Tin Soldier


Standing Tall

Who is this stranger

In front of me

The one with

The wicked tongue to see

I do not know this person

He is not like before

I want the man I remember

The one I knew before.

The Parkinson’s Disease

Has changed his attitude

Please understand

This guy this dude.

I can not fix it

I don’t have the answers to why

He used to be full of

Laughter and a little shy.

Please don’t ask me more

I have done this for myself

My questions now remain

Over there on a shelf.

I swear he isn’t trying

To be mean and very rude

I promise you

He would rather smile at you.

All I can really say

Is that Parkinson’s is a ball

Of mixed emotions

Being bounced on the walls.

Bud I don’t understand

This I do admit

But I will stick beside you

No matter who’s tossing shit.

Terry Shepherd

04/06/2013

I Am Saddened By the News


Bifocals

Today Al had an appointment with an eye doctor. Less than a month ago, I had taken him for an eye exam, and he had an increase added to his bifocals. About two weeks ago, he started complaining of blurred and double vision. We made a new appointment with a doctor for a second opinion.

I picked up Al and took him to his appointment.  He had difficulty getting out of the car. I am noticing small changes in his movements, and had been told that a large vein was now a culprit for him, as the muscle around it is being squeezed from the Parkinson’s Disease.

After the doctor examined him very carefully, he gave us the news. The P.D. is working very hard on Al’s muscles behind the eyes. The muscles are becoming weak and slower. Al can not move his eyes as fast as the brain is telling them to move, therefore, leading in to a stage of not being able to focus. The other thing the doctor said is that Al’s cataracts are now significantly showing. The doctor became silent, and then excused himself from the room for a few minutes.

When he returned, he said he had consulted with our own eye doctor, and the two said that Al could not have them removed. Al could not lie still enough for this delicate but easy situation, nor could he be put to sleep to have this done. It seems that Al has nothing to work with to fight this, and eventually he will not be able to see anything. I pray desperately for God to take him home before this happens.

Daily Prompt/The Daily Post


Daily Prompt

Illustration of the Parkinson disease by Sir W...

Illustration of the Parkinson disease by Sir William Richard Gowers from A Manual of Diseases of the Nervous System in 1886 showing the characteristic posture of PD patients (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

by Michelle w. on November 1, 2012

When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

Last night, actually I felt lonely, right as I was lying down to go to sleep. I try so hard to not look at myself as a big pity party with only entertaining one guest, myself, and I am not even sure if I qualify for the word pity.

Caring for my brother, who has been in my care almost five years. This will be five years in January 2013. Dealing with mentally impairment, heart attacks and angina, and now, Parkinson’s Disease. Life  becomes over whelming most of the time.

It is described as a little snow ball rolling down the hills until it becomes so large, the city can see it if they look in this direction. It started out, that I was able to still work while Al, my brother was ill. He worked also, at a linen company, sorting mops. It was a nasty job, just plain nasty, and in my eyes, it was the bottom of the pit job, and he never climbed out of it, but with his mentality, he saw it as a paycheck and nothing more, nothing less. He did this for nine years, with very little pay increase.

When January rolled around, from which we had buried our father only three weeks prior, Al had a heart attack. I was still able to work a little while longer. I was and am still considered a professional caregiver, and I was at the time, caring for an elderly couple on the weekends as a live in. Al was recovering nicely, but when it came time to go back to work, he could not pull his weight in work.

The company was so good to him, even though he made little money or given nice raises. They cared about him. They let him return three times, but then they called me into the office, and with tears in their eyes, they let me know they had to let him go, because although they liked him very much, he could not do even fifty percent of the quota.

This changed things. I retired from my job and started caring for Al. With no money coming in  for him, and no job, and not really having any idea how to run a house hold, it took my entire waking hours to make everything work.

From the heart attack came excessive mental baggage of not understanding why he could not do the things he used to do, then more heart problems, angina. We dealt with this for some time and  even had to move, because walking stairs to his bedroom was too much for him.

Now we have been dealing with the progressive Parkinson’s for two years, and for him, it has sped very fast from the beginning, now leaving him in the fifth stage. You deal with many issues with Parkinson’. Freezing up of legs,tremors, choking, tears, unable to control urine, constipation, scooters, walkers, canes, many doctor’s appointments with different specialists. The emotional part is probably the worst of the disease. Hearing him constantly talk about wanting to die, why isn’t God letting him die, hearing he is sick and the disease is destroying him.

A part of his brain has shut down. The part that lets you see joy and happiness, so mostly Al sees only himself, and his pain, which is a constant in his life. I can sit here and listen, help, watch, guide, explain, but at the end of the day, Parkinson’s will win this game, and Al and I will lose.

So at the end of the day when I have him safely tucked in bed, and he is nice and dry, and his television is turned on, I wait for his tremors to settle down from his night-time medications, and by the time he is falling asleep, it is around three am, and from midnite until three am, I have the open opportunity to lie in bed awake and listening, wishing I was not walking through this journey alone, and I get very lonely