A Wake Up Moment

Title: The Prayer of Jesus (St John Passion - ...

Title: The Prayer of Jesus (St John Passion - 3) Painter: Jacek Andrzej Rossakiewicz (b.1956) Year: 1990 Characteristics: Oil on canvas, 245 x 137 cm (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My brother and I did not attend church today. I told him he could watch a christian show on TV, and that this would help replace going to church. He did not do this. At six pm, one of my favorite shows came on. Dr. Charles Stanley. I planned supper around it, so that we would be eating and still with our ears open to the message. It was amazing. It was all about stress. Not just the word stress, but what it can do to you physically and emotionally. While listening to the sermon, I kept glancing over at my brother, hoping that some word or sentence woke something up in him. Something that he connected with. He continued with his eating, face an inch from his plate. I  have since discovered, this is a part of the Parkinson’s, the face near the plate. I was listening to the show and watching him, and then Dr. Stanley, made a comment about how to get your prayers answered. I quit watching my brother so much, and paid closer attention. I tried to listen to it as a first-time person never hearing the word of God. The order of answered prayers in his words, were, 1. go to God in prayer 2. Thank him for loving me unconditionally. 3. Believe that he will keep his promise.  At that moment, the room became silent. I am not sure if I was actually breathing or not. I glanced over at my brother and his eyes were upon me. Neither of us said a word, but I was feeling something inside. I am not sure if it is guilt, or maybe I was hearing these familiar words for the first time, but I knew at this moment, my thoughts were turned away from my brother and they were turned into myself. I did believe in God. I knew it. I have said it. I try to live it. I do pray to God. I often speak about how I speak to God more as a friend, instead of someone sitting in a church pew. I do thank God for loving me unconditionally. No one recognizes my sins more than myself. Believe in God. I do, or do I? Of course I do! His last question to me, and the audience. Do you know, without a doubt, that God will answer your prayer, no matter what the outcome may be? Here, I fell short. I am a doubter. I didn’t realize it until watching this show. A doubter. That doesn’t even feel good rolling off of my tongue. It has a garbage taste left in my mouth. All of a sudden, I don’t know how to pray. I have sat here for minutes, thinking of what I should say to him, God. How do I tell him I am not as strong as I thought I was. How can you tell someone that you have doubts? I need the perfect moment, I shouldn’t, but I do. It has to be all quiet in here. I want no interruptions. I want my conversation with God to be only with God. I want to tell him my fears, my sadness I feel for my brother. I want to tell him that I am scared. Scared of losing my brother. Scared of being all alone if something would happen to him. I want to tell God that I love him. I want to praise his name. I want to thank him for loving someone like me. I want to ask for forgiveness of my sins. I want to ask him to heal my brother, even if it means taking him from this world. I want to ask him to guide me, to give me a better ear to listen to his words. I want to tell him that I believe. I want to ask him to remove my doubt, and replace it with more faith.

28 thoughts on “A Wake Up Moment

  1. Terry, He’s always with you. The mere fact that you are able to do those Godly things for your brother, God is with you guys 😊 you are always included in my prayers, and your brother too 😊 Thanks for sharing such a Great post (as always👍). Have an awesome week ahead!


  2. Even when we can’t utter the words we long to say, God’s Holy Spirit within us carries our prayers to the throne of God, because he understands our heart and those things we desperately are trying to say ourselves.


  3. Oh, Sweetie, is it really doubt, or is it that just like the rest of us, we don’t like the answer to be no? Sometimes God has to say no. He knows what is in your heart and you may feel He is not answering, but He answers in His time not ours. I believe with all my heart that He truly does not give us more than we can handle. Please have no doubt of that. I know you have a hard road to travel, but He is right there with you. Hugs, Barb.


    • u r right. i am impatient. i want his tears to stop now. i want his smiles back now. i am impatient, but to make myself feel better i can say that it is so see him happy, and not for myself……….thanks ipen. you are great!! i need to keep that in mind. he gives me no more than i can handle……………..repeat, repeat…………thanks


      • A small thing…LtPen, all small letters. I love lighthouses and penguins and 315 is my birthday. Or just call me Barb.
        Patience has never been my greatest virtue either!


      • i like Barb better. It is more personal, and I am sorry for wrong spelling. I learned to lose patience when I was married……sorry, that was a funny but too true


  4. I know what you mean. I feel that same way about reading God’s word. I know that it changes me and yet I don’t do it near enough. So, what does that say really? Do I really believe that without doubt if I’m not doing it? If I truly believed that it would change me the way I say it will and know in my mind it will, wouldn’t I do it?


    • i can see what you are saying. the only thing i can go on, is i know i believe. i do the best that i can. god already knows we are sinners, right? so we can’t be perfect. we can just do our best, i guess. i see others who are much better at reading the bible or going to church, but maybe we are better at something else in life. we have our hopes and our faith. i feel like i don’t even come close to being good enough, but is being good enough what it is all about? probably not, i have lots of doubts but try not to


      • I don’t have a lot of time this morning, but I wanted to get you this verse. It’s a prophesy about the days after Jesus redeems us at the cross and comparing it to the everlasting covenant with Noah.

        “For this is like the days of Noah to Me, when I swore that the waters of Noah would not flood the earth again; So I have sworn that I WILL NOT BE ANGRY WITH YOU NOR WILL I REBUKE YOU. (caps added). For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,” says the Lord who has compassion on you.” -Isaiah 54: 7-10

        I have rarely heard this preached, but I believe this is one of the foundational truths of Jesus dying on the cross. He took everything, even God’s anger with us, onto that cross. Therefor, God has made a covenant with us that is everlasting, to never again be angry with us.


  5. Terry, you know my point on this … you have everything there inside you – it’s only that sometimes you weakness but your situation. Agree with Tilly, you should talk to others in the same situation – because the provided comfort and strength. You’re not alone in your situation and there is always something to learn and share. We here try to understand, but we don’t know.


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