The Versatile Award, For Me?

Faithrises has nominated me for the Veersatile Award. I feel honored.  I have said it before and I will say it again. When I started writing for the public eye six weeks ago, I thought maybe I would get a few people who may read them, but like them? and honor me with an award? This is more than I ever dreamed.

Seven things that I love in life.

1. God

2. My three wonderful children and many grandchildren

3. I am a sap for people who need help

4.Bird watching, feeding birds, squirrels

5. I love when family comes by and we end up spending the entire day together

6.Although my parents are gone, I love them dearly

7. My wonderful friends that read my blogs

Many readers give me great strength, hope and bring smiles and comfort. Here are a few.

viveka she says it like it is. she is compassionate and understanding

this  blogger seems to  understand everything i say, which is nice for me

Aina Balagtas,, this blogger encourages me to hold my head high

Rob Barkman this blogger speaks to me like a friend visiting over coffee. i love it. very true and real to the word, very uplifting


These are just a few to mention. All of you bloggers are wonderful.

Thanks again for this wonderful award



The Fear Word

There Goes the Fear

There Goes the Fear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Fear. It can take over your body, mind and soul, in a second. Sometimes it isn’t something that comes out and spooks you. It can just be a word. A memory. A frightening memory, that you had buried somewhere deep in your head, to never step forth again. I heard that word today. Normally, this isn’t a bad word. Often, people feel comfortable with the word. Follow me through this story, going back to the times you have often taken this path also. Help me to understand and respect this word, so that I can once again, lay it to rest. You have to visit a doctor. It doesn’t matter what type of doctor. The first thing they do is take your ID and insurance cards. Check! Next you fill out your medical history. You place down on the unfamiliar papers, letting them know all of your history. Now, this includes any surgeries, allergies, your parents information, also going a bit farther, your mental health. Have you ever thought of committing suicide. Have you ever tried harming yourself.Check! Now sign the most important document, your HIPPA  paper. This paper is to protect your very important information. No one is to see it. Check! All finished, you go back over your work, making sure your phone number, address, social security is all correct. Check! You hand the smiling receptionist your finished papers, and sit down to hear your name called. While you are waiting, your information is being typed into a data base in the office’s computer. Your name is called, your paper work is finished, it is typed in, and you officially now have a file on yourself.Remember, HIPPA. Your rights to privacy. Never should we forget. Did they forget to tell you , that there are special rules that can pertain to this? I didn’t think so. This is how I became afraid of THE WORD. Now, switch gears with me. We all know that I have been letting you in on my brother’s health. He has a few too many problems, including mental  health. At one visit some time back, I filled out one of those many clipboards. We waited our turn, got called in. The doctor seemed nice. He checked my brother over thoroughly. He talked more to him, the mentally challenged one, than he did to me, the guardian and sister. The doctor asked certain questions, and with my brother’s not so good of understanding, answered the best he could, sometimes adding how he got mad at this person or that. The doctor made notations from what he had heard and noted the bruises on my brother, which is from his heart medications. Nice doctor, not bad visit. A stop at McDonalds on the way home for ice-cream. Cool!! The day had gone well. A few days later in the week, we got an unexpected visitor. From the information provided in our paper work, the bruises, the comments from a mentally challenged patient, the WORD, was at our door. Social Services. Here to check on his living arrangements. Just doing a routine check, they said. Check!! I ended having to go from the nice person who opened the door, to being on total defense, proving myself innocent. After much sweat, and shaky legs, and nerves shot, she said she found everything was alright. That he was really lucky to have such a caring sister. She could tell that I loved him and cared about him a lot. She left, and I sat down and smoked a couple of cigarettes in a row, wishing at that moment, I drank the brew. Now go with me today. We had an appointment for my brother from a different type of doctor. A psych doctor. The regular doctor wanted a second opinion to see if maybe a medication change may be needed. I could deal with this, right? Anything to help my brother get through this Parkinson’s. He agreed, there was not much more that could be done, and said to come back in a couple of months, just to touch base, and see if there was anything we may need his help for. Nice doctor. We leave, or we try to leave. A young lady, looking to be a teenager, who I found out did work for the office, wanted to talk privately. My brother started crying, because as we were leaving, I told him we would stop for ice-cream, as he had done so well with this new doctor. The lady says she will take us into a quiet office. She wants to have me sign some updating papers. I asked, what kind? I explained that they had already contacted me, and all information, address, phone, etc. was all updated. She said that this was a normal procedure. She takes some forms from her brief case and lays them on the table in front of me, and I read the top line. Social Services. I asked what this was about. She stated it was routine, that this information stayed within the office. Of course, I knew better. I knew that all of your information stays within the office, inside the data base, and isn’t given to anyone, UNLESS certain words are kicked out, such as anger, bruises, emotional, etc. I smiled, and froze at the same time. The FEAR word had made its way from the back burner right to the front burner in less than a blink of they eye. I said smiling to her, I am not signing anything that you have here. All paper work was signed when we first came in for the visit. I helped my brother up from his chair and took a hold of him with  one hand, his cane in the other hand, and we left the building

