Free Entertainment

Posted on May 2, 2013 by Terry

Did someone say something or did you notice anything that made you all of a sudden jump back? Did you in a blink of an eye realize that you are getting older or out of the hip hop age?

Did a fly land on your nose and you smacked it, knocking some kind of weird thoughts to fly through your head? Did you really think that you were like a balloon being blown up and at one point you would not burst?

I did have that moment last night. While laying in bed watching my Nick-At-Nite station this commercial came on. I sat up sort of snickering to myself. I was trying to picture it. Then as the commercial repeated itself several times, and this was in case you are so old that you didn’t catch it all the first time, I was laughing hysterically.

There was a small part of the stunt that I didn’t find amusing. No dimples were showing on my face. In fact, I thought, what will these TV programs do for a buck? Is this what most people want to see; or am I just out-of-date.

The show that was being advertised was Forever Young. The show is about mixing up young people with senior citizens. First of all why does this rub me the wrong way? Isn’t it the young people who laugh when I am walking through the street crossing and ask a young man to hold my elbow so I don’t fall?

Isn’t it those young whipper snappers always trying to show me their manliness by showing me their butt cracks in their pajamas bottoms? Or how about those young fillies last week that laughed their you know whats off when they saw me walking down the pier at the lake? I couldn’t help it a wrinkle escaped here and there through my new bikini. For heaven’s sake give an old lady a break.

But what about the happy Seniors that were brought up in a different era. Being taught to dress properly, respect all elders, obey your parents, and be a God-fearing person. Why is so important to show the younger generation getting the Seniors to get drunk or party on.

Is that the way people have fun today? Going to bars, bed hopping, getting plastered or making complete fools out of themselves? Is this what it takes to sell TV? What about medical conditions; shouldn’t that be considered before you pour that first glass down an older person’s throat?

The part that made me laugh myself until I almost peed was the thongs. Ya thongs, yep, I tried them one time. But it felt like I was always picking something out of my rear. Like a piece of chicken caught in my teeth, I was always picking at my britches.

The size of the thong for the TV commercial looked pretty large to me too. Sort of like where does that string go, or finding a needle in the hay stack thing. I don’t know; I tried to picture myself strutting downtown with the walk, but every few feet I had to stop and pick, just like a dog stops and scratches.

I always used to laugh when I was a snotty teenager about the brand of underwear that guys wear. Fruit of the Looms, I wondered naughty thoughts that I won’t write here, just use your imagination.

But now that I am older myself, I want comfort. I want the fruit of the Looms for gals. Cover up my whole area, no picking for me. The only thing I want to be scratching is my new lottery tickets I just bought.

So maybe I am getting dull or older or simple. But when I have a guy looking my way I want him to notice my Madonna breast and not my fingers that have been lost in the deep divide.

I don’t want to come to the realization that the only way I am going to attract the opposite sex is by being all fogged up and wondering who’s bed I am waking up in. I will be content with who I am and try to do good things for others. For entertainment, I will laugh my ass off at the TV commercials and be asleep by ten.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

Remarkably Supporting Youth (notevolellc.wordpress.com)
Young People as Teachers & Pupils (integritymattersblog.wordpress.com)
Generation Jobless (thepppeconomy.com)
Frensh 2best Comedians (thatalk2.wordpress.com)
Sun means summer (youthsectorblog.wordpress.com)

Hot Mama

Posted on February 10, 2013 by Terry

Getting up in the morning is a pain in the butt. Reach over and nearly tip forward tripping over myself to pick up the darn old house robe that fell off the bed through the night. Standing up trying to put house robe on but have an itch I have to scratch first. Why is it the first thing in the morning a body has to pass gas and scratch?

Looking at myself in the full length mirror is enough to make me want to lean over the ship as I fill light-headed from seeing the uneven wrinkles. As quickly as I can I put my covering on and leaning one hand on the bed and the other on the dresser I do the circus balancing act getting those darn old stretched out slippers on.

I waddle into the bathroom and my eyes bug out of my head as I flip the light on and see how my eye lids have drooped half way over the color of my eyes. I raise my house coat and sit down. I have to make sure I do this each and every morning as I learned the hard lesson once before.

I had gotten up from the pot and thought someone had pasted ice-cubes to my naked butt. I jumped without my feet leaving the ground and reached my arm behind me to see what in the world had a hold of me. You would not believe it! It was the end of my house coat. It had taken a dip in the water as I was doing my thing. I sharpened up real quick after this.

I got one of my better wash rags that only had three holes in it and I wet it with the coldest water I could. After my fingers turned bright red I knew the temperature was ready. I slapped it onto my face where it freeze-dried all my wrinkles and made my eye lids fly up like an old-fashioned window blind.

I left it there while I counted to sixty. One, two, five, ten, fifteen, 60. I toss it in the stool water by accident. I seriously meant to hit the target of the tub, but dang it, I missed. I reached down in there and pulled it out by my two fingers and whooshed it like a basket ball shot straight in the trash can. There wasn’t any way I was ever gonna use that rag on my face. Never going to wash my face with pee water.

I wet my tooth-brush and then dipped it in some alcohol. You know it’s the quickest way to get the body moving in the mornings. I tried pushing that darn blue stuff out of the tube, but I guess I haven’t got my groove on yet. I had to set it down on the bathroom sink and use my fingers on one hand while holding the brush with my other. Oops, I think I surprised myself at the strength I still have at my age. Toothpaste came squirting out and went all over the mirror.

If you ask me I think I could sell this for quite a few dollars as it would be known as modern art. I took my finger and wiped some off the mirror and then rubbed it on to the bristles. Now down to business. Brush brush brush. Up and down in and out. Wow, I better be careful with what I am saying. Sounds kind of perverted to me.

Done with the brush I rinse it off and stick it back in the tiny hole it goes in and fill my glass half way with water. Rinse gargle, oh yuck, I just swallowed a bunch of water and I wasn’t ready. Gag, choke, eyes watering. Beating myself on the chest I get my choking under control.

I pull out my hair brush. Now you have to be real careful how you use this special brush. It belonged to my grandma and it is missing a few bristles. One time I was brushing my hair and sort of wiggling back and forth to the radio and didn’t realize that I was forming Edward Scissorhand marks on my forehead. Don’t ever say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I am here to tell you that you can. Don’t push too hard, and don’t get too close to the hair-line.

Now I am all done in the bathroom. I tie my belt around my house coat a little tighter. You have to do this because there are a bunch of perverts creeping around our neighborhood all the time. They are just dying to get a chance to take a quick peek at us cougar women.

The sun is shining, and I can see the boy mowing the neighbor’s yard. Everyone uses this kid for mowing. We pay him a couple of bucks and he grins as he leaves with his money. I swear one time I saw him flip me off when he turned around to leave. Do you think I should maybe up his pay to three dollars?

I flip the television on and turn the sound up to the number eight out of ten. I turn it on to the local news so I can get a good look at that sexy weather man. I make my way out to the kitchen and start my percolator..

A few scratches to the head and a few more to the other spots and then I look out my window and sigh. I have made it another morning. I tinkled and wiped. I brushed my hair and my teeth. The coffee is perking. Now on to the breakfast meal.