Lost or Maybe Not

Sally thought she was lost. Not in her home of over fifty years but in trying to figure out how people’s minds worked. In her day, it was the golden rule that she tried her best to follow. She taught it to her own children. Be kind, love one another, work hard for what you want.It didn’t seem to be that way now a days. She scratched her head as she sat on her porch swing watching the kids across the way play. She could tell things had surely changed as she observed the kids hit on each other when they weren’t getting a fair turn and the names, oh the names that came out of those youngsters mouths. Why if those were her own kin, she’d take a switch after them or better yet, wash those mouths out with soap and clean up that talk. She swung back and forth thanking God that she was now an old woman and her children were all grown and fine outstanding young folks. She looked up at the blue skies and smiled.Written by, Terry Shepherd05/11/2021

I know it Sounds Crazy

But some days I wish I had the look of a person with a disability. I get looks sometimes when I say I can’t do something when others ask. I am living with the disability so I don’t question myself, but it makes me feel odd when others question me as to why I can’t or give me that look.

I look perfectly fine on the outside but on the inside it’s a different look. For example, yesterday, I felt weak. I was having internal tremors from my trunk down through my personal area and down my legs. It takes it out of me. It isn’t that painful as it is more of an annoyance and bringing on weakness. It feels like I ran a five mile race. Yesterday was the first day that it lasted for hours, so every move I made was like moving cemented legs.

I can’t walk long distances without my walker or a cart and when I do walk it isn’t long before I feel like I am going to pass out. This coming week I am going to a specialist for a Tilt Table test. Hopefully, I will find answers to this issue.

I really don’t want to look like I am disabled but people would believe me when I told them no or I am too weak today.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Happy Mother’s day to all of you moms

Memories like today

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. He would have been sixty-six. He passed away from Multiple System Atrophy when he was fifty-nine. It seems like today, not seven years ago. I can still remember so many of the people that showed such compassion and support here at WordPress. I am pretty sure I had over fifteen hundred comments in one day.

It didn’t make me cry this year but the memories came flooding back. Us going out to eat and how excited he was to choose from the menu. He didn’t eat out much before I started taking care of him, so some things we did were new to him although when I began being his guardian, he was fifty-two. My brother was mentally challenged and he didn’t experience so many things that you and I take for granted.

I remember taking him to different antique stores. His eyes would light up like Christmas lights. He would search for anything that had the words Coco-Cola on it. He was obsessed with this category. He didn’t care if he had several at home, when he saw something like it, he wanted another. I would talk to him and gently sway his thinking to getting an item that he didn’t already own.

He loved vintage cars too. My youngest son had a Chevy Bellaire and so he wanted one too. I found one in a large die cast and bought it for him. He had several vintage car collections by the time he became ill and the blue Chevy Bellaire was his ultimate favorite.

My brother loved the life that he and I built. i think each day for him was brand new. I always wished I had that innocence about life like he did, almost as a child.

I miss my brother so much. I loved sharing life with him. I learned so much about him and even about myself. Watching his face glow and his big smile is what I miss so much. I was never lonely when he and I lived together, even when he was plastered to the TV sports shows.

I love you buddy. You are always in my heart. I will never live the experiences of what you taught me ever again. Until we see each other again.