Just For Today

Deutsch: Rodolphe ist in Eile, denn es weihnac...

Deutsch: Rodolphe ist in Eile, denn es weihnachtet sehr. 😉 English: Rodolphe has to hurry up, Christmas is coming soon. 😉 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I think there is a shorted wire in my brain somewhere, that prevents me from what I see most of you doing in your lives. Wow! This is really hard to type the word onto this page, but is it that I am really just plain too lazy? Oh my gosh, that one hurt. I don’t like that word. It puts a knot in my gut. It brings guilt to me and I suck it right in, like there is no tomorrow. I make promises to myself. You would laugh at me if you knew how many arguments I have with myself on a nightly basis. I win each night, and I lose each morning. The best part of my day is not Folgers in my cup, it is the peace. Peace of a new day. Joy of watching the sun rise. The silence of the traffic. The quietness coming from my brother’s room. Yes, the aroma coming through my nostrils of my coffee being made. To look outside my windows and see the calmness in the trees. The cat walking down the road without fear of being hit by a speeding car. Birds at my bird feeder. These non important, tiny little, routine things I do each morning are the basis of who I am. Then the television is turned on as my brother comes out for his breakfast. Instantly my world changes. It is like night and day. Are you an allergy sufferer? Do you have trouble keeping an erection? Do you feel bloated? Does your lipstick wear off before its time? Are you depressed? Have you started your new exercise program so you can be in your bikini by summer? Do you have thinning hair? Do you have enough life insurance, or are you going to be a burden for you family? Do you need to dial lonely chat phone line, because you have no love life? Have you been injured by someone and need to sue? The list goes on and on. With being a caregiver, I am more at home then out of the home. FAMILIAR words that I hear, come from the television. Doubts start entering my once peaceful, accepting world. I look at my face in the mirror, and see the signs of aging staring back at me. I look at myself fully in mirror, and see  more than a pinch in too many places. I look through my kitchen cupboards, and see all too familiar foods, waiting for me to open. I look at my coffee cup, now  filled with disgusting caffeine. My cigarettes are sitting beside my cup, waiting to be inhaled, filling me with black tar. I should change everything in my life. The television has told me so. I am not who I am supposed to be. I have not become a person of a health conscience world. I have not went and thrown everything out of my cupboards and replaced them with complete, healthy foods. I don’t call a plastic surgeon and schedule my Botox appointment. I didn’t call the most popular diet program. I didn’t give up my cigarettes  for today. Instead, I have chosen to do what? Be myself? Be lazy? Worry about someone else besides me? Decide to accept me for who I am? Maybe I am just plain lazy. Maybe I have just made the determination that this is who I am. This is who God hath made. For today, I will be a caregiver. Today, I will try my best to do what is the right thing for me. There is room for improvement, but for today I will accept that I will fail at something. Today, I will try to give comfort and love to another human being. Today, I will try to be proud of the fact, that where I started is not the same as today. Just for today, I will be satisfied with who I am.