Prayer Request Please


Weeping Angels

I thought that when I left Al yesterday, he was in better spirits from our talk. Evidently not, as the facility just called to tell me they had an issue with him. He is thinking about ending it all. They said he has no plan, which makes them feel better. It is an unofficial watch for him as if they state in the files what he is thinking he would have to be sent to a psyche ward. Neither them or me wants him to have to go there. It would destroy him.

So I am pleading and begging for prayers. I called the man in charge of his waiver and said that Al is very sad and that he is afraid he is going to die there instead of here at home. He said he will try to rush it on his end but that once it was at the State again, it was out of his control.

I know that Al told me last week that he saw someone sitting in his recliner during the night. He said that God told him it was now time to go to heaven to see Mom.

I am not going to argue Al’s words because who am I to judge?

Please pray that this goes quickly to get him home and that all the angels surround Al while he is still there.

 

Daily Prompt; Hi Mom


http://dailypost.wordpress.com, Daily Post, DP

http://dailypost.wordpress.com

Today is Mother’s Day in the United States. Wherever in the world you are, write your mother a letter.

Photographers, share a photo that says mothering. mother and child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mom,

I have seen many posts on Facebook of children wishing their Mom’s a great Mother’s Day. I have read several posts here at WordPress of professing love for our mothers. I am even guilty of writing about you too a little early.

Mom, growing up isn’t easy. Us kids are self-centered by nature. We see ourselves as the center of attention. We are demanding as little ones. When we want food or drink or we have a boo-boo, we let you know that we want and need your attention immediately.

We played in the mud making our clothes dirty. We tracked mud across your freshly mopped floors. We even picked you the yellow dandelions out of the yard, and everything we did wrong was erased and placed with smiles as you picked us up and hugged us thanking us for your beautiful yellow-staining flower.

You were the one who came running when you heard that high-pitched scream. You swooped us up in your arms and rushed us inside to clean our knees when we scraped them riding our bikes.

You were the only Mom who had to go to parent teacher conference and discover that your daughter had left her under slip hanging in the coat closet the entire grading period. Knowing how easily you are embarrassed, I can only imagine how you felt at that moment.

Mom, I want to thank-you for standing up for me when Dad accused or yelled at me. I didn’t realize that by doing this you took the risk of having a new argument later behind closed bedroom doors.

You worked very hard through the years you were raising me. I want to ask for your forgiveness for all the times that you tried over and over to call me at home. Only to find the phone was ringing that familiar busy signal. You were so upset with me when you arrived home, and the one thing I did was lie to you. Stating something must be wrong with that darn phone. But you and me, we both knew inside our hearts that I was fibbing, but you didn’t say it out loud.

I want to thank-you for taking your valuable time to pick me up from the library after you had worked a long day. Or taking me into meet my friends at the movies when I now realize you would rather have stayed home and relaxed on a Friday night.

I want to thank-you Mom for understanding that I needed to make my own mistakes in my teen years. I did do some biggies and you never said I told you so. I want to ask again for forgiveness for the many tears I brought to your eyes. I knew it Mom, when you came out from your bedroom with your Bible in your hands, I had disappointed you again and you were praying for me to see the light.

I want to thank-you Mom for shedding the tears for me. I was the only one who saw them but I knew they were tears of worry and hope that my life would be alright when you and I discovered at the doctor’s office that I was pregnant.

I want to thank-you for taking care of my first-born the year I was so ill. I know that this was a huge burden for you with all of your other responsibilities. You did it all and never complained or made me feel bad.

I want to apologize to you Mom for all the ways I went about letting you know that you were not my real mother while I was growing up. You didn’t have to do it. I was not your own and yet you remained steady and loving until the day you died.

One last thing Mom, I want to thank-you for letting me speak to you while you lay on your death-bed. I know in my heart that even though you were unconscience you heard every word I spoke.

I always loved you Mom, and you gave me the chance to wipe the slate clean and let me tell you how much I admired you as a Mother, and how much I always loved you. It was as if you were waiting for those words you so desperately needed to hear all those long years. Because as soon as I said them, I took a hold of your pale, lifeless hand, and you then let Jesus lift you into his arms.

I love you Mom. You may not have been my blood Mother, but I know you were the best in the world.

