Daily Prompt; That’s Amore


http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Think of your longest relationship: describe how your love has changed over time, did you go from the giddiness of infatuation, to mad passion, to deep respect, esteem, and friendship? Tell us about your love story.

I am sorry, I don’t have that beautiful story to tell about long-lasting love. I was married and immediately went to Germany. My husband was in the military. Through the years we had three children. We bought two homes. Life seemed good.

But for us, in time, things changed. Priorities seemed to shift. Drifting seemed to appear and before long people and things got in the way. It seemed the word Divorce, which had never entered my mind, was suddenly consuming my entire soul.

Pain, hurt, anger, and separation took over. Children who were innocent were being pulled in different directions. New decisions were being made, feelings were torn, tongues became thorns and life was as I had never experienced.

Through this time in my life I learned trust was not a strong word in my dictionary. Self-esteem was dropped to the lowest. It took a long time to  heal from this and still today, many years later, there are soft spots that I try not to dance around.

I am thankful that I still have my children’s love. I am thankful that I truly loved once. I learned at that time that there is no Fairy Tale life and we live reality each day in our lives. The burned feelings seem to remain somewhat today as the trust that was singed,  still remains.

I want with all my heart to find a good man today, but I am sure without realizing it that little word trust jumps out at me each time. I try to shove it down and realize that there are many good relationships out there in the world. I just need to keep my eyes and heart open and believe.

valentine

Fire In My Veins


 

Fire In My Veins

The sun has set

The world gone still

A chill in my veins

As I wait for you

To walk through that door

To be mine once more

The fire shall burn

The flames shall warm

As I walk into your arms

Once again.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

03.03.2014

fireButterfly-butterflies-9186479-500-500jelly fishbook4

God Is Good, This I Know


Several years ago on a cold winter day I had one husband, one daughter, age five, and a baby boy under one year old. The warnings had been placed and yet I didn’t really understand what the word blizzard meant.

All I could think of at that time is we had food, we had a roof over  our head. We had water and heat, and my husband may be home for a day or two from work. Now, let’s all play house and forget the outside world.

Slowly I got first-hand of what a blizzard was. It meant no going outside. No hopping in the car and running to the store. Trapped, yes that is a good word. Trapped inside with a baby with very few diapers remaining, but a family I loved.

The snow fell and fell.snow trees. The blowing snow and drifting locked us inside our house as the door wouldn’t budge to that outside world.

I started getting nervous when the baby ran too low on diapers. Today, being much older and wiser, I would have known I don’t have to use those Pampers. I could have substituted with different things I had at home.

But no, I freaked. My husband managed to open a window in the living room and he learned that the snow was as high as the bottom of the window sill. He dressed warmly and went out the window. He was able to stand up right away and looked in the window with a shit-eating grin and waving to us, he wandered off through the snow to the shed.

He got the shovel and started clearing the front steps so the door would open. He then went on and built a tunnel, more like an igloo, from the window he had crawled out of. He and our daughter did have a good time playing in that, but I was still without those diapers.

I ended up calling the police and they in turn sent a snowmobile out and when I saw him arrive he had a package of diapers on his lap.

I thanked him way too many times and offered him a steaming hot cup of hot chocolate but he refused. He made it clear there were other emergencies to attend to. I was so thankful for him, I will never forget that day.

Being in a blizzard does bring a family closer together. No work, no school, just spending time together in the snow playing, giggling and relaxing. Eating and sleeping in late, what a life that was those few days.

Now today, I am thanking God instead of a snowmobile. I prayed so much last night that God keep Al and me safe. He not only kept us safe, our water is still on.  There is heat inside. I was able to bathe Al this morning and feed him. I was able to take a shower, do a load of laundry.

Al was very restless last night but all is good. We have the remaining of today with extreme cold weather. I bundled up and went outside and cleared one path of snow a way on the wheelchair ramp. My car fought me starting but did turn over. It loved me by the time I had left it run for fifteen minutes and for starting for me I brushed all the snow off of it.

