Al and Me on Mother’s Day

By noon this morning I had received two text messages from two of my kids telling me Happy Mother’s Day. On my way to go see Al I stopped at the mail box and got my mail. Inside was a beautiful card from my daughter who lives outside my area. There was a very useful gift card inside. I had never received a gift card and felt a little embarrassed when I had to ask my daughter what to do with it.

She called me this afternoon and wished me a Happy day also. Then tonight I heard the door bell ring and there stood my one son’s better half and their two kids. They brought me a card and a pretty necklace.

I felt pretty darn special, let me tell you. It was real nice to have one day off from the bad crap I have been dealt with this week.

When I saw Al today it was a complete turn around. No, he still has Parkinson’s, but his attitude and personality was wonderful. The new anti-depressant patch had obviously worked. He cut up with jokes with all the staff that walked by.

He talked to me about different shows he had watched on TV last night. He even did some embarrassing things at the dinner table like farting. Each time he did it he just giggled. It was making my face turn red but he was really enjoying his musical talent.

The only thing that bothered me besides the toots was his one hand. All five nails were gray and stayed that way the entire time I was with him. Inside where I can’t see the Parkinson’s is doing its thing. I tried for the most part to ignore and not keep glancing at them. His other hand was normal color. I don’t know what that meant, one being gray and the other hand pink nailed.

We had a good time. I took him soda and snacks for the week, and he sent me home with raisins and miniature snicker bars. He couldn’t get them opened by himself and when the aids helped him he couldn’t chew them. His jaw must be weak or his mouth or his chewing is becoming weaker. I know that he still chokes on foods so no more gooey snack foods for him.

So far we have taken out of his foods, any kind of stringy meat like roast. We have taken out jello because the tremors won’t allow him to keep it on the spoon. French fries have to be monitored if he eats those. Milk only once a day because of choking. Cake icing seems to get stuck in his mouth, so I monitor this. He can’t have any kind of white meat chicken, and all meats have to be ground. Most meats even ground are starting to make him choke. We are training him to take a drink after each bite of meat.

I stayed with him until he fell asleep in his recliner. About an hour ago I got a call from the facility. He fell again. No one was in his room, and according to the nurse, he must have reached behind him and unhooked the bed alarm and stood up to go to the bathroom. He walked three steps and fell hitting his back on the corner of the bed. She stated there are no bruises and no scrapes.

I was calm, and I do know that I have seen Al stand up and head for the bathroom and I will instantly ask him what he is doing. He says going to the bathroom. I ask him if he is supposed to be walking and then he says he forgot and sits back down. I always sigh a deep relief because when he stands it is only seconds and he is down. I think it is his Parkinson’s/Dementia causing him to think he can walk.

I hope he will be alright. My internal alarms are on alert basis now. Not only from the fall but it seems about every two weeks we head to the ER from more of those internal tremors in his heart and chest, and it has been two weeks. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

#FWF Free Write Friday; M is for Mom

http://kellieelmore.com

Our mom was my brother and my step-mom. She was the glue that held the family together.

When she passed away in 2000, our little family slowly fell apart. Dad became lost in his own sorrows for a few years.

I never knew what to say or how to comfort and soon time separated us more and more.

It shouldn’t have been that way, but life has a funny way of helping us to either make or not through loss of parents.

I think my brother, Al suffered the most. His  suffering wasn’t done like ours by talking about her and memories. His was done internally. Somewhere inside of his head and heart he built a shell as hard as a walnut.

He became more distant from all of us. He buried himself in coca cola and things that he should have strayed away from. Pretty soon it was evident that our family had come unglued.

I didn’t realize it for a long time that a lot of my own personal problems were due to the lack of being able to go to Mom’s house and talk to her. I didn’t realize that I had counted on her that much in my life.

She and I were never close like chocolate and milk. We were more like apples and pears. I hadn’t seen that through the years that I was growing up. I had omitted to let her know how much she meant to me and how thankful I was that she took us two kids in under her wings.

That has to be tough for parents. I have never taken kids  in to raise as my own. I do know that I have children in my family that aren’t what people call blood related but I fell in love with them as if they were. I always include them when I speak of my grandkids. I don’t see them any other way.

But for a Mom or Dad to take this role on day after day after year I assume there has to be some big adjustment times for adult and child.

