Lord I Need Time


Why is it sometimes life

Does not seem fair

We do everything right

We take truths instead of dares

 

The ones who wrong and run a way

Escape the price to pay

And then tigersthere are others who stay and fight

Not knowing any other way

 

And then along comes the news

The one we can only dread

It throws emotions back and forth

It weighs and dulls our head

 

We really aren’t as tough you know

We can be taken down

All it takes is one wrong word

To send us to the ground

 

I am not on a poor me trip

I admit I have a bit of fear

Now that it is most likely I have

What my brother has had for years

 

So I come to you dear Lord above

I come to you and pray

Please let me finish my care for him

Let me be sick another day

 

For I have seen the tremors too

Going on for sometime now

I ask you Lord to hold off on me

I come to you and bow

 

Please let me be safe and free from harm

Give me strength to see him through

Then Lord you can take me and have my all

And do what you need to do.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

08/30/2013

Have You Ever Told Yourself?


Have you ever told yourself, I don’t know what to do, but when the time is right, I will know it.

This is how I have been feeling for a while now. I would think differently and probably not even bother writing this so I do not bore you, but it has been some time and my gut keeps saying,.now Terry, now is the time.

Yet I am pushing it back like it is water trying to go over the cliff. I am the sandbag and yet water trickles around my veins.water

I have seen it coming. I can feel his  pain. Yet I stand and do nothing but hold on tight for his life.

Today, the shower girl told me that Al was bending over much more quickly than he used to making it hard to transfer him to a shower chair.

Yes, I know he can have his shower in bed. Yes, I know things can get much worse. But what concerns me is Al’s livelihood. What will happen to the little bit of spirit once I put the stop sign out.

Al is getting very hard to transfer alone. I keep in mind that I am going to interview a gal tomorrow night to help put him in bed. But that is not the only time he transfers. What about the mornings? What about at his Day Program? What about the risk of putting Al in other people’s hands? What if he falls?

It is here. He is getting too weak to transfer. His legs scream out in pain each time he gives his all to transfer. It may be only three steps but the first one most of the time anymore doesn’t even get taken.skeleton

I know the way I send him to Day Program is through multiple medications to get through the day. He has a special wheelchair that lays back so he can nap and keep his swollen feet up.

I can barely do the holding of him any longer. The shower girl is struggling. I know I need to put a stop to the Day Program or cut his hours down, but I am struggling with the words.

I have spoken to Al about cutting down to half-days and he just starts crying. He loves socializing. He doesn’t ever want to stop. He can’t get from me what he needs from someone other than just a sister. He needs his own space and his own friends.

But yet my inner voice says it is time. How do I do it? How can I break his heart? I just don’t think I can pull it off. What will he have left? Home and his TV? At this point I don’t even know if his cars and coca cola could begin to satisfy his inner urge for normalcy.

He told me before his shower, through flowing tears, that he wishes Mom would just stick her arm a little further down to him so he could reach out and grab it. I hate being a pile of mush crap, but once again, I left the shower girl to tend to Al’s tears and I hid in my bedroom crying.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Lord, lord hear my cry. I am a coward Lord. Please don’t make  me do this to him. I will do anything for you Lord if you just take him home before I have to say no to Day Program. Help me Lord, hear my cries. Take this off of my shoulders Lord. Can’t you see I love him? Don’t you realize it will tear me up inside more than him not going? I beg of you Lord, relieve him. Take him out of his pain. Let him sit near you. Let me know that he is walking again, and most of all Lord, show me a sign that he is smiling.

Amazing Grace


Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. Oh my God you picked me. A weak statue fumbling through thick forest here on earth. You chose to love me. Me Lord, for all that I am not.

As tears whip through the branches of my life, I can not even begin to thank-you my dear God for still walking beside me. You reach down and lift me up. You bring comfort to my weary soul.

