Tag Archives: Lord

I Lost A Friend

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Heart of Jesus

I was so distraught today when I received an email notification from a friend that I used to speak to several times a day here at WP. It was her husband informing me that Sara had taken her life.

My heart broke in to many shattered pieces. I could hear them breaking into tiny puzzles as they hit the floor. My heart went out to the husband as I was reading this short to the point post.

Why? Why did this happen? Although, I am the last one to understand what was actually going on inside her head, I hoped with all my might, that I may at least bring some comfort to her at the point in time of her need.

What allows us to believe that our life is so worthless that the only choice we see in front of us is suicide? What right do we have in the eyes of God to take our own life? I am speaking as a Christian woman here. Some of you may agree and others may not. This is alright. It will not destroy in any way the feelings I carry about you my friend.

I, myself have been so sad for the past few months. There is a light layer of my soul that can understand a person believing there is no way out. Sara blogged and clung to us bloggers just as I do. None of us are guaranteed an easy life. The road we walk until death comes to take us is filled with rocks to climb over and plenty of dips to sink in.

The dips that we fall into are when I try even harder to look towards Jesus Christ. He is the only way to keep from drowning into the pit of death. I believe God wants us to lean heavily on him. He reaches both arms out and we are to take a hold of each one and let him lift us up.

Some of us in this world do not believe in God. Others question if there is even a God out there. I have found over and over that when the dip we fall into is too deep, God reaches his hands farther down and with one request of help me Lord, he will save us.

It breaks my heart for Sara. She and I spoke often about God. She wasn’t sure. She questioned his existence. But, the important thing was she was thinking about it. She was reading the verses. She was searching the word. I don’t know where her mind was at the time she took her life, but I hope that she now has peace and is in God’s hands.

I love you Sara, and I will miss you greatly.

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Raise Me Back Up

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I knew it was coming, but not today, please not today. I have to wipe my tears, please wait. Alright I am back. I can’t do this. I can do this right . I can’t take the words that have been spoken to me. I want to hide, please hide me. I feel like I am going to fall apart. My heart is broken, and still breaks even more.

Too many calls today from my brother’s new home. Oh God, can I write this? Please, someone help me, but there is no one here. It is the television and me. I can’t get healed. Too many times I try to get up and get knocked back down.

Al changed, something happened. How can I help? What can I do? He doesn’t know things. He fell today. He is not being able to swallow correctly. They have now asked me to get his walker and bring it home.

They have studied him for a while and say he is getting too weak. He has to use a wheelchair from now on. Every thing he does now has to be supervised and watched. He is forgetting how to do things.

I was told he may live for a long time but he will be immobile sooner then they wanted. They asked me not to come today as he is very confused.  They said he is angry at every one and sees no more hope in his life.

He is crying. I am crying. Oh Lord raise me up to the challenges you are forcing me to see.

I am to go in and pick-up his walker tomorrow and have the care plan meeting at 1. All I can hear in my head is, he may live for a long time but he will be immobile. Please Lord, help him, calm his soul, bring him peace. Deliver the strength I need to do this. I love him so much Lord, he is my brother…………..Amen

hear my prayer

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Lighting a Special Candle

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I don’t know if most of you know about the lighting of the candle. I know it has spread

Christmas candle

Electric candles

rapidly throughout Facebook.

I am asking everyone that had any emotions running rampant from the shooting of those precious babies in CT to follow me. Tomorrow 12/23/ and 12/24, we are all gathering together, and lighting candles periodically over the day. You may choose to light a real one at times or leave an electric one on all through the two days. I will start tomorrow and have an electric one running and from time to time light a real one.

I want to say a prayer.