Today was a day from hell for my brother. Although his Parkinson’s has brought about some dementia with it and no matter how badly he hurts physically, he never forgets our Mom.

He was really sad today. The real truth is he misses her just as much now as he did years ago when she went to heaven. Mom’s birthday is three days after Mother’s Day and so to him it is a double whammy. I tried so hard to console him today but I know in my heart that he will have to work through this alone.

I know my heart feels the void and there are still many times I want to go to the phone and dial her number, but alas, I can not.

Mom, I never told you this too often. Most likely it was because I was a stubborn brat and didn’t want to admit I may be wrong. I love you Mom. I know I caused you grief. You had your hands full with a full-time job, a new husband, and two new kids. I want you to know how sorry I am.

I am so certain that you and Dad watch over Al and me even now. I hope that you both are proud of how I have cared for my baby brother. I hope you are both smiling down on us. I love you Dad and I miss you so much. I love you Mom and I am sending you hugs from this earth up to you. I will see you soon enough and then I will give you a real big hug. Happy Mother’s Day Mom. You certainly earned your title.

Love, Your Daughter

Terry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I Can’t Even Think of a Title For This

I have been stressed out today. I know, I shouldn’t be this way, but it was just one of those nasty days from outer space. The bad thing is nothing is so major that I am going to have death knocking at my door.

It is all the little pieces of strings that attach themselves to me as I walk upon this land. To start off I checked the mail on the way to go see Al. There it was, that bill that the collection agency called me about. Oh no, it is for real.

There was nothing I could do at that moment. I was on the road. Going in to see Al was a disaster in itself. Al was crying and seemed so depressed when I got there. I wanted to turn around and run but thought to myself,coward.

While eating he was leaning forward so far that food kept falling back out of his mouth. He could barely hold his head upright to eat. Then he would get teary-eyed again because he was frustrated. Then his silverware started playing songs on his plate as his tremors decided to have a party during meal time. That made him cry more.

There was a part of me that wanted to leave, because I get so sucked up in his emotions. Another part of me wanted to pick him up and rock him, and the other part of me tried to be the big sister and calm things over.

Finally the truth surfaced. Sunday is Mother’s Day and the 13th, just a few days later is Mom’s birthday. Al loved Mom so much. He has always struggled with her death. I asked him if he would like me to pick him up and the two of us could go place flowers on Mom’s grave. That didn’t go over at all. Then he wailed. Tears and anything liquid that could run did. It took two nurses and me to calm him down.

I wanted to kick myself in the rear. Why did I ask him that? Darn Terry. The truth was I thought it may help him feel closer to her but that idea backfired. I stayed a couple of hours and then I told him I loved him, and would bring him back lunch, snacks and soda when I returned on Sunday.

I went to meet a lady who sold me six nice starter plants of mint and orange mint. They looked really healthy. Next I paid a visit to the collection agency with bill in hand. I was just sure that the medical billing company had not sent  his bill to the proper insurance company.

But that wasn’t the case at all. In fact it was worse. This bill was from 12/2011. I had just been working these past two weeks on Al’s inventory and I knew without a doubt there was no bill I paid for over one thousand dollars.

I asked the lady to get a hold of the company and she said she would get an itemized bill for me. I had also tried calling this company twice while visiting Al but only got those stupid leave a message recordings, and of course they never called me back.

The bad thing about it all now is the time limit is past. According to her you only have one year to declare any changes to address, insurance etc. So by now being almost a year and a half later, no one, not even the government, she said, will go back and pay.

I was sick at heart. Here I am trying to find a way to pay this huge bill the nursing home wants. By the way, I don’t know if any of you keep tabs on the web page link for Al’s fundraiser, but we now have a total of $335.00. Many of you have helped and I so appreciate it. I have emailed and or made comments on the comment page about my deepest thanks. Here is the link if anyone would still care to help him. I think I am down to 52 days left. The link is

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

So now I have this big debt and a bill for over a thousand dollars and no one will go back and pick it up. I was sad and frustrated and mad all at the same time. I asked her when she received the bill for collection and she stated a week a go.

I pinpointed that this was way past the year dead line and why did the company wait so long? Why did they never send me a bill? She said to go home and wait for the new statement to arrive which would be a week.

