Today my brother got up for breakfast, and then returned to his room, which is usually pretty common on Sunday mornings. He reads his Bible most of the morning. I stayed out here in the living room and wrote a couple of blogs and answered emails. I knew it was a double meaning today for the two of us, but I couldn’t bring myself to bring anything up for fear I would be the one this time to cause the tears to fall. I made plans for Al and I to get out of the house for lunch, so we would have a break from my cooking and also from my thoughts I had pushed back in my mind. About an hour and a half I went into Al’s room to check on him. The lights were off and he was sleeping. I found this quite odd, as this was not in his routine. I thought to myself, oh no, he is not feeling well. He heard me tip toe in and raised his head a tiny bit off of the pillow. I asked him if all was alright, and he said softly yeah. I said alright, I was just checking, since you don’t usually sleep at this time of day. He said he wanted to be left alone. Hmmm. I reminded him that we were going out for lunch today and left him alone. I went back in two other times, and he was still sleeping. I knew in my heart, something was not right. The last time I went to check, I told him it was time to get up so we could leave. He didn’t move. I gave him five more minutes and then reminded him again. He did get up this time. He looked alright, so we left. About a mile down the road, the truth finally came out from his eyes. Tears started softly falling, one eye, than the other eye following. He started to talk, but the words were so soft, I had to ask him to repeat himself. He said I miss her, and then the tears fell more quickly. I miss mom, and today is her birthday too. Oh wow, I pulled off the side of the road, and said nothing for a moment, trying to compose myself as I had known these two facts since rising this morning. Somehow, I was hoping that the dementia would be here today, but it wasn’t. I told him I missed mom too, and I knew how he was feeling inside. I touched his arm and told him I loved him, and that together we would get through this. He just shook his head up and down and kept crying. I gave his arm a squeeze as if somehow this would make the pain go away. I stayed put for a minute, and then we left for the restaurant. I thought this distraction would help. We went to dine and the whole way through the meal, he sat in silence. All of a sudden he could do nothing. He could not pick up his silver ware, he could not open his napkin. I helped him and finally he began to eat. We left early, as I knew this had been a bad idea. When we got home, he talked about mom quite a bit, and then grew very quiet. He then said, I am going to see God, and left for his room. I am sitting here, sharp pains racing through my heart, as I knew he is grieving and so am I. Help him Lord. Pick up where I left off.
Mom Sangwal Mahidol na Ayudhya with Mom Chao Galyani Vadhana and Mom Chao Ananda Mahidol (Photo credit: Wikipedia)