For Me It Wasn’t There

I hated it. I hated the feelings that I was carrying inside. Sitting there at the big table with casual friends sitting with me. Listening to the chatter of every day talk. Watching kids out on the floor, dancing, making dance moves that only kids can do. Couples holding tightly, placing hands where only lovers do. Music loudly coming from the juke box. Disco lights casting fluttering butterflies on the walls. In the back of the room, people playing pool, and at the bar sat lonely people staring at their beer, women, waiting for a hello. Why did I let them talk me into coming here? I knew I didn’t belong. I kept hearing a voice in my head, as I go back and hear my friends telling me, you won’t get a man, if you don’t get out. Come on, get back in the swing of things. I suppose you call it jealousy. Maybe I am, but I am a christian, and i don’t feel comfortable being here. I don’t drink nor get silly. I heard someone tell me then you are never going to get a man by sitting here. Get up and go mingle. Mingle? With who? Here? I looked down at my diet coke, and knew in that moment that this wasn’t for me. I smiled using my most gracious smile, stood up, excused myself, and left. God would not easily open new doors for me tonight. I wanted more. I went home. A feeling of peace embalming me.

4 thoughts on “For Me It Wasn’t There

  1. Though it is hard, why not embrace the environment and be the light in the room full of sinners and let it reflect off them.


  2. I have also found it hard to have fun at bars. It wasn’t the sinning part we are all sinners in different ways. I dont think it is us who is to judge whose sin is worse than another’s sin. I just dont like the meat market feel of some places. I like places that have live bands and where I can spend time with my friends and loved ones without the pressure of finding love or hooking up.


    • i totally agree with you. it does make u feel like you are on display at some places. i love live music so do enjoy the bands. there is something about the noise coming from those big speakers, where i can pick up the base with no problem, that i just love


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