Tired, Or Wrong Side Of The Bed


Ever feel like you got up on the wrong side of the bed? I am pretty sure this is me today. I got up after only having six hours of sleep. At my age now, to feel excellent all day and be able to deal with people and Al, I need eight hours of sleep. Nothing major happened today, but nothing fantastic happened either. I did the laundry, hanging the sheets out on the line. I love the smell of sheets hung outside. I did a couple of more loads also. Al has not been done anything out of the ordinary. He has talked to the newscasters on the noon news and still is tonight on the nightly news. A blogger friend had just told me today, that she doesn’t watch the news. I don’t know why I do either. Habit, I expect. It is something we do daily. Al tells them off giving them his opinions. I think he would be a great guest on a television show that is based on arguments. I have to admit news is depressing. In your own home without television, you make the best of your day, minding your own business. Once you turn the news on, you get sad hearing how priests are engaging in sexual ways with children. I heard one guy tonight that was found guilty of killing a young boy. He was found guilty of all fourteen counts. They said he could possibly be in prison for over three hundred years. To me this is silly, but I don’t understand the judicial system. Most of us won’t live to be one hundred, but you get a three hundred year sentence. Maybe this guarantees that this person will never be able to have early release.  Now, I hear that a teacher had sex with a high school student. The teacher says it was consented sex. To me, there is no excuse. We look up to teachers, priests, ministers, policeman. Aside, from the news, I have noticed that my blogs don’t do as well as they used to. Have I not prayed hard enough to say the right words? I find myself worrying some what. People come into my blog world and move on their way, replacing old with new bloggers. Somehow I have to get over and done with this stupid insecurity. It is making me crazy. I don’t want to stress out about anything more in life. I don’t want to stress over Al, or my stories, or monies, or bills. I just want to have days of back in the seventies, where the word Peace was the word for the day. I can’t even blame anyone for this. It is brought on by my own doings. I think I need a life like Bird, or Terri. They seem to  have it together. They are strong women, who know who they are. Maybe I am just tired and still need that break, the respite break. The nursing home that I contacted for the break is charging between 220-250 dollars per day. I would love to say great! When can I bring him in? The fact is though, I don’t work. I care for him, and he doesn’t work because he is ill. We do alright. We have our bills paid and there is food to eat, but we can not afford this kind of prices. I just need to face the facts. I have tried everything everyone has suggested. Nothing works. No one so far in this city, is able to direct me to someone who can  help me. God has me doing this work for Al and I should not question it, but I am tired. I feel like lying down and sleeping for days, but I can not. I rely on my blogs and my comments to keep me going. Bad idea? Don’t become too dependent on other people? I know, I shouldn’t rely on others to lift me up, but I do. Am I whining? Maybe, I don’t really know. All I do know is that I need something, but what…….

43 thoughts on “Tired, Or Wrong Side Of The Bed

  1. Sadly I think what you really need is a holiday but am guessing that isn’t on the cards anytime soon. in one of your previous posts (unless I read them in the wrong order) you mentioned Al had a careworker who took him to the basketball games. is this person still around is there any chance maybe they could come over one evening and let you get out for a few hours go to the cinema or the theatre even if it were just one evening a month let you get out and do something different or if evenings are out of the question and afternoon so you can go wander round an art gallery do something that you wouldn’t have time to do normally or probably would feel guilty for taking the time to do normally?

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  2. I guess if anyone got up on the wrong side of the bed it would be me. I have a terrible headache, I hurt one of my good friends, and this is the weekend my spotter was killed 42 years ago. I go for shots on Thursday the 31st if I can last that long. BUT that is no excuse!
    All I can say is I am sorry and I hope you forgive me. I pray your weekend is better and somehow you can get a break. Enjoy the holiday!

    Ed

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    • i forgave you many hours ago. i knew something was wrong, because the Ed I know is a good strong christian man. don’t worry, and feel better. i still love you.we are celebrating my youngest child’s birthday saturday. he is my baby, 34 years old , lol. taking Al to a car show on sunday. i won’t enjoy it near as much as he will, but that is what counts,,him

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  3. I don’t know what the healthcare system is like in the States but is there not some form of assistance available ..I mean if you weren’t able to take care of your brother wouldn’t he be taken care of by government funds and wouldn’t it behoove them to pay for 2 days instead of 7..just wondering?? I think you’re just in a non-crises mode right now and not knowing what to make of it…you write just fine…Sometimes when I write certain things or certain lengths of blogs less people may read but I write for me and I think you love writing also, so keep doing so…. …..Something else I just thought of that people are even posting less blogs…I think it may have to do with summer and good weather and spending more time outdoors and with family…just some thoughts…Diane

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    • you are probably right Diane. it is nice outside and when we had that jam up of so many emails, some bloggers stopped following so many, and my blogs have definitely gone down since then. i am thankful for sure for anyone who reads my stories. medicare and social security say that Parkinson’s is not a life and death situation. he doesn’t need rehab, and they say Parkinson’s can go on for years, so there is no help for us. if something were to happen to me, he would b turned over to the state. i pray daily that i out live him

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  4. Surely you can get some sort of subsidy for the respite? Would it be worth seeing a finance person at social security or something? There must be a way for you to get respite.
    Don’t worry about the blog stats – mine go up and down and sometimes I don’t even bother looking – you are a great person Terry!

