No Need To Question

I am usually a person who needs to know why and when and how long. For the first time in my life, I do not know the ending answers. But, I do have answers in the shapes of not words, but actions. Have you ever spent time asking God for miracles or answers to your problems month after month? You ponder in the back of you mind, how long it will be before this or that prayer is answered. You know that the Bible says prayers are answered. The problem for me, because I am human, I often want the answer that I want to hear. Not the answer that God wants me to hear. Sometimes I know God has given me an answer, and I refuse to believe it, waiting in my fantasy world for one that matches my desire, only to finally be forced to reconcile with the truth. There are even time when a miracle is given, we play the twenty-one question game, trying to dissect it, figure it out. How did this happen, when did I notice it. This is something that to me is a silly, child’s game, with no one winning. I don’t know why I try to figure out the unknown. If God wants me to know every detail, he will show it to me. He just wants me to accept, simply accept, with no questions and with grace and humbleness. A miracle is not to be taken lightly. You can not go to any store in the world and purchase  a miracle. I believe there was a miracle given in our home. I did the common mistake once again. I questioned it. I asked for my bloggers opinions. I did not just simply accept. Last night, Al said that God had spoken to him. He also said that he was dealing with Satan sitting on his shoulder.  I questioned all of this for one reason only. Al is mentally challenged. Was this really coming from me? Did I think that God only gives miracles and gifts to what is considered NORMAL people?  Last night after all was said and done, there came a peace over Al. The tremors, although, are still present, became much lighter, helping the physical body to relax a little. At one point, Al wanted a minister to be here. I believe this was from his fear of the unknown. The actions of having something out of the normal happening to him. This morning, when he woke up, the peace was hovering over his entire body. If you looked very closely and concentrated, you could almost see the glow of the halo over his head protecting him. He smiled at me. Not with that boy-man smile, but a genuine smile, like he had just experienced a wonderful night’s rest, and maybe he did. It is now late afternoon, and there have been no tears. The facial expression has had no frowns or questioning look. He told me I didn’t need to call the  minister. I am not going to question this new attitude, nor try to dissect it. I have had my prayer answered. For as long as it last, God granted my brother the peace that I so longingly have prayed for him to have.

The flower of a geranium opening over a period...

The flower of a geranium opening over a period of about two hours. Consecutive frames are 7 minutes apart. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Sign

Southern Pacific telephone directory

Southern Pacific telephone directory (Photo credit: trainman74)

Last night Al and I met our friends at a local buffet type restaurant for supper. Al insisted that we take the wheel chair. He said that his legs are just too tired to walk. It went pretty well. Nice conversation. Al didn’t speak near as much as he usually does. Usually when we are in the presence of others, he turns into a Chatty Cathy doll. He seemed to get more enjoyment out of people watching. We all said our goodbyes, and were on our way home. Once home, he didn’t sit down and read the newspaper, which I figured he would. This is a daily routine for him  Supper, paper. He went straight to his room. I got on the computer, as this has become one of my favorite friends, and he continued to stay in his room, with me checking on him off and on. I went in to his room the last time to check and he was reading his Bible. I could tell by the familiar red in his eyes, that he had been crying. I sat on the edge of his bed, thinking of what I could say to help him feel better, I was running out of nice calming things  to say. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but I just didn’t know what to say anymore to the repeat situation. What I didn’t know was that there was a wrench thrown in this twist. He wanted a minister. Yes, a minister. He said he didn’t have much time. I sat there more calm on the outside than I was on the inside. I asked him why he thought he was not going to have much time. He then threw that wrench at me. He said two nights a go he was reading his Bible, and  this light came on his Bible, and  that he was pretty sure it was God. I gulped back, both in the throat and my eyes. I sat speechless, my mind racing faster than any horse on a track. I was thinking back to how many times my best friend and I had discussed the issue of what we would do if we ever saw God. Would we be ready, we talked about the bright light. I had heard about the bright light so many times from my years of taking care of elderly and hospice patients. This was my brother though. Mentally challenged. Could this be true? Should I try to talk him out of this theory? Could he be right? I was all of a sudden fearful to argue, or try to change his mind, as a part of me could be arguing with God, and this was just not in my best interest. I continued to gently question him, trying to get more of the story, and I think I was just as curious. The weird thing was, that he was holding his Bible, and his tremors were not active. It was almost strange to see this. He was telling me that he didn’t have much time, and he wanted a minister again. Back to the subject. Minister. 10:45 pm, minister would be in for the evening,maybe in bed. What to do, what to do. I stood up, and walked to the edge of his bedroom door way,  trying to fix this problem without having to wake the minister up. He scared me. He didn’t scare me because he wanted a minister. He scared me because he was barely having any tremors. The tears were barely falling now. He was more calm than I was. He looked at me saying nothing. I inhaled a deep breath and walked to the internet to look up the phone number. Since we have moved to this location, I have not used the phone directory. I just use the internet. I found the church, and called it. I got a recording. It was a general recording, letting me know when services would be held. No emergency number. I went on through search going by his name through the white  pages. Nothing. You can not get anything for free anymore. To get a local number over the net, you have to pay. If I called information through the phone, it was $4.95. I thought of a dear school friend that I stay in touch with, and felt comfortable enough to call her this hour of the night. She came up as private, just her city. I went back in and checked on Al to see if he was doing alright, and he was. He was sitting still, soft tears falling, and still very little tremors. There was something to this tremor thing. This is not normal. Normal was watching tremors affect his whole body movement. Maybe God had been here. I felt ashamed  of myself. If this was anyone else, a friend or family member, I would not be questioning or wondering. Does the mental handicap always have to be a part of everything? I didn’t think so , until tonight. This was what was making me question him and myself. I immediately said under my breath, I am sorry Lord. I went back out to the living room, glancing at the clock, noticing it was now after 11pm, and I had achieved nothing so far. I ignored the time, maybe proving to myself, Al, and God that I was not going to be a doubter, no matter what. I rummaged through drawers and shelves, looking for that phone book. What color was it this year? If I just had a clue. Within one minute, after not having seen it for seven months, I found it. No real looking. It was laying right on top of my middle desk drawer, waiting for me to pick  it up. I looked through the people until I found the last name of the minister. Nothing. Well, I am not stopping now, I will look up my friends number. Nothing. What is it with people anymore. You can share your personal information on social media websites, including your phone number and street address, if you choose, but you can’t make public your phone number in the local telephone directory. I sat down at the computer desk mentally tapping my brain, trying to think of other ideas. I just didn’t have any. Al came out of his room with a nice big smile on his face. This was a relief. No tears. Maybe this was all dementia related. He would take his bedtime medications. I would put the telephone book back in its familiar spot. We would carry on the evening as usual. I, for a brief second let out a sigh of relief, when he said Satan isn’t sitting on my shoulder anymore. I said, this is wonderful news brother! His last words to me this night were God just told me when I was reading my Bible that he would give me one sign.  He continued talking in a calm matter. He said God told me I would know what the sign was and understand. I said nothing. Finally I found my tongue. I asked him if God said anything else, and he said with his smile, nope! He just said I would recognize it and then it would be time to go!