Heart Felt Love


English: (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After my blow out of emotions earlier today, and writing my new stories, I did something I never do, I turned the computer off. I wanted to shut the whole world out and just try to sort out my feelings. Al had finally fallen asleep on the couch, and so I took the other couch to lie down on and think of what I can do next to help this situation. Before, I knew it, my spent tears landed me in sleep land. When I awoke, Al was up. There was no emotion coming from him. I believe it was the last of the sedative wearing off. He did say he was hungry though, and I always look at this as a plus sign. If you are feeling hungry, you are feeling better. I got up and got him a bowl of ice-cream. He ate it very slowly, but finished every drop. I sat back down and tried to go back to what I was trying to do earlier, before falling asleep, which was think of what I needed to do next, but my mind was still dazed. I thought about Al’s foot and what the dentist had said. The spot on Al’s foot is not a good sign. He needs to be checked. I know a dentist is a doctor, but they know teeth, not circulation as well as other doctors. I called the primary care doctor and explained the cold foot, the dark gray toenail, and the soft pulse. They want to see him tomorrow afternoon, so I am going with my gut instinct, and taking him in, and not waiting until next week like the dentist suggested. If it is what I suspect, there is nothing I can do, but work harder at memorizing every facial feature, every word out of his mouth, hanging on to these memories as tight as I can. If it is not that, and something else, than that is less worry for me by a whole week. Al and I watched some stupid television programs, based on entertaining you if you have no brain and time went on by. There was no organized supper tonight, as I wasn’t going to sit and eat supper in front of him, and have to explain to him why he didn’t get any, so he ate more ice-cream, and then later on I fixed him his first soft meal, scrambled eggs with cherry jello. I could tell by the way he ate, that he was very hungry. I don’t want him to lose anymore weight. Finding out this morning that he has lost another 11 pounds is something I don’t want to continue, so eat Al, eat! I fixed myself the same meal so he didn’t feel left out. I finally turned the computer back on, wondering if I was going to see any more cut remarks. I know that I am emotional, and maybe too emotional. When I love, I love, giving all of me, and when I am hurt, all of me hurts. I was blown away at all the comments I had waiting for me. I have so many wonderful friends on here. I have always thought if we all only knew each other in person, but that is a dream, but after reading everyone’s comments, I have learned that you all are truly friends to me. You don’t have to live in my back yard to have a connection. I want to thank BIRD for scolding me. She may not have thought of it as this, but I did. It was a wake-up kind of scolding. She was telling me it is alright to be myself, that I don’t need to pretend to be any other than who I am. As I went down through the list of comments, the tears did fall, but not from pain, but from joy, knowing God has answered yet another prayer. I am not alone. It is alright that mom and dad are not here, you are. I needed to be talked to like this in order to understand that what I was thinking was wrong. I can say this and not even feel ashamed that you will take it in any other way, that I love you all. I love you for accepting me for who I am, for the type of writing that I write, for sometimes repeating myself, as my days seem to go the same each day for a while. I will be weak at times, tired at others, but it is alright. Thank you, everyone. You are truly a blessing and part of an answered prayer.

29 thoughts on “Heart Felt Love

  1. Ok. I’m just a little bit horrified that you thought I was scolding you..I need to watch my tone!!.. I love you, Terry!! And I’m in a big group of people that do!!
    — Bird


    • oh no no no no!!! please don’t take it wrong. I meant it in a good way. I needed this wake up message. please understand this was a good thing. O God, what have I done now!


      • Terry. You have done nothing wrong at all! The thing about writing instead of actually face-to-face communicating is that there is a lot left out. I was trying to be funny, frankly because I’m embarrassed at the high compliments you give me. I’ve never really known how to handle those awesome kinds of compliments, and I’m sorry it came across that way!


      • But you kind of gave me a gift, because now I know what I want to write about next…my weird feelings about compliments!! Thanks, Terry!!


      • o thank god! i respect you so much. you were the first for me, lol,,,,,,,,,the first to read and comment. i saw strength and confidence in you. i do think of you very highly. i would never ever disrespect you. i care about u too much. you actually opened my eyes my friend. thank god this too has passed. take the compliments, you deserve them. god works through your blogs


  2. I know you are so vulnerable right now, with so much going on all at once but just know that there are so many that do care about you and Al. You will feel better with Al seeing his doctor..at least you will know where things stand and that in itself will be a relief. Take care…my prayers are with you…Diane


  3. i am so glad you are taking him sooner than later, for you and him. i hope he has a good day tomorrow so the trip is a bit easier on both of you.


  4. Terry, so glad that this morning – yesterday was gone and history. I think that when he knows that he going to dentist or doctor, his mind is building up the worst scenario and he get all worked up – then it goes out of hands, even if it’s not so bad – he has made up his mind that it’s bad. Something that’s very hard to change – but when I look back on your really bad days – it’s reflated to less enjoyable advents that he has to go through. While when he has something fun to look forward to – he are okay. So happy, that you had a great morning without any drama and that Al is back to normal.


  5. TERRY
    LOOK HOW LOVED YOU ARE ……….:)!!!!!!!!


  6. I have to agree with Debbie’s comment… you are God’s angel taking care of Al… what would he do without you? By the way, in answer to your posting on my blog … Psalms, Job and the gospels…. for more information see my answer to you on my blog… I explain alot more about it there. Lord bless you. I’ll be praying for you and Al especially tommorrow.


  7. Pingback: How Can I Keep from Singing: Let It Rise « LBTK

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