Lord, our heavenly father. We do not know the reason why these precious babies were taken so early from our earth. I have to trust that you had the perfect reason. I know that each of these precious ones are now sitting on your lap and they are smiling looking into your eyes. They have forgotten all about what has happened, but we here on earth have not forgotten. It remains fresh in our minds even a week and a day later. Lord stay close to the families that are hurting so badly. Help them by showing your love on Christmas morning, as this has to be such a difficult time for them. I am sure there were presents under the trees. Oh how my own heart breaks for them. Take care of them Lord, like you do for the birds that fly in our skies. Love them and comfort them. Let them know that we the world care and we are lighting our candles for them. I love you God and I know you have heard this prayer. Love them as you do me. Amen.

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Walking Hand In Hand

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Français : Courage

O heavenly father, I want to thank-you

For keeping me safe today

For protecting my soul

From all of harm’s way.

For protecting my heart

Against sorrow and pain

For lifting my spirits

Showing I have much to gain.

Thank-you Lord for giving to me

The courage to stand the courage to be

Whom you have created so very unique

I have learned to you I must seek.

Big bad wolves come in fake colors

Trying to steal this soul you have made

I thank-you Lord, for allowing me to see

That I can shine bright, and just be me.

I am not perfect, and do make mistakes

I can hurt others unintentionally

But I get down on bended knee

Knowing that you will always forgive me.

Thank-you Lord for keeping me strong

To deal with sadness that comes my way

Thank-you for letting me share a piece of my heart

With whom ever comes in my day.

Now the time is coming near

That we celebrate the day you came

You took our sins and wiped them clean

I praise you God, I praise your name.

Amen

Terry Shepherd

12/04/2012

 

 

 

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Picture It & Write December 02/2012

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Pills__by_howdarntragicThis is a subject too close to home these days. A picture portraying a desperate woman. Wanting her pain to leave, and finding no other way, has questioned the idea of taking pills.

The difference between her and me is very wide. I do not wish to take pills. I hate taking medications and only take ibuprofen, if I think I am dying from pain. LOL. Instead, I want to escape, run away, hide under my blankets and sleep until the next day. If things get too heavy, I will even stay a way from WordPress. The thought of bringing other sweet friends down does not make me happy, so better to go into hiding.

Sometimes, I will get on the phone and talk to one of three friends that I have. This can be very comforting to me. Other times I will go see Al, and hope that he can entertain my thoughts for a while.

Pain can run very deep in my veins. It causes empty voids, feelings of being alone or abandoned. It can cause blue skies to look gray and dreary. I absolutely hate it, but I  don’t seem able  to escape for very long before sad news is dealt to me again from a brand new deck of cards.

What I try to do to, instead of looking in my medicine shelves, is look towards  God. God and constant friends who do not desert me. God and friends are very comforting to me. It is a nice feeling to all humans to know that people care and that we are important to another soul in the world.

I hope this woman in the picture finds God before she reaches for the open pills. Satan is helping her by whispering in her ear, that this is the easiest way out, but God will hold your hand and carry you and I through it. Friends, let’s hope that this lady has friends. Please Lord, allow that phone to ring. Let the person on the other end, tell her that they were thinking of her. Let her know that we care. You, God, are a miracle worker, I pray for a miracle for this lady. Amen.

Daily Prompt: Fight or Flight/ The Daily Post

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This one is sort of hard for me, because first I had to look back at the last time I had the

Judge Joseph Bonaventure, by courtroom artist ...

fight or flight mood happen. As I was going back in memory lane, it came to me. It was about a year and a half ago.

I hesitated to write about this, because it was a sensitive topic, and the person involved still can trigger emotions in me yet today.

The topic is something that I rarely speak about out loud, as if it will curse me. You know what I mean. You start saying something negative about your car, and boom, it happens, what you talked about running so good, or having no problems, all of a sudden, it happens!

I have a wonderful brother, who by now you all know, but Al and I  also have a step-sister. A woman ten years younger than myself. I can remember a time when we were pretty close. It was the baby sister looking up to the big sister, wanting to be just like her, but things changed. Life changed, our father passed away. All three of us kids had the same father.

