Should We Go, Or Should We Stay


Should I go, or should I stay. This was the question I kept asking myself all the late afternoon. My brother, Al, never came out of his crying mood, so I didn’t know whether we should venture out tonight, but I had promised him unless it rained we would go. It was first Friday downtown, and it was fifties night. There was a dress code of poodle skirts, but I didn’t have one, and I doubt if anyone wanted to see a an old woman with one on. I just wore my shorts. There was also a car show. My brother loves old cars, so anytime I hear of one locally, I try to take him. About an hour before it was time to leave, the power went out. I don’t know what caused it, maybe one of my baby squirrels got on a line, or maybe there was a wreck. It got warm in here, with the fans being off, and it woke Al up from his nap. This didn’t make him a happy camper, being woken up earlier than  his plan. I called the power company, and in less than an hour all was back on. No major issues of any kind, except for Al. After listening to much debate about why the power was off, I just looked at him and told him, if he could not get himself under control and try to dry the tears, we would not be able to go. He seriously did be quiet then, but the tears, he tried and tried, and they would not stop. I knew that this part was the Parkinson’s, and I wasn’t going to punish him for something he had no control over.  I had asked the new caregiver if she could go along tonight, as my helper. I decided to go ahead and take him. We found a parking spot up town not too far away from the restaurant he wanted to eat in. I got the wheel chair out, and put him safely in it. We took off on our walk to the restaurant where we were to meet the caregiver, Audrey. I didn’t make it a block, and we hit a bump head on, and it threw the wheel chair a bit, and Al got scared. I stopped and consoled him, letting him know I would never hurt him, and that I would be more careful. He seemed satisfied with this, although he hung on to both arms of the wheelchair, until we reached the business. I was a little concerned how we were going to get that wheel chair into the restaurant. I knew this  being a special day, the place would be packed. I was not to worry though. The owner knew us and he took the chair and placed it near his cooking area, allowing the caregiver and I to help hold on to Al and sitting him close to the entry door. As soon as we all sit down, his crying appears again. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. The caregiver kept chatting away with him trying to steer him into another direction. It was nice tonight, as I had no stares or remarks from other customers. He finally quit crying when his meal arrived. After leaving the restaurant, the rest of the evening was consumed by  looking at the old cars in the car show. Al spoke to everyone, sometimes reaching out to shake their hand. Some did look at him in an odd way, because they didn’t know him, but I believe they recognized his sincerity, so all shook his hands. It was rather cute, I must admit, how easy it is for him to speak to strangers. With me there, I don’t mind so much, but if he were alone, it would worry me. We were there about two hours tonight, and then a passing rain came through, and it got a bit darker, and I didn’t want him to get wet, so we decided to call it a night. All in all, I think he had fun. Here is a picture of one of the cars that Al and us looked at, and another picture of Al and the new part-time caregiver.

32 thoughts on “Should We Go, Or Should We Stay

    • since we have been home he is back to his comfort in his recliner watching the TV. i wanted you to see a photo of Al. will have more photos tomorrow evening or sunday of the party. hugs to you Aina.

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      • i wish i knew Aina what causes him to swear. we never swear. he is out here watching the news and just swearing at the newscasters. why does he do this? it has to be the Parkinson’s or is it the dementia? I told him hello from you, and I always tell him i love him

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  1. I am glad you were able to go out tonight. I like the street-rod roadster, but the Chevy looks good also. Al looks fairly happy in front of the Chevy.
    Tomorrow is the big day for Al and I know all will go well. He will be so excited to see all the friends come in.
    Have a good evening and God bless!

    Ed

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  2. cool cars + cool brothers = One memorable moment! That was beautiful, and I’m so happy all the people that shook his hands were friendly. I was actually nervous for a while, because I thought it might become a story about a bad person that rejected him or something. I’m happy about the positive ending and all the good people at the car show 🙂

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    • i thank God for every good day with him. this parkinsons has really taken over his whole life, so any time i see smiles, i am thrilled. thanks for your wonderful comment

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  3. I’m so proud of you! And thankful that Al had a good time after all. And thankful for the new part time caregiver! 🙂 You are doing an amazing job! love and hugs!