With tears in my eyes,

Your loving daughter,

Terry

Tender Memories


ducks

Tenderness in

My heart

Open wounds

Never healed

Completely

Leave me vulnerable

For falling tears

And memories

Come flooding back

Of the days that

Once were happy

And full of laughter

Now to be stored

Deep in my soul

Until we meet

Once again

There can be

No other

Mother

Earns the title

Of being there

For me the way

You were

I will never

Forget you

And will cherish

You always

Terry Shepherd

05/11/2013

 

#FWF Free Write Friday; M is for Mom


http://kellieelmore.comm-is-for-mom-2

Our mom was my brother and my step-mom. She was the glue that held the family together.

When she passed away in 2000, our little family slowly fell apart. Dad became lost in his own sorrows for a few years.

I never knew what to say or how to comfort and soon time separated us more and more.

It shouldn’t have been that way, but life has a funny way of helping us to either make or not through loss of parents.

I think my brother, Al suffered the most. His  suffering wasn’t done like ours by talking about her and memories. His was done internally. Somewhere inside of his head and heart he built a shell as hard as a walnut.

He became more distant from all of us. He buried himself in coca cola and things that he should have strayed away from. Pretty soon it was evident that our family had come unglued.

I didn’t realize it for a long time that a lot of my own personal problems were due to the lack of being able to go to Mom’s house and talk to her. I didn’t realize that I had counted on her that much in my life.

She and I were never close like chocolate and milk. We were more like apples and pears. I hadn’t seen that through the years that I was growing up. I had omitted to let her know how much she meant to me and how thankful I was that she took us two kids in under her wings.

That has to be tough for parents. I have never taken kids  in to raise as my own. I do know that I have children in my family that aren’t what people call blood related but I fell in love with them as if they were. I always include them when I speak of my grandkids. I don’t see them any other way.

But for a Mom or Dad to take this role on day after day after year I assume there has to be some big adjustment times for adult and child.

Today was a day from hell for my brother. Although his Parkinson’s has brought about some dementia with it and no matter how badly he hurts physically, he never forgets our Mom.

He was really sad today. The real truth is he misses her just as much now as he did years ago when she went to heaven. Mom’s birthday is three days after Mother’s Day and so to him it is a double whammy. I tried so hard to console him today but I know in my heart that he will have to work through this alone.

I know my heart feels the void and there are still many times I want to go to the phone and dial her number, but alas, I can not.

Mom, I never told you this too often. Most likely it was because I was a stubborn brat and didn’t want to admit I may be wrong. I love you Mom. I know I caused you grief. You had your hands full with a full-time job, a new husband, and two new kids. I want you to know how sorry I am.

I am so certain that you and Dad watch over Al and me even now. I hope that you both are proud of how I have cared for my baby brother. I hope you are both smiling down on us. I love you Dad and I miss you so much. I love you Mom and I am sending you hugs from this earth up to you. I will see you soon enough and then I will give you a real big hug. Happy Mother’s Day Mom. You certainly earned your title.

Love, Your Daughter

Terryme and brother

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

monarchfree-write-friday-kellie-elmore

Chapter 20


Henry raced over and jumped on the bed to the other side. There lay Kurt on top of Jane and he was smacking her in the face. He had her blouse unbuttoned, and flesh was poking out from her bra.

“You son of a bitch. Get the hell off of her right now.” Henry grabbed a hold of the back of Kurt’s shirt and yanked him as hard as he could. Kurt reached around and swung at Henry missing his jaw.

“This little girl has to be taught a lesson. I don’t approve much of liars, and she is going to learn to never do it again.”

“I said get off of her, right now.” Henry grabbed his shirt again and this time knocked Kurt backwards. He fell off of Jane and ended up smacking his head against the wall. Henry picked him up by his shirt and belt and threw him up against the wall. Kurt’s head slammed into the wall pushing a piece of the wall inwards.

He reached for him again and picked him up and threw him on to the bed. He began to punch him in the gut and hit him in the face. When he ran out of energy he knocked him onto the floor with his feet.

Kurt could barely stand. Henry left him lay there long enough to check on Jane. “Are you alright? Did he hurt you?” He helped straighten out her clothing and gave her assistance to sit on the bed. He checked her out as good as he could. Seeing she was physically stable, he went back to where Kurt lay and helped him up by the seat of his pants.

