I went through an excruciating hour just now. I am feeling many things. Guilt, sadness, despair. I saw young people in mini skirts, pink high heels with big pink bows. I saw a mixture of young and very old. I noticed women holding their purses as if someone were about to take it from them. I heard no words spoken. During meet and greet, three hands shook mine and said good morning, and then went to the next. Never a word was spoken from then on. I heard subjects on money, healing, but don't tell,new business and old. I found myself drifting in and out between the words. Remembering my parents. For some reason sadness over whelms me with certain types of music. I thought about the guilt I felt inside for not wanting to be there, knowing I should be there. More guilt crept over me as I became more aware that he knows my every thought. There was no way of hiding it, no place to run. I am home now and my comfort is back. Maybe I am afraid of people, maybe trust, hurt? I don't know. I know I need to change, but what is it I need to change? I know he loves me, and I love him with all my heart. We have great conversations together, and I can't imagine spending a day without chatting with him. So, why am I feeling the way I am. I remember as I walked out the door, I ran into someone from my past. Chit chat was shared. As I voiced my thoughts briefly on sadness due to changes in my life, I was told to get over it. Move on. Be happy. I felt cold run through me as I walked to my car.
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