Tears For Tremors


This morning brought gloomy skies, that is now in the afternoon, starting to bring a touch of blue skies. I have prayed all week for a nice day tomorrow for Al’s birthday party, and God has answered my prayer. Only a slight chance of rain. 75, perfect temperatures, and sunny skies for the most part. Al got up this morning, with a big wave to me, as if he had not seen me for years. This always tickles me how he can show the innocence from with-in himself with such a big wave of hello. He got his french toast sticks out of the freezer, and popped them in the toaster. He poured his juice and then his milk. While doing this his tremors acted out and he spilled his entire drink. He turned and looked at me the same time I looked over to see what had caused the noise. He started crying immediately. I said, don’t worry about it. I got up and walked over and began to clean the spill up that had figured out a way to make a big splash, spilling down over and into each cabinet drawer. It had splatter on the refrigerator, and made a nice wide splash on to the floor. I cleaned it up never uttering a word. I could not even if I wanted to as he was in the background, swearing at the tremors. After I got it all cleaned up, I went over to him and sat at the table with him. I explained how this was not his fault. It was the tremors. He told me if it wasn’t him, then it had to be Satan doing this. I said no, it is no ones fault. It is the tremors. I was wasting my breath, talking to the walls, because he wasn’t hearing a word I had said. He was convinced that he was a failure, that Satan was the reason for all of this. This and his tears continued all through his breakfast. I told him that even though he didn’t care for my idea, it was time to implant it into every meal and snack until the tremors lessened up. I would start pouring his drinks. Mad, oh my gosh. The independence in him flared up like dragons nostrils. I wasn’t going to take more away from him was I. He just knew that he was dying, and soon he would end up in a nursing home, a complete vegetable, not even being able to dress himself. There was no way I was going to fall into this trap. I had already cleaned up several spills this week, along with food on the floor and his chair. I was not going to keep doing this in order to keep him happy. Keeping him happy is something that I am failing at more and more. I was so thankful for the wonderful birthday yesterday, because he carried his happy smile with him all through the day, but today , all is back to his normal self. I told him, that by me pouring the drinks for him, he would not have to deal with the issues of being upset over another thing. This was one less burden he had to worry about. That didn’t work either. I am sticking to my guns though, for his sake and mine, I am pouring the drinks. When the caregiver arrived to give him his shower, we replayed the whole incident all over. The tears remained all through his shower. Even after coming out into the living room, smelling so good and looking good, the tears were still flowing. I feel like I need small buckets around the house to catch-all the puddles of tears. I just can’t get them to turn off, no matter what I try. The caregiver left, and I received a phone call from Al’s prior place of employment. He was Al’s boss the entire time he worked there. He told me he was going to drop by to wish him a happy birthday. Al will be so happy. This surely will cause huge smiles. He talks about his old job quite often, so I can’t wait for his boss to show up. Al has no idea of this. Surprise!!!!  I then went to the kitchen to prepare the foods for tomorrow. I fixed seven layer salad, pea salad, potato salad, kidney bean salad, and I made my children’s favorite dish, home-made macaroni and cheese. Tonight I will set all of the meats from the freezer into the refrigerator to start the thawing process. All done, I am now taking the time to squeeze this blog in before I start his lunch. I have twenty minutes left. I think I deserve a nap after lunch when he takes his, as tonight I am taking him and the other new part-time caregiver up town to see the car show. Busy and emotional day today. I pray to the almighty God , that tomorrow goes well, that Al is happy and smiling, and we all enjoy a day with family and friends.

Seven-layer salad is an American dish that inc...

Seven-layer salad is an American dish that includes a colorful combination of seven layers of ingredients: iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, sweet peas, hard boiled eggs, sharp cheddar cheese, and bacon pieces.The salad is topped with a mayonnaise-based dressing and sometimes sour cream is added. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

30 thoughts on “Tears For Tremors

  1. Yes, you’re right that there are some things he must adapt to and accept as part of his limitations and to take your feelings into consideration. It would do no good to give in to him in every situation.

    You have been working soooo hard at making tomorrow a great day for Al and I know it will be. My goodness the food sounds delicious especially the seven layer salad. Everything will be good! …Diane

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  2. Hi Terry, I can’t keep up with all the blogs, sorry…but did happen to see your header today. I don’t know what meds your loved one takes, but the old man I was caring for had tremors so bad he had difficulty lifting a fork to his mouth without spilling. I did some online research and found an herbal….. Mucuna Puriens…(just a type of bean). It did wonders for him, and he was no longer so frustrated at the table or too embaressed to eat in public. I became the families hero, lol!

    Anyway….

    Check it out. God bless you, (I’ve been there sis, I feel your suffering).

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  3. I would like to suggest something here if I may risk over stepping my bounds.

    The next time that happens go give him a big hug. Tell him you don’t mind this happening because he is trying to fend for himself and things like this will happen once in a while. Each time he tries it will get easier for him. So don’t fret the little stuff. Then tell him to smile and look forward to a sunny day.

    Do you think, by your not saying anything to him while you were cleaning up the mess, he took that as a disapproval of his actions and you weren’t saying anything because you were upset? It is something to think about.

    Ok, I over stepped so I best step back now and let you vent on me.

    Walk daily with God at your side!

    Always,

    Ed

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      • Sometimes a hug and a I love you goes a long way to lowering stress in a situation.

        I pray tomorrow is a grand day for both of you.

        Ed

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      • thank you Ed. my brother is quick to blame me and hurt me. i have replaced his father, who did not get along with brother at all. there was much verbal abuse. i fight a daily, sometimes hourly battle of trying to prove i am a nice sister, all the time his feelings from his father have transferred to me according to many therapists. silence has been my link to living. i have not written about this part of our lives as yet, as i am afraid i will get many to say place him.

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  4. “Al got up this morning, with a big wave to me, as if he had not seen me for years. This always tickles me how he can show the innocence from with-in himself with such a big wave of hello.”
    It’s the little things like this that make up for the bad days, or the tears that might come within the hour.

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  5. My husband has a different kind of Parkinson’s – no tremors but incredible immobility – so everything has stopped working – legs, hands etc. and incontinence is what finally led to the nursing home decision. He doesn’t cry though – is Al on anti-depressants and would that help? My husband can’t swallow properly so he dribbles all the time so I know what you mean about the ‘pools’. It is such a crap disease in its many manifestations – my heart is with you.

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    • Al has been on every depressant medication there is but nothing helps any longer. the next level of meds to try are the ones that would knock him out, like a zombie. i do not wish this for him. i am thankful he can still walk, but his legs buckle so bad, that when he is near anything his legs rub against cupboards, refrigerator, stove, anything. he can not hold himself up for more than 15 or 20 minutes at a time. he is complaining of becoming more and more tired. i hate watching this happening to him, and hope he can continue at home for awhile yet. i am sorry about your husband.

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  6. Sometimes the smallest things can create the biggest drama … same with me – and for Al it was the milk … and with his mental status he are more sensitive to the things that we wouldn’t even react on. As you said he had split drinks earlier in the week and maybe this one too many for him. Anyhow he will have fantastic day today … with his party and he will sleep so well tonight after all that excitement. You have been working hard with his party and know it will be a great party even for you, because he mind is set on a good time.

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  7. That seven layer salad picture brought back some wonderful memories for me of when everyone was still here and healthier. The trick was to dig allllll the way down to get one of each layer. I know you can continue to do what you have to do.

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