I Can Still Say Thank You

Staring at this screen, looking at the bright whiteness waiting for black to come over it with my words. Ashamed of myself for feelings that keep popping up in my mind. Memories of my earlier child hood. Taking for granted that these days would go on forever, never-ending. In one moment, thanking God for all that I have in my life, and the next moment, wishing for what I had before. I am just being silly, but not being able to get over myself, I have decided to write this down, maybe being able to lay this to rest, once and for all. We all have memories of our  childhood. Some of us are lucky to have wonderful memories, and others are struggling with thoughts from the past. Our parents, school teachers, leaders among us, all teach us how to become good, respectable adults in society. They mold us and help us form our opinions for when we are grown. Things that were not taught, I have learned on my own, through many trials and errors. Managing a checkbook, following a list of groceries needed, listing and following a budget for our finances. Knowing how to handle disappointments in life, understanding what follows from our first introduction to sex, understanding and dealing with the fact that not everything remains the same. I have had wonderful miracles in my life, including three children. I have had disappointments also, that only I could learn from. What I didn’t learn was to take each moment in life and treasure them enough. I didn’t learn to say thank you enough, or to embrace people who entered my life and then exited, as though, they were there for the moment, to help me learn something new. I took life for granted, thinking it would never change. I took for granted that people, acquaintances, friends, parents, family would always be there. Now it is too late, or is it? Do you believe that your loved ones are near you? Do you believe that they watch over us, even though they are not here with us physically? There are times that I do believe. I believe that my parents are together, with arms wrapped around each other, looking down on me with smiles on their faces, pride in their eyes, and sometimes tears when they see me going through sad or rough times. Their arms reach out and if I sit still long enough, I can almost feel the warmth touching my shoulder, whispering in my ear, that it will all be alright. Pray and give it to the Lord. What I regret, is that I didn’t thank them enough for what they did for me. My new bike, wonderful birthday parties, letting me have friends for sleep overs, putting a bandage on my knee or elbow. Wiping a tear from my eye. Buying me new clothes for school, paying for my education. Being at my silly school programs, knowing they had other important things to do that night.Speaking to their friends about helping me to get a foot in the door with my first job. Helping me buy my first car. I could go on and on with the wonderful ways my parents were a part of my life. I never said enough. So today is my birthday, and I am now older. My parents and family are no longer with me. I have learned that life doesn’t go on the way you remembered when you were young. I wish to go back in time, when mom was standing in the kitchen frosting my birthday cake, and dad was in the garage putting together a surprise birthday gift. Today, I am grown, and have matured through many teachings in my life. Today, I take nothing for granted. I thank God for all of my wonderful blessings I have. Today, I look up towards the sky, and with an open heart, and a tear in my eyes, I am telling my parents thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the sufferings that you went through to make me who I am today. Thank you for all the wonderful memories that you have provided me. I love you mom and dad. You were the best. I miss you both but soon we shall all see each other again.


19 thoughts on “I Can Still Say Thank You

  1. Such a heartfelt and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this. A very happy birthday to you Terry…and may all your memories take you to a place of remembering the beauty that is your life NOW! You are a blessing. –Anne


  2. Happy Life … girl, I hope you had a relaxed day and that you got a great piece of cake. Once again you have told you story with such a great humbleness and generosity. You share your memories, your today and your dreams with us in a very special way. Thank you so much.
    Personal I didn’t have a such great upbringing … and my mum I only saw maybe 2-3 times per year.
    I turned to the moon … and to imaginable friends – that I wrote letters to, about my joy, sadness, my tears and my dreams. The first birthday party I had when I was … 40 and my second at 50 – and I’m very contempt with that.


    • thank u for allowing me to share my life with you. i feel very honored. we don’t all have great childhoods, and there are many reason, but it truly is what we do with our lives when we reach adulthood. i am glad that you have had the experience of a birthday party, even at 40!!! YEAH! i made my own cake for brother and i. no one came to relieve me, so we r having our party tonight for dinner, the two of us. it has been a nice day. u r a true friend to me, thank you


    • this is so true Teresa. I am glad that as my mom was leaving this world, we talked. it has always consoled me. i was a normal teen but i know i caused her grief and worry.


  3. Happy birthday Terry – I’ve lost both my parents as well and times I go back in memory and it all seems like such another lifetime ago. Cherish the memories and I do believe that your parents are with you in goods times and hard times as I do believe mine are..


    • i don’t know about you, but a part of my life changed when both parents were gone. that void has never been filled in. so many times today taking care of my brother i want to ask my parents what should i do about this or that. thank u for the birthday wish. i do believe they watch over me also


  4. Yes I feel the void every day – my parents were divorced when I was younger but I miss them both very much. I was very close to both my parents and I think about them every day. I’m about to write a post about my father – as yesterday this memory came back to me that I had forgotten and it made me smile as well made me miss him! Love fills the heart!


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