When dad passed a way, it was the worst time in my life, the worst tragedy that I have ever lived. It was worse than my divorce, or being more poor than I am now. There was a will, and that is when all hell broke loose.

Our father knew us well, he knew each of us and how we handled monies, and therefore, he made arrangements for each to have certain things at different times in our lives.

Dad was smart, I must say, he knew Al would always need extra help. Help with living arrangements, medical, and survival. Dad never knew that I took care of Al of course, but I guess that is hindsight, the real point here is that dad made sure Al would be alright if anything happened to him, dad.

Our sister wanted more than what she received, and so as a lot of people do, they attack  the weakest, which in this case was Al,  with his mentality. One day I went to the mail box, and there was that certain white, big envelope. The kind that sort of makes your stomach rumble as it doesn’t look like an ad or a bill.

I took it inside and opened it and learned that our sister was taking me to court to switch Al from my care to hers. I instantly got hot inside. I was too scared to cry, and I did not go immediately to God with my problem.

I sweated for the better part of these  two weeks before the court date. Al and I cried a lot, for fear of being separated from each other. I think I bit my nails down to the quick, and I lost some weight also.

One day a few days before the court date, a friend reminded me to go to the Lord with this. He was the miracle worker, he was the one that saw things for what they truly were, and he knew what was right from wrong.

I got on my knees and prayed. I can still remember it so well. Al got on his knees also, and we held hands, he cried and I prayed, and when we were finished, I felt so much calmer. I had come to a realm of new realization. I had nothing to fear. I knew that I was doing the best I could with Al’s care.

The day came, and my stomach started to churn. I sat in the front of the court room on my designated seat. Before, the judge walked in, I silently prayed again, for God to use my mouth to form the correct words. Please Lord, do not let me make a fool of myself from my nerves. Help me to look calm and confident.

The judge entered and the questions started coming at me. One, two, three, four, five, and finally it was over. I made my last statement, and my voice never quivered. As soon as I was finished, the judge looked back at my brother, who was sitting in the background, and he asked him to stand up. Al stood up and the judge asked him if he had anything he wanted to say.

My brother started crying very hard, and somewhere in between the cries and the silence of the room, the judge and I,  and all others involved heard my brother say,

Please don’t take me a way from my sister. I love living with her. I love her. We go places and she takes me out to eat and takes me to the Goodwill stores to buy coca-cola. I don’t want to live with the other sister.

I think when I looked or stared into the judges eyes as Al spoke, I could swear a saw one shiny tear fall from his eye. The judge coughed and cleared his throat, and looked back at me and said,

This case is a waste of my valuable time. There is nothing here to judge, as I can see Al is very well taken care of and is happy where he is living. Case is dismissed.

I said, I don’t know how many thank-you’s  to the judge, as he leaned from his pulpit and reached down and shook my hand. He said for me to continue the good job. I walked quickly over to Al, and he was still crying. With his mentality problems, he didn’t comprehend what was happening, so I just said,

Hey bud, you ready to go get something to eat and go home?

He looked at me and asked,

You mean home with you? and I said yes!

I got the biggest smile I have ever seen in my life taking care of him. He got it! He understood, we had won, and she had lost. He grabbed his hat and waved at the people in the courtroom, telling them goodbye, and we took off to go celebrate.

What a wonderful God we have walking beside us. Some of you can sit and say, I may have won without asking for God’s help, but really, why would I want to take such a big risk of losing and counting on my own nervous self? No way, I wanted God on my side as judge and jury.

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Oh Lord

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Hurrican Sandy

Oh Lord we gather around today

And we are going to pray

That you watch over the people there

Please do not leave their area all bare

We sense the fear they carry

Their lives are not sweet and merry

Oh Lord we pray they are safe today

As the weather is having its way

Let them remember you are here

And wipe a way all their tears

You know the reasons why

That this storm is passing by

Oh Lord we trust you so

Please let this pass and go

Let their lives be quick to heal

Let them find shelter and a meal

I pray this in your holy name

Amen

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