He shoved him to the front door and then kicked him out. “Don’t you ever step foot on this property again or I will call the cops on you.” Kurt rubbed his jaw and tasting blood turned back around and said,” I ain’t done with her yet. She better watch her back.”

“And I will kill you if I see you around her ever again. Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind and give you another round of my fist.”

Henry watched as the man left in his car and then remembered his Mom. He ran into the kitchen where she was sitting at the table. Smoking a cigarette she asked,” Who in the hell was that? He came in here so fast, he knocked me over because I evidently was in his way. I turned around to tell him to get out, but then down I went. He is lucky he didn’t break any of my bones.” She rubbed her cheek and felt the back of her head, making sure she was alright.

“Mom, I’m sorry you had to be a part of this, but I have taken care of everything.” He walked over and gave his Mom a kiss on the cheek then left to go check on his wife.

She was laying down when he entered the room. He walked over and sat beside her. “Are you sure you are alright? I don’t think he will ever come near you again. I think he learned a valuable lesson when it comes to messing with my woman.”

Jane touched her lip and felt pain but didn’t see any blood. Henry could see one of her eyes beginning to turn dark. He left the room and then came back with a piece of frozen meat. “Here, put this over that eye. You’re going to end up with a shiner if you don’t.”

She laid it over her eye and felt her ribs with her free hand. She winced from pain. “He scared me to death Henry. I thought he was going to kill me. What made him go ape on me like that? Why me?”

Henry looked at her but he didn’t want to tell her how he had thrown the first punch. He said nothing and she asked him again. “Jane, just don’t worry about nothing. It’s all over now. Why don’t you lay here and get some rest. I am going to go check on Mom again.”

Jane rolled over on her side and again winced from pain. Henry covered her up and then left her to rest. He walked back to the kitchen and saw his Mom still sitting there. He then went out the back door and sat on the steps. He lit up a cigarette and sat there inhaling and enjoying each smoke ring he made.

He knew he had lost control. He realized that he had acted before thinking. Jane would be so mad at him if she knew that he had provoked all of this. She could never find out. He finished his smoke and then went in and told his Mom that he was leaving for a while.

He drove around town and then out to the lake. He sat in his car looking at familiar spots he and Jane had been at. He thought about Jane and the new baby coming. He thought about his Mom and then he thought about the hole in the wall. He started the car and headed for the hardware store to get items needed to patch the wall.

Bruised eye

 

People Watcher


English: Join the movement to end child abuse:...

English: Join the movement to end child abuse: http://www.1stand.org

I didn’t want to get you sidetracked on my last post. I was talking about Al and wanted to stick to it.

While we were at Culver’s it was about 12:30. A good time on a Sunday to people watch. It was very crowded and I was thankful for the staff and visitors who helped open doors to get his wheel chair in and out. Also for checking out the Men’s restroom to make sure the coast was clear before barging in on some guy and scaring him so he couldn’t pee.

I love to people watch. If I can go to a mall and shop for a bit and spend more time sitting and people watching, this is what I would do. Today there were many people who had left church and headed here to eat.

It was so cute to see little girls in pretty dresses and white lacy anklets. Sort of reminded me of myself when I was little. There were ladies in dresses and men in suits. There were the relaxing folks with shorts and tank tops on.

I was really enjoying myself between keeping an eye on Al’s chewing. There was this one couple though that I found it hard to mind my manners.  I wanted to stare but I had to do it politely. They had to be young, well to me young. They were probably in their late twenties. I could tell from their outfits that they also had just left church to come here to eat. They had one daughter who was probably around 7 and another baby in a car seat. This baby wasn’t old enough to sit up yet. Cute little kids.

What gave me mixed feelings was my mind was thinking, nice church folks, pretty clothes, family, togetherness, comforting.

Then the baby would cry. I could see from my view that the Mama was trying to console the baby without having to pick he/she up, but the baby didn’t stop fussing. This was the first glimpse I got of mixed emotions. This is when the mixed emotions started flaring up.

Each and every time the baby cried, the Mama’s eyes got huge and she stared at her husband‘s face. The little girl became very quiet and stayed frozen in her seat. Finally the mom picked up the baby and gave up her hot food to comfort the little one.