I came home and went through the file for that month. I saw where Al had been in the hospital. It showed the correct address and it showed where I had paid them. But guess what, no where in that month or following clear up to this day today was there one single bill from this company. Now I was turning in to Al. I once again cried. Now it is up to almost eight thousand minus the help you all have given for the two bills.

I went outside and tried to erase my mind and planted all of the mint.  After that I didn’t feel like cooking so I went to a nearby restaurant and picked up some supper and I can’t believe I did this, I just can’t believe it. I went through the drive-thru and when I went to the window to pay and pick up the food the gal was complaining of having a bad day.

So what did I do? Yep, you guessed it. I rattled on about the bad two days I have been going through and then I just let loose. I started bawling like a big old baby. I bet that gal thought I had a screw loose. I don’t know if she looked a way or at me but I felt an arm on my arm and it brought me a sense of comfort. A human touch is something I miss very much. I could see that while she was on the other side of the window she was showing me compassion. It helped and then I felt embarrassed because I showed weakness. I thanked her and told myself, don’t come back here until you know they have forgotten your face.

When I came home I found out that the Case Worker has Al’s budget. He and I and the Day Program will all be meeting next Thursday. They will now listen to my request for needs for him and they will discuss the cost to have Al at Day Program. This will all be divided up in his budget and then after this  is decided, it will be sent back to the State. He said he hopes to have Al back in his home by June 1. I was excited and called Al and let him know but he was so sunk in Parkinson’s and Mom that he just cried again wanting to come home tonight.

So we had some good news in the middle of the storm, and now I have to hurry and make sure our house is as clean and open for wheelchair before next Thursday’s inspection. Then I have to figure out how in the world to pay these two debts off. It still makes me angry that the medical place waited until after the deadline to file it with a collection agency. It makes me angry that they never sent one single bill. Unless someone knows of a way around this, I figure Al will be deceased before these two debts are paid off. Or he will pay them until his passing and then they will disappear??? I don’t know.

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• I Hope This Helps (terry1954.wordpress.com)
• Wow, What a Day (terry1954.wordpress.com)
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• Chapter 9 (terry1954.wordpress.com)
• My Brother’s Life Journey Chapter 3 (terry1954.wordpress.com)

Life Sucks

I have sat down here two days in a row to write and can not. I am brain-dead I think, too much drama going on.

Al is having worse tremors than before. If he isn’t asleep the tremors are at full force. He wants to come home, and I can’t make it happen any quicker. Each day I wait for that phone to ring for the appointment to be made. This is the last appointment before he comes home and the phone remains silent.

I had a phone call last evening after business hours. It was from some collection agency wanting to speak to my brother. I explained that I was his guardian and he couldn’t speak for himself.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

They said they wouldn’t talk without the legal papers showing who I was. I said I would fax them, but then she told me it would go to another office and would be looked at this morning. I explained to her about the Hipaa laws and that I didn’t want just any eyes seeing private things.

She told me to fax it anyways but I refused. This morning I called this business and they had me on hold for quite some time. When they finally came to the phone they didn’t show any collections for him. They told me to call the hospital and doctor’s office.

I did this and still nothing. I know when I got off the phone last night it only took that one phone call to stress me to the max. I couldn’t do anything until this morning. I started fretting about what could be wrong. I always pay his bills, so what was up?

As I became more agitated I sat here at the computer and cried for no reason. I asked God, God can I put this in the worry basket of yours? I just can’t deal with anymore. I am tired Lord, oh so tired.

I don’t know if God took care of this or if this was a spam call, but there is no evidence of owed bills today.

I rearranged my living room and moved furniture into funny areas to make our home as open and wide as possible for Al’s wheelchair. My family is having issues that I can only be a good listener and a devoted Mom but I can’t fix anything.

I am just overwhelmed I think. The straw that broke the camel’s back was I do not usually go out after supper unless it is about Al or I am a tag-along with my son. I made special arrangements to deliver one of the pieces I sold from my antique site and the person was a no-show.

The gas was wasted and so was my mind and time. I came home and wrote an amendment  that from now on they have to pick-up. If they don’t want to show or have the guts to say they changed their mind, at least it isn’t my gas and time being wasted.

Wow, I sound like a harsh mean old woman. I am not really. I just get sick of crap, as Al would say. He says I am so sick of this crap. Parkinson’s doesn’t care if it ruins me. It doesn’t care if I spill my food all over me and the floor. Darn old Parkinson‘s.

