Staring at this screen, looking at the bright whiteness waiting for black to come over it with my words. Ashamed of myself for feelings that keep popping up in my mind. Memories of my earlier child hood. Taking for granted that these days would go on forever, never-ending. In one moment, thanking God for all that I have in my life, and the next moment, wishing for what I had before. I am just being silly, but not being able to get over myself, I have decided to write this down, maybe being able to lay this to rest, once and for all. We all have memories of our childhood. Some of us are lucky to have wonderful memories, and others are struggling with thoughts from the past. Our parents, school teachers, leaders among us, all teach us how to become good, respectable adults in society. They mold us and help us form our opinions for when we are grown. Things that were not taught, I have learned on my own, through many trials and errors. Managing a checkbook, following a list of groceries needed, listing and following a budget for our finances. Knowing how to handle disappointments in life, understanding what follows from our first introduction to sex, understanding and dealing with the fact that not everything remains the same. I have had wonderful miracles in my life, including three children. I have had disappointments also, that only I could learn from. What I didn’t learn was to take each moment in life and treasure them enough. I didn’t learn to say thank you enough, or to embrace people who entered my life and then exited, as though, they were there for the moment, to help me learn something new. I took life for granted, thinking it would never change. I took for granted that people, acquaintances, friends, parents, family would always be there. Now it is too late, or is it? Do you believe that your loved ones are near you? Do you believe that they watch over us, even though they are not here with us physically? There are times that I do believe. I believe that my parents are together, with arms wrapped around each other, looking down on me with smiles on their faces, pride in their eyes, and sometimes tears when they see me going through sad or rough times. Their arms reach out and if I sit still long enough, I can almost feel the warmth touching my shoulder, whispering in my ear, that it will all be alright. Pray and give it to the Lord. What I regret, is that I didn’t thank them enough for what they did for me. My new bike, wonderful birthday parties, letting me have friends for sleep overs, putting a bandage on my knee or elbow. Wiping a tear from my eye. Buying me new clothes for school, paying for my education. Being at my silly school programs, knowing they had other important things to do that night.Speaking to their friends about helping me to get a foot in the door with my first job. Helping me buy my first car. I could go on and on with the wonderful ways my parents were a part of my life. I never said enough. So today is my birthday, and I am now older. My parents and family are no longer with me. I have learned that life doesn’t go on the way you remembered when you were young. I wish to go back in time, when mom was standing in the kitchen frosting my birthday cake, and dad was in the garage putting together a surprise birthday gift. Today, I am grown, and have matured through many teachings in my life. Today, I take nothing for granted. I thank God for all of my wonderful blessings I have. Today, I look up towards the sky, and with an open heart, and a tear in my eyes, I am telling my parents thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the sufferings that you went through to make me who I am today. Thank you for all the wonderful memories that you have provided me. I love you mom and dad. You were the best. I miss you both but soon we shall all see each other again.
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Who I am 