The whole time she kept her eyes glued to her husband. There were no smiles or laughter or chatter. The baby quieted down and she laid it back in its little seat. Once again it cried. Instantly her eyes went to her husband again.

There was something familiar to me in that look of hers. It reminded me of when I was married to my last husband and I was always afraid of doing the wrong thing. The heart races, the breathing becomes rapid, but silence falls all around them and fear takes over.

Finally after the husband had finished his meal he took the baby from Mom. She could now eat her cold lunch. After he got the baby quiet the Mom’s eyes returned to normal. The little girl started to speak once again.

I felt eerie inside. I wanted to go over and ask the Mom or the little girl if they were safe, but I didn’t. I let it sit inside of me and stir like red-hot embers. I didn’t have any evidence.

I watched them leave and put my full attention back on Al. I felt ugly inside for not doing anything. There was a part of me that needed proof before I stuck my neck out. The only proof I had was my own memories of when my husband was not a very nice man, which is why I divorced him.

Kids or no kids if you are in a relationship that you don’t feel safe at all times, for heaven’s sake, get out. Get out and save your life, your sanity, and your children, if there are any. If you can’t get out because of no funds, do what I did. Save money until you can get out. I told my kids what was going on and I felt better because I had more pairs of eyes watching my life go by. If worse situation comes, walk out the door, call the neighbor, or call the police. Don’t hang around for love or security, you won’t find it.

I felt like something was going on inside that family, and I asked God to watch over that wife, mother and children, because all I had to go on was instincts.

Remember, abuse can happen to anyone. Church going people, teachers, preacher’s kids, your next door neighbor, your boss’s family, anywhere and anytime always be a good people watcher.

Picture it & Write; May 5/2013


http://ermiliablog.wordpress.combaby-and-fruit-loops

When Kaylee was born she came with a roar. She was screaming as though she had been frightened for her life.

As days went by she would cry at the very moment we all thought was calm. She was like a roaring wave coming closer and closer. If you got too close the wave would suck you under.

Doctors and specialist began the hunt to learn what made this beautiful baby act like she was mad at the world. Tests came back negative. Doctors were scratching their heads. It was as if they were all sitting on a ten-year old tree stump.

At the end of a long journey of failed attempts, it was agreed that this precious child just had one of those personalities. Weeks turned into months and soon Kaylee was old enough to start eating finger foods.

There were many days where the parents along with baby Kaylee enjoyed many meals together. Then there were others, where Kaylee was fed first, leaving cold food for the adults to eat.

Many nights were spent with hearing cries coming from a room at the top of the stairs. It wasn’t the baby. It was the mother. Exhaustion and stress from trying to understand what had gone wrong finally tore at her soul. In order to strip herself and start with a new heart she would cry herself to sleep.

On one trip to the grocery store Mom bought a box of Fruit Loops. The next morning instead of giving the usual jar of baby food she placed the colorful rings in a bowl and sat it on Kaylee’s high chair tray.

Kaylee studied the pieces and touched them. She started to giggle then she would pick up each piece and lay it outside of the bowl. She was happy. Her Mom could do nothing other than sit at the table and be amazed by what she saw.

It was as if Kaylee was fascinated by the different colors. After playing with the pieces she then put one in her mouth and soon was reaching for three or four at a time. Mom smiled as this was a rare treat. She wanted to savor every moment.

From that day forth Fruit Loops were the breakfast choice for happiness. Mom studied books and researched the internet for ways to add color to a boring meal. In no time at all, peace was floating throughout the house. Screaming had faded in  memories.

As Kaylee grew older she was surrounded by colorful toys and teddy bears. Her room was done in bright pink colors. Even her clothes were bright and cheery. The parents never knew what color and happiness had to do with each other, but they were happy to do what ever it took.

Today many years later these parents are standing in a large auditorium, taking pictures and clapping hands as their only daughter crosses the stage to receive her diploma. She had soared through college and had been financially taken care of by two scholarships.

In two weeks she was going to be starting her new life in a career of being a teacher, an art teacher.

For His Wife’s Sake


She sat on the curb watching the other kids play. She had a tank top on that was too tight. She was old enough to be wearing a bra but she didn’t own one. This shirt definitely showed her need of one.

Her shorts were too short and they cut off her waist. She kept sucking in her gut to try to gain some room so the button  would quit digging in her skin but she couldn’t  hold her breath that long.