You found me under a bushel of tangled webs. You saw my burning soul crying out to you Lord. I saw tears in your eyes as you heard me calling out to you. You know each and every one of my sins Lord, and yet you say you forgive me.

As I sit here professing my undying love for you a smile comes over your face. As I humbly lower my head, reaching out to kiss your feet, you let me know I am safe. You tell me the wolves will walk by me and leave me untouched, although they hunger.

Amazing grace my Lord. This is what I am offered as long as I continue to follow you. Miracles I shall see. Creatures I shall feed. Naked I shall clothe. What I have I will share. What ever it takes dear Lord, I will do it so that I may show honor to you God. You are the almighty one.

You gave up your life for me. You let them pound nails into your flesh. You bled for me. You are so great and I am so little and yet you provide me with love and amazing grace.

jesus-christ-crucifixion-520

 

Prayer From My Heart


My dear Lord

I come to you

To ask for

More strength

I do fine as

A caregiver

But watching

My brother

Slip a way

From me

Is more than

I can handle

You promised me

Lord that you would

Never give me

Anymore than I

Can deal with

So here I am

With tears on cheeks

On bended knee

Feeling so  lost

I need you now

I need you tomorrow

And I need

You after

Please stay with me

Don’t leave my side

Don’t let me show

Al any of

My fears and pain

Let me be strong

Give me courage

To go on

From now until

This chapter

Is over.

Amen

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

07/18/2013bended knee

 

 

 

 

 

You


Who knocks you

Down and takes away

Who you are

And the value you  hold

Do jealous tongues

Whisper in your ears

Do you  listen to them

And do you  fear

That you are not

Who you thought  you were

Are you so easily moved

From highs to lows

That you would believe

Those who do not know

Your  inner spirit

Your  inner strength

Yourbeautiful-butterfly.jpg desires to be

Love and accepted

Are just as theirs

Please tear down

Your wall and remember

When you walked

And smiled head

Held up high

Don’t lose faith

That you are important

The space you breathe

Has your name in it

Break a way

Stand tall

Walk straight ahead

With faith that

You are worthy.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

07/17/2013

 

 

One More Chance


Has death ever knocked at your door

And you said stay a way come no more

Did you refuse to give up the fight

And instead give it all and hang on tight

Did you see the light and heaven’s doors

Did you see the angels come into sight

Did you see your life flash before your eyes

Did you close your lids and wonder why

Did you plead with God for one more chance

To get up and walk and have one last dance

Did he hear you and say I will pass you by

I will let you live and not let you die

Did you get down on your knees and pray

And thank God for that grateful day

When you were allowed just one more chance

To hold life dear and not just glance.

http://youtu.be/vF8QykqGRq4   dance

Written by

Terry Shepherd

06/26/2013

_picture it & write/ Ermilia


http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/pictureitandwrite2copy-1mountains 2

 

 

The people are being called

And all I have done is sit down and bawled

You see they are being called by God

To follow the sheep and carry the rod

I know that we are here on loan

This isn’t really our permanent home

I know that God has been calling our home

But I refuse to answer the phone

I beg for just a little more time

Please don’t be mad and cut our line

You have to understand that I

Am building a memory box six feet high

If you can let me do this first

I will wipe your feet and quench your thirst

I know dear Lord I call out to you

There are so many things I want from you

I have tried to do things on my own

But I guess I have to give up my stubborn bone

So I come to you just one more time

And ask you to put Al at the end of the line.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

06/23/2013

Daily Prompt; Never


http://dailypost.wordpress.com,DP, Daily Prompt

Tell us about a thing you’ll never write about.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FORBIDDEN.

The one thing I will never talk about on my post is friends and family’s private issues. To write and tell about sad things or struggles or troubles others have is benefiting no one but Satan.

Satan loves it when we humans mess up. When we hurt others and destroy with our tongue. I am not much of a gossiper either. When I am talking to my best friends about things, there is talk about others in our conversations.

