What does the word Starting with C mean to you?


Christmas, the word, how does it make you feel when you first hear it? Does it make you anxious, thinking of the money you will spend on it? Does it remind you of Jesus’s birthday?

Family gatherings and lots of food? No matter what store I visit, I see trees decorated to the max. Christmas music can be heard from some stores. Bright lights, glittery reindeer, all sizes of Santas.

When I was a kid, I would get excited, like every other kid I suppose. Dreaming of what that one gift under the tree would bring that only Santa carried on his sleigh. Yes, we received a few more gifts but not many.

Christmas in our home wasn’t so much about how many gifts we received. It was the day Jesus was born. A day to go to Grandma’s house and see all of our cousins we hadn’t seen for so long. A day to eat and over eat, run inside, try our new pajamas on.

Christmas day was filled with so much pleasure. In those days I didn’t give a thought nor would I have understood what goes on for the mom’s in our lives. Stress, shopping, spending money, getting everything just right.

This year at Christmas for me, I probably won’t put a tree up. My daughter believes I should, maybe even a live one. Wow, I haven’t smelled a live pine tree inside my home for years.

I am so looking forward to spending the day with my kids and grandkids. I can’t help bring to the front, the thoughts of Al, and my parents. The grandparents that used to form such wonderful memories in my mind.

I wish over and over that some things in life didn’t have to change. There will be a large void in my life this year at Christmas. I am going to try real hard to make new memories without my life back home. I am going to count each day I awake as a new blessing I was given.

I am not going to be spending so much time in the stores shopping but instead treasure each word and each face on the day I go home to visit. I have only been gone a month, but you know me well enough to know I miss those grandkids back home and my other kids.

Mean while, I am going to lay my head back and take a ride of my new Christmas this year. No getting all psyched out and stressed over nothing that matters anyway. My kids, my family, that is what matters. Can I get an AMEN to this?

 

 

 

 

lights 1 2014

A Quick Day


Today was a quick day. I got up and changed sheets on my bed. I swept and mopped floors and did a couple of loads of laundry. I decided to take a break and get online but about the time I did my phone rang.

It was a call that I had been keeping my hopes up for and it came. This in turn took away my break and I had to get dressed and leave. I spent the better part of the next three hours getting tests done. I didn’t expect all the extras in my time frame so my sugars dropped.

Thankfully it was carry- in day at the office I was at so they gave me a nice piece of apple/nut cake. It sure was good. It brought my sugars back up and I was able to drive to home where food was waiting to be fixed.

Have you ever been married and then divorced and ended up being better friends apart? This is what happened to my ex and I.  I hadn’t seen him for about three years. He now lives less than two hours away. He let me know he was coming by if I wasn’t busy.

When he arrived he took me out to supper. We visited and talked about old days. He helped me with a couple of odd jobs here that I had been struggling with. I can actually say it was nicer visiting than being married to him.

He says he will stop by again soon, and I agreed to this. No, no plans, no way, no relationship other than friendship. It just wouldn’t work. I had to add that part because I know a few of you are thinking ahead, so I had to take care of those wandering thoughts.

Tomorrow morning at 11 is my appointment with Humana. Still keep those fingers crossed that all goes well. I think if I heard right my daughter is going to play hair stylist with me tomorrow sometime also.

Now it is quiet again. I enjoy my quiet time; but I sure do enjoy having friends and family visits too. It isn’t good for the soul to be too alone too often, or at least this is the way I feel.

One thing I found today here at home was the flag that Al Forbes bought for my brother. It brought a few tears but not too many. I rather remembered better thoughts about Al than the sad ones of sickness.

I still have my times where I can cry and cry, but someone once told me here in blogger world that as time moves by, the good memories will replace the tears. I can see this happening a little at a time.

Although I still don’t know anyone around here except my family, I don’t see the wheelchair, Hospice, and all the sickness in my new place. It is easier now to bury the suffering he and I went through.

I shared conversation with my ex about Al and I noticed I was chatting about all the good times and very little about the sad times. This is a good feeling to me. He and I had very many difficult moments where we butted heads. With the illness on top, life seemed almost unbearable, but now it seems worth living again.

