Tag Archives: life

#FWF Free Write Friday; Image Prompt

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http://kellieelmore.com
free-write-friday-kellie-elmoreold man

No one came by. No one every knew that he existed. Taking up space, breathing new air, heart beating. One lonely man, one of many million living here on earth.

A veteran, served in the war. Memories of gun shots and bombs. Captured by the enemy. Watching his friends bleed to death.

A mama so proud and papa, a hard worker. Worked the land by hand with his mule. Saturday nights everyone in the household got their weekly bath. Mama mending torn socks, sewing on buttons, letting the hems out. Sunday mornings spent at the tiny wooden school. It was converted into a church one day a week.  Mama would take the wax from the candle and find use for it somewhere. Mama was what we today would call a hoarder.

Papa was a proud man. Wouldn’t take a dime from anyone. I can remember many a day eating rice or beans. Mama would try to make it interesting by adding different spices or bits of left-over meat, but rice was rice and beans were beans when it was all said and over.

From the time I was old enough to understand I helped Papa with whatever he asked. There was no asking questions and no arguing allowed. I was taught to respect my elders or get whipped with a tree switch.

Once a month all the neighbors would get together and have a carry in dinner right after church. Oh how I looked forward to those days. A boy my age could fill up on anything sitting in front of him. I can still remember Mama asking the women folk,”where does that boy put all that food?”

I became the center of attention as I could stuff my body more than anyone else could. Then after we were all done eating, us kids would go to the old swimming hole and wear ourselves out, leaving the old folks to talk the afternoon a way.

Us kids would be so tuckered out our parents never had to tell us it was time to get ready for bed on those nights. Slipping my night-clothes on and pulling my tattered quilt up to my head my eyes would shut before my mind even had a chance to think about it.

Yep, those were the days. We were poor but we were happy. We wanted but needed nothing. We learned and we taught the younger kids. Life was good.

Now here I sit, out by myself. Everything my Mama and Papa had taught me remains sharp in my mind. I can whip me up the best tasting soup ever. I can shoot a rabbit and once a week have a grand feast. I take a bath when need be. I don’t take a dime off of anyone.

I got my dog for company and my God to guide me. You did good Mama and Papa. You taught me well. I am just fine. I am poor but I am happy. I want but need nothing.

Daily Prompt; Journey

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Tell us about a journey — whether a physical trip you took, or an emotional one.

Photographers, show us JOURNEY.newborn

I started out

As an innocent babe

Naked as a jay bird

Ten fingers

Ten toes

Smiles then giggles

Bottles then spoons

Playing with dolls

Scraped knees

First crush

First kiss

First marriage

Lord no one

Told me giving

Birth would

Hurt so bad

Divorce, does

It always

Have to hurt?

Learning

About myself

Lessons in trust

Quiet house

Laughter from

Grandkids

Aches and pains

Stiffness set in

Friends dying

Lonely heart

Missing loved ones

Making new friends

This is the journey

Of my life.

Terry Shepherd

05/28/2013class reunion

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Tormented Memories

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Dirt road

Trish was a messed up high school  kid. She held nothing back when wanting what her heart desired. She stooped at nothing to get to the top. In the first year of  high school she was popular.

After the second year people began to whisper and her friends list dropped slowly. Sometimes she would think about it and wonder what was going on, but only for a few minutes.

Her attitude was if they didn’t like her, screw them, there were others that could fill the slot. She kissed teacher‘s rear ends to get better grades. She wanted the best and if it included lying a little or faking someone out she did it.

There was once a rumor going around school that she was sleeping with one of the male teachers. It was Algebra and she struggled with it. She sat up front and center of the teacher’s desk and made sure to show a little extra leg.

He took the bait and kept her after school to give her more help than what he would other students. It was no surprise to her when she got an A in that class. Classmates designated her as one of the top class sluts.

At nights when she lay in bed she would think about the sneers that went on behind her back. If they only knew. If they only knew her own dirty past, they wouldn’t say things like that about me.

A couple of tears would slide down her cheeks. She brushed them off and put up her soul armour and rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning arrived and so did a reinforced attitude of getting to the top.

Her third and last year of high school brought one major change from the years prior. Students despised her even more. They could see that she was a total fake. Anything that came out of those pouty lips was not believable.