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    • I have asked medicare and social security. they say unless he needs rehab, there is nothing they can do to help. i don’t want your blogs to go up and down, but i m relieved that they do as mine do, so it must be a common thing. i need someone who does respite on the side. i have called everyone i can think of and all ideas i have researched. please pray for me

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  5. “Al tells them off giving them his opinions.” That reminds me of my father while he watched football and baseball. He would curse the players for the way they played yet he never played the games himself.

    You are just plain tuckered out, Terry. Here there are organizations of volunteers who will sit for a few hours with someone so the caregiver can get out. I have no idea what is available even in other Canadian cities let alone in the US. If you are in a smaller town some of those services may be scarce. I want you to know that you and Al are on my prayer list and I pray almost every day for you both.

    I think sometimes people get so busy that they can’t always read all the blogs they follow. I have had that problem lately. Something has to go to leave time for everything else. Then I get so far behind I can never catch up so have to just delete those notifications and start fresh. I haven’t had time to write a post for my blogs for weeks now. Today I have spent quite a bit of time editing a manuscript. That gets tiring after a while and I have to take a break. But I noticed that your Alexa ranking, though nowhere near the top, is nonetheless pretty good compared with a lot of blogs. Many blogs are so far down on Google pages that they don’t have any ranking at all. You are under 5,000,000. Like I said, it’s nowhere near the top, but there are certainly many who are much farther down the scale than you. Part of that is due to the fact that you post daily or more often.

    So please, keep writing and telling us about your days and don’t be too hard on yourself. We all have days we wish we could just stay in bed and pull the covers over our heads. Hold on to the Lord and spend time in the Word and prayer and God will sustain you. Try watching a funny movie and have a good laugh. That can do more to break the stress level and renew you than many other things. Singing can also lift your spirit. The Bible says that the Lord dwells in the praises of His people, so singing praise is a sure way to invite the Lord into your circumstances. God bless you and give you the desires of your heart.

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    • thank you Success. i am praying harder than usual, because i need to be strong in all ways for Al, but I will admit i am tired. I took Al and his new scooter and we walked with my son and his family tonight. it helped some. What is an Alexa ranking? are you saying i write too often so the ranking stays low or are you saying i write more often so this is why it is not on the bottom of the list?

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      • The Alexa ranking tells you how far down the list on Google pages you are. And the more often you post the better ranking you will eventually get. You are doing something right. Even though you are nowhere near the top, you are a long way from the bottom. One blog I follow is so far down in the pages that it has no ranking available. And I have seen rankings as far down as 25,000,000, so at 4,874,768 you are doing fairly well. The top rankings are arrived at by people who know a lot about search engine optimization (SEO). That just means that they know how to get the search engines to find their sites more readily. I only know a little about SEO and certainly not how to get to page 1 or even page 100. Since I haven’t posted for so long, I think I have dropped off the edge. A short time after I set up my blog I was just under 2,000,000. I have a lot of work to get it back up again.

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      • Terry, I have a tool bar that shows the ranking. Just Google “Alexa tool bar” and you can download it free, or you can just enter your web address on their web site and it will show it there.

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  6. Ditto…for blog stats…just keep writing…someone will find what you are writing is worthwhile…People get so caught up in their own problems…that at times we have to set everything else aside…even a blogging friend…to heal ourselves…We all have down days…weeks…and just have to keep talking to ourselves and before long we will be back to our “happy” selves again…When you find yourself smiling or laughing unexpectedly…you’ll know you’re back…

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  7. Oh Angel Terry . . I didn’t know it would cost that much per day for Al at the nursing home. yikes! I will keep thinking and praying. We’ll see what all of us together can come up with for you and Al! Terry, I take it no family member would come and do this for free, or take Al for a weekend on a regular basis? Love you and no worries over those stats. 🙂 You just keep blogging if it brings you joy, okay?

