I Finally Get It!!!


Category:Wikipedia requested photographs of ph...

Category:Wikipedia requested photographs of photography (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Costume Jewelry

Costume Jewelry (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The responses I received in the past several hours is amazing to me. I have so many wonderful friends on here at bloggingville. I don’t know what I would do without you. I have had a wake-up call. There were some blogs I read that would make my heart have a ping feeling in it, and I finally realized why. I guess it takes me awhile to get it!

I had just read  Viveka’s blog and she was making a comment about fixing her supper and that she ironed on her balcony and listened to her music and sang songs. http://mygulitypleasures.wordpress.com

This blog is the finale of when I finally got it. I finally understood that I need the breaks. I thought I needed the breaks so that I would not pull my hair out, or maybe not scream and stomp my feet at Al. LOL. I thought I needed a break so I would not collapse from a stroke or a heart attack, but I have learned I need a break for another reason.

I need a break to get back to me! I didn’t realize this! Even as I look for photos of things I love in life, as I have chosen for with this blog, my insides are stirring, like they have not stirred for years.

Cameras,  photos, landscapes, people, meeting new friends, talking to old friends.

Glittery jewelry, gaudy jewelry, goodwill stores, flea markets, yard sales.

Public auctions, garage sales, the smell of wood, old furniture.

I am getting excited. These are who I am, this is what Terry Shepherd represents in life.

I can not add all of the other things up in my life that make me who I am, like my children etc. I am talking about just me. For this blog, I am being selfish and speaking about me. How to bring myself back to life. This does feel very  weird to me.

I have been so wrapped up in my brother, not that I don’t want to be, but I have been consumed by his illness, that last night when a blogger friend said for me to do some things that I like, I sat there like a bump on a log. I had no idea who I was anymore, let alone what I liked or enjoyed in life.

It took all evening plus wild crazy dreams. I mean crazy dreams too! I don’t know why or what it represented, but I dreamed about people in my life that I have nothing to do with any longer. My ex-husband, I had sat and talked to him in my dream. We smiled and got along like old friends. My best girlfriend that I used to have. She and I haven’t spoken in fifteen years. In my dream she and I were friends again.

I don’t know what has happened and I surely can not explain it. The most I can say is, I saw little doors being opened for me by someone. I saw a past life, and I saw laughter and joy. I saw doors being opened here for me by friends blogs. I had feelings coming that had been hidden for so long.

If this is God, I give thanks. You have a sneaky way of helping me to see your light. If this is my blogger friends, I say thank-you. You have chosen the exact words to help me through this.

I can not even say that my life will get better taking care of Al. I think it will get worse. I can say though, that these breaks that I didn’t realize I needed until today, I am going to take huge advantage of. I am going to take each minute and fill it up with me, myself, and I. I am going to start to rebuild who I am. I have to, this is the way I will be able to stay healthy and young at heart. This will help me endure the pains my brother goes through. This is who God has made, and I want to shine once again for him.

Inszenierung eines Schreibkabinetts aus dem 18...

Inszenierung eines Schreibkabinetts aus dem 18. Jahrhundert Tapete: Reproduktion einer Papiertapete aus dem Schwetzinger Schloss, um 1775 Damensekretär, vermutlich Süddeutschland, um 1770 Sessel, um 1740 Hocker aus dem Mannheimer Schloss, Mannheim, um 1760 Gallery: Reiss-Engelhorn-Museen, Mannheim (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

63 thoughts on “I Finally Get It!!!

  1. Yes!! You got it. You need to keep who you are — or were — even as you take care of your brother. You can’t let yourself disappear as you take care of others. Take care of yourself.

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  2. YIppeeeeee!!!!!!!!! I think I’m saying that alot these days. You’re coming back!!. I can hear (well read) the tone in your writing, and you sound so excited and happy 😀 It was about time that you stepped back and realised that you needed and deserved some time to do something you love. If I wasn’t in the office I might have been bouncing on the bed. I’m going to keep praying for you. Hugs across the screen!!

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  3. Good for you…make the most of the time you have by yourself…I definitely hope you will visit flea markets or garage sales,,,take some pictures…read something….whatever you need to do to be just YOU!!! Diane

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    • i plan on going to the lake my first time, since i have two hours and taking shots of children playing, and hopefully other light hearted things…………thanks Diane!

