Aina, is such a sweet friend of mine. She is from Hawaii, and has a blog based on life, love, and poetry. She always ask about Al and always sends him her love with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. You are supposed to tell seven things about yourself, but you all know too much about me, and I am finding that you may be learning too much. I have shown much weakness lately. I think I am just tired, so trying to place a smile on my face more often, and pray even harder to keep my spirits up.
I will tell you that tonight, for the first time since I have moved back here, my son and his family, Al and me took Al’s new scooter and we all walked a path that was made for walking and seeing the beauty of God’s earth. Tomorrow, I will post the pictures for you to see.
For my nomination I would like to give this to
Paula is a new blogger friend of mine. She is a strong christian and I have already fallen in love with her blogs.
Thank you again, my dear Aina.!!!!!
Ever feel like you got up on the wrong side of the bed? I am pretty sure this is me today. I got up after only having six hours of sleep. At my age now, to feel excellent all day and be able to deal with people and Al, I need eight hours of sleep. Nothing major happened today, but nothing fantastic happened either. I did the laundry, hanging the sheets out on the line. I love the smell of sheets hung outside. I did a couple of more loads also. Al has not been done anything out of the ordinary. He has talked to the newscasters on the noon news and still is tonight on the nightly news. A blogger friend had just told me today, that she doesn’t watch the news. I don’t know why I do either. Habit, I expect. It is something we do daily. Al tells them off giving them his opinions. I think he would be a great guest on a television show that is based on arguments. I have to admit news is depressing. In your own home without television, you make the best of your day, minding your own business. Once you turn the news on, you get sad hearing how priests are engaging in sexual ways with children. I heard one guy tonight that was found guilty of killing a young boy. He was found guilty of all fourteen counts. They said he could possibly be in prison for over three hundred years. To me this is silly, but I don’t understand the judicial system. Most of us won’t live to be one hundred, but you get a three hundred year sentence. Maybe this guarantees that this person will never be able to have early release. Now, I hear that a teacher had sex with a high school student. The teacher says it was consented sex. To me, there is no excuse. We look up to teachers, priests, ministers, policeman. Aside, from the news, I have noticed that my blogs don’t do as well as they used to. Have I not prayed hard enough to say the right words? I find myself worrying some what. People come into my blog world and move on their way, replacing old with new bloggers. Somehow I have to get over and done with this stupid insecurity. It is making me crazy. I don’t want to stress out about anything more in life. I don’t want to stress over Al, or my stories, or monies, or bills. I just want to have days of back in the seventies, where the word Peace was the word for the day. I can’t even blame anyone for this. It is brought on by my own doings. I think I need a life like Bird, or Terri. They seem to have it together. They are strong women, who know who they are. Maybe I am just tired and still need that break, the respite break. The nursing home that I contacted for the break is charging between 220-250 dollars per day. I would love to say great! When can I bring him in? The fact is though, I don’t work. I care for him, and he doesn’t work because he is ill. We do alright. We have our bills paid and there is food to eat, but we can not afford this kind of prices. I just need to face the facts. I have tried everything everyone has suggested. Nothing works. No one so far in this city, is able to direct me to someone who can help me. God has me doing this work for Al and I should not question it, but I am tired. I feel like lying down and sleeping for days, but I can not. I rely on my blogs and my comments to keep me going. Bad idea? Don’t become too dependent on other people? I know, I shouldn’t rely on others to lift me up, but I do. Am I whining? Maybe, I don’t really know. All I do know is that I need something, but what…….
