I Need..


I have gotten to comfortable in spilling my guts to all of you, and I need to back off, and keep some to myself. I am sorry for whining and crying in  my last blog, Please Stop,Please. People are tired of reading my stories of where I feel hopeless. I will try to be stronger. Please forgive my behaviors. I let my weakness show, and I was not brought up to act this way. I feel foolish. Pretty soon I will be worse off than my brother. There is much to be thankful for, and I better start getting tougher. I  have to deal with this that I am given, and that is that. I am sorry.

85 thoughts on “I Need..

  1. Ok. No offense, but I don’t agree with this at all. The blog, while enjoyed by all of us, should be the one place you can be safely you, and if that is whiny and hopeless at the moment, then so be it. Terry, you live with a ton more of a burden than most of us, and you handle it way more gracefully. Adjusting what you write to entertain people is just adding a pressure in my own humble opinion, is something you don’t need, and I don’t want you to do. I haven’t read the post yet, but it won’t matter. You have not one thing to apologize for…

    I used to do this mental editting in the beginning of my blog, and all that it ended up sounding like was sunshine and fake flowers. People respond to my site when I’m raw, angry, hurt, or just plain wrong-opinioned way more than when I was trying to paint Happy Bird World. Sincerity and Honesty is something you are already known for…Don’t Change What Works!!

    I love you, Terry. I prayed for a husband for you today…twice!!

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    • Thank you Bird, I had a comment made that was telling me I need to move on,and then I decided maybe I should just toughen up, get over it and accept it. thank u for the prayer for a husband. i am waiting……………i surely don’t want to be a bore, but inside I am dying to a point, and I know I am hopeless at this moment of my day. I just feel like I am waiting for him to die, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I have no family left and no one to share with, so I have given it all
      to you bloggers. I no longer have that comment made to me or that person in my computer. I just couldn’t deal with it at this time.

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      • Oh, Terry! See what I mean when I say the devil is good at using us against each other at just that weak moment? You poor thing! But, let me remind you that he is a big, fat liar.
        I wrote a whole post about how I want my mom to die….remember? And for everyone else who is cringing at this comment, you have to read it first…there is a real reason, not just that I’m a cold-hearted b****.
        Not everyone would be so willingly to place their whole lives on hold to take care of someone else…Me being one of them. I’d like to think I would, but let’s be honest…I’d blow at it and be way more whiny than you could even think about being. Delete away, Terry. We don’t owe anyone an all-access pass to hurting our feelings.
        Doesn’t bother me a bit to hit “delete” when someone has stepped over the line… 🙂

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      • Bird, you have made me feel like a whole person again. i spent most of the rest of the day caring for Al and his teeth, and sleep. tonight, i m just plain tired, but i am hanging on to your words. i need you all, that is my hang up. i have no one else. i will go back to the way i usually write, since you think it is ok

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      • Then this person must never have had a crisis or a bad day or more responsibilities than you have strength to accomplish. WHO SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Again, if that person never comes back, consider yourself lucky! For every one comment you’ve gotten like that, what about all the others that are uplifting and wonderful? Stay strong, Sandy

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  2. Oh my gosh!…please don’t apologize!…some of us you wiill never see…who better to let steam off to…I just hope we haven’t overstepped our bounds in trying to help…I bet you feel pretty bombarded right now…Like in overload… Just take care and share when you want…mkg

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  3. I agree totally with the first two commenters. I can’t say it better.

    Remember your honesty may help someone else in future. If you pretend all is peachy and easy to handle, that wouldn’t be truthful and may leave someone else feeling that their exhaustion and hurting is weakness. Please don’t feel foolish. You are amazing.

    I hope that makes sense.

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      • I don’t know what Okies are to be honest, but I do like that naughty spellchecker. I definitely like hugs. I know they are important.

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      • lol..that’s okay..Too funny. Okies are what people from Oklahoma call themselves. I’m really a Texan, but I’ve been living in Oklahoma for 9 years now, and I also call myself an Okie..Sorry for the confusion…

        🙂 Bird

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      • Ah, that’s why Terry has such great support. I’ve met Okies and they are wonderful. Texans too, I know for a fact.

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      • i need that talk by Bird, i truly did. she helped to screw my head on straight. i think that bad comment made me feel like i needed to grow up and get my act together, to quit thinking and just accept he is going to die. maybe he is but i don’t have to accept it today. thank you Bird and all of you other wonderful friends

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      • Count me in Bird, (40 mi N, of y’all….at least for the time being). If the Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, I might head back to the Rockies in the not too distant future.

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  4. I don’t see anything to apologize for! We are here to support you, so feel free to vent anytime. To me anyway, I am here for you.
    Terry, you are loved!

    Walk daily with God at your side!