 

Life is what we make it

It can be good or full of shit

Fog slows us down

Sadness drags us to the ground

But then the sun rays show

That forward we must go

Thinking becomes more clear

But the love I will always hold dear

I wouldn’t change a thing today

About Al and his MSA

We shared many good days

And I put to rest the dark rays

Now when I say my brother’s name

I don’t play so much the game

Of tears and sleeping away

I can see it is a bright new day.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/16/2014

HPIM0378

STAY


 

 

STAY

Don’t leave me

Don’t go away

Stay by my side

Please don’t let me slide

 

I know you aren’t really here

I can’t see you anywhere

But I can still see our love

In my bed and right above

 

You left last week

You walked out on me

You said we were through

You wanted someone new

 

But I can’t let you go

I must feel you by my side

So I cling to memories

In my dreams, our love, you and me

 

You insisted on walking on

Take your clothes, take it all

But when you turned to leave

I stole our memories.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10.15.2014

Endurance/ The Daily Post


http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_photo_challenge/endurance/

Endurance

Show us what endurance means to you. Is it that high-school diploma, beads of sweat earned on a long run, a treasured family heirloom, or something else entirely?

Memories will always be solid in my mind, burned forever in my thoughts of how we are born in innocence.

pink flowerfly 4moon3

 

baby Easton and Chloe

How Do I Get Through The Lonely Day


How Do I Get Through The Lonely Day


I thought my family was coming today so I made no other plans; but to my mistake I missed the phone call so I began to clean up the mess from painting. It is amazing how you are staying in one room painting. Rearranging furniture, wall photos and miscellaneous and yet the entire house becomes a disaster.

So with three rooms painted you can imagine what my home looks like now. Al would be upset…

View On WordPress

How Do I Get Through The Lonely Day


I thought my family was coming today so I made no other plans; but to my mistake I missed the phone call so I began to clean up the mess from painting. It is amazing how you are staying in one room painting. Rearranging furniture, wall photos and miscellaneous and yet the entire house becomes a disaster.

So with three rooms painted you can imagine what my home looks like now. Al would be upset with me right now. I keep walking in and out of there trying to make the room the way he would like it. He would be trying to listen to Bonanza on the TV and he would say something but then try his best to ignore me.

While putting a way things where they belong I run across other items that go in another spot. I had to find my automobile policy showing I was now covered for the next year. While going through the desk I found many papers on Al.

The tears started rolling down my cheeks. I placed them in an Al pile and will file all at a later time. I had a three-tier, plastic storage cart from which I had used in Al’s room. It held all types of bandages, medicines and such.

I cried like a big baby while sorting out what needed to be discarded. I brought the unit out and placed it in my bathroom. Out of the cupboard I pulled out another container that had medicines. I cried once again disposing of outdated ointments etc.

There was a couple of pairs of finger nail clippers and some files that the caregiver and I used for Al. On one of the pairs of clippers was the smallest of nail remaining. Of course after noticing it I lost it.

I sat down on the bathroom floor and bawled my eyes out. I miss Al so bad today. I don’t think I am ready to deal with anymore than just the painting of his room yet. Especially not today when I am all alone.

The first warm day we have  had and I have no doubt if Al was here we would be going antiquing for sure. Al I miss you so much today. I hope you are seeing plenty of vintage cars and coca cola in heaven. When is this broken heart going to mend? It feels like never.

 

If anyone still wishes to help by donating to the nursing home fund, here is the link.

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/k1d4/unexpected-2-expenses-from-my-brother-s-death

robin

Look Down Upon Me


 

Look Down Upon Me

Is not my heart

Able to be healed

When it has been broken

For so long. I weep into

my hands and my

body trembles

As I see your

Face and your

Eyes say please

Help me

I hear your voice

But can’t make

Out the words

I fall to the floor

And hold my hands

Stretched up before me

Oh hear my cries

Wipe my tears

Take the misery a way

Bring peace unto us

Take a way the old

Bring forth the new

Let the day begin

With the calm of the night

And end with the bright sun light

Oh hear me oh  God

Look down upon me

With love in your soul

And tears in my eyes

Wipe this time a way

But leave memories so dear

Amen

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

03.04.2014

indians

 

 

http://youtu.be/vEBvo8Y4ZIY