Usually speaking of others is because we want the other to know some of the situation so they will pray for our loved ones.

We all have problems. None of us can live on this planet and not be faced with meteorites at times. If we spent all of our time talking to everyone else about what he know or have heard, how could we do the Lord’s work?

How could we lay down at night and sleep a restful night? I think we all were brought up with manners.

Now manners is something that is becoming void from our lives. Not all but some have tossed this word out the windows as if it was left-over coffee in our cup.

How easy is it in today’s world to do something we were brought up to know was wrong and yet think nothing of it. Look at the divorce rate today. What about the children who are being tossed into the streets. Or what about the school shootings?

People who we were taught to look up to are the ones in the spotlight for living a less than respectable life. It is a sad situation  that is happening and the very worst part is we don’t flinch like we used to.

We are actually becoming used to it. We, you and I are the ones who are held accountable for our actions. Not the courts, not our spouses or children nor the neighbors. You, me, we are the ones who open our mouths, make the choices to do as we wish.

I would be taking a great risk of speaking out of line. Butting into others lives, giving words at free will. So when someone tells me something, unless I am given permission, my lips are sealed.

Breathe

#FWF Free Write Friday; Word Bank


http://kellieelmore.comfree-write-friday-kellie-elmore

Your FWF prompt this week is a word bank…

sweet – lavender – flute – heir – willow – bask

“Mama. Mama. Daddy.”

Crying she walked through the house; inspecting each room. Only to find silence attacking her. She sat down and cried into her hands. This sweet little girl was lost and she felt all alone.

She sat there for what seemed an eternity basking in her tears. A cat tiptoed gently and sitting very near to her, nudged his head against the tiny shoulder.

” Mama, Daddy.” The cat just burrowed his head into her arms wanting to be petted. Willow, the little girl petted Tom, the cat. Purring seemed to have a sense of calming for the little one as her tears stopped temporarily.

Willow sucked her thumb with one hand and fell asleep with her hand over the soft, furry animal.

Meantime on the outside of this house chaos was amuck. People had gathered and were going from house to house searching. Kids walking up and down the streets playing their flutes; hoping the young child would hear and come out from her hiding.

It was a Spring Day. The skies were blue with enormous cumulus clouds, but no one noticed.. The smell of lavender should have been drifting through nostrils as rains had just showered upon the land. Any other day would have brought neighbors talking over fences, coffee being sipped on porches, but not today.

For today there was a man hunt. The only living heir was missing. People whispered in groups.” I hope she has not been kidnapped. I hope she is not hurt. She is the sweetest little girl I have ever met.”

The mother of Willow had been outside with her little girl earlier that day. The two of them were picking flowers that were so heavy on the vine. She wanted a nice bouquet to take inside before the rains washed them to the ground.

She needed to get a bigger basket. She told Willow,”please stay right here sweety. Don’t move. Mommy is going to go inside and get a bigger basket to hold all of our beautiful flowers.”

Willow looked at her but when Mommy went indoors, the phone had rung also. She didn’t realize that she had been on there longer than she planned. When she went back out with her basket, Willow was gone.

Frantic, she called the police. She spoke to neighbors, and everyone formed a search party. They walked blocks it seemed but didn’t find little Willow.

Flooded with guilt, Mommy gave into sobbing. She kept thinking over and over, I should have taken her with me when I went inside. I should have never left her alone. I should have ignored that phone call. Oh my little girl, where is she? What has happened to her. Oh dear God, please let her be safe.”

A couple of hours passed and the clouds were letting them know the rain was not over with. They were going to let the police continue to search and the neighbors decided to take a small break until the rains stopped.

As Mother was walking up her own sidewalk, she noticed her neighbor pulling in next door. She walked over to her and explained what was happening. The neighbor said, “Wait a moment. Let me go in and change my clothes and put these cold foods in the refrigerator. I will be right over. I will help you and together we will find her. Don’t worry, we won’t stop until she is safe back in your arms again.”