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    • i do love blogging, i truly do. it brings me wonderful friends, great comments, most of the time, and it helps me stay strong. i hate feeling weak like today. i feel silly, but am hoping for a better day tomorrow. i did take a walk, and this helped. Al rode his new scooter. thank you for the prayers Debbie

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    • all of our family is deceased, except one half sister, who i will never let stay with Al. my kids won’t take him for a short while, which i understand, he is not easy to take care of

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  8. As for your blog….you put it the right way for you and that shows your heart. I’m sorry if I haven’t been on everyday to keep up…darn internet company…our signal comes and goes at random. It drives me crazy because it is putting me behind on emails, blogging, reading other blogs and looking for a way to work at home and help my husband with finances…(you know something I can do while having to be in bed.) Your blog is the one I get notification so I try to read whatever you link there each time I get on it. Don’t give up, I just think with Memorial Day coming up and schools getting out, everyone is just busy, or doing vacation things. By the end of summer this place will be as busy as ever again. Just keep blogging and being yourself. You may not touch a heart today, but as Scarlet O’Hara says….”Tomorrow is another day!”

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    • i needed to hear this. i hate stepping on toes, hurting people’s feelings, but i have learned from you and others to stand up for myself, and i am really trying to do this. i love people and i love my brother. i am probably to defensive with Al, too protective, I need to be stronger still. i thank you for being a faithful follower my friend

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      • thats why detach yourself. Do something different, or drive, or eat an ice cream! Chocolate one. The triple one. And get it off your chest hugs = )

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      • i love chocolate ice cream. i think i will have some for a bed time snack. i love you my friend. i know you care so much, and i also know i am acting like a foolish child. Al needs a strong sister, not a weakling.

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  9. Maybe some time away if you could manage would be good. A change of scenery for the both of you. Whether to go visit a family member or to go away for the weekend or just to go out for the night. Instead of watching the news maybe pop in a movie and make some popcorn and a good comedy can always lighten the heart so can a good drama but sounds like that is just building in your life. There is help out there and we together will keep searching what area are you in? I will do what I can on my end to help you find someone to help you the best I can. Maybe take in a day at the beach or a day drive in the country or anything but sitting at home. I know it makes it hard because he does not travel well. But with his chair there are really a lot of places he can go now. Even if it is to a game of bingo that is always fun too. But sounds like you need a change with a good night out or weekend for the both of you. Is there anything special in town going on for Memorial day weekend? Get away from the television anyhow and make some memories good ones with Al that both of you can look back on and say remember when. Or even cook out and play that game for some laughs…. Remember when? And mention something from childhood that now you can both chuckle at. I always make one night for family game nights just to get that time in and I know it is prob more you alone time you need, but your right about God making this your task right now for Al. He would not of given you this feat if he did not think you could handle it. But there are ways to make it fun. Go spend a day at a zoo or do something you both will have a blast doing. And like I said I will do what I can on my part my friend. I hope you have a brighter better day tommorow, and please keep on blogging I love reading them. Sorry if I do not always reply, and that is my bad on my part of being a friend. Sorry. Take care and hope you have a great Memorial day weekend. Make some memories on Memorial day weekend! Sorry play on words. SMile God loves you

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    • tracy, you have no idea how your words have made me feel better. i just want to cry tonight, and i can not even blame it on the monthly, as i have it no more. i do need a break so bad. i live in warsaw, indiana. i have made call after call and i can find nothing. I was asked by my family to take a walk tonight so we got Al on his scooter and went for a mile walk. i loved it and it helped some. what is wrong with me? i pray, i try to do what is right, but i feel so weak emotionally at times. i am an adult, and i should not be acting like this.

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  10. i so wish there was more help out there, no one person can do this all alone 24/7 for years. i wish i knew what say but i’ll pray.

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  11. It sounds like you’re suffering from depression and I certainly can understand why. You are in a very difficult situation while doing a wonderful thing. It’s very difficult. I know. I too wish there was more help available for those who really need it. It seems the only ones getting assistance from the government are the ones who know how to work the system and I’m not one of them. Hope things get better for you and your brother.

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  12. Can’t believe it’s so difficult to get help … over here my mum gets help from Simrishman’s council – she gets one very well tasted meal delivered every day .. she gets help with washing up and the bed made every day and they take out her waste everyday – cleaning of the apartment 2 times a months, district nurse to visit once a months or when needed – she also do all appointment with hospitals and doctor, if I’m not around they arrange somebody to go with her – plus alarm service – shower once every week for $170 per months. Can’t imaging what kind of pressure you are under and no wonder you are depressed.

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  13. I have to agree with many that have commented. Sounds to me like you are simply “burned out”. If there would be anyway for you to get a few days break for all your responsibilities I believe it would help you. I don’t know your family situation but if some family members could help you for a short time it may eliminate the need to pay an outside service for an extra break. Sorry I cant be more help. Lord bless

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