I have no idea why I am even writing this and I doubt it will be very long. I was very fortunate tonight as my son and his family came down and helped me with beginning preparations for Al’s birthday party. Getting some of the things out-of-the-way now, will ease the stress for Saturday. We ordered pizza for supper and all sat outside and ate. There was something different though. I can not put my finger on it. The conversation was very nice, watching the little ones run and play was a joy. Al came out only to eat and returned to his room. The anger towards me has finally left, but he does nothing anymore but read his bible. How do I explain this? It is scaring me. He is reading it so much I fear something is about to happen and the only one who knows about it is Al. All have left now, and Al is in his room for ten more minutes until he pokes out here to eat his snack and take his medications for the night. I have my some of my relaxing music on from my WordPress blog, music calms the soul. It is nice listening to. I all of a sudden feel very tired after today. My heart is aching terribly, and I don’t even understand why. My legs feel heavy, and my fingers are shaking. Tears are falling as I am sitting here writing this. It is not normal for me to cry. I have not cried since my father died four and a half years ago. I have no idea why I am crying my dear friends, but they will not stop. I can no longer see good enough to type. I am stopping at this point, praying for a better day.
Tears of a Clown (Photo credit: daybeezho)
Who I am 
Let yourself cry, you wonderful person, let yourself cry and cry.
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thank u JM. i tried so hard to stop it but the tears won
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Thank you for sharing. I have cried more in the last few days that I have in a long time. I cried for my loss, I cried for my parents loss, I cried because I can’t change a thing about this. My parents were wonderful people. Too many days now, I can’t find them anymore and I miss the parents I had.
It seems unfair for their bodies to be here when their minds aren’t with them anymore. It’s worth crying over.
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i understand exactly what you are saying Kay. Today we cry together for the losses we suffer for our loved ones……….hugs from me to you
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Sometimes and at times I don’t understand it but the soul just needs to weep – you’ve been through so much Terry and you’re noticing changes – this is messing with your environment and you’re not sure what’s going on – totally natural if you ask me – let yourself go through the emotions and the pain -there is a point to all of this even if we’re not sure what the point is!
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i did, and i didn’t know when it was going to end. but with God’s help i slept for the first time in months all night long. thanks Mom
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Terry, it’s got to be something “spiritual”??? I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard the same thing in the past few days, like somethings up? My mom went to church and just cried the whole time, she doesn’t even know why?
Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. Shalom 🙂
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Steven, I don’t know where it even came from. I had been chatting with family and laughing, and then all of a sudden when all alone it came from nowhere
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You have to be conscious of three different parts of your being that make up ‘you’ but are each individually ‘you’: Body, Soul and Spirit… like Steven alluded to a spiritual cause and he may be right. The Bible speaks of the best prayers being those that are bathed in the tears of those He loves. As to why you’re crying it must be something in the spiritual atmosphere around you that is affecting you in that way. I remember Pastor Dr. Pepe Ramnauth saying that when one is not happy it means that something is wrong… in Mary Baxter’s book ‘A Divine Revelation of Heaven’ she spoke of being shown that angels collect every tear you cry and carry it to a storeroom in Heaven. There the keeper of the storeroom puts it in a bottle that is labelled with your name and at some time take the bottle of tears to a book where he drops them onto empty pages… as each tear is absorbed a page of writing appears… it’s a prayer, a prayer from your spirit. If you are still affected in this way it may imply that there is something in your environment that needs to be changed.. the Body is Christ is one “if one part rejoices the others rejoice with it…. if one part suffers then the others suffer with it”… could be your spiritual connection. (I know it’s kind of long… i tend to be very verbose…but i hope this helps)
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thank you Brisinger…….that was interesting to read. do not worry about being too long with your comment. i enjoy reading it
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Terry, You have been through very stressful times since you’ve been caring for Al…but most especially the past few days…Perhaps too you are wondering exactly what your brother’s condition is right now. Your body and mind I think is just finally letting some of your feelings out!
Crying can be cathartic..and can help sometimes. Hope you sleep well and wake refreshed to face another day….I will of course say a prayer to the effect tonight for you….Diane
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the crying must have helped. i slept last night better than most. thank you Diane
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I’m not a crier either, but lately I’ve been teary to the point of embarrassing myself in public. It just must be time to cry then it will be a time for laughter.
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yes, you are probably right. there is a time for everything
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articulation is a sort of strength…
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yes, i guess it is………….thanks dean for pointing this out
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Thinking of you and holding you in love. . .May His peace be with you and comfort you as you cry. love and prayers.