    Ed

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  5. YOU KNOW WHAT TERRY ……..
    YOU BE YOU
    THAT IS ALL THAT IS REQUIRED IN BEING A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING
    MOST PEOPLE HIDE BEHIND FACADES
    SO … DON’T STOP AND KEEP THE FAITH
    XO CAT

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  6. We all need to vent, and we all need support. People read about you, Al, your joys and your struggles together and care about you. Don’t apologize, be true to your feelings and your readers will appreciate that. Your struggles and how you handle them or get stuck in them will show others they are not alone in their own struggles and they will also know it’s ok to get stuck sometimes too. Hugs to you and Al. You are a brave woman Terry.

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  7. Terry, don’t be silly now .. nothing you should apologize for – you need to share what you’re going through – can’t carry all the “shit” by yourself. You’re so strong, but it’s getting to you. We are all here for you – behave just like you want to – we know your situation … do anything that helps you – cry, scream .. what ever. You’re not hurting us. I agree that you have to be a bit tougher – and don’t worry about everything – just turn the back to it and it will solve itself – I’m sure about that. Easy for me to say and sitting over in here in Sweden, but you can’t take everything to heart that Al says and do. He also want attention – that’s when he plays up too. We have to dance with our demons … but you’re dancing with Al’s too.
    Please, never apologize again – there is no need for that.

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  8. You have enough to struggle with. Guilt does not have to be part of your burden. You have NOTHING to feel guilty over. I agree 100% with Bird when she says that this is your place to vent. I for one knows fully well the value of a good vent now and again. It’s what keeps us sane and human, Terry. Of course you are allowed to feel exhausted and drained – both mentally and physically. I can only begin to imagine how tolling it must be for you every single day – and yet you keep trucking. “Whine” away, Terry. I think that’s what God intended this blog for. So that you could have an outlet for all the difficult and sometimes conflicting feelings in your life.

    Hugs,
    Sara

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      • Act strange? Terry, have you not read my Ambien posts and my Vicodin comments? LOL!! You never sound strange to me!!

        Of course, I’m drugged sometimes, so maybe I’m missing something…LOL!!

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      • haha, some people as you say live fairy tale lives, everything popping up freakin roses. when i received that bad comment, i was the thorn on that stem, but thanks to your comment, i discovered i can be the thorn, or strange at times, or just me. i feel back to myself now, and ready to fight once again

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  9. Terry, I agree with all above. Bird said it so well. You have nothing to apologize for. You are dealing with more than most. Vent all you want dear. God is with you; I know it is hard to see him or feel him but he is there. You are a lot stronger than you think. God bless..

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  10. weakness is where we find His strength…there is nothing to be ashamed of…the human heart speaks humanely…God bless, sister…

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  11. Terry, we love you and are just here for you. I love all the support you get. The ones that aren’t supportive . . .ya, you just need to let them go! In your position, you need this to be a place you can express yourself. I am not offended in the least, nor bored, nor in any way can any of us judge you. We are not in your shoes! We would most likely keel right over if we were! God bless you and love on you today! Hugely!

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  12. I’m not sure I have anything else to add..everyone has pretty much said it all. But I’ll say something anyway…..The times when God has used me the most is when I’ve been open & vulnerable – not had on a mask that said “everything is just perfect, thank you very much.” So. That’s it.

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  13. Terry, I’ve been a caregiver to both parents before they passed, so, I’ve been there and know exactly what it feels like. I can tell you now…after the fact, and with hindsight, it was all worth it and I wouldn’t trade it for the whole world with a gold fence around it.

    See, it’s all a test anyways. I came to remember that when I “signed up with Jesus”, I signed away my “right” to live my life as I chose. I came to realize that when difficult people are placed in our lives by circumstance, (or God), the purpose is to BRING OUT THE WORST IN US. That’s so God can then set about polishing and refining us to create vessels to show forth His glory. When I finally figured that out, it made things a whole lot easier. And besides all that, it was a labor of love all the way around. And now, I have no regrets or guilt to deal with.
    Sis, all that said….it ain’t easy, and there were many a time I needed to vent. So, hey, this is the place to do it. Don’t let the devil get on your shoulder and start guilt tripping you. One day at a time sweet Jesus, one day at a time.

    Huggers, plus a LARGE DOSE of peace and grace to you,

    Scarlett

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  14. I say vent, baby, vent!! If they get sick of hearing it, they don’t have to read it and I don’t think anyone thinks that but you, lol, which is the way it usually goes with us all, isn’t it? love and hugs my friend…

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    • Terri, you are probably right, it is me more than anyone, i am my worst critic . and yes, i guess if they don’t want to read, they can by pass me, and rude, nasty and hurtful comments can be deleted, as i did earlier today. Thanks Terri!!!!

