I Couldn’t Sleep


I was trying to take a nap but this strange tune came to my mind and words I had never spoken, so I got up and wrote the words to a song called, Why did you treat me so bad?

Why did you treat me so bad

I remember sitting in the car all alone

Watching my family on the bench eating their cones

Brushing tears as they rolled down my cheeks

I just wanted to escape and run from my defeat

Chorus;

Why did you treat me so bad?

What did you want that you thought that I had?

I saw what perhaps was pain in your eyes

Maybe, you and me; we just wanted to die

I remember coming home from school on e cloudy day

A crowd of people all standing in my way.

They wouldn’t let me walk through my very own front door

Whispers of, “We’re never going to see her ever anymore

Chorus;

Why did you treat me so bad?

What did you want that you thought that I had?

I saw what perhaps was pain in your eyes

Maybe, you and me; we just wanted to die

Daddy packed his suitcase that very night.

Placed the gun in my lap and said to sit tight

I saw him quietly slip out the back door

All my dreams died and crumbled to the floor

Chorus;

Why did you treat me so bad?

What did you want that you thought that I had?

I saw what was perhaps pain in your eyes.

Maybe, you and me; we just wanted to die.e cloudy day.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

07/12/2020

Enough!


Everything you hear about today is the deadly virus or BLM, Black Lives Matter. Why is that what we hear? Don’t All Lives Matter? We don’t hear White lives matter, or poverty lives matter. God didn’t make us to separate us.

I am all for one and one for all. I am for equality. I am for doing what’s right in God’s eyes and if you are knowingly sinning, than it is going to be between you and God on judement day.

I am all for history. I study it myself and I want my grandchildren to learn about history and see our history sites throughout the world. What we are doing today is wrong. There is no you or me or us. We are family, living on this big blue ball.

I was very upset at the video I watched on our local news yesterday. It is a true story that happened about thirty minutes from where I live. You will see this below. Click on the link. I don’t want to hear the screaming anymore when crap like this happens. I don’t want to see anymore destruction of our history. I want everyone doing bad things on purpose to stop. This is all nonsense to me. Explain why this is happening in a BLM world.

https://www.abc57.com/news/elkhart-pd-searching-for-suspects-who-beat-robbed-man-in-wheelchair

And the Heat Continues


Oh my gosh it is so hot outside. I hate having to run my air conditioning 24/7 but with high humidity and heat, I can’t breathe well enough. I can remember being a kid and nothing bothered me enough to not ride my bike. I don’t remember ever telling my parents it is too hot outside to play. What happens to our bodies as we age that we can’t take the heat?

The virus is on the rise here in Indiana. This is another reason I don’t venture out too much. Why did we believe that as children we better follow the rules but as adults we can choose to ignore rules?

https://www.coronavirus.in.gov/2393.htm

I am not the brightest cookie in the cookie jar but I just don’t understand the ripping down of statues which is our history. Can you explain how this can release our history?

https://wsbt.com/news/nation-world/columbus-statue-toppled-thrown-into-harbor-by-baltimore-protesters?fbclid=IwAR3W0DRZ49tsUpDLjGJlb5UvUvEPfZEbgkt7FL4Y5zMuuNxIz9_bNQmQ0UM

Keep Quiet Girl


My poor neighbor lady. I doubt if she sits and thinks,” I’ll sit here because I love talking to her!” I live alone and I talk to one person mainly if I talk to anyone at all as far as in person conversations. It’s a pretty quiet life here in my four walls.

Earlier in the year, I had met my next door neighbor, a sweet lady, not far from my age and single, and as time has passed, we have had our social distancing chats from our front porches. She has invited me in a few times and so for me; I chat away.

Lately, I have had a lot on my mind with my upcoming lease. The management has raised my rent thirty dollars after my first month here and my life insurance also went up to thirty dollars per month.

It scares the hell out of me because I barely made it this past year, but I did make it and most likely I will just eat less to make it this year. The problem lays then with the fact that apart from speaking to God about my worries, I have been talking about my worries to my neighbor.

When our conversations are over, I come back inside and kick myself because no one wants the burden of having to listen to other’s problems. We are all suffering in some form, especially this year.

I yell at myself, “Stop talking young lady. Just keep quiet and talk about the surface chat!” I have pondered on the idea of just being polite when I see her and go about my business and not be too friendly. It will save me and her sanity.

I realize it is out of no one to talk to that I so easily chat my head off. Why can’t I just be quiet and keep life to myself like most people do………………..

It’s Part of Life


Picture taken by me.

A scene happened yesterday that has tossed like a salad in my head until I decided to write about it so I could get rid of it.

It doesn’t matter who says what or how they say it; I am afraid of dying. I don’t know if it’s because I think I will miss people or perhaps I am afraid of death hurting, or the process to the death. I believe in God,so that makes this issue stupid in my eyes but I’m still afraid.

To get through this, I play or pretend it isn’t happening sooner than later. I tell myself I look pretty good for my age. I try to ignore those aches and pains of arthritis. I place most blame on my Ataxia for being tired. Get the picture?

I have this close friend who obviously wasn’t brought up with the manners I was.I was taught to not say anything if I thought it may hurt someone’s feelings. Well we are good enough friends, that most of our conversations are more straight forward and this talk yesterday was just that.