I am doing laundry and considering washing a couple of windows, inside and out. While I am debating on what to do next, I have been watching the commercials on the television. I realize that you can buy anything your heart desires for the right price. Do you need a new figure? You can buy a Weight Watchers diet plan. You can buy the special foods with the points numbered on them, and you can even pay to go weigh in public with others. Do you not like your face, your eyes, nose or chin? You can pay for an alteration, even splurging for a look where people would not recognize you immediately. Do you have those ugly spider veins? You can pay someone to take the streaks away, leaving you with beautiful legs. Are you and your partner not compatible in the bedroom? You can buy another human body for an hour to give you what you think you lack at home. Do the shoe commercials tell you that your feet would look more beautiful if you wore their brand of shoes? How many pairs of shoes are already in your closet, also guaranteed to make you more beautiful than you already are in God’s eyes. Did God not give you the perfect breast size? You can purchase new ones if you want. How about the body that God hath made? It is remarkable that you can now pay top dollars and have your gender changed. Can a commercial convince you that your car that is running fine, and only five years old, that you must have a faster, safer, more exotic car to be able to fit in to this world? That you will get more dates, more looks, and more envious eyes turning your way? Don’t like carrying around your favorite paper back book? You can buy a Kindle and take this with you everywhere. You can purchase a certificate for anything you want to be today. I can remember when training was offered for free at a job, along with a weekly pay check. Remember, going into your grandma’s garden and picking that warm, plump tomato off of the vine? Enjoying the flavor of it as you bite into it and the juices run down your arm? The watermelon? Dad would go to the garden patch and pick out one of many, cut if from the vine, and you had it for supper that night? Now you can pay a high price for organic, the same food you ate from the garden in earlier days. Now you can pay high prices, thanking the production companies, by filling their pockets, for not putting that cancer chemical in your foods. My father mowed our yard with a hand push mower, that had blades and a frame and handle. Now you can purchase gas, electric, self-propelled mowers, that almost do the guiding and work for you. Just know your budget and they can fulfill your dream. You can pay money to go to a club and walk an indoor track, or use an indoor, heated pool. When I was young, I walked as a way to get from point A to point B. I swam in the lakes, in the summer, where the natural sun heated the water, and I could go as many times as I wished all summer long for free. You can now purchase under garments that add lift to your bottom, or extra lift to your breast. Have a tummy that pokes out? You can buy an all in one, to keep it all hidden and under control. I could always listen to the radio at home on my very own portable radio, or I could choose to go out into the living room and watch the family television, all three channels. Now you can purchase many stations, premiums for kids, teens, and adults, any sports channel you can imagine, and you can watch these on any numerous televisions through out your house. You can purchase tiny electronics, that you can place ear buds in your ears, purchase and download the music, and have your very own juke box with you at all times. Need to take your computer with you? You can buy a laptop, and all the accessories, now making the internet available to you 24 hours a day. When mom or dad called your name and you were so excited because someone was calling for you, now you can carry a cell phone, and pay top dollar in order to never miss a call. You can even purchase electronics that allow you to see the other person you are talking to. My parents each had two jobs in their lives. The one they started in their teen years, and the one they ended up retiring from. Now you can choose any job, switch at any time because there are no longer the securities built-in to the paycheck that give you the incentive to remain with one company. You can even buy your own retirement, and this is probably a good purchase, because if you don’t, you may retire in the poor house. Remember the wonderful health insurance you had when you worked full-time? Now you can purchase your own coverage, picking and choosing what you think you may need. This used to be free, remember? Our world is in debt to a dollar amount that we can barely speak. Jobs are hard to find, if you are looking for security. God has promised to give us all that we need in our lives, if we promise to love and follow him. How much do we pay yearly, to hear that we need more to be more. Is there a difference between wants and needs? Should we pay a higher price to keep the cancer chemicals out of our bodies, because the supply and demand is so huge with the fact that we want it all now? I am not saying that advancements in life are bad. We do need some in order to keep up with the future, but do you think the media, the television, magazine ads, books are promoting our minds to spend more on wants than needs. The clever pictures, words, and sexual innuendos that are used to sell us, are done so craftily, that we do not even realize what is happening. I find myself in these positions at times also. I am guilty for sure. When I see this happening, when I hear I want, I want, coming out of my mouth, I have to stop, and take a breath, and think, do I need this or do I want this. Just my opinions friends. No pointing any fingers from me. We each live our own lives the way we see fit. Remember the phrase, stop and smell the roses? This is what I need to work on daily, because I can find my mind swirling and making me dizzy.
