. My Dad and Mom and my family.
Sometimes I wonder why I am so different from others. While others are out drinking on Friday and Saturday nights, I am home. While others have so many dates I have none. So I look very hard for those small miracles and gifts from God. When I find them it can actually make an entire difference in my day.
I had one particular gift last week. As you all know my children’s Grandma passed a way. I was very saddened by her loss and so was surprised when I opened the door to let my family in, there was a bouquet of flowers from the funeral for me.
It is so nice to have a piece of the funeral here with me to watch over and water each day. I love them.
Then on last Wednesday I had to have my three-month A-1-C test done for my Diabetes. I will go back this Wednesday for the results. They have never called me in between these two visits, but this time they called Thursday morning.
I was told that I needed to come back in on Friday and have one of the test redone. The doctor was concerned about my Potassium levels. They explained how normal levels were between 3.4 and 4.3. My level was 5.7.
I was instantly scared. I didn’t know much about Potassium except that bananas were full of them. To eat more than one banana a day is not a good thing. I began an internet search trying to discover what I had done to my eating habits that had made this raise so high.
What I learned was little. The search didn’t really say too much on foods. The ones that it did mention the P word I didn’t eat. I was I would say doing what I usually do. Leaning on me for answers instead of God.
Years ago I used to suffer bad Panic Attacks. It was so awful. I think people thought I was a nut case. I think I even believed them too. With the help of a Christian counselor I was able to overcome the worst of it. Now when I am afraid or very tired a Panic Attack can show its ugly teeth.
The nurse who drew my blood on Friday morning sort of laughed at me because when I went in to have the second draw the first words out of my mouth were,” Am I going to die?” She laughed and said no. She told me,” Ever since you have started coming here your P levels have always been on the high side. The doctor believes this may just be a part of your genes. Your levels are always at number 5.”
I got the blood draw but sweated it out all weekend long. You have to understand that the one sentence that stuck in my head during my research was death. The articles I read said that if your P levels go above 6 it can cause your heart to go nuts and cause a heart attack. Understand here that my worst fear is dying before my brother. I don’t know how I could rest peacefully knowing that he needs me and I am not here for him. So all weekend I smiled when I was around others but inside I was a wreck.
Finally last night I turned to God. I was sitting on my bed. It was around midnight. I was going through my Bible and the thought hit me out of nowhere. Pray to me for what you need.
I very seldom pray for myself. I will pray for my blogger friends who are in need. I pray for my brother constantly. I pray for my children and anyone but myself. I turned my TV off and sat in bed silent for a few minutes thinking, should I really pray for me? Isn’t that selfish?
I decided to go forward with it and so in darkness and silence I prayed for God to heal me of this P level. This morning about 9am the phone rang. I saw on the caller ID that it was the doctor’s office. I picked it up and this was the conversation.
Nurse, ” Good morning. Is this Terry?”
Nurse,” I have your lab results. You are fine. I don’t know what happened last week with your test results but this test showed normal levels. They were 4.3. You are going to be fine.”
Me, ” Oh thank-you Jesus. You don’t know how I have worried about this all weekend. I am so relieved. Thank-you so much for calling. Thank-you for the good news.”
Nurse,” You are welcome. See you on Wednesday. Bye.”
I hung up the phone and looked at the skies and said to myself, Thank-you Jesus. You are the one who told me to pray to you. I did as you asked and you answered.