It Only Takes One To Tear Down A Wall

WordPress Logo English: WordPress Logo 中文: Wor...

WordPress Logo English: WordPress Logo 中文: WordPress Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most of us who blog on here believe in what we say or we research and give facts. Others offer great words of praise and encouragement. There is no one that I have met on here who I think is anything else than nice men and women. No one has stalked me. No one has made great laughter at my words. I have had only one time when someone from out of nowhere made a comment that may have been to wake me up, which was to give my brother up to the system,and go live my life. I admit, at first it hurt a tiny bit, but I brushed it aside, realizing this person didn’t know me personally. I am fortunate to have most of my followers and readers  become close enough to me where  I feel comfortable enough to call them by their first name, some of them I have made short cuts in their names such as Buck. Thanks Buck, for letting me call you this and mentioning you in my blog. There is not one of you that are not christian people, and if you are not, you respect my faith that I carry within myself. I feel truly blessed. WordPress has joined together a community that surrounds me daily. Where once before, it was just me and my thoughts, now I wake up knowing that when I get on the computer, there are people waiting to share with me, support me, and go through my journey with me. Leading up to the point I want to make is my dear friend, Sara.  Sara doesn’t know that I am writing this, and I didn’t think to ask her if this was alright. I hope it is my friend. I am not going to go into any depth about her. If you know her, you know her journey, and if you do not know her, copy and paste the link above, and learn more about her. I believe, and this is my thoughts only, that as followers of God, our job is to spread the word of God. To love they neighbor as thy self. I believe that it is not our place to judge anyone. Only God will do this on judgement day. I may have opinions, but if I can not say something without a promise of support and love following it, then I will say nothing. Who am I, but a mere sinner here on earth. Jesus had to die on the cross to save my soul! I have no right at all to tell anyone if they are right and wrong. I have watched Sara make huge progress, and I have seen a man of faith knock this down with one statement of hurt. She is hurting now and doesn’t know whether to continue with her journey with us or not. I have given her my support, but I can not tell her  to stay or go. I can only have hope. I want to say, I am sorry, Sara. I am sorry for what has been said from someone who follows God, but has decided to take God’s place and judge you today.

The Vesatile Blogger Award don’t know what to say anymore with my awards. It is God who truly speaks through my fingers. It is not me. There is no way I could touch so many lives with my own mind. Thank you Teresa Cleveland for nominating me for this wonderful award

You all know about me. There is nothing left to tell. Trying real hard to say something different.

I am left handed.

I have a weakness for the soap opera, The Young And The Restless

I love giving more than receiving

I am constantly on a diet   this blogger has fascinating things to say every day  this blogger is fairly new to me, but she always replies to my every blog  this blogger is very understanding of what i go through and i really enjoy her blogs


Thanks again Teresa Cleveland!

God Will Not Let Me Down

Hello? Hello? I ask, what number are you calling please? I hear hello? Is this the person who wants help? I call in regard to your help ad. I find out within a minute that this is not the person for us. Only 17 years old, and has never had any experience. I thank her for calling, and tell her I need someone with more experience. The next phone call the speaker is so soft-spoken, I can barely hear. I am calling about the ad that you have in the paper? I am looking for some work. This lady, bless her heart, is 70 years old and wants something to do with her spare time. I fell in love with her spirit, but knew she could not handle a quick fall and his chatter may not be heard. The next call is from a high school student. She sounds very nice. I can hear her. She is wanting to work when she has time. She is involved with many school activities and has a part-time job after school. She doesn’t drive yet, so I would have to go pick her up and take her home. If I was going to have to take him out to go get her, I may as well take him with me. The phone rang a few more times, but I just didn’t feel a comfort here with the callers. The phone became silent for several hours before it rang again. Here was a young lady, who had some experience, but she needed to bring her three young children with her. This made me sad, as I think she may have worked out, but children and my brother never mix well. He picks more, gets agitated, and it isn’t worth the worry I would go through once I left the house. The phone went silent, so I took advantage of it and called a couple of home health care agencies in town. They were more than willing to help, as long as I needed a RN for skilled care. This wasn’t the case here. I was looking for someone to sit with him, so I could have time for myself, away from the care and situation. I next made a call to the government office, to see what they covered, and to my disappointment, only skilled care. I was wanting something for myself, for me, and they don’t cover anything for the caregiver. This upset me, because my selfish thoughts were, I NEED A BREAK!!  I got off the phone, and the phone rang before I set the phone in its cradle. This was a person, that sounded good. She had experience. She was of the right age. She would be glad to play a game, or watch TV with him. She would even fix his lunch if I was gone over the meal time. I asked her if she could come out to meet him at a certain time, and she said she would be here. I hung up, a feeling of excitement rising inside of me. This would allow me to go get my brother’s birthday gift without him being present, and to get some out-door flowers for around the yard. I prepared his lunch, and tidied up the house a bit. Changed my clothes, and both, him and I, waited for her arrival. She never showed up. Wow! What a disappointment. My heart sunk. He went back to his room, to take his nap. I sat on the couch, and I began to cry. Not much, just a couple of tears. I don’t usually cry anymore about anything in life, but this did produce a tear or two. I needed help. I love my brother more than life itself, but I need a break, and so does he. If you were to ask him if he was getting tired of only seeing my face, he would grin and shake his head yes.  I got on bended knee, and tell