Trish never stayed home on the weekends. This is when her father was home. She went to the ball games at school and sat among the crowd alone. It was one evening at a home basketball game that she noticed one of the players paying attention to her.

She didn’t know this guy that well. He wasn’t in any of her classes. He would wave at her and sometimes wink. It seemed that a growing conversation was forming between the two by way of physical communication.

After the game she hung around in the bleachers instead of leaving like she  usually did. The gym was silent as everyone had left. Soon echos of footsteps brought the player and the student face to face.

Petty conversation was transpired and the two ended up walking out together. There were a few cars still in the parking lot but those were probably the clean up people. Trish walked with Jack to his car.

“Are you hungry? I am starving. I’m going to stop over at a little place that’s on the way home for me. Do you want to come along? We can get to know each other better.”

Trish looked at him with stars in her eyes. Here was a guy who was definitely interested in her. He wasn’t making fun of her or bringing up any of those nasty rumors. “Sure, I’d love to go.”

The two climbed in the car and took off down the street. As the street lights became farther apart Jack took a left turn and the night lights disappeared all together. “Is there a restaurant clear out here?”

” Yeah, just a mile down the road. I thought we could pull off here and talk for a while. You don’t mind do you? I just want to get to know you so bad. You are so beautiful.”

Trish started to feel jitters inside. She had heard those words before, you are so beautiful. But yet this was a different place, time, and a different man. Her excitement of being accepted was higher than her internal alarms.

Jack grinned at her and pulled off on a dirt road. It was actually a path that had been made for tractors and other farm machinery. Corn fields were on either side of them. Jack knew this area well.

He turned the engine off and turned towards Trish. “Tell me something about yourself pretty girl. I want to know every little thing about you.”

As she started to speak Jack’s hands were speaking also. As his hands began to roam her thoughts turned a way from him and back to the endless nights where another man also did this.

Oh my God, what did I do to deserve this? Why me, is it ever going to stop? Am I going to have to go through life always trying to prove myself?

Jack wanted her and she recognized his behavior. She should have known. No one wanted her other than for sex. Hadn’t he told her years ago that she was just the most beautiful child that had ever walked this earth? Hadn’t he said that men would always want her and that she must be thankful for this?

Tears sliding in the darkness, and conversation quieted, Trish let Jack lead the way. She let him do as he wished. There was no reason to fight it. She had tried in the past, but only received punishment and threats.

She felt so dirty inside. His good looks suddenly turning into pictures of slithering snakes wrapping its trunk around her and tasting her wounded soul. When he was finished with her he said,”I like you real well. You did good. I know about your reputation at school so I suggest you keep this to yourself. You know no one will believe a word you say if you tell.”

Yes, Trish knew all too well that she would never say a word. Hadn’t she already proven that by keeping the secret all these years?

Jake started the car and drove her back to the school. He let her out and told her,” maybe we can hook up again real soon.” She smiled at him as he drove a way. When he was out of sight she walked towards home.

Entering the back door she quietly walked to her bedroom. She stripped off her clothes and took the hottest shower she could stand. She wanted to wash off another evening before bitter memories could take over.

She stood under the streaming water until her skin became wrinkled but she could still feel the inner emotional pain. She didn’t think she could ever wash that away. All she ever wanted was good grades and a chance to go to college.

She didn’t even know what she wanted to study for. Her vision was blurred by the ugly memories always popping up. She did know that her beauty was her worst enemy. But yet it could also help her to get what she needed to get out of the house and on her own.

She dried off and put her pajamas on and crawled under her bed sheets. She lay there staring in the darkness wishing her life could be different. No one understood her and it seemed no one cared.

Tears were falling slowly down her cheeks when she heard her door knob turn. She glanced over towards the door and saw nothing but knew well enough what was happening.

He scooted into bed next to her and laid very quietly. She knew the signal by heart. The motions were effortless and when her duty was done he walked out as quietly as he had walked in.

Her soul was burning, and her heart was broken. Her dreams had vanished when in one night she had been raped twice by two different men. She couldn’t take it anymore. She knew her life was over.

She had tried using the same devices that she had been taught, but others ended up getting the better deal. She screamed inside for release from this pain. Flaming torches had found their way to every part of her body and she needed them to go a way.