Yesterday, I took Al to the local pharmacy to get some medications picked up. Of course, we also stopped at the back to the luncheonette and ate lunch also. There was a gentleman sitting on one of the bar stools, that my brother recognized immediately. His eyes lit up with twinkles, as he walked as fast as he could over to him, and said, hi. I had no idea who this was, as is usually the case when we stop and chat with people he knows. The guy was eating, and turned briefly to look at Al, then he turned back to his plate and grabbed a napkin to wipe his hands off when he had seen that Al was holding his hand out for a hand shake. The guy turned back around and gave me the oddest look, but half way reached his hand out to shake Al’s hand. Again, I got that odd look. Like he was asking ME who this guy was. Al just kept on chatting away like they were old buddies. He asked how the practices were going and the guy made one sentence period. I coach the boys. Alright, I am starting to get it now. This guy was a coach for the high school team, but I didn’t know what team yet. I could tell by another odd look, making three now in total, that he wanted to get back to eating his lunch and talking to the people beside him. I am not sure if he knew his dining neighbors or not, not really important to me at the second. I gave a small tug to Al’s back of shirt, and said to him, let’s go find a place to sit down, before all the seats were taken. Al got my hint, and slowly started moving on, telling the guy good luck and to enjoy his lunch. As we walked past him, they guy gave me the fourth and final look and I just smiled at him, feeling inside a bit that I wanted to smack him for seeming so rude to Al. When Al and I found a spot to sit, we ordered our meal, I asked him if he knew that guy. I wasn’t really sure, as Al talks to everyone, friend or stranger. He said sure! He is the local high school basketball coach! Oh, I thought, a real hero in Al’s eyes. When Al was younger, he bought season tickets to each year’s basketball games. He never missed a one, I am sure. Since I have taken care of him, and we have been back to Indiana, the caregiver took him to all of the home games. When each week would come and the newspaper would have a front page on the sports page about the home and away games, Al would ask me to print them out for him on the computer. Al has, in his bedroom, plastic bags filled with game pages and sectional games dating way back to the seventies. He takes very good care of these, sometimes, carefully, taking them out of their holder and reading through them. Al has always been a number one fan of the local basketball games and coaches. When there was an away game, Al would turn on his coca cola radio and listen to the games this way. He can no longer go to the games from his Parkinson’s. This illness won’t allow him to walk the full way into the gym and be able to climb on the bleachers, but I am sure he will still listen again this coming fall to them on his radio. I told Al that I didn’t think this guy really knew him, and before I could continue, he says, sure he knows me! I talk to him after each game, and I shake his hand. I tried to remain calm and smiley for Al’s sake, but inside was taking a tiny bit of an offense to the guy’s cold shoulder treatment to Al. I went so far on to give the coach a break, realizing that he sees Al so little, compared to all the guys he interacts with, that he didn’t really remember Al. After all, this is the big coach of our town. He has a reputation of being a good man, a family man, nice to all, wanting everyone to be treated fair and have a chance in life. Well, this is what I would think he would be like. His name in the paper weekly, the paper telling of the team spirit he carries for his players, the good things he does in the community. When Al and I finished our lunch, we got up to leave and had to pass the coach. The coach was talking to the retired mayor of our town. The two of them were laughing and commenting on this and that. I could tell that they were enjoying their time together. As we neared him, Al says to him, hope you have a good day buddy! The coach looks at him and said, you too, and the mayor nods his head in echo. I get closer to the coach and I say to him, this is my brother Al, who is one of your biggest fans. He says he has always shook your hand after each game, and that I am sorry if he took too much of your time earlier, while you were eating. I tell him that Al and his caregiver always went to each of his games, but he can no longer go because of his illness not allowing him to get on the bleachers. The coach says to me, wow, that’s too bad, and then goes back to talking to the mayor. We move on about our way. I don’t know what I was expecting from this fine, outstanding citizen of our city, but it wasn’t that. I somehow wanted to hear him actually carry on a conversation with Al, like he was doing with the mayor. I somehow expected him to have made the choice to brighten Al’s day up with a few kind words. Maybe, it is my defense mechanism kicking in here, but I feel like he didn’t think Al would bring to him any special attention, no pats on the back. He wasn’t raising the coach’s ego in any way. He was just a guy walking by, with terrible tremors, not too good of manners, but pure excitement of meeting his hero, and this jerk passed him over. Sometimes, I want to say the hell with people! I will keep my brother close to me, and shield him from the junk in this world, but I can not do this to Al. He is a very social person, who had already had his day made brighter by shaking the hand of his favorite hero. In Al’s mental state, he totally missed all the signals from the coach that he didn’t want to reach out. For me, this is a blessing. No pain here. A big smile on Al’s face as we walked out the door and got into our car. A brother and sister, blood relation, the same genes, with entirely two different opinions here.