Her shoes had holes in the tops and she could see her big toe wiggling out of the top. She had no socks on so her heel blisters were burning  bad. She did the best to comb her hair before she went out the front door, but it was hot, and she needed a ponytail holder.

She felt like she didn’t fit in. No one liked her and no one ever said a word to her. Her mother sat home with a bottle attached to her hand. She could care less about anything except that she had the drink in her.

Her father had left her mother years ago because her mother was a drunk. But why did papa leave me behind too? Why didn’t he take me with him? Mother doesn’t like me either.

As thoughts twisted through her mind tears began to fall. She took her dirty hand and wiped them away. The kids at the park took no notice of her. She had one friend but since school was out for the summer she wouldn’t see her until school started again.

Across the street from the park a woman cried her heart out as she watched the little girl each day. She and her husband wanted a child so bad, but she was barren. Here was a child who obviously was not wanted and she wanted a child.

That night at the supper table the wife  told her husband about the little girl on the curb. Her husband saw the pain in his wife’s eyes. He knew how bad she wanted a child. He wasn’t sure if he could adopt or not. Could he love someone else’s child like his own?

He asked his wife when she usually saw the child and his wife said she sat at the park most of the mornings. She must go home around lunch time. He thought well I guess I can get a look at this kid. It’s the least I can do for my wife.

The next day he cancelled one of his meetings and left for home early. When he walked in the front door he saw his wife standing in the bay window crying. He looked to where she was looking and saw the child.

For a brief moment sadness tore at his heart when he saw her tattered clothes. He looked at his wife whom he loved so much and said, “Come on, let’s take a walk over there. Maybe we can find something out about her.”

His wife smiled and the two walked over holding hands. They stood beside the child who turned and looked up at them. She quickly turned back the other way. The two strangers sat down on the curb beside the child. All three stared off in the distance. No one said a word.

Wife

Finally the wife asked, “I see you here every day. Could I ask your name?”

Mary

“That’s a beautiful name Mary. Don’t you want to go over and play with the kids?”

“No, no one wants to play with me.”

“Well my name is Sue and this is my husband Ed. We will play with you. Would you like to swing?”

Mary shook her head yes and stood up. Ed watched his wife pushing Mary on the swing. Then noticing the time he told Sue he had to get back to the office. Sue told Mary, “We have to go now. Did you enjoy that?”

Yes

“Would you like me to come back and swing with you tomorrow?”

“Yes”

Ed didn’t know what to think. He had seen the lonely eyes in the little girl and he saw the yearning in his wife. He thought about Mary throughout the day and he finally decided he would take his lunch break at 11am from now on. He would at least try to get to know this child for his wife’s sake.

A few weeks of this routine went on, and Mary opened up a little more all the time. She confessed that she had to be home from the park by a certain time or her Mother would come looking for her. She told Sue and Ed about her mother and the bottle. She even told them about her sore tummy due to her tight shorts. She explained about her one friend but she wouldn’t be able to see her until school started.

Ed’s heart kept dropping off pieces of wall each week. He began to picture Mary eating supper with them and tucking her in bed at nights. One day when his day was not so rushed he made a call to  his attorney.

In a matter of a month the child’s Mother signed the paper giving up custody. He walked into his home and found Sue sitting by the bay window rocking. He handed her the papers and she read them.

She tossed them on the floor and jumped up giving her husband the biggest hug possible. She grabbed his hand and they raced over to the park. They came upon Mary and this time Mary was smiling at them as they came closer.

They all sat together on the curb. Ed looked at Mary and said, “I can see that your life has not been very good so far Mary. Would you like a chance at having a different life? Maybe some new clothes and new shoes?”

Mary looked at them with hungry eyes. She nodded her head yes but the fear of hope kept her from speaking. Sue patted her lap and asked Mary if she would like to sit on her lap. Mary jumped up and sat in Sues lap. Sue put her arms around the child and hugged her close. She asked,”Mary, Ed and I would love to have a child, but God just didn’t want us to. Now I know why, he knew that we would meet you. Would you like to come and live with us?”

Mary leaned into Sues chest and softly said yes. “Well come on then. Let’s go to your new home and have some lunch. I will show you your new bedroom and then you and I will go shopping for some new clothes.”

