I Don’t Want To Be Reminded

self portrait of sadness

self portrait of sadness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How can a person proclaiming to be a Christian, who believes in the almighty God, feel so low one day and up the next. Where is the smooth running hours that turn into days? Why do we not lean on the word of God more? A problem arises and instantly the mood has changed. Word was just received, as I was sitting here writing this, that former friends and family are saying rude remarks about our lives. Explaining a bit further, without boring you, when a parent passes on, although it is very hurtful, sometimes people change towards the children. Wills, estates, monies, finances can cause great problems, and friendships to drift apart. Suddenly you find yourself separated from this or that person by no choice of your own. This is something that was experienced in our family. The reason I bring this up, is that all of these people were close friends for at least twenty years. All attended the same church, went to the same church activities, camped together in the summers, spent holidays together, and proclaim to be strong, devoted Christians. What once was beautiful memories of long time past, is now a hurt felt memory. I am sorry. You must be thinking to yourself, what a pity, but move on, get over it. It is done and over with. I had done quite well for some time, but now with my brother’s dementia and Parkinson’s becoming more aggressive, talk of the past is part of our daily lives. Constant reminders are thrown in my face more than I want to admit. It takes one phone call, someone letting you know the stories are still an ongoing thing. All of a sudden the bubble is burst once again,and the pains come roaring like a lion all to surface again. This mood shall also pass, the hurt being hidden in the back of the mind, today concentrating on a new problem my brother is dealing with. Only to be dealt with again, at some point. I want to take this bucket of painful memories and  put it in a coffin, and bury it in some over grown  field, to never rise again.

The Unexpected Visit

Silverways Nursing Home This modern building w...

Silverways Nursing Home This modern building was purpose-built as a nursing home, and accommodates 68 people. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I walked into the facility, stopping at the secretary’s desk and announced my presence. Sitting behind the desk, was a young girl, with a short bob hair cut, low cleavage blouse, and bright red nails. She was talking on her cell phone, and glanced up at me, and told her other half of the conversation, she had to get off of the phone, that she would call them back. She laid her phone down, ran her fingers through her hair, and chewing her gum, she led me to the D.O.N.’s office. When I walked in the door way of the Director’s office, she also was on the phone. I could tell from the bits of conversation I was hearing, that she was talking with someone who wasn’t happy. I motioned to her that I would step outside the door until she was prepared to take the time to speak to me. She kept on talking, and smiled. Out in the hall, I looked around at the furniture. It looked new. It didn’t look like it had been sat in much. There were artificial bouquets of flowers sitting on each of the table. My head turned because I was hearing loud noises coming from the residents. Someone wasn’t happy right now. The smell of urine was drifting in and out of my nose. It was pungent. I saw a maintenance man, running a machine to keep the floors shiny. I turned back to my notebook, and jotted some notes down. The Director came out to me, and shook my hand and told me her name. I noticed there was no name tag on her dress. She was an older lady, dressed in a flowery print dress, that came to her knees. She had black dress shoes on, and her hair was short and in a hair net. She saw me looking at her hair, and she let me know that the kitchen staff was short, so she was filling in . She reached up and took it off and threw it away. I made another note in my notepad. She asked how she could help me and I told her who I was. I saw her eyes open a little wider, and she almost choked on her own spit. She straightened her dress, and proceeded to sit back down and start her perfectly, rehearsed set of questions, for people such as me. She excused herself a moment, and made a couple of quick phone calls to other extensions in the facility. After hanging up she plastered her biggest smile on her face and looked at  me and told me she was delighted to meet me, and she would do anything that was required in order to help. We got up and started to walk the halls. Stopping at other offices, nurse stations, and food department, making small talk and introductions. He jotted down notes as they went about their tour. The tour almost done, they made their way down through each of the three halls. He saw no one in sight. He jotted this down. The D.O.N. noticed him writing and hurriedly explained that it was mid morning, and so many residents were getting their baths right now. That is where the aides were at. This is why the halls seemed quiet. He walked into no particular room, standing in the door way, examining everything, leaving nothing out to the naked eye. In one room he witnessed an elderly lady asleep in her wheel chair, her one leg was showing, lack of being covered up. Another room, he saw a tiny little frame in the bed. He walked over and looked down at her. She had vomited up her breakfast, and she was lying in it. He glanced down at his watch , and notated in his book, time, 10:50AM. Another room, there was no one in it. Walking down the opposite hall, two aides were kneeling on the floor, trying to help a man stand up. He had fallen. Another notation. No nurse around. Nurse light was not on. He turned and looked directly at the D.O.N. and she flashed him her pearly whites, and ran her fingers through her hair. The last stop was in the kitchen.  He found the main chef, checking the food in the oven for doneness. Two kitchen aides were putting napkins, and glasses, and wrapped silver ware on the dining room tables. The back screen door to the kitchen was open. He popped his head through and saw a few employees smoking, and as he was observing the grounds, he could over hear talk of a personal nature and even some swearing. He stepped back inside, and jotted some more notes. Walking back to the D.O.N’s office, they stopped at her door. She told him that it was a pleasure to meet him, and if there was anything she could do for him, just give her a call. He told her he she could expect a phone call prior to another visit the following week. As he walked by the secretary’s office, he saw that she was talking on her cell again. He walked out the door and to his car.