telephone (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

God of my feelings and frustrations. I asked him for his help. He held out his hands to me and I placed my worries on him. The phone is still silent. My faith has to carry me through this. It is only a matter of time, before God will make the phone ring, answering my prayer.

Where Did This Come From?

Yesterday was a day without dementia. We don’t have very many of those days without our tag-a-long, so I took advantage and got us out of the house. I had been reading the Parkinson’s main page the day before, and discovered that his quad cane could be making walking worse, forcing him to have to concentrate on not walking on one of the four legs. We went to the medical supply store and checked out new single leg canes. There were a few up to date looking ones. One was of military clothing look and there was a red one that had different cards from a deck of cards. He doesn’t comprehend very well with anything, so he got his usual frown and teary look instantly plastered on his face. I told him that the red all over his cane reminded me of his coca cola cans, red. In a quick moment, the frown face turned upside down into a smile face. I had hit the correct word on the head. Coca cola! With help, the assistant and I stood him up and placed the new cane in his hand, and he walked a few feet with it, and he said he LIKED IT! I thought to myself, wow, we are on a roll here. Let’s go one step further. I asked the assistant about wheel chairs. I told her of my concerns with the weight of them and placing them in our car. My brother went ahead of us over to the wheel chairs and pointed to one that he liked. She took it down off the display floor and let him look it over. He sat in it, and then stood up and walked around it. She explained how light weight it was and had me try to lift it. I could do this. She called it a Transport Chair. Easy to lift, fits in the car. What was more important than anything, was that my brother was not fighting this. We went ahead and placed the order. We pick it up this morning, after his shower helper has gone. We came home, and on the way home he didn’t say too much, but when ever I looked his way, he would give me a big smile. After we got home he watched TV in his room for a while, then I saw his door close gently, and he was off to la-la land. At supper hour, he was pleasant. He chatted about the news, but didn’t swear at the news caster tonight. He was the brother that I had grown up with. Nice and loving. His routine after supper is to watch Wheel Of Fortune and Jeopardy. Then he takes off to his room to watch his shows I do not care for. I was calm all day long. I longed inside for more days like this to follow. Don’t ever get used to a too good  thing. After a couple of hours he came out to the living room and sat down. When a commercial came on, he went in to some sort of child of many years ago. He laughed, he giggled, but it was eerie to me. He clapped like he was three years old, and he was opening a Christmas toy! He then continued to chatter loudly, and clap at anything on TV. This continued for about an hour. I just sat here at my computer chair and wondered what in the world is happening now! I had never seen this. This was like looking at a six-foot three-year old! All of a sudden gears switched. No more laughter, no more giggles, no more clapping. He commented to me that the pain he always carries in his neck is gone. He has had a pain twenty-four hours a day for weeks, maybe more. The doctor said it is from the tremors causing the muscles to hurt. Pain killers do not help, so we have learned to live with this. I told him this was great! The pain is gone. This was not an answer he wanted to hear. The happy smile turned upside down,and the frown face reappeared. For a half an hour, he was obsessed with the no pain in his neck. Wondering why it was gone but his tremors weren’t. Telling me this wasn’t fair, that his neck was

A 1985 round one wheel used on nighttime Wheel...

A 1985 round one wheel used on nighttime Wheel of Fortune. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

pain-free, with no explanation. This was wrong. He wanted answers. I kept telling him, let’s just bask in the moment of glory. god had taken away one of his pains. Nope. It was a no go. He went to his room still mumbling and grumbling. I could barely figure all of this out. I quickly glanced back at the day and how it had gone and where we were now. This morning, he is now out here for breakfast. No smiles, and no pain in his neck. He is upset, once again, not getting any answers to his neck with no pain.