I have to agree with you Buddy, some days life sucks.

No More Joking

I swear for the last time I am not going to make remarks or joke about things anymore. It always comes back to bite me in the rear.

One time many years ago I prayed for so long to lose weight. I got my prayer answered but it wasn’t God answering. I got deathly ill. I had a rotten gallbladder, gang-green and too many gallstones. I lost a ton of weight, in fact I almost died.

Another thing I joke about is when you see me skinny or looking just right, I will be sick. Now it is my brother who is losing weight. He lost 7 pounds two weeks ago. Last week he gained three pounds back, and this week he has lost 9.2 pounds.

No one seems to know the answer. Not the doctors or the nurses. I am wondering if it is the new internal tremors along with the outer tremors we see.

Is it the journey of Parkinson’s in itself? I am no longer laughing………….I am thankful now that Al has some extra baggage on him. It is allowing him more time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

 

 

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Nightmare at the Hospital

Today you will get a break from my writing. I am so tired and I feel like I can only write once today.                                                                                                                                           

We all have at one time witnessed or been a  part of someone in great pain and maybe even dying. It is a horrendous time to go through, but we look at the end of the rainbow. We know this too shall pass. They will either get better or be pain-free in heaven.

Yesterday evening about 11pm I received a phone call from Al‘s facility. He had been suffering from chest pains. They gave him three Nitrates but it didn’t help. They were letting me know they were sending him to the ER.

I was shook up a little but sad to say I am getting used to the late night phone calls. I got dressed and went to the hospital. I beat the EMS by about five minutes.

I want to say to never get comfortable in your situation. Whether you hit the lottery, or you are barely making it, or as in Al’s case repeated trips to the ER should not be taken lightly. Life does change and when you think you got it all going on , things change.

I had never seen Al like this in my life. This pain was worse than any pain he suffers from the Parkinson’s Disease. He grabbed his chest I don’t know how many times. He cried and he kept crying out to any nurse that walked by saying, help me, help me, I am not going to make it.

He would be lying down and then all of a sudden jump up into a sitting situation. His eyes would be popping out pretty much and he would scream in pain. He was yelling my neck hurts, my chest hurts and my arms feel funny. The heart monitor went nuts. His heart was showing a heart rate at 300 many times.

They did many tests on him but the heart enzyme test came back negative. So thankfully he didn’t have  a heart attack. But in some ways I wish he would have because quite a few times people can have surgery to repair a damaged heart.

No this wasn’t going to be so simple. I was explained that there are muscles lining the heart and muscles throughout the rib cage. The Parkinson’s is fully engaged in his chest wall.

The nurse kept saying to me, his blood pressure and heart can’t take much more of this.

I was sick, not physically but mentally. My stomach hurt and burned. I couldn’t even cry I was so worried about him. To stand there holding his hand and have him tell me he wasn’t going to make it this time broke me up bad.

They couldn’t do anything for him until all the tests came back. This time period was four hours. After the doctor got the clear he gave Al an IV with morphine.  In less than five minutes he was out. The monitor calmed down and he was resting peacefully.

I looked at his gray nails and his pale face and I could not deny any longer this was serious. It was as if the Doctor read my mind. He came in and took me out in the hall. He said, Al can’t take much more of this. Although he is not having a heart attack, every time he has tremors in his chest cavity his heart is trying to adjust to the speed of the tremors. If you are planning on taking him home as you stated earlier, I suggest you get him home.

They kept Al another hour to make sure he was going to be alright from the IV. Along with his powerful pain patch, three nitrates and four baby aspirin and all the other medications in him, he had to be watched carefully.

I went outside and got in my car. It was so dark with a three-quarter moon, but yet so quiet and still. I felt funny inside and then I broke down. The problem with release was it didn’t come. Only a few tears fell and then I drove up to the front door and got Al in the car. I took him back to the facility.

I got home about five am this morning and slept for a few hours when the phone rang. It was the doctor’s office. They told me that they have increased the dosage of Al’s pain patch and have put him on another pain med.

Al seems to live on pain medications more and more and there is no hope or thought anymore that he may become addicted. I did say in an earlier post that I just wanted him as pain-free as possible and this is what the doctors are doing.