Mother smiled at her and walked up to her own porch. She sat on the swing and looked out over the neighborhood. Please Lord, keep her safe until we find her.

About fifteen minutes passed by and then she saw her neighbor walking towards her. She was holding a child in her arms. When the neighbor was standing near, she  placed the little girl Willow in Mommy’s arms.

“She must have come in through my back door. I have a bad habit of never locking it. She is fine. Tom was keeping her company. The two of them were napping together. Her little hand was resting on his fur and Tom had his paw stretched out over her arm.”

Mommy gave Willow a big hug. She wanted to scream out loud how happy she was; but she didn’t want to wake her little girl up. She thanked her neighbor by inviting her over for dinner the following night. The search was called off and the streets became sunny again with big cumulus clouds passing over  head. The smell of lavender was once again appreciated.

Mommy looked up towards the heavens and whispered,” Thank-you Lord, thank-you. I have learned a valuable lesson from you. Thank-you Lord for letting the neighbor forget to lock her back door. I have learned that nothing is more important than the life of a little child.”

Willow

Daily Prompt; Switcheroo


http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

If you could switch blogs with any blogger for a week, with whom would you switch and why?

No one likes being left out entirely. We can smile, and say, It’s ok, I couldn’t have come anyways. Don’t worry, I didn’t think anything about it.

This is one of those times where DP wants me to pick out someone special. I can’t do that. Do you know why? Because we are all unique. We each bring something to the table that another person needs.

I can say a few things about some bloggers. This is the closest I can come. I may not remember each one of you. Part of this I will lay blame on my age, and the other part is because I have new followers that I haven’t had a good chance to know and mingle with yet.

utesmile
utesmile.wordpress.com

Ute,  has the most compassionate heart and soul. She is so upbeat and positive. She picks me up from the pits of hell and helps me rise to where I need to be.

Rob Barkman
settledinheaven.wordpress.com

Rob, my dear friend Rob. He is such an inspiration to me. His blog brings a lesson to me daily. He helps me through his words to remember I am such a lucky woman to be living today.

playingthehandiwasdealt
playingthehandiwasdealt.wordpress.com

This blogger always reminds me that I am not alone. When I am suffering from not believing I have anything to offer, she shows me I am worthy.

Yoshiko
zyoshiko.wordpress.com

I have never heard a bad remark or a down day for Yoshiko. She reminds me to watch my tongue and say  kind words each day.

thehappyhugger
hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com

My dear Michelle, I swear that she and I are unknown sisters. We share so many thoughts that are the same.

catkay1984
funandmorebykay.wordpress.com

I have learned through Cat that through thick and thin, poor and wealth, we are rich in the Lord.

angelswhisper2011
angelswhisper2011.wordpress.com

My dear Angel is sometimes what I really think, my angel. She know just the right words to say, no matter how I am feeling.

sakuraandme
depressionexists.wordpress.com

This dear blogger friend of mine has been following me for many months. I don’t know what I would do without her wit and upbeat words. She can make me laugh, and cheer me on. She is always here.

Debbie
iftodaywehear.wordpress.com

Dear Debbie, I don’t hear a lot of words, but the few she speaks to me are so inspirational. She is truly  one of God‘s children.

Vicki (from Victoria A Photography)
victoriaaphotography.wordpress.com

Vicki and I have shared many chats between the keys. She is a wonderful, and warm person. I relate to her so easily.

Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer
40yearwanderer.com x

When I think of God and how I want to live, I think of Heather. She is a newer blogger friend to me, but has left a deep imprint in my heart.

Mona Gustafson Affinito
monagustafsonaffinito.wordpress.com

Mona is someone I met moons ago. I always look up to her. She is quite a lady. Anytime she gives me positive comments, I sit up a little straighter.

Alastair
kattermonran.wordpress.com/

Alastair is my rock. He is a friend that we always need in our lives. I really don’t know what I would do if he disappeared out of my life.

