This Small Miracle

I have read so many comments from my stories letting me know that I do not need to apologize for my feelings. I always have felt that I must carry extra strength, be a super human, carrying his burdens and also mine. Hiding my feelings from all, except here with my blogging, where I let my inner soul be found by you. I am a stubborn person, fighting for what I believe, hard to change. Well, this is what my mom always said about me. I haven’t decided if this is correct thinking or not.  I do know that I have one good quality given to me from God as a small token of his love for me. I can see the small things in life. I will notice and thank God for my brother for the days that he has not cried for one hour. I thank God for allowing my brother to take his naps, where he can escape from all of his health issues. I have to stop here for a moment and add one comment from me. I have been writing for six weeks now. I refer my brother to all of you as my brother. I have found that with looking back from the beginning blog to present, I have opened up all of my doors for you to walk in and observe, so I am now going to start referring to my brother as Al. There I said it. Back to my journey of today. This morning when Al was talking about the devil sitting on his shoulders, I feared for him and for me. I have always made comments about people who are in the process of death. I have always said so many know that their time is near. I feel that I have jinxed myself. Today, standing in front of me Al is talking about this. With Parkinson’s leaving the fourth stage and entering into the fifth and final stage, there are some signals or signs to help you adjust to each new stage. The pains come less and less. Tears remain. Tremors let up. When Al told me some of his pains were gone, I went into panic mode. I am now past this, but when he talked about dying, panic went from 0 to 5. God granted me another small miracle today. It means nothing to the world. It involves no changes to anyone’s lives, but ours. I have found a caregiver! I am thanking God still for this gift. I had calls that were not the right calls. I had an interview scheduled for 11am, today, and it was a no-show, not even a sorry I can’t make it phone call. Al was saying soon after, that no one wanted to be around him anymore. Right after this comment, the phone rang. It was someone inquiring about the job. We talked a little, and I decided I wanted to meet her. Although it was only an  hour away from Al’s nap, she wanted to meet him, so she came right out. She is what I wish I looked like. Tiny. She is 35. Her father is a minister. She takes care of her brother who  also has Parkinson’s. She wanted this job, not so much for the monies, but so that she could learn from Al and me for future times with her own brother. He had just been recently diagnosed. Al was eating when she arrived, so she and I talked, and I learned much about her. She was an open book herself, and I liked this. She brought two references with her and I appreciated this. After all, she was caring for my diamond. I needed to trust a stranger. After Al finished eating he came over and sat down she then  and concentrated on him, asking him questions about likes and wants in life. He opened up to her fairly easy. He got to the point of his worry for today, the devil. I watched both of them, as he talked about his feelings, and she listened. I saw a softness in Al’s voice as he was talking to a stranger, like he had nothing to lose. I saw her eyes water as she continued to sit still and listen to his heart open up. Before long, she and I both had tears. He asked her why Satan was sitting on his shoulder. From what he has said, Satan is still continuing to sit there not moving. Audrey, the new caregiver, told him it was alright  to feel these feelings, that God was right here with him, that together, we all would help him through this. You may disagree with me, but I didn’t call her references. I felt comfortable with her. I want , no I need to trust, that Audrey was sent here for Al and me by God. She will start coming once a week for one day about four or five hours. She will also help on special occasions where Al really wants to attend some place of interest.  I am so thankful  for this small miracle. Thank you God. You never fail me.

34 thoughts on “This Small Miracle

    • i know, isn’t it awful when I have this hint of doubt about will she actually show up, will they get along, how long will this last? i am awful, just plain awful, i need to get off the worry band wagon!!!


  1. I’ve been reading your blog for a few days, and this is the first time I could comment because what you write about is so beautiful and so wrenching that I have no words. The love you have for your brother is something to be cherished by everyone. We see such devotion so rarely that you set a strong standard of love for all of us. Today’s deliverance means something to more than you and Al – it means encouragement to all believers who read your blog. God is faithful! Amen and amen! And thank you for sharing your life with us. It’s an amazing blessing.

    Thanks also for stopping by my blog, ‘Fraidy Cat Confessions, and liking a few posts. I so hope they minister to you.


    • thank you for these kind and powerful words. i take them to heart. i do enjoy your blog, it is uplifting to me. i love blogs where they make me smile and see the world in a different way , thanks for allowing me to share my life with you


      • The thanks goes to YOU, my friend. You give me a fresh perspective and help me see what’s really important in life. That is a powerful blessing, and I’m grateful for it and you!


  2. Don’t think it’s awful you didn’t call references. She sounds right. I hope that your brother, Al, helps her and she helps him. Actually, I’ve no doubt that will be it. I am so glad you are sharing this, it is a record of your journey. We need you to write this, we all need your amazing words and attitude. You make me believe in God more each day. Love to you and Al honey bunny! 🙂


  3. I am so glad that you have found a few hours of respite for the things you need to do.

    While I know from your comments that you do not consider ‘Al’ to be a burden to you…otherwise you would not be caring for him like you do, that you do need this even small amount of time. May God bless and strengthen you and ‘Al’ in the days ahead. …Diane


    • you understand me so well already………..i love him so much. i don’t want to lose him, and i think of anything i can do to make his journey with this disease a little less painful. thank you writer


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