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Thank you Debbie, the tears did help so much, softening me for today’s battles
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((((((hugsssssssss))))))
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thank u Tammy for the hug. hugs are wonderful friends
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Especially Cyber hugs…. 😀
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you got that right!!!
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I’ve heard God wraps His arms especially tight around us when we cry…~mkg
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i have never heard of that, but i like it. thank yo babyjill
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It is normal to cry..something one needs to let out that feeling..
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no matter how i tried to hold it back, the tears would not stop. in the end though, it helped. thank you Jenny for your kind remark
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Hang in there… x
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i m really trying. thanks godgirl
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There is no better stress relief than tears. When we cry, God sends an angel to wrap us up in relieving comfort and then a bit of peace.
Father God, thank You for Your hand of comfort in my life. Give me the wisdom and courage I need to walk away from strife so I can focus on the destiny You have prepared for me. Keep me centered on my task so I make Al’s day brighter and let Your light show throughout my soul. Let me glow with Your glory to everyone who crosses my path. I love You and bless You today and always in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Walk daily with God at your side!
Always,
Ed.
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thank you for this tender prayer, Ed
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Don’t be scared..he may be finding some relief in reading the Word..
And it’s also okay to cry..even if you don’t understand..God knows the deepest desires, pains and fears of our hearts..He understands..
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i keep thinking he knows something i don’t and this is why he is reading the bible so much
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Or it may be comfort..knowing that even if he doesn’t have it now..when he’s with the Lord he’ll have peace..
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i bet this is it apple! it is a comfort to him, maybe not searching but comfort. thanks apple!
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Shed the tears, release the pain…………HUGZ to you Terry. Keep shedding, keep releasing.
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thank you CDN for the much needed support
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Terry, the best place he can be is in the Word of God. Who knows what God may do. God bless..
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this is very true, i need to get rid of my fear and b glad he is in the bible. i m thinking the worst. i am sorry Nap
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Terry, we have the same right to our tears as we have to our laughter – we are full of emotions and feelings – sometime we just cry for no reason. When it happens to me .. I just let it go .. and it feels so good – when it’s over.
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as much as i fought it, i will admit, i slept all night without waking once, so it must have been good for me. thank you Viveka for being here for me, u do know that i have now come to the place where i count on you!!!
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Terry, you know me … I’m straight to the point – sometimes maybe a bit too much, but I want to be honest – and I can only see from where I’m sitting and from how I would like things to be if I was in your brothers situation and even in yours, I can step in and change anything … but I will support you in the best way I can … and that’s through being honest. Maybe it isn’t what others feel and feel is appropriate – I know you will understand me. A good cry gives a good night sleep – because crying drains you … and a good night sleep is worth a lot, even some crying. *smile
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yes Viveka, i know your ways, and i like them. love ya friend
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I have not faced dementia or Parkinsons’s the way you have. However, it seems to me they, along with alzheimers, are diseases where your grief is doubled…you grieve loosing them while they are here and then you grieve again after they are gone. Bless those of you who go through that with family and friends.
I think your feelings are based in facing the “unknown” – Why is he reading his Bible so much????? What is this change all about????? Why does he want his pics back????? All are unknowns…unknowns are scary and hard….crying helps…and screaming into your pillow
“Hold me Jesus, cause I’m shaking like a leaf…You have been my KING of GLORY, won’t You be my PRINCE of PEACE?”. (Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins)
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thank you so much for your comfort 2b. this is absolutely right. i am fearful to why these changes are here. i would think reading his bible and giving up his tv is a sign he knows or feels something. i guess i want to know so i am not in the dark, and yet it is not my place to know something so personal between him and god
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Sometimes the tears just come. Let them.
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i did, and i did feel better later. thank you AC
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I remember reading somewhere to not hide from sorrow. Just let it happen, it brings a better tomorrow. By not trying to change, deny, or hide the emotion, we are letting it exhaust itself in it’s entirety, for the hope that is lying beneath. Once you empty that bucket, you can make room for more. Peace be upon you. Ameen.
Pink.
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PINK, the way you said these words makes so much sense. i did end up sleeping so well, and it helped with today, another day of care. thank you Pink!!!
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Wowee! Thank you so much for letting me know! It’s always great to write the words that are inspired by God from me to you (as I really don’t know where it comes from otherwise). 😀
Pink.
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I think you needed to cry. ♥
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i think so too Zen. it had been a long time coming. a lot of stress was released in those tears i think
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Well that’s it, you’re doing an outstanding job, but yes, you need breaks, you are suffering from stress. God bless you Terry! Of course, Al, too. XO
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