Dr. Johnny. Velazquez
parrillaturi.wordpress.com

Johnny and I met through Linkedin. He is marvelous. Full of strength and appreciation of life.

Rusha Sams
ohtheplaceswesee.wordpress.com

When I think of Rusha, I get jealous but not with green eyes, but with bright eyes and the knowledge that she lives where I would love to be, in the great state of TN

seeker
theseeker57.wordpress.com

Seeker is one who always mystifies me. I don’t know a lot about him, but he reads my blog a lot and then surprises me with great praise.

babyjill7…Marilyn Griffin
gravatar.com/babyjill7 x
marilyn.griffin@insightbb.com

Dear friend Marilyn. She is the kindest soul. I will never forget her and her husband. They came and met with me and Al. She gave Al a hat that was coca cola and he still clings to it today. She will never know the impact she has made on Al and my life.

cshowers
burningfireshutinmybones.wordpress.com

It took me a while to get to know Cheryl. I really liked her at first, but I saw that my strength in God was not it should be. Because I let the door of my soul open, she has taught me to trust God and myself. She has shown me that I am worthy of taking up space.

lenwilliamscarver
myownheart.me x
grammielen@gmail.com

What can I say about my dear friend Len. From the very beginning we hit it off. If I didn’t have her to email and talk to, life would be emptier.

Sheila Morris
redsrantsandraves.wordpress.com

I love Sheila. She has the most astounding blog. All about her life and her pets. I so much enjoy the cute way she speaks in her posts and I admire her love for life and people, and of course her dogs.

catnipoflife
catnipoflife.wordpress.com

I will never be able to think of Catnip without remembering the honor she bestowed me by having me as a guest on her blog. I will be forever grateful to her.

becky6259
becky6259.wordpress.com

Becky and I have known each other for a while. She is opposite from me. I am a chatterbox and she is more quiet, but watch out, because when she comments I always end up smiling

Patty B
thoughtsfromanamericanwoman.wordpress.com

Patty means the world to me. She has suffered in her own life and yet always finds time for me. I always look up to her courage and strength and the faith she has in God

viveka
gravatar.com/pusspudding x
big.girl@bredband2.com

Viveka, Vivi, I don’t know what I would do without her. She has taught me so much about cooking and experimenting with foods. I have learned a whole new world of music. We have spoken through Skype. She has sent Al special coca cola cards. I feel like I could go see her in person and we would just go take our cameras and shoot pictures and then find a great little place to dine at. Love you Vivi!

Lady Lovely
ladylovelyblogger.wordpress.com

Lady is a newer blogger friend in my life. Her heart is full of life and love and very upbeat

brianwilliamsen
brianwilliamsen.wordpress.com

Brian is one of the nicest male friends a girl could ask for, I swear it’s true. Very upbeat and a loving family man.

whatwereyathinkin
deepthinker52.wordpress.com

I can’t explain it, but there has been a soul connection with this wonderful blogger since the first day I met him. I just love the way he thinks

jmgoyder
jmgoyder.wordpress.com

Dear sweet Julie. I connected with her through a friend here at WP. Her husband and my brother suffer from Parkinson’s Disease. It was love at first words for this woman. My heart is always with her in her struggles with Ants and life

behindthemaskofabuse
buckwheatsrisk.com

Buck as I have called her for so long and I connect because she and I share some past that are common to each other. She is a fighter for a fair life.

Tilly Bud – The Laughing Housewife
thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com

If I need a laugh or a funny joke, this is where I head

My friend Jo. I can’t find you anywhere, your link. I don’t know what happened, but you know that Parkinson’s brought you and I together. Thank-you for so many chats and phone calls. You are definitely my Louise.

This is not all of my friends, but I have run out of space. Anyone that is not mentioned, do not be offended. You are very important to me in my life.green-emerald-gemstone-thumb14543806