Today you have been granted the opportunity to go anywhere, do anything, meet anyone, travel in time…whatever you wish, it is yours. Now, there’s a catch. (Isn’t there always?) When you wake up tomorrow… you will not remember any of it.
I left my cares behind. On my back was a backpack filled with necessities. In my pockets were monies I had stashed a way for a rainy day. Dressed in jeans for hiking and good boots, my black-felted cowgirl hat, and a cotton blouse I was going nowhere.
Al was in the care at the Hospice house and Rhino was being fed by the neighbor. I had two weeks that Al could be safely out of my sight and I decided I was going to take advantage of every moment I could.
The skies were endless and my dreams rode the horizons. Fresh air filling my nostrils, the blue in my eyes straining to see all life had in front of me. My lungs filling with new life. I was free, yes totally free.
I had only walked about a mile when a Fairy Princess I had once dreamed about as a child appeared. She waved her beautiful, sparkling wand and presented me with a fine blue feather. She nodded towards it smiling and with her eyes told me to sit upon the carrier named Blue.
Not questioning anything I did as she prompted. The delicacy was strong enough to hold me and all that I carried. When I looked back to thank her she was gone. I smiled and within seconds my new seat lifted me above the tallest green trees. I was floating over my home I had just left.
I did not need a guide because the yearnings I carried in my heart were transferred into my golden carriage. We drifted slowly higher and I saw my parents home. Tears started to fall and as if magic the feather handed me a blue handkerchief. The edges were laced in pale blue. The core of it in the color of virgin white.
I wiped my tears and we darted higher and as we traveled it seemed like only minutes but I knew it had been much longer. For the next city I saw was one that I had lived in many years ago in Germany. Oh what beauty. Blue took me over the house that I had once lived in as a newlywed. Beautiful smiles crossed my face as I remembered all the special moments we had shared.
I photographed every detail perfectly in my mind as we hovered over the city. It was exhilarating. No one could interrupt me. I was free to react in any way that felt good. No judging, no tears, pure splendor is what I felt at this moment. My heart was higher than the tallest mountains.
We left there and soon I found myself in the front yard of my daughter’s home. I started crying and no handkerchief could control these happy and joyful tears. I miss my daughter very much. She doesn’t live near me any longer but my mind thinks of her often. Oh how I miss her, and now here I am.
Blue lowered me to the ground and I could see my daughter peering through the front window. She saw me walking up to her front door and she ran out to greet me. We hugged each other like we had never hugged. She roughed up my hair and I tousled hers. Arm in arm we walked into her home. Neither of us shut up for one second. We talked until I was signaled it was time to move on. We cried for the parting of each other but promised to not wait so long to see each other the next time.
I sat back on my familiar Blue and off we went into the skies once again. We went higher and higher. I wasn’t afraid but I was questioning in my mind where we were going. At long last I was placed in front of two golden doors. I wasn’t allowed in and this time Blue didn’t disappear.
There was a fine mist that made me keep blinking but when my eyes adjusted there on the outside of the golden gates stood my entire family. Oh Mom, oh Dad, how I have missed you. Running into their arms. Once again feeling the sureness that I was so familiar with. Seeing my Dad’s smile and Mom’s beautiful face almost made me faint.
But I dare not or I would miss each precious moment. Behind my parents were other family members. Aunts, Uncles, cousins. Everyone was there and for a brief moment I remembered love. Love for people, family and a safe haven where I knew I belonged.
Blue motioned for me that it was time to go. I clung to my parents not wanting to ever let go, but I had to. This was not for me to decide. This was my inner self expressing needs and desires that had been hidden too deeply to surface for so long.
Mom and Dad waved goodbye to me. Their eyes smiled at me and I could make out their lips saying they would see me soon.
I felt like I was ten years old again. Life was all anew. There was no sickness around me. There was no divorce nor pain. I was swinging high in a school yard swing. Kicking my feet back and forth begging to go higher. I never wanted this to stop.
Blue took me to the house I lived in when I was a child. He took me over the playground I used to play in as a child. I could see my life flowing before me. Month after month, year after year I revisited.
I wasn’t ready for the ride to stop but as I neared the familiar sights of my own home I was able to see my two sons. They were waving at me. They were mouthing words of You Go Girl. All my grandchildren were standing with them. They were screaming, hi Grandma.
They were jumping up and down as they tried so desperately to reach up to me and grab my hand. If I could have I would have reached down and picked each one up and take them with me, but alas this ride was for no one other than my inner being.
Soon I was brought down to solid ground. I was dropped off in the exact same spot as I was lifted from. I looked around to see if my fairy Princess was here but there was no one. It was just me standing in my own shadow, remembering all I had just experienced.
I had the time of my life. Everything I had ever dreamed about I had experienced. My mind was full of contentment and sweet memories. Blue had vanished and I turned towards my house and walked home. As I entered the front door I noticed nothing had changed. Everything was just how I had left it.
Nothing had changed on the outside but my entire spirit had done a 360 turn around. As I drifted off to sleep silhouettes of Mom and Dad’s smiles in their eyes reflected back at me.