Stolen Time

Elderly Woman Knitting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hate those days when emotions take over, and your world feels out of control. Have you ever had those? Nothing makes sense. A feeling of loss and desertion take over. Over whelmed at the fact that you are entirely responsible for all decisions. Hoping you make few mistakes that may affect another person’s life. Each day getting older, not being able to grab a hold of time and force it to stand still. Aches and pains that were not here, only a year ago, are now welcoming  you each new day. Realizing that your muscles don’t perform the same as yesterdays. Is it  age, environment,or a realization that you are alone. Getting older is described by the media as “the golden years” I am not so sure about that. When I was young the world had many open doors for my choosing. I chose the ones with the experience one would have at 18. You marry, and start a family. If you are lucky, you get to watch those infants turn into high school graduates. Others, are forced to work, and miss out on so many new adventures of their child growing up. Day turns into month turns into years, and before you realize it, you see that grey hair, maybe a receding hair-line, a wrinkle here or there, and possibly some weight gain around the middle. We turn to exercise, vitamins, breast lifts, facial injections. Anything to slow down the process. Eventually, though that day comes when you sit in your favorite chair, and you realize you can not fix everything. Your partner has passed on, the children have grown and moved on with their lives and families. Of course, you hear and or see them at holidays, but the days are gone for getting them up for school, hearing someone yell mom when they need you. No more birthday parties to attend or plan,  no more planning over night slumber parties. You look out the window, and you see the birds fluttering from tree to tree. A squirrel climbs up the tree, running from a dog. A couple, holding hands, taking a walk by your house. Life can seem to come to a point where one day runs into the next. I open my memory book and in my mind go from chapter to chapter, until I reach a blank page. Today, a day to fill that page with new memories, but I have no desire. I will sit here in my easy chair and watch the world go by as I realize it is my age, and nothing more.