We were comparing how we have changed through the years and the words spewed out at me. “You have changed. You have wrinkles and your hair is thin and your skin is crepe. You’re old!” Boom, instantly I was hurt.

Hurt probably because it is truth and since I am afraid of dying, it stung. I tried to defend myself but I heard, “Well, it’s the truth.” I got back by saying something truthful about my friend that I probably wouldn’t have said in case it caused hurt feelings.

This is just so darn stupid. I know that I am going to die. We all are. I can be there for anyone who is ill or dying but my own aches and pains can cause me to go to pretend land.

I don’t know what I should have actually done or said but today, those words are still haunting me. Let’s face it Terry, you are aging. It’s part of life.

Can’t Undo the Past, Remember?


In my opinion, it doesn’t do any good to paint statues red or break them or tear them down. It doesn’t do any good to change the photo or name on a long-time food product because you are afraid someone will be offended.

My parents taught me that not everyone will like me and to be thankful if I make one, close friend in my life. They were right you know. A lot of parents were or are right if us kids would just listen.

You can not change the past and you can’t change history, so what’s the point of taking away all of these statues that represent wars, and wins and good ethics? Tell me now! What is the very point you are trying to make?

I’ll tell you what the point is. The point is coward. Afraid to stand up for what you believe in. Afraid of losing a dollar. Afraid to trust in God to fix all this. Where in the world is your back bone businesses?

I am so ashamed. I have never been as ashamed of the United States of America as I am right now. BLM? I agree with this to a point. All lives matter, no matter what race or sexuality or color you are. It doesn’t matter what you live in or where you live, and if we are making mistakes or making bad judgments when we know better, God Will Take Care of This, not us.

It is not our responsibility to discipline or tear things up or kill each other. I swear, this is the truth. We shall all be judged. What bothers me the most of the BLM, is the destroying of property by whites and blacks. What is that showing the rest of us?

We understand black lives matter so why are blacks and whites acting like overgrown children.

Okay, I have said my thoughts. I just wonder if they will take the Colonel in the above photo, who happened to own a plantation, and tear him apart and try to forget another part of history and labels on foods we eat.

What a shame, all of this a darn shame.

Clear as the Brook Flows


The other day I wrote a post about the black lives matter. I wrote my own thoughts and maybe I didn’t make myself very clear, which is very possible, but what I was trying to say and also express through the photos that I took and shared is pretty simple, or at least in my eyes, everyone is equal and we should treat each other as so.

For the most part, I received good comments but I did seem to offend at least one person here on my blog and my Facebook and for this I will apologize for any misunderstanding but I won’t apologize for my thoughts.

I do believe in God and I believe that we were each created equal and although this was done so many years ago, it still stands today. Now, it is a different story if people want to group together and twist words or actions or even personal experiences to make it their own, but we are still equal.

I have been attacked emotionally in my life for what I believe in or felt at the time, and yes, it does hurt, so I do understand, but when I posted my photos it was very clear to see that children of mixed colors do not look at color. They are born innocent and want friends and are willing and eager to make friends. Not always, but kids hear adults speak about racism and the media is quick to give their thoughts if it will help sell news, but we are still no better than any other human on this earth.

I believe no matter what color, we should be treated equally by our police, local people and our government. I believe whether we have money or not, we deserve fair treatment. I believe no matter which side of the track we live on, we are still important. I believe that God created us for a purpose, a purpose for him and we are to do this job. We are to love one another as ourselves.

We are not proud of those who tear apart our cities to prove a point. It proves no point, it shows a lack of respect for others. I do believe that we have a right to peacefully protest or announce our feelings and present our desires for change.

I took some more photographs last evening of the kids in my neighborhood. I met two neighbor ladies who live side by side because I was attracted to their beautiful flowers. I am never so shy that I won’t go to the source and ask if I can photograph their beauties.

I hope I have made myself much more clear and I hope you enjoy my photos.

The Invisible Wall


It really bothers me that color is a small word with huge descriptions and how these two colors, black and white have become like oil mixed with water. Why?

Everywhere you look there is turmoil. Fighting for a race, fighting for a right. It has taken over every part of the world.

The fact is; that we are each equal. One is no better than the other and we all have the right to take space in this world.

I got my scooter out last evening and grabbed my camera. I decided to take some photos, which I showed you above. I live in an area of black and white. A small community but I wouldn’t consider it a close knit neighborhood after last evenings ride.

I ask to take the photos of the kids. The kids liked showing off for the photos but I got the look from the parents. I felt like I was about to make an attack on someone. The looks weren’t angry, but they were looks of fear.

What was I doing speaking to them? Why did I want to photograph their kids? I explained I was a photographer and that seemed to settle things down, but the tension was still there. It is sad in my eyes.

I remember when I used to work in the nursing field. I worked with mixed colors and believe me, the black women I worked beside could really make me laugh up a storm. I became close enough with one gal, that I asked her one evening if she wanted to go out and get a coke after work to just unwind and laugh. Immediately, her smile left and she said, “Work was one thing,but we weren’t mixing after work.”

It hurt my feelings but I understood. Maybe I will never understand it from their point, but all I do understand, is color doesn’t keep me from being friendly and wanting to make friends.