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  4. Wow, Terry! Sounds like you just had a moment of clarity. That is so exciting when it happens. Grab hold of it and don’t let go. If you want to know how to maximize this moment and ensure you move forward I’m right here and I’ll help in whatever way I can. (I had my own ‘moment’ a few years ago and haven’t looked back!) Woohoo to YOU!!! 🙂

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  5. ‘I need a break to get back to me!’

    Once again, right there with you. This was shown to me recently as well through a situation I’ve been experiencing. Good for you for recognizing this. Embrace it and rediscover yourself! Here’s to happy days ahead 🙂

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    • i wish you could too. i have bought them from other countries before, in fact other countries have such a wider variety than here………if u ever hear of anything let me know! thanks for the wonderful comment Pink!!!

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  6. Terry, you got it .. girl and you have to do something about it. You had your life on hold for such a long time and everything you do is around AL and his needs. That I understand, but you have to step back and do things you love to do. Your writing … do a little of personal DIVA shopping … a nice hotel room with lake view – don’t have to be fare from home .. only that all time belongs to you. You need to recharge the batteries, girl – because if yours goes flat what will happen to AL. ????
    Terry, you don’t have to walk with God during your own days … you should walk with yourself first of all.

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      • Understand exactly what you mean and it’s important that you do that …
        Because in all that drama and responsibility you have to be true to yourself and you have to give yourself and your needs space too, but it’s much harder done then said.
        It was the same with me under and after my treatments – I had lost myself in all the pain and feeling sorry for myself. It took quite a while for me to come back. Good on you, a massive step to come to the conclusion now you need to take all the small steps, one by one.

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      • i am glad that you understand me. i guess i just hid myself but now after many things you have said to me, i am looking at me. i will always care about Al and his illness but i can’t stay lost along the way

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  7. I think God is shining a bright light of direction down on you. Letting you know that you have to open the door of your heart and once more enjoy life. I would make a bet that if you took a walk right now, the world would seem like a bright new place in your eyes and your heart. The photos you take would suddenly express a light that they once struggled to find in your eye. You know how you feel when you see the world through your grandson’s eyes? Well, God would be feeling the same as you seeing you experience the world around you as a new child with a heart open to where he is leading.

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  8. Awesome! Yes, you need the break to re-group your thoughts, to just simply be quiet and talk to God and to restore your soul.
    Blessings
    April
    Psalm 73:26

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  9. What an encouraging post. I’m so happy for you and looking forward to Monday just for you. It’s amazing how just a little thing can change your whole perspective on life. And you should be able to enjoy just planning what you are going to do. That is half the fun. Make it as enjoyable as possible and the memory of it will carry you through to your next outing. And I know the Lord will go with you and rejoice with you. He will probably be laughing for joy as you take your moment of “escape” into you and who God has created you to be. I’m looking forward to reading all about your day.

    Diane

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  10. Praise the Lord Terry! Now you can get back to being the “Terry He’s creating you to be”. That’s wonderful!! It makes me smile, knowing that you’re smiling again! 🙂
    ~streim~

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    • hi my friend, hope you weekend is going to be relaxed and fun filled. this is a wonderful comment you have given to me. I am very anxious to find out all about me again. my first day alone will b this Monday. Yeah!!!

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  11. I lost a good friend to cancer and a previous stroke this past year…I saw her husband in a wheelchair himself…taking care of most of her needs for many, many years…and totally for the last 3 when the cancer hit…Unbelievable to see…I talked to him a month later to check on him…after her passing…He said, “You know how much I miss her…but, didn’t realize I had lost my own idenity while taking care of her…I think I’m finding myself again”…I had never heard it so plainly said…But, realized that was such a true…honest statement…So, yourself will be renewed again Terry…I’m sure of it! ~mkg

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  12. Thank you for stopping by to visit my blog. I hope you’ll come by again and that it might contribute a little something to helping you remember who you are. I look forward to following your stories…my prayers are with you!

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    • thank you for this wonderful comment Margarita! i plan on reading a lot of your blogs. i didn’t realize that taking care of my brother would cause me to lose who i was, but it does to a point. i am looking forward to rediscovering myself again now that we have a respite care giver. thank you for the prayers. i accept all prayers. they work miracles.

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