Minus 35 degrees for today and tomorrow morning will be a high of zero, no negatives. So once again I will ask God to keep Al and me safe and I will add all elderly, disabled, sick and rich and poor to remain safe and warm during this blizzard of 2014 here in Indiana.

God is good, yes Jesus loves me. How do I know? I am sitting here writing to you aren’t I?snowflakesjesuslookingdown

50 Years Doesn’t Change Too Much


Holding Al’s hand and listening to him breathe I find myself racing back to my past. I am standing at the end of the lane. The small dead-end lane leading to no where that the world recognizes; but to all who lived in the tiny street, this was home.

I pull myself in two pieces, a child and a woman. I see Al, my little brother with his big blue eyes and wide innocent smile. He is wearing his hat with the ball on top and the flap ear pieces that cover when the winds blow.

He wants to stop at the candy store. A tiny white  house that was converted into a public grocery store. Oh this was no ordinary business. This was a mom and pop store. Filled with those emergency food items for moms. Milk, eggs and bread. For dads there were car accessories, batteries and fishing lures.

For us kids it was a place better than heaven. Glass cases filled with shelves of candies. Fingerprints remained from other little fingers of kids pointing to this candy and that. The owner sharing freebies of new candies that came in. Wanting our honest opinions he would say. What did we really think of it?

Al tugs at my jacket and points towards the door with the big silver handle. I can’t resist. I take his hand and we walk in to the smells of friendship, hugs and laughter. Al puts his fingers on the glass placing his individual mark that he was here also to pick his favorite pieces.

I had a quarter in my pocket. I pulled it out and Al looked at the shining coin and we both grinned at each other as we knew we were leaving the store with pockets filled with special treats.

All the way down the lane Al licked his sucker and I made my pieces of chocolate melt in my mouth until I could no longer feel it. About half-way home I let go of my brother’s hand and I skipped and jumped all the way to the front door.

I would look back and see Al looking at me, frozen in spot, afraid he would be forced to walk the rest of the way home alone. I hurried and threw open the door and tossed my books on the couch and took off running for Al and grabbing his hand we walked home hand in hand, me his big sister and protector, he the scared little boy of the big world..

So many memories, so many times the two of us did this together. Now as I stand here looking down at my grown brother’s face I weep into my heart. I see the big blue-eyed child now laying here afraid once again.

Afraid to let go of my hand. Afraid he will be left behind. Afraid to walk ahead without me. My legs feel weak and my heart sobs as I see where life has not really changed that much through these past 50 years.

Al and I still need each other. He still seeks me out for comfort and I reach out to him today as if once again I am caring for that little boy all over again. God has decided that we can’t get too much closer as brother and sister.

He has discovered a new job for me and Al. He wants Al to help him with some project way above what  my own imagination can dream.

As I look into my brother’s face and I see the pain and sweat from this terrible disease my heart finally breaks in two slices. I look down at his puffy and swollen hands and remember how once I had grabbed hold and walked him into that little store. Now just touching his hand makes him flinch in pain.

His legs that once rode swiftly by me on his new bicycle now lay frozen in time. His feet that once walked side by side with me now lay twisted. No longer the shape of what we know of as feet.

I can no longer understand Al’s words but I can still read his eyes and he is letting me know he is afraid. I reach out to him and tell him I love him. I assure him I love him and I will not allow him to walk this journey alone, just as I didn’t let him walk that little lane from the candy store home alone.Al and me Christmas 2013

Daily Prompt; Perspective


http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Think about something that drives you crazy. Now, think about something that makes you happy. Does it change your perspective on the former?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us a PERSPECTIVE.

I hate when I use the phone and I get those stupid recordings.

 

I hate busy signals on the phone.

 

I love the sounds of birds.

 

I love taking photographs.

 

I love Joyce Meyers.

 

I absolutely love Dr. Charles Stanley.