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  4. You sure do try and keep Al entertained… Probably good for the both of you… Having daily plans …whether going somewhere… cooking something special… having visitors… keeps our minds busy… and less time to fret… You know Al talks to you badly sometimes because he knows he can!… He knows inside that you are his best friend…and will forgive him and love him no matter what!… this is what I call trust!… an awesome thing between two people …be it brothers and sisters …husbands and wives…co-workers or best friends… ~mkg

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  5. It sounds like his body was overtired and that he was having a rough time dealing with it. That often happens with people who have ailments like Parkinsons, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Schlerosis, and such. The aches and pains that ravage the body build up and begin to feel even more drained than usual. We sleep, but rarely get any real rest, because our bodies ache or some of our ailment symptoms are constantly draining our bodies even in our sleep. The result is tears, emotional drain, and even when we don’t want to cry we can’t control it. You did the best thing you could, get his mind off of it. You redirected his attention. If you noticed the crying probably happened more in down time, when He had nothing to do but think about how his body was feeling.I don’t know if it will help, but you might try to find some aromatherapy scent, like a plug in glade or oil decanter that helps with rest, and put it in his room for while he is sleeping, or maybe some soft music that he likes that played softly will help him sleep. I use aromatherapy often in my bath and it does help me relax, and helps with the pain. I have 4 different ones I use…pain, allergy, relaxation and one for stress. Sometimes it is just in smelling them that I get relief. I also have scented candles and an oil decanter, each seems to help in different ways. It’s just an idea that might help him rest when he is laying down. But I think you handled it well, by doing something that helped him get his mind off what he was feeling. I applaud you for keeping him active. Once they quit doing things, they tend to give up on living and decline faster.

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    • i think of all the things you have mentioned, for him , the glad plug in types would work the best. music, he doesn’t care for, unless it is fifties, and i don’t want him to stay awake all night, lol, and candles would be dangerous. i had never thought of that. i really appreciate this idea, and the next time i go to the store, i will definitely pick one maybe two up!!! thanks so much For

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      • No, problem. I thought the same thing about the candles being dangerous…that is why I mentioned the oil decanter or the Glade. I know how your brother feels, because I have those moments because of my Fibro. I thought maybe sharing that with you would help you understand a little what he must have been feeling. It will make it easier for you in the future when he goes through it again.

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      • i have researched Parkinson’s and dementia for hours upon end. I see all the medical parts, but i want to know the shades of gray. like things to do for crying, why does the tears flo, all the daily things. i wish i could find help for me to better understand For. if you have any other ideas or helpful hints, please don’t hesitate to let me know. our family is deceased so it is just Al and me

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    • If I find anything that will help you, you know that I will share it. I can only empathize with your brother in that a lot of the turmoil I go through with fibromyalgia is similar to the questions that he must feel inside at the struggle he is going through. As I find things that help me with those I will gladly share them with you, so that you can understand and help your brother through them. And you always will have my prayers for you and your brother, especially that God will open doors for help for you, and give you strength to face each struggle you have to face.

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  6. There are times when I need a good cry – It’s obvious to me that Al can’t stop it or help it – Maybe in a strange way the crying helps him deal with what he’s going through. When watching a love one hurting it is alway harder for the person watching. I’m saying prayers for you and your brother and hope that you will be able to make sense out of all of this.

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    • yes, i think it is harder on me also. i want to help, but i don’t know how. i want to make the tears stop, but still i can do nothing. i know when i cry, it makes me tired and cause headaches sometimes, but for him it is an all day thing some days. my heart aches so bad for him. thank you Mom for you comment

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  7. I’ve noticed when you have had to make choices to either do what you believe is best for AL or do what is easier on you … you consistently choose to put AL first. You are a living example of what love is all about! You are willing to sacrifice so that Al might receive the best. You are doing a wonderful job helping Al and glorifying God with your life. Lord bless.

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    • how can i do other wise? he is the one who’s body is in a stress mode, full of pain and questions. i am a christian who puts others before myself. god will take care of me while i am taking care of others. thank You Rob for a kind comment

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  8. Your brother looks like a sweet man, Terry! Wow, he looks so smiley and yet of course I know he cries, but boy you sure can’t tell from how bubbly he looks. 🙂 I like the car, too. I’m glad he had fun. It is sweet that he shook hands with strangers, who must be able to sense he is definitely genuine, but I agree, I would be worried too if he were alone. God bless.

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