Please remember even one dollar adds up. Major credit cards accepted. If you use Pay Pal please make sure you mark it as a gift so you are not charged.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

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God, Are You Opening a Door For Me?

Parkinson’s disease patient showing a flexed walking posture pictured in 1892.

There is a huge part inside of me that is screaming and jumping up and down. I am filled with excitement and thanking God for helping me to maybe make a dream come true.

To let caregivers and families know more about Parkinson’s Disease. To have the chance of helping others to not have to travel this long and painful journey to go it alone is a dream I have prayed about for months.

Today I received a comment from Melanie Winrow. Melanie and I met each other several months ago here at WP. She is a wonderful and positive person filled with talent. You may visit her website at;

http://www.writing4oneandall.weebly.com

I was so excited to know that God may be  opening a door for Al, others and myself, I just had to share with my precious friends. Below is her comment to me. You may also be able to see it in the comment section of my latest chapter from Al’s Life Journey, Chapter 6.

Comment:
Terry, I’m starting my own radio show next week (guaranteed
4000 listeners).  Would you like to be a guest to talk about your
book?  I still keep all your writing (a grand total of 355 posts since I
first heard about you) and I can tell you that you have talent.

Over the coming months I will be doing a
number of charity shows (radiothons) to raise money for both Alzheimer’s
(first) and Parkinsons (in a few weeks time).  If you’d like to get
involved with any of that, you’d be welcome (I know you have enough on
your plate.  Importantly, is there anything Al/you need that we can buy
if we can raise the money?  If so, I’d be happy to do so (for example, a
hospital where a friend lived lacked, of all things, an MRI scanner.
For lack of that, she was sent to Portsmouth as the nearest place – and
died en route.  We would have raised the money for a scanner if we’d
known.  It doesn’t have to be anything that big – anything at all that
would make your life (or the lives of other sufferers easier.

I am thinking of you and Al.
Take care
All my love
Mel XXXXXXXX

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Al’s LIfe Journey, Chapter 6

Panic attack

This week could have been better for me. I have suffered minor set backs of almost panic attack feelings. Stress and tight muscles as I went to bed and waking in the mornings  to the same feelings. I wondered if I even slept well at all through the nights.

This has been happening to me ever since the day I thought Jesus was standing very near to me. I think that my mind races like a spinning top about all kinds of things. Al coming home soon. Will I be able to do everything I need to when he is here? The inner guilt of choosing Al over working outside the home. Wondering now that I have written a few chapters what really happened to Al when he was little.

It just seems I do not stop the thought process, and I have learned to hide beneath my covers and sleep. This doesn’t help me long-term. I realize it is a temporary fix but at times it is enough to relax me some.

As I was about at my wit’s end last evening where I just wanted to pull my hair out, fall to my knees in tears, a good friend of mine from Canada called to chat. She told me that she felt she was supposed to call.

God has the perfect timing. He knew that I had enough. My bucket was ready to spill over and he sent a friend to the rescue. We talked for over an hour. I almost didn’t want to talk at first. It is very difficult for me to release the silly feelings that I carry inside. It is much easier for me to pretend that life is good and all is well.

My friend is a very strong Christian woman and so I was able to confide in her questions that had been spinning in my mind and we talked through them. By the time we hung up my tight chest had relaxed and I felt an inner peace I had not felt all of this week.

She made me see the light about caring for Al versus having money in my hands. She told me that God will take care of my needs as long as I am sincere. I feel very sincere when I say out loud, I want my brother home with me. I want to give him all the support I can. I want him to know that he is loved and I will be here with him through this journey of his life.

Maybe once Al is home I can get the routine down pretty well and pick up a job caring for someone else while he is at Day Program. I dare to say that my first book is now done and getting ready to be published very soon, that this would make me any money. I didn’t write it for that reason, to get rich. I know that is a foolish dream.

I wrote it for my children for when I am no longer here. I wanted to leave a mark here on earth, a memory of how I think, but if God wanted me to make money off of it, he will. He is an amazing God and what ever he wishes for me will all be good.

I think one of my deepest thoughts that fly around in my head is Al. When I read back what I have written I see what I was put through at a very early age. I see  how my innocence was stolen from me. But, what about Al? Surely there are reasons that he was so afraid in those young years. I don’t believe that children are born afraid. Something or someone has placed that fear.