 

There is a huge difference when I am doing what I love in life. My step is higher and lighter. My smiles are back. I look forward to the next day. When I am surrounded by sickness and sad things or things that irritate me, I get tired easily. I get irritable. I want to sleep all the time. Life is not always worth looking at the next moment.

Dedicated to Rachael, Ryan and Randy, The Loves of my Life


Looking back over my life

Reliving each year

I feel a smile

Come over my face

And tears running down my eyes

As I realize my age

Is creeping quickly upon me

And soon my own

Children will be walking

In my footsteps

Looking back over

My life and theirs

So without hesitation

I must say it now

I love you my children

You are and always

Have been the best

Gift in my life

My biggest accomplishment

An absolute perfection

I will always look

Upon each of you

With smiles

And tears in my eyes.

Love, Mom

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/18/2013

 

nature skies

Goodbye My Lover


brideIt is finally here

My wedding day

I have waited so long

For the month of May

But now as I stand

Here waiting to move

I don’t know if

I am really in the mood

I wanted nothing more

Than to be married today

But something is clearly standing in my way

Do I love him do, I really want to

Stay by his side for at least fifty-two

Or is it the glamor and all the lights

The wedding preparations and the high lights

My parents always said don’t marry just to be

Stay single and wait til the right one comes to me

I know in my heart that this isn’t right

I drop my bouquet of flowers right here on the site

With tears in my eyes of how I have pained

I know I can give him nothing to gain

I take my veil off and lay it aside

I almost knew what it felt to be a bride.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

09/28/2013

 

Touch Me


Don’t stray                                           touch

Please stay

Touch me

Please be

The one I love

Come here my dove

I want you now

I come to you and bow

Take you in my arms

I promise you no harm

Yes, touch me please

I give you my love with ease

Yes now we are together

For ever and ever.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

09/27/2013

I Know This Kid


She sat behind the chair hiding. Messy blonde curls, thumb in her mouth. Listening to the two of them arguing. Frightened and not understanding she began to weep but no one heard her.

Someone was going to take her away. Sally was afraid. She didn’t want to leave her TigerAngelmommy. But, why were they both saying they were her mommy? She moved a way and hid in the shadows fearing the two women would know she was there.

” She is my child and you can’t have her.”

” You don’t have custody of her anymore. You gave her up. Now get a way from here before I call the police.”

Why was that lady talking to my mommy like that? Why can’t I go have my mommy hold me? I want my mommy.

” I am her new mother now, please remove yourself from my property.”

Sally wept harder. This lady was being bad to my mommy. Too afraid to move she huddled even deeper into the dark. Soon the door slammed and the new mommy was yelling at my daddy.

” What in the world did you ever see in that bitch? You must have been drunk when you slept with her. You produced not one but two kids from a woman like that. Were you out of your freaking mind?”

” Tone your voice down. Do you want the kids to hear you?”

” Not the kids, your kids. I married you, not your kids.”

I saw daddy hanging his head down. I saw him get his hanky out of his pocket and wipe his eyes. Mommy is sitting down at the table. She is drinking her coffee and looking out the window.

My mommy wants me but they don’t want me to be with her. My new mommy doesn’t want me and yet I have to stay here.

Sally came out from her hiding place when the room became quiet. She crept up the stairs and laid down on her bed. Sticking her thumb in her mouth she cried herself to sleep.

This my friends is something that happens so often in lives of children today. Marriages ripped apart. New marriages glued together in hopes of lasting a long time. Children not understanding grown-up things get very confused. Some feel like they are to blame for what ever is wrong. Some kids go into themselves and others escape by what ever means they can find.  A child can feel this pain and carry it deep within their hearts for years to come. I know, because I am this kid.

 

Where Ever You Are


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER

I have thought of you today

And know  we won’t connect

You live your life so different

It’s as if we’ve never met.

Somehow we lost each other

In the bumpy roads we walk

We used to be so close

But now we never talk.

I love you as a sister

But fear for what you do

I pray you find the light

And return to your old you.

But just remember sister

I know what day it is

I have thought of you today

Happy birthday little sis.

colorful_birthday_cake