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      • That’s right, they can be deleted!! I’m sorry you had that happen. I had one of those types that was harassing me a while back but after I quit responding and deleted everything they said, they finally quit following me, thank God! I suppose everybody gets one of them sometime along the way. Ignore them, Terry, they are the ones with the problem if they feel it’s necessary to be rude 😦 squeezes…

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  15. Terry – I have only just seen this post and please don’t every apologize. Every single word you blog is a blessing and comfort to me because of my sort of similar circumstances. Keep blogging the way you already do – you are a hero to so many people. Love Julie

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    • i have decided after reading many comments, to stay as i am, and continue the way i have written. i just let a bad comment, along with this very stressful day get to me too much. thank you Julie

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      • you can’t just get over it, and you blog as much as you want, it is not about pleasing people, it is about writing your heart and soul, if that is not okay for some then tough. if you are going through hell, that is your truth. *hugs*

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      • Just Get Over It? Really?! This psychologist knows that kind of thinking leads to poor health, premature aging, early death. I mean it! You don’t “just get over it,” you must go through it. No one asks for pain. It’s lovely to be able to make it through with empathy for others’ pain, but it’s rare to be so fortunate. Be careful, whoever you are, how you respond when others need you. You might need them someday. Does that sound threatening? It’s just plain fact. I say blessings to those who have not [yet] suffered much who can still feel for the pain others go through and offer support to them.

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  17. Dear Terry, I came to check out your blog because I trust Bird Martin’s instincts. I agree with her. This should be a sanctuary for you to express how you feel. And, my dear Lord knows that I have laid my own wounds open for the whole world to view over at my blog. Don’t apologize. It takes away from the honesty I see in your writing. I admire you greatly because you have to be a strong woman to do what you do. Strong women STAY strong by letting their emotions out. You just happen to have a great number of people who care about you. Now, I want to stick around and follow you because you ARE honest. Share, share, share! If people don’t want to read a particular post, they can skip it that day or never come back. If they don’t come back, there will be others to take their place. Stay true to you. And if Bird says you need a husband, I’ll start praying for yours right now. Let’s be friends, Sandy

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  18. Hey Terry, I came to check out your blog because of Bird. I agree with the other bloggers; keep writing what you feel! Sometimes life ain’t pretty and it’s okay to say so. If someone wants warm fuzzy stuff I’m sure there are plenty of books on Kindle that will fill their needs.

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  19. Um, isn’t that the whole point of a blog ? 😀 To vent it out to prevent unleashing it out on someone else. It’s cathartic and necessary to dig deep and let it out in order to live healthier lives. Just sayin’. 😀 It reminds us to be honest with ourselves as well. 😀 Heck, writing classes encourage deep level writing, and you’ve already achieved it! 😀

    Pink.

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  20. I have found when I’m going through a deep valley that writing it down is much easier than speaking it out. It is never easy to become vulnerable, but it can be the way to healing.

    Remember, the Apostle Paul said, in Romans 8:1, that “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus…”. When someone speaks (or in this case writes) condemning words, it’s clear that they are not from God but from the enemy of our souls. And we know all he wants is to bring us down and turn us from trusting the Lord.

    If you never shared that you are hurting, no one would see the need to pray for you and Al. I don’t believe there is anyone alive who can stay on top all the time. Even those who have a relatively easy life have down days. And the deep grief you are carrying and the emotional and physical stress on you right now would be overwhelming if you didn’t talk to someone. I know we have the Lord to tell our troubles to, and He wants us to do that, but He also created us with a need for community and fellowship. The only time I see sharing our problems with others to be a negative thing is when it becomes a lifestyle. To do it while going through traumatic circumstances is an entirely different matter. We all need a shoulder to cry on from time to time. Though we can’t be there for you in a physical sense, we can still offer a ‘shoulder’ when you need it. Sometimes it is simply too exhausting to pray and crying is our only solace. Remember the song “Tears are a language God understands”. He also wept.

    May the Lord bless you and keep you moment by moment, and may you feel His arms around you in comforting support and love.

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  21. Terry ~
    I wish you never to feel sorry for spilling your feelings out onto a blog. So many of us do it – it is cathartic and helps us to heal. This is a very safe place to be writing your feelings. More than likely, you are helping others who may be going through a very similar situation. Never apologize for just being you. You are a beautiful person ~ I am coming to learn this fairly quickly about you.
    Hugs,
    Jane

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    • Thank you Jane. this comment means so much to me. i read so many beautiful blogs that are happy and fun to read, and then i glance at mine and i see sorrow and sadness, but through all of your supportive comments, i have learned that this is who i am and this is what i am living, so this is what i need to be saying for now

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