My friend and I prayed together over the phone that God shows me how to help Al release the hidden fears he has kept buried all of these years. I can do nothing to help him alone. I have tried so many therapy sessions with him and we get no where. But God can do anything.

It won’t help Al rid the disease of Parkinson’s Disease. It could release bad memories and bring him a release and therefore joy. Seeing Al carry joy in his heart and the two of us leaning on each other can not do anything but help us both.

Knowing that Al believes in his heart that I really do love him would be wonderful. To see him trust me totally would be so wonderful. So now I ask the Almighty God to help me to help Al.

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Pain and Emotions

Parkinson’s UK balloons

I got a call from the nurse where Al lives and she told me that the family doctor had just been in and had prescribed an anti-depressant for Al. I freaked and asked her when they were going to give him the first dose and she said the first thing in the morning.

 

I asked her to please wait until I got back with her. I needed to talk to the doctor. I called and left him a message and he returned my call immediately. I told him about how two years ago Al was last on one of those types of medications. I explained how he had a terrible seizure from it and he couldn’t walk for almost six weeks.

 

I told him my fears and asked him if he still wanted to give it to him after my information. (This doctor was not our doctor two years ago)

 

He said, “Terry I just saw him. He is in so much pain and so depressed and sad. He is on the pain patch and now two more weak pain medications. He can’t take anymore. There is nothing I can do but to keep him comfortable. We have to try to lift some of his sadness. I have weighed the pros and cons and the pros are slightly in his favor. He does have the risk of seizures again but we won’t know unless we try, ok?”

 

I started crying right there on the phone. He told me, “Parkinson’s is a rough and dirty disease. It is beating Al up. How can you and I sit here and watch him suffer every single day.”

 

He didn’t know it but I was sitting here nodding my head. I knew I agreed with him but it just seems there is no licking this disease. I told him that I would call the nurse back and give her the go ahead for the medication.

 

I know I am supposed to be strong but here I am once again, a big weak mess. Watching the life disappear out of his life is harder I think than anything I have witnessed in a few years.

 

 

Keeping the Secret

Micrograph of an artery that supplies the heart with significant atherosclerosis and marked luminal narrowing. Tissue has been stained using Masson’s trichrome.

I don’t plan on being here tomorrow for a while so I went to see Al today. He was sleeping when I arrived. I woke him up and he waved and I saw a half a smile. He sat up and began to tell me about last night.

He said it was real hard to eat because he didn’t feel good but he made himself eat. From 8p to 12a he said he felt funny. He seemed pretty good now and even after I asked him the 20 questions I didn’t get any real answers.

He told me a story about how the aides made him walk behind his wheelchair last evening after supper. I asked the nurse about it and she talked to Al in front of me. She told him that she pushed him down to his room. Then he went on to another time when he used to walk and he didn’t feel well enough to walk. She told him he was talking maybe about last week.

It was obvious that he was having some dementia. This nurse is my favorite and I know if she said she pushed him, she did. He and I ate lunch together but he was pretty much in the dazed look for the most part. He kept telling me he didn’t feel good but he didn’t know where he felt bad at.

He was eating and except for the Parkinson stare I couldn’t see anything. As usual I finished my meal before him so I just people watched. I was watching Al trying to get the food on his spoon but most of it was going in his lap.

Then I saw the problem. I saw it but I couldn’t say anything to him. I saw his nurse standing at the cafeteria door so I told Al I would be right back. I walked up to her and asked if she had a moment.

We found a little spot where we could talk and I told her that I thought I knew why he has not been feeling well. I explained about his gray nails. When I looked at Al trying to eat the gray nails stood right out at me.

My stomach started hurting and I could feel my heart racing. She said, I am sorry Terry. His heart is just really suffering from his disease. I knew in my heart that is what she was going to say.

I swallowed the lump beginning to form in my throat and told her thanks for her help. I plastered my smile back on my face and wiped the one tear trying to run down my face. I walked back over to where Al was sitting and I sat back down.

He gave me another half-smile and I placed my hand over his and all I could get out of my mouth is I love you Bud, don’t ever forget this. He gave me a big smile then. He took his hand and rubbed over his chest area and I excused myself to go to the ladies room.

I came back in time to push him back to his room. I helped him on the potty and then I came home.

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