With Mary in the middle, Sue and Ed on either side, they walked hand in hand with hearts beaming, smiles showing and love pouring out for all to see.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

Business Man

-Poor girl-

Your Journey Is Over


shade tree

You brought joy to my life

You made me feel so loved

We’d spend afternoons together

Walking the raspberries or

The flower beds around the house

Cinnamon rolls were your best

And jams and jellies too

Sitting out under the big shade tree

Watching the birds and kids play

Holidays and birthdays

What ever reason so we could be with you

Trips to town to pick out treats

The kids were wanting to spend

The nights so often

You were my mother-in-law

And the best Grandma too

Only last night in the wee morning

Did I find out that you had a visitor

The angels came for you

And carried you to heaven

My stomach knotted up

And tears began to flow

Spending wee hours in the night

Helping my kids to cope

With their sadness

This is what mothers do

Be their comfy blanket

One to fall back on

This is the way I remember you

A soft place to fall back on

Away from the noise

Only nature and love

Surrounding my memories of you

I shall always remember

Your soft gentle eyes

The way you smiled when I spoke

When I look up into the heavens

I have no doubt that you

And your husband

Will be holding hands

And looking down on us

And smiling now that

You two are back together.

Terry Shepherd

03/16/2013

~Psalms 23:1-6~

The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not  want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Amen.

Daily Prompt; All Grown Up / The Daily Post


Hatbox with baby doll inside of it, for sale o...

Hatbox with baby doll inside of it, for sale outside the courthouse during Minnie Dean’s 1895 trial. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

http://dailypost.wordpress.com

DP, Daily Post, Daily Prompt

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

In my own wee eyes I was always grown up since about the age of nine. I have said this before in other posts of mine. But the love of my life was baby dolls. My best memories were at the age of nine. It is strange how I don’t remember very much before that time. I usually accept the fact that life was rough before that age.

Here is the repeated words. I would take my hand-made doll bed out under the big shaded oak tree. I would place an old blanket on the green grass. Place my bed on top of that. It would be filled with different baby dolls, bottles, clothes and little blankets.

For hours under the shade I would play all summer long. I would use my mother’s old comb and brush. I borrowed bobby pins, and when I got by with it I would also borrow my mother’s lipstick.

I would carefully change all my babies outfits. Take clean wash cloths and change their diapers. I wrapped them in blankets and walked with them around the yard. I talked to them like they were my real babies, all mine. I was the Mommy.

I would push them one at a time in my toy baby carriage. My Daddy had placed a wire basket on my bike and before I realized how far those pedals could really take me; I would ride up and down the dead-end lane we lived in.

I realize that although I don’t have a complete puzzle I have enough memories. There are a couple of jagged edged pieces still missing but it’s alright. I know that a lot of who I am today is because of the slowly put together puzzle pieces.

I always wanted to be a Mommy. I wanted to share my love with those around me. I knew that even at that tiny age, I had not had that bond before. I don’t remember what I said to my dolls, but in my mind yet today, I can see me taking them for rides and feeding them on that big old blanket.

I was a grown-up woman in a young girls frame. I recognized some basic needs that people wanted and craved in life. I made up my mind through that summer of nine years old that I was going to be the best darn Mommy when I was old enough to have babies of my own.

I did get that opportunity three times. I failed many times but the love I felt for my own little ones never faltered. We all know that instructions aren’t provided when they bring that tiny wrapped bundle to your room. We all do the best with what we know.

Who I became at a young age still is seen in me today as I have cared for so many ill people in my adult life. The job title of caregiver and Mommy and  Grandma remains with me until the day comes when I no longer breathe from my lungs.

I had a three-month break. God knew I was tired and sad. He knew I was exhausted of ideas. He helped me reboot my life. Today sadness still remains from my brother not being here.

The guilt has left finally of placing him. I can smile again. I see the wonders of God in my life. I look out my windows with a different set of eyes. God has seen this and now he is letting me know that I am ready for the next sequence of my book. Al is most likely coming home.

I feel peace about this. I am not stressing out. God is providing all the help that I will need to continue my journey with my brother. I am not saying there will not be sad days. Days of how do I get through this paragraph on the page. I will be able to do it. After all I have been a grown-up being a Mommy and caregiver since I was nine years old.