A Caregiver’s Life

Woke up this morning, to blue skies, warm air. Poured myself my first cup of coffee. Let my dog outside. Doing all the things without thinking, in a routine. I heard stirring coming from his room. He was up already. I needed time, space for me. I didn’t like it when I go from a zombie mode straight to a thinking mode. Blue skies, disappeared as I started preparing his breakfast, tending to all his needs first before I had even gotten to the point that my brain was functioning properly. My nerves started to unravel, and I was unable to get them back in control. I feel so guilty feeling this way. I love him, we are family. No more silence to ponder on today, barely time enough to thank God for letting me have one more day. I need a vacation, a break. I hear remarks about how I don’t work outside of the home, and it hurts, at times, because I do work. I work with my hands, my heart, my mind, patience, love, understanding. This is a 24 hour job. There are no days off. I don’t get paid, but there is no amount of money that could be taken in when you are caring for a loved one. Now, silence surrounds me, as I see him walk out of the house. He is going to on an outing for a while. I breathe in a deep breath, and get my wits in tact. I, wait, in peace and quiet, for my daughter to arrive. I am getting my much-needed break today, right now.