She was sitting down and inside she was screaming. She couldn’t sit still. She wanted out, but had no way to do that. Her nerves were shot. Blood pressure was on high. She had her coffee beside her and was gulping it like it was water. A cigarette was in the other hand, and she was chain-smoking. She had felt this coming on for days, and had tried to ignore it. Now, today, she could take no more. She had felt trapped for so long. Not living her own life. Making decisions for others instead of what was best for her. She said yes too many times when she should have said no. She had talked to her friends about her fears, and listened to what they said, but when the phone disconnected, she was too tired to make the changes. She was sick of hearing herself complain and whine over and over to anyone who would listen. She put her cup down, and blotted her cigarette out. She sat there and started chuckling. That broke into a laughter that brought tears to her eyes. What was she doing? Why was she allowing this to happen to her? Wasn’t she the one in control of her own life? She had the right to make a change. Laughing so hard exhausted her. Tension melted away. So sleepy now. She laid down on the sofa and fell off to sleep. When she awoke, darkness had crept in. She lit a cigarette and turned the TV on. She needed noise. Yes it was too quiet. She got up and went into the kitchen to find herself something to eat. Pouring herself a cup of coffee and eating her tuna sandwich, she sat down to watch TV. The night drifted on. The phone rang. It was someone from her church wanting to know if she could volunteer for a program. She was silent for a moment, and before she could say anything, she heard herself saying yes, she would love to help. After the call, she went to bed. The next morning started all over again.
It is easy to sit back and laugh. I have laughed until tears have come to my eyes. To see him jumping high, running in circles sometimes makes me dizzy watching him. For a brother who sees little in life,from his mental challenges, who’s illnesses bring him sadness, watching Rudy bring a smile to his face. Laughter comes alive when he sees him chasing his tail around and around.Throwing a ball, he goes and fetches it. Begging at the dinner hour, hearing the wines, my brother who is usually very quiet, will perk up and say, “he wants my food sis”, then he just laughs. When he hears him gobbling his food, he makes remarks about how fast and noisy Rudy is. Today is a wonderful day. The sun is out, the heat is on. Do you know what makes it so wonderful? The two of them are sitting outside together, side by side. Nothing else matters to me today. God can bless in many ways, but the smallest of blessings will never be forgotten. Thank you God for allowing my brother to see what others may not.
All she could do is cry. She sat down, right where she was, covering her face with her hands. Sobbing. I don’t know how I can go on anymore. How will I make it until he comes back. After a time went by, she stood up and brushed the grass off of her clothes, picked up her purse and went back to where her car had been parked for the last hour. She got in, and checked herself in the mirror. Blew her nose and dried her eyes. Starting the car, she turned on her favorite music and started the car. I can do this she told herself. I will just keep myself busy at work, and I will call a few girlfriends and get with them in my spare time. She drove away from the city out on to the interstate highway and in less than half an hour she was home. Tears started to fall, realizing there was no one there to greet her. She took a deep breath, stood tall and walked in. She tossed off the shoes and went straight to her bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes. As she was getting dressed, she saw it. Her heart skipped a beat, and her breathing increased. She sat down gently, touching ever so softly the envelope lying on her pillow. She savored the moment of opening it, forever keeping it in her heart. She recognized the handwriting, and knew it was from him. She carefully opened it, not wanting to damage it in any way. Inside, was a necklace. It had two, attached photo frames. She opened it and there was a picture of her on one side and him in another. The look in her eyes softened and moisture sparkled on her cheeks. There was a letter wrapped around the necklace. It said, Honey, I love you. I will be back soon. No matter where I am, you are with me always. I am honoring the country we love, and serve when ever I am called. Wear this necklace around your neck to remind you of my love. One day soon, I will be back in your arms. It was signed, Your Favorite Soldier Boy
believe in yourself