She put her clothes back on and slowly opened her door. Seeing no one she walked down the hall to the main bathroom. She went in and opened the medicine chest and scanned the bottles.

She didn’t know what the names were but she knew that her Mom had these for her bad days of headaches and pains. She grabbed a couple of bottles and took them back to her room.

Getting a glass of water and then sitting on the edge of her bed, she stared at the bottles knowing this was her only way out. She let tears take all of her pent-up emotions and lay them on the bed next to her.

With no way to comprehend anything now she swallowed hard and finished her water. She put the empty bottles on her night stand and let the glass fall to the floor. She laid back down and waited for the years to escape her memories.

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I Don’t Want to Walk Alone Through This

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Alone in the Middle

Al has been dismissed from the hospital and back in the nursing home. There is nothing more anyone can do for him. They upped his nitro to the maximum does in order to try to keep his heart at rest.

Al’s heart is suffering from the tremors. He has CAD, and it is getting tired. On the way back home from the nursing home it hit me what the doctors had said. I started shaking so bad I had to pull off the side of the road and I cried like a baby.

I cried for my selfishness in the thoughts of  losing my brother. I cried for all Parkinson’s patients. I cried because I feel so helpless. The emergency push to get approved for him to come home has been given. The state called me today while I was at the nursing home. Now it has to be signed by a different area of the State and then a Caseworker is put into play.

I want him to pass a way here at home. I don’t care how hard it is to take care of him, I will not let him die in that nursing home or any other.

The doctor ordered a bed alarm for him. The nursing facility called me at the hospital and said they don’t want to use it because he will get mad at them. I told them, “This isn’t for your convenience, this is to alert you when Al stands up.”

“We just don’t want to use it.”

“Sorry, I don’t want Al to fall anymore than he is.”

“He has only fell here once.”

“Bullshit, he has fallen at least four times that I can think of immediately.”

“He didn’t fall two days ago. He was found on the floor.”

“Oh really? What was he doing on the floor?”

This argument went on for about five minutes and then I said,”I am his guardian and I say use it. No more arguing.”

His heart is suffering and he kept breaking out in clammy cold sweats all day. Many partial baths were given. When we got back to the facility an aid asked Al if he had to go potty. I guess he told her no. Five minutes after they laid him down on his bed he wet his brief, clothes and bed. When the aid found out he had done this she looked at me and said,”I just asked him five minutes if he had to use the bathroom and he said no.”

I told her it is the PD and not Al. I apologized but said,”He is wet and he needs to be changed.”

She got some help and the two changed him. The put a pad between the bed covers and Al’s bottom. She said she had a shower to do so she would change the bed later. To me this was wrong, but I let it go, he was dry for the moment.

He cried because he was embarrassed about wetting himself but I told him, “You can’t help it bud. If you could I know you would get up and go to the restroom. Please try not to feel bad.” I know my words fell on deaf ears.

It has been a bad day. I didn’t receive good news at all. Al life is being cut sooner than later. I am tired. Al is tired. I am sick to my stomach and I keep feeling the tears at times. I love my brother. I know he is suffering but I don’t want to lose him.

If anyone wants to help another PD patient not have to go through what Al does, please go to this website. Look under search or view entries and find Al’s photo with my name under it. He is in his famous red coca cola shirt. Here is the link.

http://terry1954.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/16-the-michael-j-fox-foundation-for-parkinsons-research/

You can vote one time every hour. Please help so others don’t have to suffer like Al  is.

 

 

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To Dream

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Hand In Hand

 

To dream to be able to heal

To wipe the tears and sorrows

And bring hope to the world

For a better tomorrow.

To take a way all sickness

To take frowns and turn them to smiles

To walk this earth barefoot and naked

To be accepted for us just for a while.

For wherever we roam

Through what ever door we walk through

We can walk in with our heads held high

You will greet me and I will talk to you.

For each of us to have our individuality

To be able to say as we feel

Would be such an honor

And our mask we would peel.

We are here to love and be loved

To heal broken hearts and minds

To walk together step in step

Our lives becoming entwined.

This is my wish for the world for today

My friends and visitors who pass my way

To put fighting and blasphemy aside for a while

As we walk together mile after mile.

Terry Shepherd

04/02/2013

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