I have had a few calls in the past couple of days from nurses that care for Al. It seems that his gentle attitude towards authority has taken a different path. It bothers me but I refuse to believe that it is anything lmore than Parkinson’s Disease changing him. Al could pull the wool over my eyes pretty easily, but one thing he never did to me was yell at me.
Now I am hearing he is telling the nurses off and has little if any patience when it comes to his needs. His pains are becoming increasingly more and more present. The pain medications that he has been taking are no longer working.
His family doctor has fought very hard to not give Al any stronger medications. He is already on the strongest pain medications the pharmacies carry, but he can go up in dosage amounts. The reason the doctor fights it is to keep Al walking.
He and I have a different view on this. The doctor looks at it from a medical stand point. Walk walk, keep strong, keep independent.
I look at it as it is sister and compassionate human being. There comes a point where you reach the end of the road as far as pain goes. It is supposed to get worse. It can not get better. Al has had so much therapy on his legs and knees he is worn down. The bakers cyst that is attached to the back bone of his knee is causing him pain also. Two different specialists told me and Al that he is to stay off of his legs. They refuse to operate and take the cyst off because the therapy to heal from the surgery is far more than Al can physically handle.
Now the therapy department looks at Al from a Parkinson’s view. Keep him walking. Well, I am slightly confused, because in two months of being in the facility, Al can barely walk. I am not saying it is all of the therapy that was pushed on Al. Everyone thought they were doing what was best for Al.
Al is a fighter and yet he is losing. He will because of his lack of mentality walk with every effort he can muster so he rides in the wheel chair less and less, but it is killing him faster and faster pushing him into a wheel chair or bed.
Now after too many reports given to me, I have been informed and asked my opinion on the nurses getting a hold of the doctor and demanding he give Al an increase of his medications.
I can only look at this one way. He is my baby brother. He is in so much pain. He is now having trouble swallowing. He states that it feels like something is stuck in his throat all of the time. The neuro doctor thinks his throat muscle is becoming weak. His speaking has turned from individual words to one big rambling. Nurses and me are all having trouble understanding him.
It is a fact that he is in pain. It is a fact that he will not improve. I have voted for the increase of his dosages on his pain medications versus the pain level he is suffering through. I would rather have my brother in a wheel chair than suffering to the point he is telling the nurses off from so much agitation of getting no relief.
This was a very difficult decision for me to make, but I look at Al as his heart and neuro doctors do. Palliative care, comfort no more big goals for improvement. I just want him to be calm and happy as he and I walk through this journey.
Am I wrong? Am I being selfish? Maybe you think so, but I love him, and I hate seeing him suffer for something that will not get better. I don’t know how long God will keep him here, but I don’t want him to hurt on his journey to heaven.